Does no/little dating encourage crossdressing?

[briefing0007]

As a straight teenager I didn't have much luck with the girls. I think my attraction to panties and bras may have come from this. Having an older female cousin living with us gave me the opportunity to explore these sexy items. I sometimes feel that if I had been dating, maybe I wouldn't have had this attraction. Does anyone else feel as though a lack of dating may have led them this way too?

[Karren H]

Hmmmm. Maybe!! At 7 I was not having much luck at dating either!!!

[Darylin]

I dated a lot as a teen but I still went home and put on my bra and panties to sleep in. Depending on where I was going, even school, I would still wear my panties and sometimes a bra too. I wonder how many of my female friends ever wondered where their panties and bras were disappearing too. I was skinny so the girls stuff fit pretty well. My sister and mom's things were too big. I had a girl neighbor that foolishly left her things on the clothesline at night, silly girl...

[SherriePall]

This is akin to marriage "curing" a crossdresser. Many of us thought that marrying that beautiful, lovely girl would end our "need" to dress. Didn't happen to me. So, I see no correlation between not dating and dressing.

[mklinden2010]

OK, I missed the "past tense" of the question this morning...

Maybe for you having the extra time and the extra opportunity put you on the slippery slope to lifelong crossdresssing.

Maybe.

Then again, most people started before their teenage years, dated like crazy, got with someone, and went right on crossdressing all their lives.

I suppose both are possible.

Either way, crossdressing doesn't "kill the deal" when it comes to dating, anymore than dating "kills the deal" when it comes to crossdressing.

Both are things to do in life and can be complimentary.

Neither excludes the other.

I wouldn't worry about it. It would be like beating yourself up for not being an astronaut because you liked reading better than math.

You are what you are and you are what you do because you generally do what you want to...

Be glad you're somebody.

[docrobbysherry]

I went thru some definite dating droughts as a teen. So did a number of my friends. However, it never occurred to ANY OF US, to try on a bra and panties as substitute for the females we weren't spending time with.:brolleyes:

In fact, that idea never came to me until after age 50!:eek:

[Wen4cd]

Attraction to panties and bras, etc. comes from symbolic projection of your anima traits onto objects. The things come to represent what is projected from within yourself. You're seeing your own unlived potentials in the symbols, and when you desire them, even if you perceive it as a sexual obsession, you are still having dreams of individuation of self.

You can project onto people as well, and be strangely attractted to certain people who take your projection well, and maybe you take theirs well also, and fireworks appear for a while.

But that gets sticky, and the projection is always eventually pulled or wears back as reality sets in, leaving you with the 'real' person you've become involved with instead of the image you projected onto the person and fell in love with. Hopefully by then you have come to respect one another enough to have real love and caring instead of projected fascination.

That is what adolescents do when they develop crushes and fall 'in love.' Dating becomes an exercise in projecting and then pulling projection. For some, it becomes a lifelong cycle, because the emotional rushes are some of the most powerul, divine things you will ever experience outside of religiosity.

So, I guess in theory, lots of dating does teach you to the skill of that, but it's probably better to be aware of it in general, and work from a higher standpoint.

The trick is to be aware that emotion or attraction comes from within. In other words, your 'soul-mate' already exists: in your own animatic soul, and is bestowed onto 'targets' of affection. Anything unconscious is projected by definition onto an external object. But ultimately, the image is an illusion. It's very real, but it's you. There are still real people under this glamour we paint on them, and the archetypes we project are actually part of our own inner personalities.

...Which is what many of us pursue with this activity, consciously or not - unity with our souls and unlived potentials. Crossdressers who spend signifigant time in front of a mirror, or do it on paper journalling, will discover this sooner than someone who doesn't.

And then your relationships with others can develop a deeper level of meaning, one of mutual understanding and real love instead of mutual fascination, which nobody can sustain forever.

[Barbara918]

Not in my case, since I started dressing when I was about 8 years old. But I would like to ask a related question, one to which I can personally relate -- Is there a perceivable increase in CD desire, or in CDing itself, after one becomes a widower?

[Aska]

I never had trouble dating and even when in a relationship I still put on certain garments.
You are who you are just do what you feel is comfortable for you. Being a teenager is hard enough.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I think for me, the only correlations I can draw between dating and crossdressing is that I do notice a drop off in my dressing activities when I'm dating someone new, but not because my feminine side is being fulfilled and "curing" my crossdressing, as much as, I've met someone new, therefore I'm infatuated and thinking a lot about this new person, thus not thinking as much about my crossdressing. But eventually as the relationship begins to settle into something beyond the meeting a new person and being excited about it phase, my thoughts on this person become part of my normal collection of thoughts and once again room is made for things like crossdressing or other hobbies like video games and my more important pursuits like writing.

[Nadia-Maria]

As a straight teenager I didn't have much luck with the girls. I think my attraction to panties and bras may have come from this. (...)
I sometimes feel that if I had been dating, maybe I wouldn't have had this attraction. Does anyone else feel as though a lack of dating may have led them this way too?


I think both behaviours are very probably related in your own case, and as far as I know that's not uncommon among early CDers. I have heared about many similar cases of early CDers not at ease with girls, although straight.
However I don't believe the causal relation is that one you are suggesting.
A teenager who experiences strong TG feelings (without being aware of what is really happening to him) is often not at ease with taking the leading role at dating, and doesn't behave like a standard guy so that GGs are not at ease with him too. Hence he may be unlucky with most girls.
As for the causal relation, that's not the reverse.

When I was a teenager, girls did not considered me as a "serious" date, although I was a good-looking boy and very respected for being successful at school. In that era I was wholly puzzled. I didn't understand at all.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

NO - I was into crossdressing long before I was ever into interest in girls - In my personal opinion, I do not see the relationship
JoAnne Wheeler

[Kate Simmons]

Dating or lack thereof never had anything to do with it one way or the other.:)

[sherri]

Wen4cd's post is very interesting (I've read it twice now and I think I know what she's saying!). But I might put a slightly different spin on it, or maybe just say it a different way.

Before I do though, let me hasten to point out that what I'm about to describe as one reason for my CDing, on the list of my reasons, probably ranks somewhere around #5 or 6. Still, I've thought about it many times and think there's something to it.

In this post-divorce period of my life, I have been without a steady female companion longer than any other time I can remember, and for several reasons, only one of which is my CDing, it's also been an extended period of not dating, at least in the conventional sense. And while my own sexuality has expanded in the interim to include both sexes, there's no denying that I acutely miss the presence of a female persona in my life -- not just the sex and not just the body, but also the femininity in general. So on one level, I think I CD (and all that goes with it) to have that presence in my life, sort of by proxy, if you know what I mean. Going further, in learning how to be feminine and act feminine, I have on more than one occasion noticed myself emulating my ex, whose personal style of femininity and mixed gender sexuality had a greater impact on my sensibilities than I would have ever realized had I remained a 24/7 guy. So in one sense, I am in effect projecting an image of femininity onto myself as a way of giving myself the company I desire.

But getting back to Wen4cd's train of thought, somewhere along the line I also realized that my own personal femininity transcends that of any other person's influence and is in fact a personification of the sort of woman I might call, for the lack of a better word, "ideal". Certainly that's true sexually, but it's more than that. I think any discerning GG could, by simply observing me, get a pretty good idea of what kind of woman would most appeal to me, at least at the outer layers of the onion.

Okay, my head hurts now, so I'm gonna go shave my legs.

:doll:

[Wen4cd]

Heehee, sorry about the tangent, coffee does that. I wonder where's the little cartoon holding the 'blah blah blah' flag. I'm always waiting for it to go smacketh upon my head. :)

[Laura Evans]

I dated quite a bit as a teen but I had been crossdressing before I was interested in dating, so I doubt that that has had any effect on your crossdressing as well.

[KayleeDahl]

I have to agree with many of the posts above. My interest in dressing as a woman came long before any interest in "girls".

For me, its just something inside me that I have to express.

Hugs
-Sera

[Frédérique]

Does anyone else feel as though a lack of dating may have led them this way too?


Yes, I didn’t date much when I was a (straight) teenager. I’m sure it had something to do with why I’m here now, but there were other factors. I was bullied by males in my teens, but embraced (in a friendly way) by females, since they liked my artistic side. I quite naturally liked to be among girls (or women) at this time – they were never threatening to me. I had female teachers in school that encouraged and challenged me, and my mother was supportive and loving at all times. All this conspired to make me gather feminine thoughts, but I didn’t think that way at the time. It’s only later that you wonder what happened along the way, but I’m glad it did…:)
I need to point out that I did meet non-threatening males during my formative years, including a very masculine teacher who was wonderful. Also, some women I’ve met along the way have not exactly been inspiring or friendly, but I try to think only about the good ones (it’s not too hard, either)…

[Toni_Lynn]

To the uninformed, such as my mother, yes. When she discovered my crossdressing as a teenager, it was because I didn't date, and because I didn't hang out with 'the guys'. (HUH?!?!?). Later when a hidden coy of Penthouse from in my bedroom it was because I 'was fantasising about being one of those girls'. Well that part was partially true :)

When, at age 30, I was outed to my whole family by my cousin is so holy that he holds up his pants with a Bible Belt, (yeah sometimes I'm surprised that I'm as strict a Catholic as I am in spite of what was done to me in Jesus' name), I was told I couldn't be a crossdresser, because, I had -- shock -- horrors -- :eek: -- sleep with a girl -- :eek:.

Personal note to my mum: sometimes the reasons are right there in plain sight. If only you had bothered to 'see' me and my needs.

My take on it -- nope not at all -- not one bit.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[AmiFL]

IMHO I do not think it would have made a difference. Yuo were attracted to you cousin's things because they were available. You would not have been dating 24/7. So when you were home you probably still would have been drawn to them.

Does it really matter why? By your photo you obviously must enjoy dressing as you make the effort to look fabulous.

Enjoy it while you can and don't worry about the why.

Ami

[Teri Jean]

Nope, Married for 35yrs, raised two daughters and the answer is still nope. I had these urges far longer, 50yrs, and when the wife passed and the daughters had already moved out the urges came back but this time the gates were wide open.

Teri

[JustAlex]

I don't think that's a factor.

Most of us (I think) started CDing at a very young age. I think I started at 6 or 7. Dating and relating to girls was not an issue at that time.
Maybe later, as a teenager, the habit of CDing and staying home to do that contributes to little or no dating. Also the conflict of being in the crossroad of your sexuality dragging the stigma of homosexuality from your childhood.
I guess it affected me like that, however I dated girls regularly.

In my case I was also overcompensating for my CDing. I have to admit that I went far than I would by my own will trying to prove that I was THE alpha male.

[Rebecca Jayne]

There is a little voice inside of those of us who are chosen that gently whispers in our ear.

To acknowledge the inner spirit that is feminine ,
will make you a more complete individual, a superior person,
Someone for the ages.

Those of us who enjoy crossdressing are blessed by the feminine spirit.

Be comfortable within yourself and enjoy your life girl

[Leslie Langford]

I think both behaviours are very probably related in your own case, and as far as I know that's not uncommon among early CDers. I have heared about many similar cases of early CDers not at ease with girls, although straight.
However I don't believe the causal relation is that one you are suggesting.
A teenager who experiences strong TG feelings (without being aware of what is really happening to him) is often not at ease with taking the leading role at dating, and doesn't behave like a standard guy so that GGs are not at ease with him too. Hence he may be unlucky with most girls.
As for the causal relation, that's not the reverse.

When I was a teenager, girls did not considered me as a "serious" date, although I was a good-looking boy and very respected for being successful at school. In that era I was wholly puzzled. I didn't understand at all.

...of what you say here, Nadia, and in many ways it sums up a lot of my own experiences as a teen-ager.

While I was puzzled for the longest time as to why I had these "strange" feelings and was so drawn to crossdressing, I never once questioned my sexuality and have always been attracted to girls and women. The only thing I did ever question in this regard was why something which felt so good and so "right" could be considered abnormal and needed to be hidden. Even more galling was the fact that while more mainstream vices such as drunkenness, gambling, cheating on one's spouse and womanizing etc. - which are far more damaging to one's self and others - also continue to be frowned upon, yet they still somehow seem to be more acceptable because they are considered to be "normal" activities (Majority rules!).

My crossdressing urges also first came to light when I was about 5 or 6 years old, so puberty and the awakening of sexual feelings which accompany that change were also not part of that equation. But I must also have sent out some unconscious vibes to girls when I was a teenager because they always treated me as a brother as opposed to potential "boyfriend" material. I guess I just wasn't enough of a "bad boy" to pique their interest. In fact, I tended to be that proverbial "nice" guy whom girls used to complain to about how poorly their "bad boy" boyfriends were treating them (Hello! - what's wrong with this picture???).

The only other negative thing that I can see being associated with my crossdressing relates to the fact that it may have raised the bar too much in terms of my heightened expectations of physical beauty in assessing potential partners when I was still dating. And with crossdressing often having fetishistic overtones, my choice of female clothing for myself and my fondness for nylons, high heels, sexy lingerie, sultry make-up etc. was not necessarily consistent with the kinds of looks most women affect for day-to-day living. So in some ways, crossdressing allows me to become the fantasy female (at least from a physical aspect) that is otherwise unattainable to me (think "Hooters" girls or Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders as good examples). But being able to be my own dream "girlfriend" in acting out these fantasies also goes a long way in eliminating any desire to ever consider cheating on my spouse for that purpose - a temptation that many "real" men find all too irresistible it seems.

[sherri52]

The feeling was always there. The no dating only gave you free time to explore.

[Nadia-Maria]

...of what you say here, Nadia, and in many ways it sums up a lot of my own experiences as a teen-ager.

While I was puzzled for the longest time as to why I had these "strange" feelings and was so drawn to crossdressing, I never once questioned my sexuality and have always been attracted to girls and women. The only thing I did ever question in this regard was why something which felt so good and so "right" could be considered abnormal and needed to be hidden. Even more galling was the fact that while more mainstream vices such as drunkenness, gambling, cheating on one's spouse and womanizing etc. - which are far more damaging to one's self and others - also continue to be frowned upon, yet they still somehow seem to be more acceptable because they are considered to be "normal" activities (Majority rules!).

My crossdressing urges also first came to light when I was about 5 or 6 years old, so puberty and the awakening of sexual feelings which accompany that change were also not part of that equation. But I must also have sent out some unconscious vibes to girls when I was a teenager because they always treated me as a brother as opposed to potential "boyfriend" material. I guess I just wasn't enough of a "bad boy" to pique their interest. In fact, I tended to be that proverbial "nice" guy whom girls used to complain to about how poorly their "bad boy" boyfriends were treating them (Hello! - what's wrong with this picture???).

The only other negative thing that I can see being associated with my crossdressing relates to the fact that it may have raised the bar too much in terms of my heightened expectations of physical beauty in assessing potential partners when I was still dating. And with crossdressing often having fetishistic overtones, my choice of female clothing for myself and my fondness for nylons, high heels, sexy lingerie, sultry make-up etc. was not necessarily consistent with the kinds of looks most women affect for day-to-day living. So in some ways, crossdressing allows me to become the fantasy female (at least from a physical aspect) that is otherwise unattainable to me (think "Hooters" girls or Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders as good examples). But being able to be my own dream "girlfriend" in acting out these fantasies also goes a long way in eliminating any desire to ever consider cheating on my spouse for that purpose - a temptation that many "real" men find all too irresistible it seems.

Leslie, I found all your comments about this subject very relevant, insightful, and well observed. That's refreshing to read an analysis like yours, something going in-depth well beyond the trivial "I am who I am, period !".

Moreover I can also relate to experiences, as a teenager, of "platonic loving" due to too high expectations from real girls. Fantasy allowed me to imagine the ideal girl, for not having to face a duller reality. Crossdresssing was certainly part of that.

Warm kisses

[DaisyG]

For myself I do not see a significant correlation between CDing and dating. Like many others, my CDing began before I understood about dating. During my active dating life more than 40 years ago, CDing had its ups and downs (including a couple of purges), just as my dating activity had its ups and downs. But the two weren't at all in sync.

To answer another question,


Not in my case, since I started dressing when I was about 8 years old. But I would like to ask a related question, one to which I can personally relate -- Is there a perceivable increase in CD desire, or in CDing itself, after one becomes a widower?

My wife of 39 years passed on several months ago. In her later years she became mostly accepting of my clothes, even helping me pick out dresses and shoes. But she steadfastly refused to see me in makeup or nail polish.

Now that she's gone, I can't say my level of CD desire has changed. I still dress most evenings and always sleep in a pretty nightie, same as I used to. Since I'm not OUT to friends and neighbors, and she's no longer around to answer the door, etc, I have as a practical matter curtailed the hours I stay dressed; that's all.

However, no longer having her disapproval I have begun experimenting a lot more with makeup - -to discover and use that which I find best suits my femme persona.

We'll reserve the last part of the answer for later, maybe sometime next year. I expect I'll want to resume dating at some point. Heck, I'm only 69!Then, let's see if there is any effect on CDing. Common sense says there will be an effect and it will be related to the level and condition of acceptance a new SO may have. But then, who ever said common sense has any relation to dating?

Daisy

[borbiusle]

When I'm actively dating a girl(or two :heehee:), cross-dressing hardly ever comes to mind.

[Mister Ed]

There are so many things mentioned in this thread that I can relate to. I was the stereotypical wise ass big kid in high school (still was until I joined the gym a year ago) and didn't date at all during high school. For me, I think CD'ing (plus some other issues) set up a sort of catch 22: I dressed to replace the female interaction I was missing. Then, I was so nervous about about anyone finding out I CD that I put up allot of emotional defences to prevent anyone gettig too close, starting the whole thing over.
I started at age 8-9 after a year or two of catalogue hunting and never thought about dating (or even trying cousin's clothes etc - stupid, could have had a big wardrobe :) ).


...But I would like to ask a related question... ...Is there a perceivable increase in CD desire, or in CDing itself, after one becomes a widower?

I would say quite possibly. My father (not a member here as far as I know) started CD'ing after my mother passed away. I don't know if he CD'ed before she died but my mother was not happy with me getting into her lingerie drawer. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I CD (we haven't discussed it) and he doesn't know I know about him.

[cd_jamie]

I started dressing before i started dating. i never had a problem getting a date..... heck i recall the times i came home from a date lock myself in my room and dressed.

[karennjcd]

I think that whether married, dating, or single, we always have the urge to CD. Whether we do it, or can get away with it, is another story. The fact that we're alone, through divorce, passing of a spouse, or the spouse is on an extended business trip, makes it possible to indulge in something that the mate most likely would not have otherwise approved of.

Karen

[laura.lapinski]

I think there is a function relating to the amount of time you think about (or do) CDing related to the amount of time you are spending with women, but by no means does not dating make you a CD.

I had girlfriends on and off since the age of 9. In high school, I had a few girlfriends, but they were maybe 3 to 6 month relationships. I didn't have a problem attracting girls at parties, but of course when your a teenager you can never get enough of that. But, I still had the desire to think of what it would be like to be dressed or be in a female role during sex, and I didn't understand why I felt that way, and I'm sure I felt weird for having those thoughts. I never seriously questioned my sexual orientation because I was always thinking about girls, and attracted to girls.

I too notice that if I am feeling in love, that I don't think of CDing much.

[Fab Karen]

Does breathing encourage crossdressing?

[Nadia-Maria]

Does breathing encourage crossdressing?

This is really top humour, Karen !! LOL ! :devil::tongueout

[Carly D.]

I didn't date much in school or now for that matter and it does go through my mind that I wear because I rarely go out.. but maybe.. ten mutter twin.. stear.. like.. file fly.. flip dream twin hurt litter set xilaphone her huy killo hunk.. muasfaravbbmghkcb mcbn vbn,vn

[sometimes_miss]

I've found that when I have a woman in my arms, all thoughts of crossdressing disappear. It takes a few months after a loving relationship ends for the crossdressing desire to hit me. I suppose that for me, anyway, being alone for any extended length of time causes stress, which brings on the desire to crossdress. That's how it's worked in my case anyway.