Giveing Up!

[Barbara_Jean]

I went on a trip last week and I was so looking forward to dressing up every night. I could not wait until I got there, so the first thing I did was get dressed with makeup and everything. I looked at my self in the mirror and I looked terrible!! I changed in to every outfit I had and still nothing. I just don't look good and I can never pass. So, I decided to sell everything I have. My loss is your gain! I have several things listed in the Classified section of this forum and I will list more in the coming days. I did make some very nice custom jewlery too that is made to fit large frames. Click on my Profile and see the album I put up with all the stuff for sale so far.
Just thought I'd let everyone know.
Thanks
Regina Ann

[Brandiwvr]

dont be in a hurry to sell. this might be a mistake. the only one you have to please is on the inside. the out side is a work in progress....... Bigg Huggs, Brandi

[Vieja]

Hey Regina you can't quit. Most folks that quit usually can't stand it, they feel lost. Just take a vacation from dressing for a while. Just put all your pretties away so they will be there when you need them again. Besides we will all miss you.

Vieja

[ashcrimson]

REgina I still havent seen you before so I cant tell if you can pass or cant. You know, maybe what you did say is true that you cant pass now, but with some hard work and all of that... maybe you can some day. You may not become a beautiful woman but you can look like a woman nonetheless... I get hurt inside too when I see myself and think that I cant pass as a woman but I just think that I dont have a choice but to keep on trying... I can go back to just being a guy but I know I am not... but that is just me. I still look bad, bad I think im improving compared to how I originally looked. Im just saying, its possible it just takes a lot of work and some pain when necessary. Just think for a while about what you really want... have you really explored all options and tried them? I mean can you really say youve done everything you can already and it still fails?

[Tina B.]

Regina, look around you there are a lot of us that could never pass, but that does not change who we are. Most GG's have things about themselves they don't like, too tall, to short, to fat, to small chested, no one is perfect. Most of the girls on this site that go out a lot will tell you they don't pass as often as they do pass, but they still go out and enjoy life. Just be the best you, that you can be.
We all get depressed at times, and are disappointed with ourselves sometimes, but life goes on. So shake it off, and get back in the game, quitting is never the answer.
And getting rid of everything is expensive when you find you can't live with out it and have to start shopping from scratch.
Tina

[Karren H]

What size?? You have any photos? Would you take a money order??

Jeeezzzzz... Come on!! If I gave up every time I looked like a guy in a dress I sure would be here right now!! I've got photos that will never ever see the light of day that would scare your panties off. Ohh I forgot.. You quit! If you were wearing any they would!! And passing is highly over rated!! Trust me I know!! And don't care!!

So instead of feelng sorry for yourself jump back in that dress and try harder... No ever said that looking good was easy!!

[Ann Thomas]

I've been right where you are, so I know what it feels like.

Don't jump off so fast - just put the stuff in storage and wait a while. In the mean time, accept yourself for who you are. It sure works a whole lot better for me. See my thread in Out and About re visiting gun stores yesterday. I don't try to pass - I just try to be me, with what limited resources I have right now.

How often do we have to tell our daughters to not try to fit the Hollywood image of what a woman should look like? If they don't have to look like a runway model, why should we ourselves? (I realize you might not have raised a daughter, but as a society we've seen it in the news, how the super skinny models are killing our western world's young women as they try to match that same look.)


Lots of hugs to ya!

Ann

[SherriePall]

Passing is also how we feel when we dress and go out. If we feel we are, we are. Actions and gestures are often worth more than how one looks!

[DonnaT]

Best wishes and good luck with that Regina. Not many can accomplish it.

But, on your dressing and appearance, you've been dressing more seriously for what, a month now?

Do you really expect to acquire the skills to improve how you look in such a short time?

And how many wigs do you have that have been professionally fitted to suit your face?

You might consider getting some guidance in these areas, before giving up so easily.

And is going out in public a necessity?

[KayC]

Regina Ann,
You know what? You are not alone. Not every GG is born looking beautiful or feminine! That's why there are makeup artists and specialists who help one dress the part...you have the added challenge of masculine features, but it is not undoable. Does anyone here have some ideas on where you can go for expert help? Maybe try Glamorshots? They start from scratch with makeup, clothing, etc., you might be surprised and get some pointers. Maybe it's not hopeless, maybe it's just how you've gone about it.

[carolinoakland]

Take a break regina, and you'll see the girl that you are. just breath, take a break. think of this as the anit pink fog. don't let it make choice's you'll regret later. carol

[CherylFlint]

It takes time to get everything right in order to pass. Look at me. It took twenty years for me to get it together enough to seek advice and help. Some stores want you O-U-T pronto, some don't. Some girls will do a makeover on you, some won't. Go to thrift stores and buy, buy, buy different styles. Figure this: somewhere on the planet earth is a real female with a body exactly your size and if she can "pass" so can you. DO NOT get rid of anything!!! You're a crossdresser and selling and giving stuff away isn't going to change that fact one iota. The point is to have fun. Lighten up, you'll get it right. The feeling of "passing" is well worth all the trouble. Good luck!

[tinalynn]

While passing is quite a thrill, you can still enjoy what you do in the comfort of your own home. I've purged 6 or 7 times only to have to buy everything all over again. Its gets old, expensive, and frustrating. I've finally realized, just a couple of years ago, that I'll be doing this the rest of my life. I suspect you will be, too. So save yourself some money and take a break. Enjoy it for what you can get at home. You don't need to go out, or to validate yourself to anyone by going out.

Just don't purge, you'll eventually regret it.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Been there done that

Regina please take a deep breath and chill

Anxiety can really heighten stress levels.

My suggestion is to crate everything up and rat pack it away under a bunch of stuff deep in your attic or basement. If and when you are ready to make a go no go at cd you have the tools to either sell or start new.

Just don't fillyourself with guilt, you have done nothing wrong.

[Andy66]

Haha! I can't pass as a boy, not even close... but I make a great tomboy. Passing is over-rated.
:love:

[christinek]

You should attend a conference, it will relax your anxiety.

No one should talk you into or out of anything, this is your decision and yours alone.

[Mindymaycd]

So about six months ago I was enjoying dressing for myself. I wanted to take the next step and make it out but I thought I looked like a caveman in a dress. (no, I did look like a cave man in a dress) On a trip to Vegas I was given some make up suggestions and purchased a new wig, next thing I knew was that I felt good and I was meeting a group of girls at the glamor boutique for my first time out.

The outing was a blast and I thought I looked O.K. but did not pass. We went to a bar and got together with a group of girls that no way came close to passing. The thing was that they did not care if they passed, others were working on passing and it was all O.K.

You are O.K. girl, step away and come back when the time is right. The purge is bad, it just causes you to spend money.

Take care of your self.:)

[sandra-leigh]

I looked at my self in the mirror and I looked terrible!! I changed in to every outfit I had and still nothing. I just don't look good and I can never pass.

Total number of GG's I have "passed" to: possibly one (total), but she had thick glasses and might not have seen me clearly, and possibly she just thought my normal (male) voice was a bit hoarse that day.

Total number of taxi drivers I have "passed" to: possibly one, though he might have just been being considerate of the way I was dressed. And I take the taxi often. I have been in mini-skirt, full makeup, wig, obvious bust, and as soon as I got in the cab, the driver I've never seen before asks "Where would you like to go, Sir?"

Some people talk about how their friends and neighbours would never recognize their male selves when they are dressed. I have the opposite problem: people who have only seen me once before (in male-looking garb), and didn't even talk to me or get within 10 feet of me then, have, months later, come in to a dimly-lit club I've been in, glanced around, seen me in fully Dressed, and made a bee-line for me from 75 feet away -- to say hello and Welcome, and that I look good.

No-one's been able to figure out why yet, but I don't appear to "fool" anyone: they immediately see (and recognize) the male side of me -- and they either pay no attention to me (not ignore me, I just don't come to their conscious attention), or they, knowing I'm cross-dressing, are completely polite or downright nice to me.

I've stood in a busy city bus at the back near all the tough guys, me in guy mode but wearing a denim mini... and though I got some looks, not one of those big macho guys said anything to me or even exhibited distinguishable hostility to me.


Total number of GG's who have smiled at me, complimented me, or encouraged me, even when I've been "gender-bending" (obvious female clothes, but male face, little or no makeup): ummm, "many". I've lost count.

Yes, sometimes (not very often at all), when I've made absolutely no attempt to "hide" or disguise myself, I might get an out-loud comment from a passer-by, along the lines of "It's a dude in a dress!". Like they say in Rocky Horror Audience Participation: "No S__t, Sherlock!".

Little children sometimes look over at me; often they then turn their attention to something else, as I'm not interesting. Some of the kids smile. Not even one of them has raised a fuss or even asked the adults they are with what's going on -- though once a small group of boys, around 10-years old, made an "It's a guy" remark about me as I walked through the group; less than half of the group even bothered to look over... they didn't care.


So, you have an important question to face: are you in this game because of how you feel inside, because it makes you feel good to be more feminine -- or are you in this game for the sake of how other people will perceive and treat you? It is quite common for people to start out by trying to convince everyone that they are GG, only to discover after a bit of time and experience that what was really important to them was how they felt, not about how other people perceived them.

If you aren't headed for the "transition ASAP, move away to where no-one knows you, and bury your male past (family too) so deeply that no-one will ever have the slightest notion that you are anything other than female-born"... then like the others are suggesting, box those things up and put them aside until you are ready for them again. And if you are on the expedited transition track, then you need to find a therapist to help you navigate between the ideal you have in mind and the probable real-world result.


Am I a pretty woman? I'm years too late to be a Pretty Young Thing, and the reality of the world is that no matter what my mind might see myself as, on-lookers don't see a pretty woman. But I am a dignified and pleasant "woman" with a sense of style that mixes classic and new harmoniously (usually :o ) -- and the less I worry about "passing" and the more I just relax and "be me", the more people respect me and see pass the big nose to the feminine person.

What you are feeling inside you, about you, is perceived by people, sometimes by small cues, and sometimes by means we don't understand at all. For lack of better term, I will refer to this as your "aura", or your "force of personality", or (as one of the store owners puts it), your "presence": people don't just perceive the outside, and what they perceive from the inside can be more important than what they perceive from the outside. If you are feeling bad about yourself because you aren't a perfect woman, then other people are going to pick up on that and notice all the flaws and gaps that "tell" that you are male -- but if you can get comfortable with being you, then your "presence" will cover up even blatant male features (okay, maybe not a full beard).

What is the secret to getting there? Experimentation and practice!!

[Terri Andrews]

Like so many others have said passing is over rated .
I feel the same as you when I look in the mirror ,but I have decided that life is to short to let others thoughts ruin my fun.
I am out a lot and I guess I pass sometimes and don`t at other times ,but I keep having fun .
Please don`t quit .

[sherri52]

Regina many of the ladies have done this only to regret it later. Hold on for a little while without dressing to see if it's really what you want.

[Kitty Sue]

Hey there, don't be so hard on yourself. How about waiting a few days before selling your stuff. Perhaps put it in a storage unit somewhere and if you still feel the same way in a month then you could sell it. Purging will not change anything. I know, I have purged again and again.

[Barbara_Jean]

Well, after reading all these replys, I have decided maybe I will not give up entirely! Right now I just have no desire to dress or even think about it much, but I have decided that if and when I do this again, I will try and find a proffesional transformation service that can help me look like a girl. I am going to sell some of my things, but I will hang on to some as well. The other thing is I do not know when I will be able to dress again anyway. My elderly parents live with me and they NEVER go anywhere without me, so I am never alone in the house!
Thanks for all the advice from everyone, I am not going anywhere right now.
Regina Ann

[Anna the Dub]

Regina, I do understand. I look in the mirror sometimes and I see this ugly male face that causes me so much despair staring back at me. But I have to keep going. I hope you can too.

[Karen7cd]

All that really matters is if you enjoy dressing. I have a 45 inch chest without my girls in place and 18 inch arms. I will never pass. But I like the feel of a skirt, I like the look when I tuck, I like the lift my bra gives me. I like the hair in my face. I'm not hurting anyone. I think it is making me expand my sensitive side. I was once a jerk who made fun of "girly" guys.
Now I want to hug them.

[Sandra B]

Most have found it is a part of themselves. I won't repeat all the posts here, but if it is something inside you it cannot be extinguished by throwing away cloths. There are GG that don't look like models either but they wear whatever makes them feel good about themselves. You may work out a way to dress another time or at another place. Maybe take a vacation to the Southern Comfort Conference for some advice on dressing, passing, and an all out good time. I have talked my SO into going next year as he is finally accepting himself as a CD.

[angpai30]

Regina, I have been in your place several times. I have purged 20 times or more, but I never really had much to purge. I have only recently accepted who I am and that I am a crossdresser because the more I purge the more I desire to wear what I just purged. You are angry at yourself for not being able to do what you thought you could do already. A lot of the posts on here about our sisters going out dressed gives a lot of excitement and desire to do the same thing and pass, but what they also tell in their stories is it took years for them to get where they are today. I myself am just learning how to do makeup and I think I have the basics down for covering my beard and using foundation and such, but I know that I still cannot pass as female. Heck look at my avatar. I don't have a wig and my makeup is sloppy; I think I am finally understanding how to put blush on, but the right quantity of blush still eludes me. The point everyone is making here is that no matter what you do you will always have that desire, that urge to dress unless you find some magical pill that whisks all your desires away to dress. One thing that has also helped me to improve is the words "That is no excuse" this was said by my supervisor at work. I don't like the guy very much, but I love this phrase it has helped me in many instances when I wanted to quit this or that because it was to hard or to long or to boring or to this or that. So living with your elderly parents makes no difference. That is no excuse to stop dressing because eventually you will find a way to do it even with your parents around so why not here and now?

Hannah~~

[Melinda G]

ummm, this is a cult, hon. Once you are in it, you never get out.:D

I think we all expect to look like Marilyn Monroe, to some extent. When we don't we get depressed. Not trying to be cruel here, but I've seen some real women that are hideous, and make no attempt to look good. Go with what you've got. Work on it, and improve the look where you can. In time, you get better at it. Practice makes perfect, or something close.

[CamilleLeon]

Don't give up on something you love...being able to pass or not, if it's something you enjoy, why deny yourself? It doesn't matter what you look like, just how you feel