Plateau

[Karan]

My wonderful wife and I were discussing the CD part of me. She loves without conditions as I do her. She accepts me and encourages me to buy things for myself and just relax and not beat myself up over it. However, I have kept this part of me under very tight wrap. I do shop once in a while(mostly window shop). Protecting and supporing my family is paramount in my life.

At any rate, She is supportive of me findng an outlet such as going out fullfilling this desire. Part of the discussion was does the CDing just continue to escalate. That is, go out once a year become once a month to every weekend. Spending a limited monthly budget to spending thousands on clothes, make up, weekend get aways? Or crossing the line and dressing every day. I could not give an answer since I have kept such a lid on it and don't know how far I really want to go.

What are your experiences? Do you just hit a comfort level and that is it or does the CDing just expand to a greater and greater part of your life? Your thoughts and experinces would be greatly appreciate.

Thank you

[Sarah_GG]

My wonderful wife and I were discussing the CD part of me. She loves without conditions as I do her. She accepts me and encourages me to buy things for myself and just relax and not beat myself up over it. Protecting and supporing my family is paramount in my life.

Congratulations Karan. You're lucky to have a supportive, accepting and encouraging wife! There are lots of GGs around who are able to accept CDing in their partner, especially if there is honesty and openness from the outset. :)


At any rate, She is supportive of me findng an outlet such as going out fullfilling this desire. Part of the discussion was does the CDing just continue to escalate... I could not give an answer since I have kept such a lid on it and don't know how far I really want to go.

This concern is one that comes up many times with newly participating spouses and SOs. It does seem as though a 'pink fog' comes over our crossdressing partners and purchasing, window-shopping (virtual or reality!) for new clothes, forms, wigs, make-up, shoes, coats, ballgowns, wedding-dresses, casual clothes, formal clothes, business clothes, party clothes, underwear, corsets, stockings, leggings etc etc etc, becomes the paramount desire and motivating force within their lives. GGs can, understandably, start to panic at this huge increase in activity and wonder where it will stop or find a level.


What are your experiences? Do you just hit a comfort level and that is it or does the CDing just expand to a greater and greater part of your life? Your thoughts and experinces would be greatly appreciate.

From my own experience, my SO now has just about EVERYTHING she could ever wish for or desire (and plenty more besides)... but I'm not sure it's ever going to be enough. We have been out a couple of times and there are more trips planned...

All you can do is continue to be open and honest with your SO and hopefully recognise it when it does get out of control, also listen to her if she tries to tell you that it is.

Good luck! :)

[PretzelGirl]

I think you are going to find that there are answers to your questions that run the whole range of possibilities. Each of us are different. One person stops at wearing panties occassionally and the next transitions. Unless you are comfortable with where you are at now, you probably can't predict your "stopping point".

My recommendation is that when you feel like doing something new, don't sneak away and do it. Your wife sounds like a wonderful person. Talk with her when you feel like going to the next stage. If she wants to have boundaries, accept them or if you have a problem with them, discuss them out. Sometimes these will change over time as she becomes more comfortable. So it certainly is normal for your limits to change while her's are too.

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Karan,

I wish I could give you answers to your questions, but unfortunately there are as many answers as there are CDers. We are all different and our needs differ greatly. Some of the girls just dress occupationally and are happy with that. Some of the girls just wear lingerie and are happy like that. Then there are the girls who take their dressing to a higher level.

I fit into the category who take it to a higher level. I dress and wear makeup and a wig whenever I am Nicole. I take being Nicole very seriously and love every minute of it. That being said, there are also girls who live en fem full time and live totally as woman.

You will have to decide what is the right place for you. Perhaps a conversation with your understanding wife will help. Just take your time and ensure that you make the right decision for you.

Nicole

[Phyliss]

For me, it expanded at an almost alarming rate for the first few months. Kinda like a kid with a new toy. I was buying clothes simply because I could. New found freedom was a wonderful intoxicant, and I couldn't get enough. After about a year I leveled off, and now just make a purchase when a sale is on and I think I could use the item in a practical way.
Oh I go out about once a month, would love to go out everyday but reality has a way of curbing things. I've gotten to a point where if I want to full out dress and go out, I do. I don't have to do this everyday, just to feel right.

Give yourself some time to adjust, and soon enough you'll be comfortable with a particular level and be content.

Do remember though, there really isn't any LIMIT on this, the train goes all the way to the end, ... where ever that is for each person.

I know where I'd like to ride it, .... but again reality says NO.

[sterling12]

It is possible for all of The Things you described to actually happen! It is also just as likely that they won't! Just by recognizing that these perceived "worst-case scenarios" could happen, you are somewhat protected from going off the deep end.

Being Transgendered means being part of a spectrum of behaviors and mindsets. Think of a TG Highway, you will probably never be stationary, nor standing at The Side of The Road, but you do move forward, backwards and sideways, just about all the time. What "suits you" today, may not be true for tomorrow.

But, that makes it kind of a marvelous adventure! If life were always so predictable, we would tend to become anal-retentive and very dull. Hey! My best advise: "Live long and prosper!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Rachel Morley]

What are your experiences? Do you just hit a comfort level and that is it or does the CDing just expand to a greater and greater part of your life? Your thoughts and experiences would be greatly appreciate.

I suspect you're going to get a lot of different answers to this question. In my case it was a case of "water finding it's own level" ... eventually. :)

When I first started dressing I wasn't going out at all and so I was wearing all sorts of interesting (weird?) outfits and various "fun costumes" (French Maid, Schoolgirl etc). It was pure fantasy stuff, but then I started to want to dress more like a woman of my age might do, and then I wanted to go out like it, it was progressing fast. This is when the pink fog hit and I bought lots and lots of clothes, makeup and shoes. Then you realize that if you are going to want to try to pass when you are in public you have to "take it to a different level" in the sense that you have to pay attention to all the little details of your presentation and so I thought my wig wasn't good enough, and that my beard shadow was too heavy, I started videoing myself to see how my mannerisms were etc. That's an escalation of a different type I guess (?)

I think it was about a year after I started going out before I found "my level". Nowadays, I don't spend hardly anything on clothes at all and all of my "critical components" (my wig, my forms, my foundation, and my padding) are like 3rd generation purchases now that I've found out what works best for me. My feelings about my dressing has stabilized too and my time in Rachel mode while it is fairly often (about twice a week) it's a very normal and natural feeling for me and in fact, you could say it's somewhat lost that "edge" and excitement that it used to have. Now don't get me wrong, I still very much enjoy dressing and going out but the urge is not so overpowering anymore. Take last night for example. My wife and I decided to go to the movies and she asked me if I was going to go in "Rachel mode" and I said no, I'll just be my normal girly-boy self and dress somewhat androgynous. I would never have given her that answer a year ago.

[Tina B.]

For me it comes and goes, at time I dress often, then I get busy and may not bother for a few months. At one time I lived close to a discount clothing store, that got stuff that didn't sell from main line department stores and sold it cheap, and I did go a bit crazy for a while, if I had a couple of extra dollars I was in there shopping. now I will occasionally pick up something, but not that often, at my age I don't buy fads, so I did to change things out that often. You'll find you own level before long.
Tina

[Daintre]

As has been said you will receive a multitude of different answers because everyone has different needs and experiences. The plateaus will be at different levels. Another thing to consider is that there is also an ebb and flow to dressing as well. There will be times when dressing seems unimportant for a time and then come racing back full force.

[sherri52]

Hi Karan: I'm glad you have a love one who cares. AS for the dressing getting more and more overpowering, that depends on the individual. Some never get beyond closet while others change completely. You are born with certain feelings that come out later in life and that can't be changed. Most likely if you have been dressing for a few years that part of you has been satisfied. Now comes your feelings of listening to others. We hear of people having a great time going out and we want that feeling too. How do we get thier courage? Those time are yours and yours alone. I didn't go out for about 20 yrs after first dressing and 10 yrs after getting married (she and the kids were on vac). I still go out, although not to often as I live in redneck territory and I'm usually busy day and night.

[Ediosa]

Congratulation on finding someone who cares and allows you to be who you want to be. Now to your question. I have reached that plateau. I am able to dress whenever I want, and if I want, I can go out. Now, I must tell you, that other than wearing painted nails and underwear, I have not completely dressed in over a month. I really don't have the desire to get all dolled up for it. I still love shopping though, and if I was to buy something new, I would probably put it on, but I won't go out cause I would not be in makeup. Therefore, it will be a home thing.

Hope this helps out but I have reached that plateau.

[Teri Jean]

Karen, there as many possibilities as there are individuals but for me it has taken me to transitioning and dressing full time. I'm out to the world and loving it but that is me not you unless you want it. Take your time and let your wife be part of your decissions, she sounds wonderful and accepting.

Teri

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Karan
You will learn how far you can go be careful don't get lost in the pink fog.
Sometimes there is too much month for the money.
Aways remember family first.
.................................................. .............thanks......ORCHID

[Karan]

Thank you to all for the advice and insight. I am going to take it slow with my wife. We are still in the talking stage. We did not discuss it yesterday which I think is good because we have a life, family and marriage that also needs time and attention. I don't plan on bringing it up for a week or 2. My future activity or lack thereof on this board will indicate how things are going.

Thanks, again.

[tricia_uktv]

As the girls have said, we are all different. I've gone from once a year to once a month and now pretty much every weekend. My family are behind me and supportive of me. The next stage is every day, which I am working on but will take time. I suppose the answer to your question is that I still do not know where the plateau is. I want to find out though.

[sherri]

I think CDing and the activities related to it can be and often are very progressive in nature, especially if you start going out and interacting with others. That part of you starts to blossom and flesh out, and it is only natural, if your femininity is more than just a fetish, to start feeling an increased need for expression and experience. And going out regularly, even if not frequently, does create a need for refining your look, expanding your wardrobe, etc. It can start to take over.

BUT -- it doesn't have to get out of hand. I mean, it's not heroin! :D My mantra is "balance is everything", and I stick to that principle. Emotionally, however, it's a sacrifice, cuz there's hardly ever a time anymore, even when I'm in guy mode, when Sherri isn't quietly humming along in my mind and heart.

[SusanMarie]

For me...the feelings ebb and flow, like tides if you will...but always, always there. Sort of like life in general.

[carhill2mn]

As usual, it depends upon the person!