RockerTerri
10-11-2009, 09:34 AM
10 years ago I never would have written this. Not only was the internet itself in a very early incarnation, but wow, has a LOT of stuff changed for us in the last 10 years, let alone since I was 14 and first tried to tell my mom.
Ohio just changed their requirement to change my gender on my driver's license. The university I attend, currently earning a bachelor's in integrated mathematics (education in mathematics, 7th-12th grades) is 100% supportive, as are several of the local school systems i have been in contact with. And everyone close to me has been ok with the changes.
It isnt going how I imagined it would, its going better than I imagined!
In February, I finally decided to change my name and really do it. My GF and I broke up shortly thereafter, but there were a LOT of factors in the break-up, and all things considered, it would'nt have worked anyway.
I live in a small rust-belt city here in Ohio, and honestly expected more negativity than I have experienced...a lot more. One person made a negative comment to me one time, and he had the idiocy to make the comment at school, within earshot of a professor. I havent seen him since, so I believe he is no longer a student. Besides him, everyone has been ok with it, most have been quite supportive, and a surprising amount of people tell me about aunts/sisters/friends who have done exactly what I am doing now.
The overwhelming majority of people dont seem to notice, and if they do, they dont show any indication at all. This is also due to the fact that, thankfully, I pass well; I dont really have an adam's apple, have a decent build, my own hair, and i dress, well, like a 30-something. This is a big one, folks...dress your age, at least if passing is a concern.
Notice I said dress your age. This dosent mean boring. Thought Id best clear that up.
For what it's worth, here are a few of the things that I believe merit mention in case anyone here is getting ready to go fulltime...your mileage may vary, but all in all, your experience, at least publically, will probably mimic mine quite closely.
1) Be open about it with those close to you. Odds are, they know, or suspect, anyway. When i told my best friend, he kinda laughed and said "That really explains a lot." Loved ones have every right to know (you know your family and circle of friends better than I, but if they arent going to be supportive, why the hell are you friends with them?)
2) The way you act and sound is a LOT more important than the way you look (within obvious limits, like facial hair, etc). Practice more than your walk; practice how you sit, stand, the way you reach for something. Practice your voice, and remember, both of these cover a huge range in GGs...as long as you fall inside the range, youll be alright.
3) Goes with number 2...just be calm. Act natural. Easier said than done...the first time. I think my butterflies went away the 3rd or 4th time I went out dressed, and never returned. The first few times, be conservative. Jeans and a sweater, maybe. If you wear a mini and knee high boots, PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT YOU. Guess what...thats kinda the point of a mini and knee boots.
4) DRESS YOUR AGE. Thought id mention this again. If you are at all like me, youll want to wear all the stuff you couldnt wear when you were 16. Going out with friends to a club? Halloween? Dont care if you're read? Go for it...other than that, sadly, leave the teen stuff in the closet. I dont care if you're 30, 40, 50...you can still look great. Not many teens wear a skirt suit and riding boots, but I sure do. Age appropriateness goes both ways:)
5) Worry about smaller things, big ones will fall in place. Dont walk to the mirror and think, "how to make my mug look like a woman's?" Start with your eyebrows. Maybe move to your fingernails, arm hair, your smile. Use makeup sparingly. Overdoing it is a LOT worse than not doing "enough". I have thin hair and greying eyebrows...both of which are pretty easy to remedy. Color my eyebrows, and hey, lots of women have thin hair (mine is thin, NOT receding, thank the Lord!) but guys hold doors for me, strike up conversations in restaurants and bars, and yes, I have been asked out. You are your own worst critic.
6) How many people, men and women, do you see in the course of a day? Do the men all look like Ken, and the women like Barbie? Hell no. Do you ever stop and think "wonder if that is really a man/woman?". I dont. Neither does anyone else.
7) Name change, if you are to that point, is a pain in the ass. It takes 3-6 months, depending on the speed of the court system, and you have to put an ad in a local paper announcing your name change. It takes a while, and to change your name and all IDs, etc, will cost 2-300$. Just an FYI.
8) Help others. I mean it. I changed halfway through my degree, so a lot of people at school know about it...and I have had several ask for advice coming to terms with GID. Modern estimates are 3-5% of the population has some level of GID, and 1-1.5% will change to live as the other gender. Yep, that means out of every 100 people you meet, 3 to 5 will have thought about it, and 1 will have done it. You arent alone. Dont let anyone else think theyre alone. If nothing else, direct them here...when i realized that not only was I not alone, but there are literally hundreds of thousands of us in the US alone, it made all the difference in the world.
9) Be safe. There are still morons in the world. I havent had any problems whatsoever...I also dont go to places where I think I might. Your brain will stop 99% of problems well before they become problems.
10) If you arent sure, October is definately the month to dress up once and find out. Just keep number 9 in mind when you do!
Stop and think about all that has changed in the last 10 years, and imagine where we will be 10 years from now. Im happy to be along for the ride!
Terri
Ohio just changed their requirement to change my gender on my driver's license. The university I attend, currently earning a bachelor's in integrated mathematics (education in mathematics, 7th-12th grades) is 100% supportive, as are several of the local school systems i have been in contact with. And everyone close to me has been ok with the changes.
It isnt going how I imagined it would, its going better than I imagined!
In February, I finally decided to change my name and really do it. My GF and I broke up shortly thereafter, but there were a LOT of factors in the break-up, and all things considered, it would'nt have worked anyway.
I live in a small rust-belt city here in Ohio, and honestly expected more negativity than I have experienced...a lot more. One person made a negative comment to me one time, and he had the idiocy to make the comment at school, within earshot of a professor. I havent seen him since, so I believe he is no longer a student. Besides him, everyone has been ok with it, most have been quite supportive, and a surprising amount of people tell me about aunts/sisters/friends who have done exactly what I am doing now.
The overwhelming majority of people dont seem to notice, and if they do, they dont show any indication at all. This is also due to the fact that, thankfully, I pass well; I dont really have an adam's apple, have a decent build, my own hair, and i dress, well, like a 30-something. This is a big one, folks...dress your age, at least if passing is a concern.
Notice I said dress your age. This dosent mean boring. Thought Id best clear that up.
For what it's worth, here are a few of the things that I believe merit mention in case anyone here is getting ready to go fulltime...your mileage may vary, but all in all, your experience, at least publically, will probably mimic mine quite closely.
1) Be open about it with those close to you. Odds are, they know, or suspect, anyway. When i told my best friend, he kinda laughed and said "That really explains a lot." Loved ones have every right to know (you know your family and circle of friends better than I, but if they arent going to be supportive, why the hell are you friends with them?)
2) The way you act and sound is a LOT more important than the way you look (within obvious limits, like facial hair, etc). Practice more than your walk; practice how you sit, stand, the way you reach for something. Practice your voice, and remember, both of these cover a huge range in GGs...as long as you fall inside the range, youll be alright.
3) Goes with number 2...just be calm. Act natural. Easier said than done...the first time. I think my butterflies went away the 3rd or 4th time I went out dressed, and never returned. The first few times, be conservative. Jeans and a sweater, maybe. If you wear a mini and knee high boots, PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT YOU. Guess what...thats kinda the point of a mini and knee boots.
4) DRESS YOUR AGE. Thought id mention this again. If you are at all like me, youll want to wear all the stuff you couldnt wear when you were 16. Going out with friends to a club? Halloween? Dont care if you're read? Go for it...other than that, sadly, leave the teen stuff in the closet. I dont care if you're 30, 40, 50...you can still look great. Not many teens wear a skirt suit and riding boots, but I sure do. Age appropriateness goes both ways:)
5) Worry about smaller things, big ones will fall in place. Dont walk to the mirror and think, "how to make my mug look like a woman's?" Start with your eyebrows. Maybe move to your fingernails, arm hair, your smile. Use makeup sparingly. Overdoing it is a LOT worse than not doing "enough". I have thin hair and greying eyebrows...both of which are pretty easy to remedy. Color my eyebrows, and hey, lots of women have thin hair (mine is thin, NOT receding, thank the Lord!) but guys hold doors for me, strike up conversations in restaurants and bars, and yes, I have been asked out. You are your own worst critic.
6) How many people, men and women, do you see in the course of a day? Do the men all look like Ken, and the women like Barbie? Hell no. Do you ever stop and think "wonder if that is really a man/woman?". I dont. Neither does anyone else.
7) Name change, if you are to that point, is a pain in the ass. It takes 3-6 months, depending on the speed of the court system, and you have to put an ad in a local paper announcing your name change. It takes a while, and to change your name and all IDs, etc, will cost 2-300$. Just an FYI.
8) Help others. I mean it. I changed halfway through my degree, so a lot of people at school know about it...and I have had several ask for advice coming to terms with GID. Modern estimates are 3-5% of the population has some level of GID, and 1-1.5% will change to live as the other gender. Yep, that means out of every 100 people you meet, 3 to 5 will have thought about it, and 1 will have done it. You arent alone. Dont let anyone else think theyre alone. If nothing else, direct them here...when i realized that not only was I not alone, but there are literally hundreds of thousands of us in the US alone, it made all the difference in the world.
9) Be safe. There are still morons in the world. I havent had any problems whatsoever...I also dont go to places where I think I might. Your brain will stop 99% of problems well before they become problems.
10) If you arent sure, October is definately the month to dress up once and find out. Just keep number 9 in mind when you do!
Stop and think about all that has changed in the last 10 years, and imagine where we will be 10 years from now. Im happy to be along for the ride!
Terri