The Balancing Act

[helenr]

I read posts from some seeking to know the effects of hormones. While they surely vary greatly in fact- and in representations!- it is critical to know and accept that changes will occur.
Thus it becomes very hard to maintain any semblance of a male capable of 'servicing' a female in the conventional sense. Most on meds know this reality, but some may want to dabble a bit-grow some sweet little girls, then go back to having traditional male sex fun. won't work.
It becomes very hard, alas, to maintain a viable marriage when both partners are sort of wired similarly-no longer strickly male, female. wonder how others cope with this, if I have explained my concern understandably?

[Jennifer in CO]

Helen,
My wife and I had a chat a year or so ago based on a tongue-n-cheek conversation about just how much we loved each other. She made the comment that while I was "on her side" back in the early 80's she said that the biggest thing she missed was "normal" sex which was ultimately her reason for asking me to transition back. She admitted it was purely selfish on her part but she was tired of being the guy in our relationship especially since she was the GG (I was far more "feminine" that she was). My equipment functioned well enough for the first year I was on hormones but it became a chore just to get it up after that (ok...for her...she was a sex crazed woman and 5 minutes just to get me fairly hard was too long for her) so we pleasured each other by hand or with a strap-on she bought for me to wear. She never admitted to the idea that we were two females under one roof for all those years, just that I was "different" for a while. She said she coped with it by focusing on the fact that I was still a guy on the inside and in between the legs where it counted. So long as those two didn't change, she could handle it. It never occurred to her that for me, after living as a woman for almost 5 years, that I thought of myself as a woman with "extra equipment" although I can say I was never a "true" transsexual in that I don't remember ever...ok I can't say that because there were times that I did...wish "it" would just go away. But it wasn't "go away" because it I detested it or being a man. It was "go away" because it was "in the way" if you know what I mean.
I guess I'm saying that it is up to the two of you to make it work out and you both understand what your seeking in the relationship. If you are the support for one-another, hormones may get in the way every now and then but its not your hormones that govern wither you love and support each other. Her way of thinking does have to be open to the idea that in effect she is a "quasi-lesbian" in a relationship with a "quasi-girl". I have seen lesbian relationships that lasted for as long as a hetero relationship so it can't be "just the similar wiring"...

have I said anything that makes sense so far?....thoughts are coming like a their in a fog so far this AM so I apologize if not....

Jenn

[helenr]

your candid comments are appreciated and well taken. This is not a straight forward topic-like the 'what are you wearing today' posts that pop up regularly. A friend has commented to me that most women truly are happiest with oral sex-but that is very subjective, of course. a strong imagination is always present, I am sure, in sexual activities.