RobertaM
10-11-2009, 01:13 PM
Well all my sisters, I did it. I came out to my two closest guy friends that I have known for almost 30 years.
I was quite nervous all week once I decided in my mind that I was going to do this.
I did not need to tell them. I am a part timer and have both my girl guy side in balance. So why did I feel the need to do this? I think that I have come to the conclusion that I am happy and proud for what I am and just wanted to share with them. Did not really need their support(would be nice). I really did not care if they approved or not. OR maybe because its my bday. I don’t know.
Some background to our relationship. One I graded with highschool with and our friendship has ebbed and flowed thru the years. More recently he has done thru a messy divorce and now really happy with his new love(did not have an affair). He is my financial planner and investment broker. Really cool guy and fun to be around. Lets call him Bill
2nd the best man at my wedding. A senior manager at a very large software giant. A intellectual sort who you can have a philosophy discussion to 5 am in the morning. We have partied and been room mates for years leading up to my getting married. Picture the odd couple,, alex and felix,, that was us. ( I was the sports writer.) Lets call him John.
So here is how I did it. I kinda eluded to john earlier in the day that may be having a kinda serious discussion tonight on some issue. Kinda prepped him that this could be kinda life changing news.
So john and bill and I go out for a nice steak dinner and then some beers and darts afterwards. Sorry girlz,, im all guy mode for this. I did not think showing up in girl mode would have been appropriate. And I don’t think I could have be relaxed as I was.
So after dinner I start my speech,, talk about mid life crises, need to share,, etc and lead the discussion up to the point of telling them,, but did not actually tell them yet. Did not cross the line of no return yet. I was getting pretty emotional. They sensed that. Well I pulled out my picture of Roberta(the avatar picture) thru it all the table and said nothing!!!
I cant really remember what happen next but it was all good!!! I threw on to the table another 6 photos of me. “Is that you?” “you look really good” “wow omg” etc,, Some they recognize me in it,, some they said they did not. I kinda lost it at that point and had my face in my hands and serviette. Sobbing and crying. Basically its all good and it is what it is. Life goes on and nothing really changes. I was making it a much bigger deal than needed to be.
Here is the funny part. John had found my stash some 20 years ago and kinda new that I was a cder of some sort. Those days it was just some bits and pieces. He was embarrassed that he was looking thru my stuff and apologized. So he had an inking. At the time he thought it was best not to talk to me about it. To John this is no big deal and friendships continue.
Bill, actually was much more empathetic to my emotions. Gave me a few hugs and was rubbing my back as I was telling this story. I had totally forgot that his brother had come out gay 10-20 years ago. Their family was quite shocked and struggled with this. At the time I was surprised but ok with it. I never have been homophobic. Bill was at the time was (phobic) now is totally accepting of his brother. So bill is very emphatic to issues stresses and emotions on coming out to people.
Well we talked about cdressing and I explain some of the theory’s of late bloomers coming out of the closet and the male/female, balance and transgender issues. They asked if I was going to srs. No I said.
Well the night continued and if anything, they kept teasing me that now they have a whole series of ways to have jabs with me now!!! Guy in a dress jokes girl jokes etc.. All in good fun.
I was getting pretty drunk now. John and I talked to the wee hours of the morning. He was trying to understand why I was drinking so much as related to my coming out that evening. I normally don’t do shooter’s and multiple martinis. Humm food for thought.
All said and done, im happy with the result. They were very supportive and end result was NO BIG DEAL. Lesson learnt that we internalize our conflict and perceptions of others. Trust people and you will be surprised.
What a great birthday present!!
Luv ya all!!
I was quite nervous all week once I decided in my mind that I was going to do this.
I did not need to tell them. I am a part timer and have both my girl guy side in balance. So why did I feel the need to do this? I think that I have come to the conclusion that I am happy and proud for what I am and just wanted to share with them. Did not really need their support(would be nice). I really did not care if they approved or not. OR maybe because its my bday. I don’t know.
Some background to our relationship. One I graded with highschool with and our friendship has ebbed and flowed thru the years. More recently he has done thru a messy divorce and now really happy with his new love(did not have an affair). He is my financial planner and investment broker. Really cool guy and fun to be around. Lets call him Bill
2nd the best man at my wedding. A senior manager at a very large software giant. A intellectual sort who you can have a philosophy discussion to 5 am in the morning. We have partied and been room mates for years leading up to my getting married. Picture the odd couple,, alex and felix,, that was us. ( I was the sports writer.) Lets call him John.
So here is how I did it. I kinda eluded to john earlier in the day that may be having a kinda serious discussion tonight on some issue. Kinda prepped him that this could be kinda life changing news.
So john and bill and I go out for a nice steak dinner and then some beers and darts afterwards. Sorry girlz,, im all guy mode for this. I did not think showing up in girl mode would have been appropriate. And I don’t think I could have be relaxed as I was.
So after dinner I start my speech,, talk about mid life crises, need to share,, etc and lead the discussion up to the point of telling them,, but did not actually tell them yet. Did not cross the line of no return yet. I was getting pretty emotional. They sensed that. Well I pulled out my picture of Roberta(the avatar picture) thru it all the table and said nothing!!!
I cant really remember what happen next but it was all good!!! I threw on to the table another 6 photos of me. “Is that you?” “you look really good” “wow omg” etc,, Some they recognize me in it,, some they said they did not. I kinda lost it at that point and had my face in my hands and serviette. Sobbing and crying. Basically its all good and it is what it is. Life goes on and nothing really changes. I was making it a much bigger deal than needed to be.
Here is the funny part. John had found my stash some 20 years ago and kinda new that I was a cder of some sort. Those days it was just some bits and pieces. He was embarrassed that he was looking thru my stuff and apologized. So he had an inking. At the time he thought it was best not to talk to me about it. To John this is no big deal and friendships continue.
Bill, actually was much more empathetic to my emotions. Gave me a few hugs and was rubbing my back as I was telling this story. I had totally forgot that his brother had come out gay 10-20 years ago. Their family was quite shocked and struggled with this. At the time I was surprised but ok with it. I never have been homophobic. Bill was at the time was (phobic) now is totally accepting of his brother. So bill is very emphatic to issues stresses and emotions on coming out to people.
Well we talked about cdressing and I explain some of the theory’s of late bloomers coming out of the closet and the male/female, balance and transgender issues. They asked if I was going to srs. No I said.
Well the night continued and if anything, they kept teasing me that now they have a whole series of ways to have jabs with me now!!! Guy in a dress jokes girl jokes etc.. All in good fun.
I was getting pretty drunk now. John and I talked to the wee hours of the morning. He was trying to understand why I was drinking so much as related to my coming out that evening. I normally don’t do shooter’s and multiple martinis. Humm food for thought.
All said and done, im happy with the result. They were very supportive and end result was NO BIG DEAL. Lesson learnt that we internalize our conflict and perceptions of others. Trust people and you will be surprised.
What a great birthday present!!
Luv ya all!!