Still keeping little secrets?

[Stephanie Miller]

I guess this thread would be meant for the CD's with SO's, more so than those that are single.
I read all the wonderful posts and all the advise that are given to others, and wonder ..... how many practice what we preach?
Just how many of us would really be comfortable handing our keyboards over to our S.O.'s to read everything we have posted and imagine every thought pattern we have going? Do we still keep information from them for whatever reasons we have? ( I just don't want her to know because it might hurt her feelings, I would be embaressed, etc...)
Or are we as open with our S.O.'s as we tell the new members to be?
Good for the goose is good for the gander?
I personally really don't have a problem with it. My wife knows all my passwords. She has a question.... she asks and I tell. Makes it so I can sleep at night. She's just not so interested in this part of me that she wants to go searching.
Wasn't that way in the begginning though. And it made for a lot of grey hairs!

[Holly]

Sure, I still keep secrets from her. I'm not telling her what I getting her for Christmas or where we are going for our anniversary this year. Other than that, I'm a pretty open book. Things pertaining to my life she knows all about as I do hers. It works for us.

[Karren H]

Yeah!!! I'm exactually the same here as I am at home.. I have and will continue to have secrets about my crossdressing.. With her, with you, with damn near everyone.. She knows but doesn't want to know... And that's a system that works for us... I'm uber happy for everyone that has the prefect relationship and an understanding SO.... But for the majority of us.... the truth is not the be all end all solution to everyones problems if it were then we would be outing ourselves and the divorce rate would be significantly lower for crossdressers.. In my humble opinion.

And if my wife ever found out how much I spend on hockey.... new ice hockey equipment or the amount of time I spend on hockey blogs we would be divorced in a heartbeat!! Lol.

[Wen4cd]

I don't like to dress in my wife's face. But I also don't leave my forum/email etc. password locked from her. My private journals, however, are just that - private. It implies the mysterious, but it's usually just rewordings of the same things we talk about together, in rough form..

Another thing we've started doing is corresponding by email. 'I' talk to my SO face-to-face, and do not put 'her' up in her face, but 'she' and my wife write letters and notes back and forth.

Well, it goes a bit funnier than that. My 'friend of the soul' writes to directly and addresses hers, whereas she and I, as personas and as a couple, talk through more common filtering. Between the two, there are really no little secrets.

It's a nifty exercise, like having two separate marriages with the same person, one more mundane, and the other romantic and fantasy-driven. The conflicts usually only come from pointless questioning (often from both of us) of which one is 'the real one.'

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I still keep secrets, live with lies, am frustrated - because my S/O cannot accept my need to express my inner feminity

I have so much frustration, anxiety and depression built up inside that I am about to burst.

My SRS sister knows my situation and how I feel.

JoAnne Wheeler

[tamela bell]

i am extremely open with my wife!! we share everything. she has full access to my closet as well as my computer, as well as passwords to all my sites i have even given her the passwords to by cell phone voicemail. she knows that if there is anything she wants to know that all she has to do is ask.

[Ralph]

I won't get on my soapbox yet again on the subject, just adding my agreement that I wouldn't have a problem with my wife reading everything here. Last night I marked some pages in Roaman's so she can order me some stuff next time she orders stuff for herself.

OK, just one soapbox-y holler: NO SECRETS MEANS A HAPPY MARRIAGE. There, all done :)

And Holly, if my wife came right out and asked me what I'm getting her for Christmas, I'd tell her (after asking her to think real carefully if she really wants to know). She's a big girl, if she wants to spoil the surprise she can go right ahead. The result: She doesn't ask, and I don't volunteer the information.

[Stephanie Miller]

Cute Charlene about the clothes sharing. I'm the same way - but with a twist. I really don't mind it a bit - in fact I encourage - when my wife borrows my clothes. (I guess it gives me validation that I at least have good taste in one or two pieces of clothing :whew!: ) But I never wear her clothes or use her make-up. I don't want her to feel I'm intruding any more than I already am.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi everyone.
What an interesting and opportune thread.
For the times that I have replied to threads I have always been truthful and have written from the heart.
I will often put things down in print that I may not necessarily be able to frame as an adequate sentence in front of my partner. (I can’t always find the right words.)
To this end I will often mention particular threads and ask her to read my replies so that she can see how I truly feel.
Now here is the rub.
Last weekend I was discussing a thread on whether a CD/TG could have a friend who is also a CD/TG.
The reply was a definite NO as this might well encourage a more significant path on the TG trail.
Such as going out to clubs and shopping etc.
I have recently been in contact with another member here and hope to meet for coffee soon.
I don’t think at this stage she needs to know about this.
I am now lying by omission but why make my partner miserable.
What do you think?
PJ

[Ruth]

I don't tell my wife everything and she doesn't tell me everything, so yes, there are little secrets. We are two separate people with our own personal spaces and there has to be something that is our own and no-one else's.
Having said that, she knows about Ruth, she has seen all my clothes, make-up, wigs, etc., but there is a point beyond which she does not particularly want to know more (I think Karren referred to it).
We share so very much as man and wife but as woman and wife there is a certain distance, which I quite understand - she can't accept me as an intimate girlfriend and I think it would be awkward if we tried to do that.

[KayC]

Philipa Jane,
Yes, being as you talked about it, I think it'd be omission to not mention it...just assure her that she has nothing to worry about. All people are comfortable with someone they can relate to or have things in common with. Perhaps you could see this person sometimes with SOs and sometimes without. If she got to know this person she might realize for herself she has nothing to worry about.

[Ashley_in_Texas]

When I came out to my wife, I told her everything, and it was a huge weight off my mind. I am not about to start loading up with more secrets. I sleep much better, and feel as if I'm a better husband for having told her. I'd like to keep it that way.

[suchacutie]

My first time at all dressed was in front of my wife. Now Tina is her gf, has an e-mail address all to herself, and they gossip about me all the time. It's only fair as my wife and I gossip about Tina! Tina told her about suchacutie from day one, and almost everything on here is open posted, so if she is here..

Hi!!!!

Not only does it seem silly to have secrets from her about Tina, but the fact is that I want her to know everything about Tina! My wife has helped Tina from day one and if Tina can't be open with her then that help won't be very good! The point of this exploration of my feminine self was to find out everything, no matter what. We both need my wife so the more she knows the better it all works. Once I know it, she knows it!

[Phyliss]

I sorta go back to my military training when it comes to being open with my DSW .... need to know. I'll tell her anything she asks, she kinda knows that there are somethings she doesn't need to know. I also sorta figure there are those times when she doesn't need to know.

[Sexyleggyboy]

if wearing womens clothes is more of a sexual fetish rather than an embracement of ones female side (its both for me). Is that wrong. I would always wear my wifes clothes particularily her nylons and heels when she was not around. Gradually I started incorpoating it into our sex lives. She accepted this . But after a while I incorporated too many female aspects and I could tell she was uncomfortable with it. She still knows I like to dress up but she hasnt seen me dressed up in ages.

[Toni_Lynn]

My wife and I actually discuss a lot of what is posted here and my replies.

Besides, when I told her about me, she was so receptive, that it literally all came gushing out ---warts and all -- the good and bad. The things I've done in my past that I'm not proud of -- the triumphs and the hurts.

Its all there -- and she still loves me :love:
And for that, my heart is hers and hers alone

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[elaine_kt8]

I am another whose wife knows of my crossdressing and is OK about it provided she does not need to be involved or see or hear about it, unless on her own terms. For example she will have a moan if, when she wants to use the computer, I have left the web browser showing crossdressers.com.

So no, I do not discuss everything with her. But neither are my secrets hidden away. She has access (and my permission to access) my closet, e-mails, photos on the home computer, etc., if and when she is interested. I am aware she checks my wardrobe from time to time but, for the most part, we respect each other's privacy.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

My wife and don't keep secrets from each other at all. We believe its better to just be honest.

Here's an example I'll share. A few years ago we were both supposed to go out with a GG friend of ours,but my wife had to cancel last minute to meet her Mother on business and she told us to still go without her because she didn't want to dissapoint our GG friend. Well her and I went out to a movie,dinner and drinks and back her place and had more drinks. We were both feeling our drinks and I said I can't drive because of it and she offered for me to sleep over.I called my wife and told and she was ok because she does not want me to drink and drive. Afterwards she made up the couch for and we talked for awhile and said she said she was having some problems with her father, her grandmother had cancer and was feeling bad and so on. We then hugged and then let just say we had a "minor indiscretion" that night.Woke up the next morning we talk and apologized to each other and then I told my wife and she was ok because I was honest and upfront with it plus it was better than me drinking and driving,getting a DWI or worse an accident and hurting someone or myself. As we say Honesty is best policy.


Felicity

[Joanne f]

I have no problem with my wife reading anything on here as i have no secrets from her, in fact she was just at my side when i started to read this thread and i quite often ask her if she would like to read any of the threads or post but rarely wants to .
It`s bad enough me trying to think of an answer sometimes let alone my wife shouting in my ear what i should be putting as a reply :laughing:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My wife knows everything about me including all of my deepest, darkest most embarrasing secrets. She also has complete access to everything I post here, in addition to seeing me without my make up which can be a very frightening experience.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Tell your wife everything, tell them nothing, but alwasy tell them what they want to hear.

Crossdressing is not a problem, the unmarked graves in my backyard are, that is a fact.

[NicoleScott]

Yes, no secrets means a happy marriage...in some cases, but divorce in others. My first wife divorced me because she couldn't handle my crossdressing. And so with countless other marriages. My present wife knows, accepts, supports, and even encourages, but does not participate. Even though we are partners in life and share many things, we are still individuals that are entitled to some private thoughts and activities. Some relationships thrive because both partners understand, accept, and practice limitations on crossdressing to the extent that the relationship requires. While we may envy those who have a totally open communications about crossdressing with their partners, let's not be fooled into thinking it will work for all of us. It won't.

[Frédérique]

Still keeping little secrets?


I like to keep secrets. I’m not married, I don’t have a SO, but I keep my clandestine activity completely hidden from my sister (who I live with). There are three main reasons:

If I tell her about what I do, and it makes her uncomfortable, I’ll feel bad about causing her any discomfort. I mean, we’ve been through a lot – why upset the apple cart now?

If I tell her and she accepts my secret life (which is the most likely scenario), I’ll feel like talking about what I do all the time. This is bound to cause discomfort for her after a while. If I was her, it would certainly bother me. Have you ever seen that look on a person’s face when you realize the bit of information you’ve tossed their way isn’t exactly…welcome? I’ve seen it many times…:straightface:

If I tell her and she enthusiastically embraces my eccentricities, even helping me achieve my goals (after all, she’s an expert seamstress), what then? I just know I would feel like I’d thrown away half of myself for nothing, and all of the magic of crossdressing along with it…

Far from being “little secrets,” these are precious, hard-won, very personal activities and feelings that need careful protection…

[tinalynn]

"...these are precious, hard-won, very personal activities and feelings that need careful protection…"

Indeed, they are! Yeah, my wife knows and, ummm, 'tolerates' might be the best word, but it's really a tad short of 'accepting'. Since she found me out - identified my deepest, darkest secret ever, I really don't have anything to hide anymore. Some things I still don't tell her about, but if she asked I'd tell. I have a pretty good understanding about what she needs to know about, what she wants to know about, and what she doesn't need to know about. Example of not knowing would be going out. I went out two weekends ago when she was out of town. Didn't tell her I did, but didn't really hide it, either. If she asked I'd admit I did.

[kellycan27]

I couldn't keep it secret for very long even if I wanted to. :heehee:

Kel

[sherri52]

I'm no longer married and partially because all my cards were on the table. My wife did not understand my dressing and would not even try.

[Tina B.]

With my wife I'm an open book, but she does not read much. I don't bore her with my every little thought, but if she wants to know anything, and I do mean anything, all she has to do is ask. It just isn't an issue in our house. both her and both genders of my clothes share the same closet, laundry basket and ironing pile. our necklaces hang side by side so that we both have use of it all, and she doesn't seem to care which side of my wardrobe I choose to dress in on any given day.
Tina

[joann426]

well for me it started 10 years ago when me and the so were washing clothes and putting some in the dryer when she found a black bra and it wasnt hers she ask me whos it was and i had to tell her it was mine shejust looked at me and kept folding clothes that was in a mean way of course after a while she just got alittle easy with her and we just eat breakfast in fem together
what a sweety:hugs:

[Rogina B]

My wife has some passwords and sometimes reads the postings here as well as a mailbox or two when needed. No big deal..she gets her mail from friends,and I get mine.:2c:

[Brenda456]

My SO know about myCDing but doesn't like it, so there is not a lot said about it. She doesn't ask many, if any, questions, and I don't volunteer information. It is more like a doon't ask, don't tell policy. . . Which is sad and unfortunate. . .

[Janine cd]

My wife has known about my crossdressing for more than 35 years, but she has never truly accepted it. She never wanted to see me dressed as Janine and she has no interest in helping me shop for femme clothes.
I've had occassion to dress when she's been out of town and have shopped for my needs at that time. I have been careful to only use discretionary money that I had saved for myself. I've never discussed these purchases with her. If she ever found out, I would certainly tell her.:)

[Andy66]

It's a shame we have to be embarrassed or whatever of our sexuality. It really can be worth the effort when you screw up enough courage to be totally honest wirh a partner.

***

Another thing we've started doing is corresponding by email. 'I' talk to my SO face-to-face, and do not put 'her' up in her face, but 'she' and my wife write letters and notes back and forth.

Well, it goes a bit funnier than that. My 'friend of the soul' writes to directly and addresses hers, whereas she and I, as personas and as a couple, talk through more common filtering. Between the two, there are really no little secrets.

It's a nifty exercise, like having two separate marriages with the same person, one more mundane, and the other romantic and fantasy-driven.
Omigosh! That's such a great idea!

[Bethany38]

Charlene said it no better than I could have. My wife knows all and has only to ask to know any more.

[Jonianne]

.......Just how many of us would really be comfortable handing our keyboards over to our S.O.'s to read everything we have posted.......

Stephanie, not only in the case of my wife seeing, but this is the internet..... everyone in our lives could possibly see what we post. Therefore, I always write with that in mind and try not to post anything that would cause undo embarrasment to anyone I know, especially on the more open forums.

[MissyW]

While I do have a few secrets kept from the wife, this forum isn't one of them. She is not a member but has watched me participate here a few times.

[Sally2005]

I'm not out officially, but my wife knows about my halloween adventures and I suspect she knows I do some practicing before...how else could I do such a good job one day a year?!...So secrets remain. But, I just want to say, I think secrets are just natural... I mean my wife doesn't tell me all the details about her monthly leg waxing... and I don't want to know...I don't like the sticky legs after or the hairy legs before, so I'm don't like it when she tells me about that part, ugghhh. So, I'm sure if she knew, there would be a limit to how much she wants to hear and what I feel comfortable telling. There is an element of trust though...I would never do anything outside our marriage vows so the secrets are not hiding anything bad. The other thing is, if you post something publically, there is chance someone could connect the dots, so it is best to assume she will read it someday and I may not be ready for tommorrow, but I guess it could enlighten her...for good or bad, depends on her, I would guess.

[Jennifer_Cross]

No secrets in any regard to life... Totally open.

Jen

[donnatracey]

[QUOTE=PhillyGuy2Girl;1912301]My wife and don't keep secrets from each other at all. We believe its better to just be honest.

Here's an example I'll share. A few years ago we were both supposed to go out with a GG friend of ours,but my wife had to cancel last minute to meet her Mother on business and she told us to still go without her because she didn't want to dissapoint our GG friend. Well her and I went out to a movie,dinner and drinks and back her place and had more drinks. We were both feeling our drinks and I said I can't drive because of it and she offered for me to sleep over.I called my wife and told and she was ok because she does not want me to drink and drive. Afterwards she made up the couch for and we talked for awhile and said she said she was having some problems with her father, her grandmother had cancer and was feeling bad and so on. We then hugged and then let just say we had a "minor indiscretion" that night.Woke up the next morning we talk and apologized to each other and then I told my wife and she was ok because I was honest and upfront with it plus it was better than me drinking and driving,getting a DWI or worse an accident and hurting someone or myself. As we say Honesty is best policy.

Wow - you do have an understanding/forgiving wife! 99.8% (unscientific guesstiomate) would not be like that. Sorry, but I don' think I would have been so upfront.....btw, no cabs were available to get you home?

[Fran Moore]

And yes, we have our little secrets, and no she is not accepting, but life is much more than complete transparency, or complete acceptance. Our decision to share our lives together had more to do with all the things we had in common than the few things that we did not. Do I envy those who have "all that". Yes, but at the same time, I love my wife for who she is and not for who she isn't and life is passing by so fast that I don't plan on making any major changes anytime soon, if ever.

I'll step down off the soap box now....:)

Suzanne

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi,
This is the only CD forum that I use. My SO is also a member and can see everything that I'm into. My computer is beside hers and always open for her to use. Thoughts in my head? Sorry but they're for me.

.

[Starling]

This is a public forum, ladies, and I try to remember that fact when I post here. I am, however, less circumspect in the members-only and invitation-only forums, and it alarms me a bit to hear that some non-members have access to members' passwords.

I suppose it's not that awful when a supportive SO eavesdrops a bit (although I would prefer they join and get their own passwords), but I do hope that not too many curious civilians are privy to the more personal expressions which trusting, and vulnerable, members put out in those forums for others who, they assume, share la cosa nostra.

:doh:Lallie

[Marla16]

My wife knows and participates in my dressing, She met me whileI was living as a women so she also knows I have other needs as well. I have had a steady boyfriend for years.She doesn't get involved in this part so I quess I do keep some secrets. As for dressing I work from home and I,m dressed 75% of the time I,m smaller than her so we dont really share clothes

[PretzelGirl]

Sure, I still keep secrets from her. I'm not telling her what I getting her for Christmas or where we are going for our anniversary this year. Other than that, I'm a pretty open book. Things pertaining to my life she knows all about as I do hers. It works for us.

I agree with Holly and this is how my SO and I handle our relationship and it works well for us. She has an account here and even though she doesn't log on regularly, she can read everything I post. I don't elevate any aspect of my crossdressing without discussing it with her first. This way I stay within her comfort zone and our relationship stays solid.


But, I just want to say, I think secrets are just natural... I mean my wife doesn't tell me all the details about her monthly leg waxing... and I don't want to know...

I don't know that I would call that a secret. It is near impossible for a couple to review all things that happened to them in the course of a day. Secrets (to me) are things that are deliberately withheld because you don't want someone else knowing about them. I didn't tell my wife about plucking ingrown hairs yesterday. It is not a secret, just inconsequential.

[samanthatiedup]

I keep my cross-dressing and self bondage a secret from the wife. She would not accept either on of them. I envy the ladies on the page, who have understand and supporting wife's and girlfriends.

[kiebec]

wife understands and helps me

[Jenniferpl]

No real secrets here. Wife is welcome to read anything I have posted here. There is little that I have kept from her and if she wants to know something I would tell here the truth.

[Sheila]

Debs and IO have been open and honest with each other about all the major things that have affected us in our lives ............. anything that could affect our relationship in any way large or small we already know about .............. does not mean we know everything about each other, nor will we ever, but yes
Originally Posted by Holly ........Sure, I still keep secrets from her. I'm not telling her what I getting her for Christmas or where we are going for our anniversary this year. Other than that, I'm a pretty open book. Things pertaining to my life she knows all about as I do hers. It works for us............. I did not tell Debs what I had planned for immediately after we got married and before we left the registry office (she got her first birthday card and present as my husband :D) ..... good things to please each other, anything that will not harm your relationship if accidentally discovered, are in my book acceptable forms of non communication, until the moment arrives my :2c:

Sheila

[Tora]

Forty Years ago. I thought that marrage would cure this CD thing. The bride is open to nightgowns and panties at home and for every night. The rest is not to be discussed. So, when the feelings for this returned, I keep things, off site and only get a few times ayear, if that, to fully dress and go out. She is a wonderful wife, mother of our grown children, grandmother and part of a great extended family, her side. Secrets, oh ya, big time. When I try to push, it gets ugly. I don't want to burn the bridge.

[sandra-leigh]

Last weekend I was discussing a thread on whether a CD/TG could have a friend who is also a CD/TG.
The reply was a definite NO as this might well encourage a more significant path on the TG trail.
[...] What do you think?


As the originator of that particular thread, what I think was "I wish people would have been more open and posted about issues like that when I brought the topic up."



With respect to keeping secrets: Yes, I have a few, the outlines of the great majority of which she has an idea of, but which she has indicated that she is not ready to listen to / process / make decisions about. (But she has lots of time to think and talk about matters remote from our lives and our relationship...)

[Sally24]

I try to be very open with my wife. I probably share too much for some people's tastes (asking for problems) but I feel that is better than keeping things in the dark. I send her links to any new photos I post (she was the 2nd person to see my boudoir photos) and ask for feedback so I know I'm not going too far in some direction.

She goes out with me from time to time but I go out often with my gurl friends without her. She trusts me and I let her know how things went and what happened. I've always felt that I'd rather face some problems from revealing too much than have things blow up after they're found out after the fact.

We don't always see eye to eye but we always talk and that eventually gets us to the place we need to be.