confused

[girlyman15]

what is the best way to get unaddicted to cding please help

[KandisTX]

In all honesty, I don't think there really is a way. Although, you could reach out to a therapist near you for help if you truly want to try and figure out why you are a crossdresser and possibly find a way to stop.

For most of us, crossdressing is a part of who and what we are, a portion of the total package as it were. Without this aspect of ourselves, we cease being ourselves and become someone else entirely.

I wish you the best of luck.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[girlyman15]

come on ladies I need your help

[sleeplessone4u]

Trust me, I wish I knew the answer to this question. I've been looking for it for years. Once its inside of you, it becomes so natural that all you want is more. I've purged so many clothes, shed a lot of tears, and dealt with so much grief that I've finally come to understand its a part of me. I'd suggest that you take the advice Kandis and see a therapist if you really want out... can't say that it will solve all the answers, but definitely put you onto a path of understanding yourself.

[Sara82]

like Kandis said, and most will agree, you can try quiting, but most likely it will creep back up on you, begging to be let out. This may end up causing you stress, anxiety, and many un pleasant side effects, atleast thats what it had done for me, when I tried "quitting" and burying my feminine needs.

However if your CDing has become obsessive, or taking control of your life, then perhaps you need to take a step back and re-asses your lifestyle.

[girlyman15]

what side affects???

[sleeplessone4u]

Unpleasant side effects... well, let's see here were some of mine:
1. Couldn't deal with life and considered suicide.
2. Ended up with the need for long term counseling.
3. Years of meds to deal with my depression
4. Guilty feelings and shame of my past
5. Repressed anger towards others
6. Lost a sense of hope
7. Lost the true happiness I had before

All of this caused me years of grief, pain, locked up feelings, and anger not just towards myself but others as well. After thousands of dollars of clothing purged initially and then that much and more in counseling & meds, I realized that this part of my life will never leave and that I am so much happier being this way.

[Marcia Blue]

I have have been dressing for more than 40 years. I have purged (thrown everything away), and tried to quit, more than once. The urge to dress always comes back, sometimes stronger than before. I too become depressed when I try to stop.
Dressing is just part of who I am. I am more relaxed and less anxious if can dress at least once in a while. I have come to accept this and life is very good.
Take your time to explore yourself Girlyman. A therapist my be able to help you. Find a therapist with experience in Trans issues or you may be filling the learning curve for the therapist.

[raleighbelle]

We often like to use the term "addicted" to describe our behaviours as crossdressers, but it is not really an addiction per se. As they have alluded to above, it is part of us, our psyche, and probably part of our genetic code. If the "addiction" is pleasurable, there is no reason to try to stop it. If it is becoming an obsession that is hurting the rest of your life, then I would get counselling for that, but not to try to quit crossdressing. Most of us have spent years trying to repress it all, and been miserable doing so, but once we can accept it, it can be a very nice part of our lives. Good luck to you, and welcome to our community.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

what is the best way to get unaddicted to cding please help

It's not an addiction so the question is invalid. Neither is it an illness. Either accept yourself for who you are and be happy or reject yourself and be miserable.

[Sally2005]

The secret is to accept yourself for who you are. It seems counter intuitive, but if you accept the fact that your desire to CD will never go away and if you decide it is okay to feel like a woman some days and just learn to smile about it inside then you don't have to dress on the outside as often. The urge comes from denal.

[Sarah Michelle]

I was searching through Goggle yesterday, used 'crossdresses' as the search word. eventually I came upon an article by a therapist who wrote about counseling couples where the husband crossdresses. She stated in very definite terms that her task was to work with the wife because she knew of no successes is stopping a crossdresser from dressing.
So I'm going with the genetic hard-wired 'with you for life' argument. Learn to deal with it or as so aptly put; live with the side-effects, as many of us have on our way here.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Girly,

Now why would you want to quit? Isn't it fun? If it isn't fun, then why do it?

The answer to your question is that you just stop. That's all. Just don't do it. That's how you do anything in this world. Want to quit smoking? Just don't smoke. Want to quit drinking? Just don't drink. Want to quit crossdressing? Just don't crossdress.

Now, the downside to all this advice is that for crossdressing it just don't work! There is not one single person on this forum who can tell you they quit crossdressing. Everyone will tell you of TRYING to quit. It's called "purging". Almost everyone has tried it, and some have tried it many times. It just don't work.

Of course, we don't hear from the ones who may have REALLY quit, because they aren't here anymore. But there seems to be pretty universal agreement that crossdressing is going to be a part of you for the rest of your life. So the previous posters who advised you to accept it, get used to it, and learn to live with it, are probably giving you the best advice you are going to get.

We all feel for you sweetie.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[docrobbysherry]

Dress when ever u feel the need to. Then, dress even when u DON'T feel like it!:eek:

I found myself completely overwhelmed with constant CD thots about 18 months ago. Until I went with it, and totally ODed on CDing! Dressing every chance I had for about a month! After that, I REALLY DIDN'T desire to dress for about 45 days! And I didn't. :straightface:

Since then, I'm NO LONGER as preoccupied with dressing thots and desires! Now, they come, and THEY GO!:D

[Malori Cross]

As Paula said, "It's not an addiction so the question is invalid. Neither is it an illness. Either accept yourself for who you are and be happy or reject yourself and be miserable."

Just accept it as one of life's mysteries--and hang out here, where you'll have support, advice, information--and laughs.

Accepting something that's a LOT more common than anyone wants to admit takes a leap of faith, but for most of us, it's been rewarding to find that we are all indeed blessed to be more than "just an ordinary guy."

Accepting that we all have a feminine spirit (some more than others) can be an awesome realization that can lead to a greater sense of appreciation & love of others, especially the women in our lives. Welcome!

[girlyman15]

well thanks for everything but I am going to quit on my own because last night my grandfather was in an chemical accident and I told god that if he would bring him home safely I would stop so

[StephanieH]

With due respect, and I am a Christian and am very active with my church, God doesn't want you to "make deals" with Him - He doesn't work like that. Christianity isn't a game show. God doesn't want you to promise Him any action, or lack of action, to bestow a favor upon you or your grandfather. You can't bargain your way into heaven and you can't barter for miracles - either they're God's will or they're not - it's that simple.

God isn't going to be angry with you for being who you are. He MADE you the way you are, so you think it's wise to change that? Why would God want you to change? Is it causing you to sin? If so, then yes, change. If not, then it's not an issue with God, it's an issue with you.

I don't think any of us who are "natural born" crossdressers ever change, nor do I think it's something that can be "cured" or done away with. It's just the way we're wired up. God made me this way and it doesn't affect my relationship with Him. I suggest you join the religeous study group.

Take care and God bless! :)

[meri]

GM,
Here's my current stage of thinking on this issue. I too have been troubled at my interest in CDing and have worked hard to understand my personal motivations for participating.

The things that have worked for me are:

1) acceptance -- accept yourself as you are, stop trying to "be" something someone else wants you to be. You are perfect just as you are.

2) understand your motivations for CDing. This takes a huge amount of introspection, question every little thing you do. In time, you will likely see that the interest in CDing has many different motivations -- even for one person! There is no single answer.

The reward for understanding yourself and your motivations is self-control. I am at a point where I recognize certain triggers in my life and I can choose consciously whether or not to act on those triggers.

Overall, my interest in CDing has greatly diminished, I feel less driven and in control of my life. I consciously decide when and how to participate. Further, I accept that I have these interests and that it's OK to have them. I am as I am.

If you would like to read a book that will help you live more consciously, read Eckart Tolle, A New Earth. The book can be bought used on Amazon for little more than the price of shipping.

Amazon - New Earth (http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256054501&sr=8-1)

[Karren H]

In my case.... death would be the only cure there is.... Not that its the "best" but its the only one that is sure to work for me!

Disclaimer: Karrens does not recommend death as a solution to any problem... Real or precieved... Karrens lawyers concure... This is to be taken as Karren's opinion on Karren's situation and under not circunstances should it be projected on an other living things circumstances... Death is defined as the lack of life which is equivilant to the only way Karren can stop crossdressing... Karren's lawyers also concure but will not give their names or address incase someone tries to sue Karren's panties off..

[pickles]

If God is punishing you for CDing, I would find another one.

[Holly]

well thanks for everything but I am going to quit on my own...Then perhaps your first step should be to stop hanging around here.

[girlyman15]

you shut up i never said that god was punishing me

holly that is what I am planning to do

[Kinky with Ink]

CD'ing isn't so much of an addiction as it is a mental issue. I myself have been wrestling with this since I was about 6 or 7 years old. As far as the why some think it might be a horomonal imbalance when we're in the womb that hard wires us to be like this. Other people think it's caused by early experiences and family influences that alter our psyche permanently. Your early life experiences determine alot of what kind of personality you will have.

Regardless of all that, this isn't something that's going to go away over night. You might want to take a step back and determine your reasons for cross dressing. Is it only sexual in nature? Have you been dealing with this since you were very young or did it appear sometime recently? Also traumatic experiences in life can drastically alter your way of thinking. I'm sincerely sorry about your grandfather but you can't cure the way you think. I would suggest you seek out a couselor or psychiatrist. It helps alot just to talk about it to somebody outside of your normal circle of friends and family.

I hope your grandfather makes a full and speedy recovery and that you have some luck coming to terms with this aspec of yourself.

[Barbara918]

Only way to stop crossdressing is to have gender-reassignment surgery. Then the clothes will be gender-appropriate.

[mklinden2010]

Like Holly said, stop hanging around here.

Change your handle to "ManlyMan" and quit having anything to do with crossdressing, or, any other "unmanly" behavior.

If you feel you have an addiction, which crossdressing is not, Google addictions in general, read about the standard "cures," and stop baiting people in this forum with your insincere and one-sided requests.

You offer nothing, yet ask much.

[Tina B.]

Karren thanks for the disclaimer, I thought you where recommending Death as a solution for a sec!
Tina.
Girllie, the sooner you quite coming here the better the chance of stop thinking so much about cross dressing, the more you think about it the harder it is to quite. Good luck, and if you do not succeed you will be welcomed back, and I doubt your God will hold it against you.

[Farrah]

I dont get it.....Why would you come to a crossdresser's forum to ask how to quit.......THis is beyond me. Does it look like we want to quit. You need to go find an ex crossdressers forum and when you do, most of them havent quit either. Good luck!!

[Wen4cd]

The best way to get un-addicted to cross-dressing:

View it as therapy.

You'll still crossdress, but you won't be 'addicted' to crossdressing. :D

[Michaella]

I don't want to be discouraging, but I was told a couple of times by psychiatrists that I was, on the basis of my crossdressing, "not nearly crazy enough to be able to cure," as one succinctly put it. I guess that's both good news and bad.

I don't mean to demean your concern. I know you have a serious interest in stopping, and any serious interest should be taken seriously. It's just that I don't think there has been much work done by mental health professionals on actually doing something about it; it would seem they don't see it as a priority. And if they don't have a solution, I doubt anyone else does. If only there were a quick way to change ourselves, what a happier world it would be!

Michaella

[Ralph]

Let me just add onto Randi's excellent response and suggest this: If God wants you to stop crossdressing, God will provide you the emotional strength and determination to do so.

I also agree with the folks who say that hanging around here is just feeding the urge. Yeah, if you're going to stop you need to stop calling yourself "girlyman" and chatting with people who think crossdressing is great.

That said, I also agree (wow, a triple "me too" post!) that if the desire to think of yourself as female, even part-time, is so strong that you chose a name like "girlyman", cutting it off cold turkey will just make you miserable. You'll feel like you're living a lie all the time.

So if you're really determined to see this through, don't try to do it yourself... do it by relying entirely, constantly on God to take away the desire... if you take away the dressing but not the desire, things will get ugly.