My wonderful wife! The results of taking it slow!

[DaphneGrey]

A few years ago my wife wanted to be the Ostrich, she didn't want to talk about crossdressing at all. She wanted nothing to do with it. It was OK if she didn't see it, hear about or know about it.

As I have posted in the past she over time became very supportive of my need to crossdress, but still wanted nothing to do with it. This was a great source of pain for me. Here I was able to go out, shave, dress, be out and about etc. This woman I love wouldn't talk to me or anyone else about these things. I was happy for myself but felt guilty for her.

I posted my concerns for her at the time and got great advice from the members here. You all told me to take it slow and focus on her needs, not to push the crossdressing issue, answer her questions but not to open the flood gates.

The last update I gave on my relationship with her and her dealing with my crossdressing, we had a couple of good talks and she was becoming more comfortable with my gender expression. She didn't want to see it but was fine with me doing it. She even gave me a really pretty cell phone cover. That may seem small to many but it meant the world to me and still does. That was some months ago.

So fast forward to October, The lovely and wonderful Mrs Daphne is dressing me up as Abby from the TV show NCIS for Halloween! Over the past couple of weeks we have gone shopping for skirts and tops which she had me try on, picked out a wig, makeup, shoes etc.

She and I have been having so much fun together. She helped me make a coffin shaped purse for my costume. It was so pretty when it was finished I mentioned that it was so nice its a shame to only use it once. She smiled and said " You should keep it for your make up every girl should have a makeup case " I have to tell you my knees almost buckled! I started to well up we talked a bit more. She is teaching me how to sew and picked out several patterns for skirts and dresses and such that would work for me.

Mrs D is very clear about not wanting to see me dressed other than halloween, she married a man and thats that, but she loves the costume thing and thinks this would be a great yearly tradition. But at the same time she goes out of her way to make sure I have the time and freedom to be Daphne. Also she wants me to be comfortable at home and not feel like I have to hide anything. My clothes hang in my closet, or folded neatly in my dresser. She moved a small antique desk into our bedroom and hung a mirror above it so I would have a vanity! She gave me a jewelry box and, Lavender Sachets for my lingerie drawer. She even said it was OK if I underdressed all the time, to which she added "I know you do already I just want you to know I am OK with it".

I feel so blessed to be married to this amazing woman, I wanted to do something nice for her so I sold a bunch of my stuff on Ebay so we would have money to redo our spare room into a craft/sewing studio. She said "you didn't have to do this" "I wanted to you deserve it" I said. When she asked the occasion I said I wanted to thank her for being so supportive, I said I know it's not easy being married to me" She smiled gave me a kiss and said I know it's not easy being you I want you be happy" She went on to say this is all she could give right now and hoped that it was enough. I said it was beyond anything I could ask for.

I want to thank all for the advice that started me down this road especially all the GGs and CDs who answered my questions I posted in the loved ones section those many months ago. From the bottom of my heart!:love:

[Joy Carter]

Daphne, she may never come around. Does she let you have time for Daphne ?

[RobertaM]

This is great post and i am so happy for you. My SO is like yours in the early stages. Even if nothings changes it sounds like you have found balance and that is great.

[Miranda09]

Yeaa for you Daphnie. Your wife sounds like a special person, and it sounds like you did the right thing in taking it slow and easy in brining out your CDing with her. The future looks bright, with lots of fun down the road. :)

[carrie-ann]

I think It's great that your so is doing very well with it just keep it up. My so has always supported me I think some times I forget how lucky I am.

[Sandra]

But at the same time she goes out of her way to make sure I have the time and freedom to be Daphne. Also she wants me to be comfortable at home and not feel like I have to hide anything.
Daphne, she may never come around. Does she let you have time for Daphne ?

Joy did you read all of Daphnes post :brolleyes:


Daphne

Glad things are going ok. Continue as you are and hopefully she'll come round more.

[Sarah_GG]

Joy did you read all of Daphnes post :brolleyes:


ha ha... I was just going to say the very same thing! :D

Daphne - that's great news. I'm so glad it's going well for you and your wife. :hugs:

[Di]

Wonderful news!!!:hugs:

[PretzelGirl]

:cry: Excuse me.

That's so nice. And I mean that from both of you. She is doing great and it was very thoughtful of you to do that in return. Now let me get a Kleenex.

[Sara Jessica]

Very nice, I'm so happy for you.

Although in my heart I know I want a little more, yours is a place I could live with, a place my wife and I are not all that far from at all.

[sissystephanie]

Daphne, I am so happy for you! As a CD who was married for over 40 years to my wonderful and totally supportive late wife, I believe I was one of those who told you to take it slow and easy with your wife. It has worked, hasn't it??

My guess is that, given how far she has already come, she will accept you even more in the future. As my Tag line says, I am a man underneath! That always was the way I treated my wife, since she married a man, not a woman! And she respected me for being that way, dressing like a lady but being a man underneath!! If you continue to let your wife know that she does have a Man for a husband, she will most likely be even more supportive and accepting!! Best of luck to both of you!!:hugs::hugs:

[TJ Tresa]

Please asccept my congradulations as well. Your wife may never want to see your feminine side other than at Halloween but at least that is some time you can share it with her.

[Zoiq]

I'd like to mention that it is a steep learning curve for us all to work out who we really are, particularly for those of us who do not fit into the ' normal ' and 'average ', but when you consider your partner or S.O. has probably had their life picture as being with a partner who does not C.D. or do anything which they may not have ever considered before, that it is indeed a very steep learning curve and a fairly big thing to come to terms with.

I'm blessed that my partner is coming to terms with who I am fairly quickly, but I still have to pull back the reins on a regular basis, because too much too fast will not end in a good result.

I've had 25-30 years to make sense of who I am with many distractions along the way, it totally makes sense that my current partner might need more than the 18 or so months that we've been together to catch up.

But it is all going great guns from my point of view :)

Slow but sure is indeed the fairest way for the one you love, your partner.

[Rachel Morley]

She smiled and said " You should keep it for your make up every girl should have a makeup case " I have to tell you my knees almost buckled! I started to well up we talked a bit more.

Reading your whole post and especially the part above I quoted is bringing a lump to my throat! I know myself just how you are feeling right now. When someone starts saying things and doing things like this it is THE most gratifying, validating, and gesture of love and acceptance you can hear ... BUT ... when you hear it from the one person in the world that you absolutely dearly love and adore with all your heart and soul and you desperately want to hear it from them, it feels like you have been blessed directly by God himself. It makes your whole world seem different and the level of love, trust, and commitment that your relationship has seems to quadruple somehow. Daphne, I am so very very happy for you right now. I really hope that as time goes on your wife and you both grow in all of this as I do believe that crossdressing in a marriage "can" bring people closer together than they already were. :hugs:

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Oh, Daphne, I am so happy for you. Your post made cry hon, happy crying that is. Good for you and good for her, you're one of the lucky ones. Lots of good wishes for you and yours.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Tina B.]

Daphne, Well played girl, she helps you, so you fix up a sewing /crafts room for her as a thank you for her, Very nice touch, then she is teaching you to sew! Good begets good, doesn't it.
Tina
Enjoy Halloween!

[DaphneGrey]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. I am verry lucky indeed. My wife is truly amazing, she is so supportive and understanding! She has her boundries and limits but we have found a happy balance.

you are all so encouraging and gracious. Thank you all again.

[DemonicDaughter]

:love:

Okay, all together now: AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

That is a very sweet post! I think you both are very lucky to have each other! May your lives together always be blessed. :hugs:

[Rebecca Jayne]

Both your wife and yourself are working very hard on your marriage, communicating and being honest with each other, that's terrific. I am so happy for the 2 of you.

Daphne you also are very intelligent in realizing your wife's limit and by taking small steps, have received a little extra room.

Time may be when Halloween comes a little more often that 10 31 every year. Heck who knows maybe Madi Gras will be next.

Keep up the progress when you can this is a wonderful post, hopefully others in similar situations will learn from your direction.

[JamieG]

Daphne,

That's wonderful. It sounds like your relationship with your wife is a lot like mine. She prefers not to see me dressed, but enjoyed helping me with a drag Halloween costume about a year after I came out to her (there's a pic in my photo albums if you're curious). We've been taking small steps, and I have seen her acceptance of my CDing grow with each passing year.

Please post pics of your Halloween costume!

Jamie

[DaphneGrey]

Daphne,

That's wonderful. It sounds like your relationship with your wife is a lot like mine. She prefers not to see me dressed, but enjoyed helping me with a drag Halloween costume about a year after I came out to her (there's a pic in my photo albums if you're curious). We've been taking small steps, and I have seen her acceptance of my CDing grow with each passing year.

Please post pics of your Halloween costume!

Jamie

Thanks Jamie, its great you have that same relationship with your wife. We truly are very lucky. I think pushing the envelope has bad results. Just focus on her needs and let crossdressing be something we only talk about on their terms. Today my trans life is very full and rich all with her blessing support and encouragement! Yesterday she gave me a sweater that was given to her as a gift. She said "try this on before I take it back I think it would look good on you" She said it fit well and I should keep it. The little things like that are so special to me I cant describe the feeling!

I love your halloween pic by the way, It looks like you had great fun together!

I will post some pics of mine for sure.

[Teri Jean]

Daphne, girl you are making me cry and you know what it does to your make up. I just want you to know that your patience and love has made the difference. Your giving up a few things to show her how much you care about her is special and it sounded like she understood that. For a young girl you have a wealth of knowledge and heart.

Hugs Teri

[Metoo]

I'm so glad and :) happy for you ....daphane

[Paige.]

Hi Daphne,
I am so happy to hear you are doing so well. Even though your wife has no desire to see you dressed my heart sings because you are aware of her needs and recognize how much she loves you. Thank you for treating her with respect and love. Gentleness and understanding in a delicate situation can go a long way in making a relationship strong. Congratulations.

Do you ever travel down Paige Avenue on your way to work any more?

I love your success at home,
Paige

[DaphneGrey]

Hi Daphne,
I am so happy to hear you are doing so well. Even though your wife has no desire to see you dressed my heart sings because you are aware of her needs and recognize how much she loves you. Thank you for treating her with respect and love. Gentleness and understanding in a delicate situation can go a long way in making a relationship strong. Congratulations.

Do you ever travel down Paige Avenue on your way to work any more?

I love your success at home,
Paige

Thanks Paige, Your kind words mean a great deal to me. I do travel down Paige Avenue when I am working in Staten Island about once a month or so, And yes every time I see the sign a smile comes to face:hugs:

[mylitta]

Daphne, the care and concern you and your wife have for each other shine through your posts, as does the respect that you have for each others feelings. I'm sure things will continue to get better for you both.

[Claire Cook]

Yeaa for you Daphnie. Your wife sounds like a special person, and it sounds like you did the right thing in taking it slow and easy in brining out your CDing with her. The future looks bright, with lots of fun down the road. :)

My thoughts exactly. Let her take the lead here. My wife has known about my dressing for a LONG time and now is very accepting. Earlier this week we went out for dinner with a GG friend -- only the second time we've gone out to dinner as two women.