Ashley Williams
10-22-2009, 10:40 AM
Explaining myself
I know there are lots of posts already that deal with what we call ourselves and how we present what and why we behave as we do, but this is for a rather specific purpose. I would welcome any comments, of course.
I am preparing for my first 'Relate' counselling session with my wife this weekend and I thought I should do some preparation.
As I wanted to find something that was generally accessible and objective to describe what I do (before we try to get onto why) I did the usual searches and found the usual confusing contradictions, both within and outside of the forums.
Two years ago, when I first revealed that my need to cross-dress had returned, the information I unearthed for her had all been deemed as not objective enough to be taken seriously. It has been kept, though, so that may be a good sign.
Either things have moved on a bit since or I have just been a bit luckier digging out the serious from the silly on the internet. The following comes from the UK Health Service document that deals with the management of 'trans service users' - the novo-speak term for patients - and staff.
Transvestite people (TVs) enjoy wearing the clothing of the ‘opposite’ sex for short periods of time. They are generally men who started cross-dressing as they entered puberty. Their sense of female identification can range from being very strong and indeed, their ‘real’ selves, to being only a part of their identity – they may identify for example as ‘bi-gendered’.
Transvestite people (now also referred to as cross-dressers) do not seek gender reassignment; however, they and their families may present [to medical practitioners] with stress and anxiety-related problems including depression or suicidal feelings, or simply needing support and advice. At present there is no means of estimating this potentially unmet need.
As they get older, some transvestite people may decide that they are in fact transsexual and will proceed to living permanently in their new gender role. Others are happy to continue ‘dressing’ part-time for the rest of their lives. Some transsexual people may also seek to accommodate their feelings by experimenting with whether occasional cross-dressing is sufficient to avoid the upheaval of permanent gender transition.
An understanding of how boundaries may be blurred in these ways is important in order to understand the variations in personal expression and the paths individuals may have followed.
Transgender people:
Transgender is used as a very broad term to include all sorts of trans people. It includes cross-dressers, people who wear a mix of clothing, people with a dual or no gender identity, and transsexual people. It is also used to define a political and social community which is inclusive of transsexual people, transgender people, cross-dressers (transvestites), and other groups of ‘gendervariant’ people such as drag queens and kings, butch lesbians, and ‘mannish’ or ‘passing’ women. ‘Transgender’ has also been used to refer to all persons who express gender in ways not traditionally associated with their sex. Similarly it has also been used to refer to people who express gender in non-traditional ways, but continue to identify as the sex of birth. Nowadays, many people who present their gender in a variety of ways which are at odds with the norm will consider themselves to be transgender.
Equally, some may just describe themselves as men or women.
That last sentence just kills me!
The best 'non-objective', (from my wife's point of view), alternative was posted by a friend on a related thread from last year -
I like the word Bigendered to describe my personality. In this way I am "mildly gender dysphoric" but happy to live as a male for some or most of the time. I have to say that I sometimes feel internally feminine when in drab and internally masculine when dressed en femme though the latter is very rare and will only happen after a prolonged femme session of several days or so.
The only issue I have with this is that the bi prefix itself can so easily be abused - but hell ... language will always be something of a limitation.
The other thing I would add is that in my own case I am much happier to live as a male most of the time in situations where I can wear female underwear. This does not include home, at the moment, because the mere suggestion of a slip strap is cause for argument.
This last point will add nothing to the debate within the counselling environment anyway, I fear, because my wife says that she sees no difference in her mind between underwear and fully presenting en femme.
Roll on Saturday!
I know there are lots of posts already that deal with what we call ourselves and how we present what and why we behave as we do, but this is for a rather specific purpose. I would welcome any comments, of course.
I am preparing for my first 'Relate' counselling session with my wife this weekend and I thought I should do some preparation.
As I wanted to find something that was generally accessible and objective to describe what I do (before we try to get onto why) I did the usual searches and found the usual confusing contradictions, both within and outside of the forums.
Two years ago, when I first revealed that my need to cross-dress had returned, the information I unearthed for her had all been deemed as not objective enough to be taken seriously. It has been kept, though, so that may be a good sign.
Either things have moved on a bit since or I have just been a bit luckier digging out the serious from the silly on the internet. The following comes from the UK Health Service document that deals with the management of 'trans service users' - the novo-speak term for patients - and staff.
Transvestite people (TVs) enjoy wearing the clothing of the ‘opposite’ sex for short periods of time. They are generally men who started cross-dressing as they entered puberty. Their sense of female identification can range from being very strong and indeed, their ‘real’ selves, to being only a part of their identity – they may identify for example as ‘bi-gendered’.
Transvestite people (now also referred to as cross-dressers) do not seek gender reassignment; however, they and their families may present [to medical practitioners] with stress and anxiety-related problems including depression or suicidal feelings, or simply needing support and advice. At present there is no means of estimating this potentially unmet need.
As they get older, some transvestite people may decide that they are in fact transsexual and will proceed to living permanently in their new gender role. Others are happy to continue ‘dressing’ part-time for the rest of their lives. Some transsexual people may also seek to accommodate their feelings by experimenting with whether occasional cross-dressing is sufficient to avoid the upheaval of permanent gender transition.
An understanding of how boundaries may be blurred in these ways is important in order to understand the variations in personal expression and the paths individuals may have followed.
Transgender people:
Transgender is used as a very broad term to include all sorts of trans people. It includes cross-dressers, people who wear a mix of clothing, people with a dual or no gender identity, and transsexual people. It is also used to define a political and social community which is inclusive of transsexual people, transgender people, cross-dressers (transvestites), and other groups of ‘gendervariant’ people such as drag queens and kings, butch lesbians, and ‘mannish’ or ‘passing’ women. ‘Transgender’ has also been used to refer to all persons who express gender in ways not traditionally associated with their sex. Similarly it has also been used to refer to people who express gender in non-traditional ways, but continue to identify as the sex of birth. Nowadays, many people who present their gender in a variety of ways which are at odds with the norm will consider themselves to be transgender.
Equally, some may just describe themselves as men or women.
That last sentence just kills me!
The best 'non-objective', (from my wife's point of view), alternative was posted by a friend on a related thread from last year -
I like the word Bigendered to describe my personality. In this way I am "mildly gender dysphoric" but happy to live as a male for some or most of the time. I have to say that I sometimes feel internally feminine when in drab and internally masculine when dressed en femme though the latter is very rare and will only happen after a prolonged femme session of several days or so.
The only issue I have with this is that the bi prefix itself can so easily be abused - but hell ... language will always be something of a limitation.
The other thing I would add is that in my own case I am much happier to live as a male most of the time in situations where I can wear female underwear. This does not include home, at the moment, because the mere suggestion of a slip strap is cause for argument.
This last point will add nothing to the debate within the counselling environment anyway, I fear, because my wife says that she sees no difference in her mind between underwear and fully presenting en femme.
Roll on Saturday!