Telling my wife.

[Nicole Marie]

After knowing my wife for 31 years and being married for 23 years, I finally told her that I was a crossdresser. After the initial shock, we started to talk. We've been talking, hugging, and crying together for the past 48 hours. I am so lucky and blessed to be married to the most beautiful and incredible woman in the world. She said that she had her suspicions, especially from earlier on in our marriage when we would play around with "dressing up" but never telling her my deeper desires to dress fully and go out. Discussing it further, I told her of the few times I've been out dressed and that was a bit jarring for her. She's hurt because of all the lying and deception and scared of the future. But, she understands!!! And she's willing to help so I don't have to suffer with it and sneak around anymore. I know, she's an amazing person! We're taking it slowly, one day, one moment at a time but I feel we're going to be OK.

I want to thank all those in this forum who have helped me with their experiences and advice--thank you!!

I hope to give updates as things progress.

[Lorileah]

awesome!

Does anyone keep stats on how many we help here? They should!

Glad it is all working out but after 30+ years you had a good platform to start. It shows that you have made many compromises and have learned to overlook idiosyncracies in each other LONG before now.

[Persephone]

I'd suggest that you give your wife a huge hug, but it sounds like you already have!

[LindaMarie]

Nicole,

I am thrilled for you that it went so well.

As you know from others' experiences (and your own marriage), there were probably be up and down days as your wife begins to process everything you've been discussing. Still, it sounds like you have a wonderful loving foundation and that there's every reason to be optimistic.

I am so happy for you.

All the best.

Linda

[SuzyZahn]

Congratulations sis,on openning up to your wife,,,I`m sure thats been the hardest thing youve had to do in your marriage,,,,Now through open dialogue you two may meet on a plateau that you can live with,,,,I told mine of my tendencies before marriage,,,and always reassured her of my love for her and that she would never lose me to my `other side`,,,,anyways its been good for me over the years,,,and I should stress just one thing,,,,,take baby steps,,,,hugzzzzzzzzz

[Nicole Marie]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and congratulations. This is a huge step but we're taking baby steps for sure!

[StephanieH]

Congrats Nicole, you'll feel a lot better about who you are now that all the cards are on the table. Bring her along slowly and constantly reassure her that you are still you.

I'd recommend you let her have a look at the forum here, or if you can persuade her to, encourage her to join up with the GG's. There's a lot of advice here she can get from the other ladies that might help ya'll out.

Take care and God bless! :)

[DonnaT]

Sounds great Nicole.

Don't forget that this forum has a section for SOs who find they need to talk to other SOs. If your wife finds a need to talk to others, point her to this forum.

[GaleWarning]

Does anyone keep stats on how many we help here? They should!


I'd be interested to know ... my impression is that the number of relationships broken by addiction to this forum is about equal to the number of relationships it has healed.

But I am usually wrong ...:straightface:

[Sarah5]

Congratulations on finally sharing something so important about who you are! I told my wife when we were dating and while she wasa little nervous about it, she accepted it and has never once asked me to be someone I'm not.

I'm lucky, she has embraced it and even buys me sexy items from time to time and enjoys sharing those intmate times together. For me this is a gift and I am blessed to have someone so understanding of something so special to me

Sarah

[carhill2mn]

How wonderful for you!

[az_azeel]

Thats great Nicole... wishing you all the best in the future and to take it one day at a time ....also give your wife all the time she needs to take it all in.. :bh:

[Sheila]

Nicole that is good news :) and as AZ says give her sometime to take it all in, remember there may be days when she is not as comfortable, on those deep breaths and extra hugs for her :hugs:

[Teri Jean]

I agree take your time and yes give her a hug. But then do this, out of the blue(you need to plan) ask her out for a date. Remember when you were first dating, okay it has been awhile, LOL, but you know and make it her night out. Yeh the flowers , dinner by candle light, maybe dancing and then a nice closing evening together.............. you know. She has been so sweet to you in this moment so now it is your turn. No McDs, got it! LOL Have fun girl and good luck.

Teri. Hugs for both of you.

[Bethany38]

Nicole, I am so very happy for you that your wife is handling the news well. So many horror stories have been reported that when I here a good story it makes me very happy for the people involved. I to have an awesomely understanding wife so my own story was nice as well. I think that you and your wife can have a great deal of fun now that the cats out of the bag. Remember to move at her pace and all should be well. Once again great to here a good story of coming out to an S.O.. A toast to you both :drink:. You truly are a lucky one.



Always Bethany

[Braceletlover]

I thought I'd have a heart attack the first time I told my wife I wnaned to wear the clothes she had. We'd been together about 3 years at the time. 30 years later, she looks for itemsI can wear too!

[KayC]

Nicole,
I'm so glad for you both that you can share in this together, what a relief that must have been for you! Try to get her to come here and get her ten posts in so she can apply to FAB section.

[sherri52]

Good for you Nicole. The worst is over. Your wife seems understanding and the talking shows the love you have for eachother.

[Leelou]

Thanks very much for posting your story. I've been married almost 9 years to the best-woman-ever (OK I'm a little biased), but I haven't told her. When we got married, I told myself I'd give it up for her, but of course I've failed to deny what really is part of who I am.

Thanks again for posting. It gives me hope that our marriage could survive if I tell her, but for now fear of losing her is winning out over the need to tell her.

I agree with an earlier post. let her know how much her support means to you and give her some extra love and attention to show it. Best wishes to you both.

[Marcia Blue]

Nicole, I wish the best for you and your wife.

[Adelaide]

Wow. This is wonderful. I'm truly happy for you!.
I wish I would have an understanding SO like you....
A.

[Di]

Wonderful news!:hugs:

[Missy Anne's GG]

Nicole,

That's wonderful news! I hope it gets better every day!

Hugs, :hugs:

Anne

[Nicole Marie]

First, let me thank everyone again for all of your wonderful words of support! They mean the world to me.

As for the update, my wife and I have continued to talk, which in itself is great. In addition, she wants me to bring all of my feminine things--clothes, shoes, make-up, etc. to our home instead of where they are now, which is a storage facility by my place of business. She gave two reasons. First, she is concerned about privacy and safety issues, which I totally agree with. Second, she wants me to feel that I don't have to sneak around anymore with this, that our house is just that, our house, and I should be able to keep these things that are important to me in our house! I know, she's an amazing woman. That's all for now, will update as things move forward.

[Christine Rugby]

That's wonderful news for you Nicole. Just remember to keep talking with her and take it slow. She sounds like a great woman. :hugs:

[tanyacross]

Hi Nicole,
I am new to this forum but I just read your message and was really thrilled for you. It is reall great news.

You are tremendously lucky to have such an understanding wife. I have been married 18 years to a wonderful woman & tried to come out to her in the last few years. Unfortunately my wife is totally turned off and shocked by my need to dress as a woman. She is neither accepting or tolerant and it has really made our life together difficult.

It gives me real hope that there are woman out there who can find it in their hearts to accept the whole person and the many positives a TGirl can bring to a marriage (funnily enough whilst hating my feminine side I think it is many of the feminine aspects in me that she values in me as a person).

All the best
Love
Tanya

[Melissa Anne]

I'm glad to hear that things are going well for both of you. It's so nice to have supportive wives and SO's. Best wishes to you both!

[joaniek]

Hey Nicole, that was a big chance but well worth it now. Congratulations. And never forget to show how grateful you are to your wife for not only being accepting but also for having made room in the house ... so to speak.

[Nicole Marie]

I never thought that my wife and I could get any closer or more intimate with each other but after I disclosed to my wife last week, that is what has happened. Beyond the initial reaction/shock, she is not only understanding but embracing my crossdressing. She is getting turned on by it! Not to give away too much information, we have been acting like newlyweds for the past 6 nights--I'm exhausted!! She wants to see me dressed, she wants to see me put my make-up on and she wants me to make her up too! And we're going to have our own private little Halloween party, me as a sexy schoolgirl and her as my head-mistress!

I know, unbelievable! I'm still waiting for this dream to end and wake-up to reality. She is an incredible and beautiful woman and I'm so lucky to have her.

Again, thanks to everyone here for all their help and support!

[Tracy Lynn]

Hi Nicole,

I went through the same thing about 3 years ago after we had been married for 15 years. We had 2 or 3 days of crying and talking as well. It was the best decision I had made. It was the first time in my 42 years that someone besides myself knew about this. It was a big relief for me and a huge shock for her. I am so blessed that she didn't just up and leave me. We always had a very close, friendly, relationship so I guess that helped a little. I wish you the very best. You have a special woman there :)

[Angie G]

Nicole a big congrats on you coming out. With a wife like you have your one lucky girl Hun. A girl as good looking as you should be out. just keep out of that pink fog And you'll be fine.:hugs
Angie

[daviolin]

Dear Nicole: As much as your lovely wife accepts this in you. Always be careful. I told my wife this last April and its been a roller coaster ever since. Yes we have had many conversations on the subject. Some good and some bad. She lets me go out with my friends. We even went out together a couple of times. She buys things for me, which is really cool. and we have many dress-up times together. My biggest problum is she gives and inch and Daviolin takes a mile. Big mistake it allways sets me back. So give your wife a big kiss and a hug and tell her you love her. She sounds like a lovely lady. Just don't over due Nicole. I know its hard, but its your best bet in keeping the relationship good. Please take this advice from a out of control crossdresser. P.S. things are real good now with my wife.

[blondetasha]

First, let me thank everyone again for all of your wonderful words of support! They mean the world to me.

As for the update, my wife and I have continued to talk, which in itself is great. In addition, she wants me to bring all of my feminine things--clothes, shoes, make-up, etc. to our home instead of where they are now, which is a storage facility by my place of business. She gave two reasons. First, she is concerned about privacy and safety issues, which I totally agree with. Second, she wants me to feel that I don't have to sneak around anymore with this, that our house is just that, our house, and I should be able to keep these things that are important to me in our house! I know, she's an amazing woman. That's all for now, will update as things move forward.


Hi Nicole, this is great news!
I recently (yesterday) told my long term partner (5 years - not quiet as long as you guys!), and i think she is still trying to figure things out - she is not talking much, hopefully we will get there soon!

Good luck with everything and take care

[MissySue]

Nicole that is Great news to hear that yer Spouse is accepting a real important part of you .. i told my now wife when we first went out that i was Transgendered and i liked to dress up en femme .. after her initial shock she said she loved me and that was that .. i always have the freedome to be myself inour own home .. and you will find this sooo liberating but take it slow it can be like the best drug you have ever had lol .. like ya said baby steps..


Waaay happy for ya !

Missy :hugs:

[Nicole Marie]

I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing from me but I just want to tell everyone how well things are working out so far. Quick recap-I disclosed to my wife 8 days ago. After the initial shock and hurt came empathy and understanding. Now there is acceptance, participation and sexual excitement--my wife is actually turned-on by it! On the way home from work yesterday we met at Victoria's Secret to do some shopping! I wanted to buy some sexy intimates for my wife to wear later--including a pair of black thigh-high stockings. I also brought home from my femme wardrobe a pair of black thigh-high stockings along with 2 pairs of black high-heel pumps. My wife and I have the same shoe size so we can share! Once home the fun began!! First, I did my wife's make-up--difficult doing it on someone else but we thought she looked great. Then she put on one of the VS outfits along with the stockings and a pair of my pumps! She loved them so much I maybe losing them-lol! Then she shaved my legs--OMG, talk about a turn-on! Then she helped me put my stockings and pumps on and we had a little fashion show. After that, let's say we didn't get much sleep!

A sidebar here--coming out to a significant other, in my case after 23 years of marriage, is not the right way to do things despite how things are working out so far for us. Honesty and communication early on in a relationship should be the way to go. A deep love and respect for each other are allowing this to work for us-that may not work for others.

Thanks again for listening and for all the congratulations and advice.

[Tricia Lee]

I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing from me...

Don't be ridiculous! :)

Please keep us informed of your progress. It helps those of us who haven't made it that far yet.

[Viv]

Nicole, I am new to these boards, but this thread is a tremendous statement that things CAN go well. Thank you for keeping us updated.

Although thinking again about your wife's acceptance and enthusiasm...you two might get into more than one squabble over clothes and shoes:doh:

...which ain't a bad thing:D

[carolyn todd]

nicole we like to be kept up to date with what is going on, some of
us like to know how other's are doing and what going on.
good luck and thank you to you and your wife.

carolyn xx

[Ashley Williams]

I'd be interested to know ... my impression is that the number of relationships broken by addiction to this forum is about equal to the number of relationships it has healed.

But I am usually wrong ...:straightface:

Is the keyword here not addiction rather than this forum?

Anything that informs should assist in the process of reconciling, or not, the conflicts engendered by cross-dressing.

Anything taken to extremes will alienate rather than conciliate.

I am very happy for you, Nicole, and wish you and your wife the very best - through, despite of and outside of this forum!

[Airidis]

I wish my wife would take it so easy. We're still in endless discussions.

She says that she understands me but has problems to accept it. I don't know what I should do.

She says that she has fears that I would more do then 'just' dressing and I'd go the whole way one day

[PerryWu]

Wow! you have a big courage. I hope one day I can do samething with you.

[Jonianne]

Hi Nicole, I'm glad things have gone so good after you have told her. If you havn't, start talking to her about what boundries she needs to feel comfortable and work out groundrules with her. That gives both of you a safe place to operate/play in. Very important.

[Sarah_GG]

Nicole Marie - congratulations. I'm so glad it's going well for you. Watch out for the pink fog rolling in, remember to keep it in perspective and please do tell your wife where she can find other supportive GGs!

Enjoy! :hugs: :D

[Nicole Marie]

Yes, I'm back with another update. Things keep moving along and getting better. We keep talking and discussing everything, from CD fantasies of mine (forced CD, dressed as a bride, magically turning into a woman, etc.) to outfits of mine that I like to wear. My wife can't wait to see me transform myself completely--make-up, hair, corset, clothes, shoes, etc. She can't wait to see my femme wardrobe so she can buy things for me! We're planning our own private Halloween party as well with costumes for each of us--femme ones of course! We've never felt closer to each other. It has been an incredible emotional ride and we're so lucky. I can only hope and wish that everyother transwoman in the world has a partner as incredible as my wife!

Thank you again for all the support and positive comments from everyone, they mean alot to me!

PS-I will remind my wife of the spouse's support group here and hopefully get her to join in.

[Rebecca Jayne]

When BJ needs a little special gift i give her a day at the SPA.
She loves all the pampering they give her.

You 2 sound very ying, yang.

[Melanie R]

Nicole Marie,

My wife and I would love to have you and your wife join our group on one of our crossdressing cruises in the future. A week of being enfemme on a cruise ship with the opportunity of spending time with other couples is the experience of a lifetime. Next Saturday we have a short, 5 day, Halloween cruise out of Galveston that to date has 13 couples signed up.

Hugs,

Melanie

[Nicole Marie]

My wife and I went shopping for my Halloween costume yesterday! We're going to have our own private party this Saturday and it'll be the first time she sees me completely dressed--a little nervous about it but she wants to watch me and help as well. Anyway, we went shopping at the local party store and the selection was horrible. I was looking for a sexy schoolgirl costume but there was nothing. My wife then suggested to try Kohls and put my own costume together. We found this cute black , gray and purple plaid ruffled mini-skirt in the Juniors department, size 9, but I thought I could squeeze into it. Then we found a pair of black patent pumps with a laced bow in front, very "school-girlish"! Then we went looking for white knee socks but my wife suggested white thigh-high stockings instead which she insisted on buying for me when she looks for her costume. Her costume you ask? A dominatrix/school mistress! Anyway, I tried the skirt and shoes on when I got home and they fit! I'll complete the costume by using an old white dress shirt and tying it up like a halter with my belly showing--should look great! Then my wife and I spent the day together at home doing errands around the house and feeling closer to each other then we've ever felt.

Hopefully I'll have pictures from Halloween!

[Sully]

I surprised her one night dressed in black lingerie... AND SHE LOVED IT!