Can your crossdressing be tied to a traumatic event?

[lisa_vin]

(I know this is kinda' long but it is so vitally important to me......please be patient and read it all!!!!!!)

Hi y'all! I visit here all the time but very seldom reply or post. Since this is a "crossdressing" forum and we do offer a sympathetic ear, advice and support to each other, I feel a burning need to reach out to you all right now!

A recent tragedy in my life has caused me to revisit and relive an ugly, very traumatic event from my early teens. Suddenly, a revelation comes to mind.......is it possible that I feel a deep, absolute necessity to crossdress or, at least, underdress as an indirect result of this event? Has anyone else here ever played amateur psychologist and found a possible link to their crossdressing with a nasty trauma in their life?

A bit of history on the event.......I was 14-15 years old.......I was standing outside a dentist's office waiting to be picked up by my sister-in-law. A man drives past in a car honking the horn, smiling and frantically waving at me like he knew me. He goes past me an turns around and comes back pulling up to the curb beside me. He slides over in the seat and tells me I am such a "pretty" boy over and over again all the while disgustingly rubbing his crotch. He asks if I like boys/men and invites me to a party at his place for boys only with alcohol, marijuana and anything else I could possibly want. This shocking statement from a MAN, the party invitation and his disgusting visible masturbation have literally frozen me to the spot with fear. I'd never seen or heard ANYTHING like this! By now, he is right up against the passenger door and window and I.....can't.....move! He catches something out of the corner of his eye and immediately slides back across the seat to the steering wheel and stares foreward. A police car has turned onto this street a quarter block away and is now passing us very slowly with the policemen inside staring at us intently. As soon as the police car is past, he steps on the gas and is gone in a flash just like he appeared.

The episode is over but I have been haunted by it ever since. I never told anyone about it and buried it deep in my mind. (I finally told my wife about it a couple years ago). Two years later, in 1973, a horrific news story breaks, "Homosexual mass murders commited in Houston" and I see the story on tv. Then, they show a picture of the serial killer (who was killed in self-defense by one of his accomplices) and it is none other than the very same man who approached me in the car about the all-boy party......Dean Corll, aka The Candy Man.......and I recognize him instantly and relive the horror realizing that if not for the police car showing up, I might just have been one of his 30 KNOWN victims (One of the worst mass murderers in U.S. history). I won't go into the gruesome details of what he did to the young boys that he and two other accomplices recruited or abducted for his insane, inhuman homosexual desires. I must say, however, that I am neither gay nor bi and have no desire to "explore" anything on that side!

Flash forward to this recent tragedy.....it caused me to revisit, again, this horrific event, and, this time, research the full details of the story. To my horror, I discover the source of what has haunted me the most but didn't realize until I read the whole story.....he approached me approximately 2 YEARS before his sinister story became news. How many lives might I have saved had I flagged down the police car right then or told somebody about it that could or would have reported it?????? Even if no one believed me or nothing was done, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD SOMEONE!

What does this have to do with crossdressing.......especially since I first crossdressed at 5 years old? Does the sinister deeds of a homosexual mass murderer cause me to continually seek and connect to my softer, safe feeling, content and happy feminine side by wearing feminine clothing and controlling my maleness? If I don't at least underdress every day I don't feel anywhere near as calm and grounded as I do when I am. I feel as if something is wrong or missing. I now realize crossdressing IS SO THERAPEUTIC FOR ME!!!!

Please, I truly need any and all responses to this!

[Karren H]

awwww....... Now that you mention it.... I was like 11 and my sister was with me and a guy pulled up asking for directions and he was going at it hard while he was talking...... I grabbed my sister and we ran for the house!! I had been crossdressing for 4 years already..... Mine started when my sister was born... Traumatic for a boy who had been told he was supposed to have been a girl for most of his life??? I had totally forgot about that pervert......

[Fab Karen]

No. You admit you were crossdressing long before that event, that should clue you in.
btw, because boys were targeted does not necessarily mean these creeps were gay.

[Faith_G]

I don't think it's connected to your crossdressing. You were a 10 year veteran by the time the sicko flagged you down.

[Jannis]

It does not appear that this unfortunate event is the cause of your crossdressing because you had been dressing for quite sometime beforehand. However, it may have caused you to look at your dressing in a much different way, possibly not a very healthy perception. You sound like you are having a post traumatic stress reaction and should definately talk this over with a professional therapist. Crossdressing is a pleasurable activity and should not be associated with such an unfortunate experience for you.

[kathleensatin]

I am sympathetic to your experience, however, I do not have a traumatic experience in my live to link my crossdressing experience to.

I do find that stress or current trauma to trigger my urge to dress up.

I believe I was simply born with this compusion.

Kathleen

[GaleWarning]

All I want to say is this ... you have absolutely no need to feel guilty about NOT flagging down the police car.
You did not, and do not own the problem; the one who did is the pervert who accosted you.
Be at peace with yourself, please!

[NathalieX66]

My parents divorced when I was age 9. Once my mom moved out of the house with us kids. My aunt gave my mom a very large box of hand-me-downs full of girls clothes for my older sister, that once belonged to my 2 older female cousins. My mom was single and worked full time, and for a better word, I was the stereotypical "latchkey" kid, and a bit of a loner, and also somewhat artistic.
Boy was that box a lot of fun!:devil:

[Ann Thomas]

Hon, you only 14 or 15. My kids were not responsible enough to act correctly then, and neither was I! I wish I could waive a magic wand and set you free of the bondage you suffer! You were still a child - that's why in this country we set the age at 18 for being responsible enough to be prosecuted as an adult. You're still prosecuting yourself, as judge, jury, and witnesses, as if you were an adult, yet you were still a child!

No, I don't think the trauma has anything to do with the crossdressing. I started around that time in my life as well (7 or so for me), and I never had a traumatic event like that happen to me. (But I will have to say I've had my share of trauma!)

Hugs,
Ann

[Kitty Sue]

I have wondered the same thing myself, however I do not think all CDs have gone through trauma.

The recounting of your experience is sad and scary. I remember first dressing in women's clothing at around 5.

I did have an abusive father and my parents separated after my second birthday. At age 5 I saw my grandmother die, and I too used to ask myself what could I have done that may have saved her life. Really there is nothing I could have done.

I doubt there is anything you could have done that would have made a real difference. He was operating as part of a group of sickos, he did not operate alone. Serial criminals are usually extremely clever, they are not stupid, which is why the get away with their crimes for so long.

Perhaps, instead of guilt, thanks are in order that such a creep did not get his hands on you. Remember those cops did not recognize the man either.

Have you seen a therapist? Are you seeing a therapist now? I am sure a trained therapist could help you here. I have gone to therapists etc. for years. They have certainly brought a little sanity, sobriety and peace of mind into my life.

Whatever you do, I wish you all the best.

[Tina B.]

Sorry you feel the way you do, but you didn't do anything wrong. And I don't think you can connect the dressing and that traumatic event.
Tina

[nvlady]

I was walking home from school when I was about 15 (looked 13) when a man wanted me to get in his car. He even tried to entice me by telling me he would let me drive his car. I wish I had known then what I know now, I would have gotten behind the wheel and seen how many cars I could hit before I drove it into a storefront. Then I could play the innocent little kid, "He said I could drive his car, then he put his hand in my lap".

[Wen4cd]

Well, obviously if you were cross-dressing before your run-in with the Candy Man, there can't be much of a case made for cause/effect there.

But your homophobia might be a different story.

'Homosexual' doesn't automatically associate with 'inhuman pedophile' or 'serial killer' to most folks, but there's apparently that association in your perception. It's almost as if it's not bad enough that the guy was a child murdering serial killer, but someone with 'inhuman homosexual desires.'

It might have been contributed to by this event, partly, but it's still not the healthiest viewpoint to keep up.

I myself was 'hit on' by a pedo when I was 10. It was a sort of 'candy man' who always gave us free treats when we went to this certain restaurant that had a gift shop attached. He took me into the back of his candy/gift shop on pretense of me helping him find something, then started asking me detailed questions about parts of my body, more and more personal things, etc. It was creepy, and luckily my brother came back to look for me just as he was about to begin his 'examination.' I had no idea what happened or what it meant for several more years.

I had already been 'dressing since I was 5 as well. Granted he probably wasn't a serial killer, but still. I don't associate homosexuality with child predators. They can and do go either way on the preference spectrum. The one does not imply the other.

I don't want to be critical, but it's just something that screamed out in your story, especially the overly stern and adamant denial of the possibility of any shred of it in yourself thrown into the middle.

Maybe it's bothering you more than your dressing is?

[Diane Smith]

My childhood was free of major trauma, so that was not directly a trigger for me. However, there was a lot of stress in our house because of my parents' strained relationship. I mostly got my mom's side of the story, because I was with her more and she was more open about her emotions. I think this probably contributed to souring me on men and masculinity to a large degree, and may have contributed to my wanting to dress up to escape what I perceived as the male "taint." My dressing started about as early as I knew what clothes were and could tell the difference between girls and boys, around 2 - 3 - 4 years of age. I don't think I was sensitive to our family situation that early, so it couldn't have been the original seed of my crossdressing, but it probably contributed to the intensity with which I pursued CDing going forward.

I should also say that there were some very positive male role models in my life as well -- two fine grandfathers, a couple of neighbors, and several teachers. So despite thinking that most men are scum, I do recognize that there are some real gems out there as well.

- Diane

[DaisyG]

Lisa, I am very sorry to hear of your horrible experience.

It can be extremely hard at that early teen age to talk about such things with anyone, and so easy for affected youths to blame themselves for what they went through. My sympathy for that awful load you have been carrying all these years. I hope your talking about it now helps unload some of your burden.

While stressful events may well have an affect on CD desire, your younger years' CDing pretty well proves the later trauma wasn't a prime cause.

Some of the girls' replies suggest stress encourages their CD desire, and I certainly can buy that. But for me I find just the opposite. High stress suppresses my CD desire. Something like feeling my male side is better equipped to stand up to whatever is causing stress, than is my femme side.

Daisy

[anouk]

I have thought that issue a lot and come to the conclusion that there might have been some effect.

I had two very dominant big sisters and I sort of figured the way they did things was always the best. On the other hand we lived in a closed area where almost no other children were allowed to visit --- except one boy who played with my sisters, dressed as a girl.

The single and possibly traumatic event happened when a lady from the same house put a black stocking to my head in front of other ladies, to test if it could be used in a school play instead of skin colour. It was very embarrassing experience for a six years old boy.

[Kate Simmons]

Don't beat yourself up Hon. Everything happens for a reason. The very fact that you are here now to tell the tale speaks volumes in itself.:)

[Kitty Sue]

Well, obviously if you were cross-dressing before your run-in with the Candy Man, there can't be much of a case made for cause/effect there.

But your homophobia might be a different story.

'Homosexual' doesn't automatically associate with 'inhuman pedophile' or 'serial killer' to most folks, but there's apparently that association in your perception. It's almost as if it's not bad enough that the guy was a child murdering serial killer, but someone with 'inhuman homosexual desires.'

It might have been contributed to by this event, partly, but it's still not the healthiest viewpoint to keep up.

I myself was 'hit on' by a pedo when I was 10. It was a sort of 'candy man' who always gave us free treats when we went to this certain restaurant that had a gift shop attached. He took me into the back of his candy/gift shop on pretense of me helping him find something, then started asking me detailed questions about parts of my body, more and more personal things, etc. It was creepy, and luckily my brother came back to look for me just as he was about to begin his 'examination.' I had no idea what happened or what it meant for several more years.

I had already been 'dressing since I was 5 as well. Granted he probably wasn't a serial killer, but still. I don't associate homosexuality with child predators. They can and do go either way on the preference spectrum. The one does not imply the other.

I don't want to be critical, but it's just something that screamed out in your story, especially the overly stern and adamant denial of the possibility of any shred of it in yourself thrown into the middle.

Maybe it's bothering you more than your dressing is?



Great post and I totally agree with you.

[Sally2005]

I think you answered your own question. The timelines don't match so the event has nothing to do with causing the CDing. It is a pretty sad story. You can't blame yourself for not having the experience to know what to do. Just be thankful you are still here. I hope you feel better from telling someone about it.

[Stephanie Stephens]

I have wondered the same thing for most of my life. I was molested many times by an older brother when I was 8 yrs. old. S0, I have wondered if this is why I am a bisexual cross-dresser. I felt that it was my fault because I enjoyed the sexual encounters and I didn't let my self off the hook for many years (I probably still feel some guilt). Now I am 54 yrs. old and I don't feel that I ever had a choice in being the way I am, even though I like being a creature not man and not woman.

[lisa_vin]

Thank all of you so much for your honest thoughts, advice and opinions on this. I truly appreciate all of the replies......I knew y'all wouldn't let me down. I will be seeing a therapist soon to try and sort all of this mess out......something I should have done long, long ago. From all of the stuff I've been reading online, many believe cd'ing is a sexual addiction and, until about 10 - 15 years ago, many even characterized it as a mental illness and some still do! Other sites, studies and reports show it to just be part of who we really are and how we are wired! All this has served to do is further confuse an already troubled mind so I know I have to see a professional and the sooner the better.

BTW......I am not homophobic. I used the word "homosexual" because that is exactly how a few of the very first news headlines appeared. Stating my sexual orientation was misleading though.......it was an admittedly very feeble attempt on my part to show that this this experience did not, at least as far as I know, seem to affect my straight sexual preference. I'm very sorry if that sounded inflammatory or was taken wrong.

[trannie T]

We do not know what motivates us to crossdress. A traumatic experience may trigger the motivation, but that too is uncharted territory. I doubt that you shall discover the cause of your dressing by going to a therapist but you should receive help in dealing with your experience with the 'candy man.'

[Hali]

My sister introduce me to CDing, or to be fair to her may be she sees how i admire everything female thats why she use to dress me. But even before then i think as far as i can remember i find all the male activities to be a little "rough", i use to prefer the company of girls, not that i talk or acted girly but i always find myself preferring their company. Then while young around the age of 5-13 i always wanted to be them. After i became aware of the sexual nature of women at around puberty i began to like them more n more, and dated them. At around 18 and 19 years i started having the same desire to be a woman just like the same desire when i was about 5-13 years of age.

At that age when i was dressed anytime i felt something very strong non-sexual though but very strong.

The only trauma a CD might have been through to trigger his/her CDing is the trauma of seeing opposite sex or their cloth at any certain time in a CDs life, i think for a M2F CD once we see a woman or her cloth the desire becomes triggered.