A Blessing or a Curse?

[windycissy]

They say the longer you live, the more comfortable you are in your skin, and I think that applies to us too. When I was younger I went through periods of denial, revulsion, purges of all my girl clothes, etc…why me? I don’t know when the turning point was, but now I’ve come to accept and embrace my crossdressing as a wonderful gift giving me insights into a woman’s world, I’ve made great friends who share a unique connection, and when I see an attractive woman, I smile to myself and think, “I know what it feels like to wear your wonderful clothes!”

[Sarah Doepner]

It's not unlike so many activities where once you know the inner workings there is so much more to appreciate. I loved looking at women before I really explored and eventually accepted my crossdressing. I love it even more now. The activity is so much more complex and has more levels of meaning every time.

[Karren H]

A gift and a curse... I watch too much Monk....

[Kathi Lake]

With me, it's a total blessing. I feel so good - blessed, actually - that I am able to do what I do. Are there negatives? Sure, I guess. The positives more than outweigh them, in my book.

Kathi

[Tina B.]

After almost 60 years of dressing, I don't see it as a curse or a blessing, it just is, just another part of what makes me, me.
Tina

[WomanAtHeart4]

Windy,

I want to thank you for being a source of great encouragement to me over the years. You are a solid and wise sounding board, source of good advice, and one that epitomizes what cding is: joy, peace, fulfillment, balance, encouragement, happiness, influence plus daring.

I don’t know all your trials (which we all bear) but you radiate contentment. A cder with contentment is rare. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, concerns, joy and insights from your journey. I too now, enjoy my cding as a gift.

Oddly, I don’t have many opportunities to help men but it seems I have unique opportunities as a cder to help (fellow) women by relating, empathizing, understanding, listening, sharing, loving, valuing and giving. :)

Windy, thank you.

[Janine cd]

I've struggled with that question for almost 60 years. After many purges and much denial, I've come to accept that I cannot change what is essentially me.

[Rita B]

Both!

[CherylFlint]

One BILLION percent BLESSING. No question about it.

[christinek]

Blessing,

I get to be bi polor and dont need drugs to cure it :D

Most people say things like, if I could be someone else for a day. I am 2 separate and completely different people. How cool is that! :daydreaming:

[Joni Marie Cruz]

I consider it a blessing, to be able to see life from both sides, so to speak...at least in a way. And a curse in that it isn't socially accepted, though progress is being made, however slowly...and also how much I spend on clothes, and makeup, and shoes, and accessories, and so on....

Still, to me, a blessing over all. Certainly, if I had a choice, I wouldn't change who and how I am. <Cue the music: "I gotta be me....">

Hugs...Joni Mari

[AllieSF]

It is also a blessing for me. Since I am a late bloomer and not in a relationship (drats!) I have not yet experieced the downside, if there really is one, of this side of me. Good question Cissy.

Oh, by the way, I am one of those contented ones too.

[Terri Andrews]

I struggled with this question a lot of years .
I now know that I AM GENDER BLESSED

[Jenniferpl]

A curse in that the desire it out of my control. There are times when I wish it would just go away but it refuses to behave. A blessing in that fact that I love being feminine. Life would be boring with it. The benefits out weigh the downsides by a long shot. I have come to accept what I am.

[Rebecca Jayne]

We are blessed beyond reproach.

We are all very fortunate to be able to live this way, only a small % do and not all of them are as open about it as we are here.

Unfortunately I would say they look upon cd/tg as a curse, we can hope they will find guidance and comfort.

[drushin703]

when I was younger, cding would hurt.hurt my relationships, hurt my
masculine disposition which I still think we all have.hurt my brain with this
constant contradiction; what is male about wearing pantyhose and a
pad, bra and makeup?over time the contradiction went far away and I am not bothered
any more.It (cding) is as glorious now as ever but without the guilt.

one of my co-workers asked me the other day if I was wearing
lipstick and my answer was yes....dana.

[trannie T]

I look upon crossdressing as being neither a blessing nor a curse, it is something that is. I accept myself for what I am. While I am comfortable in my own skin I do wish it had fewer wrinkles.

[Michellette]

ha yeah good for you drushin. i lack the guts really but sometimes i will go to sleep without removing any makeup, just let it get messy and all the next morning and forget about it. it feels nice despite the initial humiliation i get at the giggling when i walk by.

agreed trannie t, it is what it is to me. trying to go for a blessing or a curse just leads to more doubt and pain right?

[Megan70]

Blessing? NO, absolutely delusional for me, denial and rationaling... a curse... YES, it would take 3 pages to explain my background, history of CDing and theharm it has done . I can't turn back the past abd I know I will stand ALONE on this curse issue on this thread even if others silently do agree with me. I've written lengthy responses to this in past years I'm not going to do it again. Give me my opinion and please without judgemental remarks.
Sadly... a curse

Megan

[Michellette]

it is more harmful for me to not accept myself. i wouldn't judge or disagree with you friend :) but i am interested in reading those three pages so i can better understand how you mean.

[Jodi M]

Christinek,I like that! the next time someone wants to know why I crossdress I can tell them it is a bi polar condition and there is no drug that can help it.Thank goodness there isn't. Seriously though ( who the heck wants to be serious) I have sometimes regarded it as a curse because dressing takes away from time that could be used for other things, but whose to say that that time I spend enfemme is not good for my overall health and well being anyway. Whew we are grtting a little too introspective here. "Lighten up Frances"

[BaliGirl]

When I first started CD'ing as a teen, it was a terrible curse. I thought I was terribly perverted for wanting to wear my mom's bras. After every time I did it, I pledged to myself that I wasn't going to do it again. But I did. I couldn't (or maybe deep down didn't want to) resist the temptation.

After I moved out, I didn't dress anymore. I put it down as a teenage phase. I said to myself, "I've gone 10 (or more) years without dressing - I'm defintely not a crossdresser!".

Then, during a very stressful and depressing period in life, I remembered the pleasure I received from CD'ing. I thought "what do I have to lose" - and ordered a bra and foam forms. Just thinking about getting the package lifted my spirits. I enjoyed putting on a bra again. But I still felt alot of shame.

My journey of acceptance began when I found this group. Reading about people who accepted themselves has gotten me to mostly accept myself. I'm still in the closet, but at least I'm comfortable with myself.

P.S. Thank you Windy for this thread (tried to message you but your box is full).

[Jonianne]

100% Blessing. Everything about who I am is a blessing. Only when I mis-use anything I do, does the mis-use of it become a curse. Not the wonderful part of who I am.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It has to be both - and as much pain that it has caused in my past, I would not change it for the world - I now accept and love who I am.


JoAnne Wheeler

[il.dso]

For me, crossdressing involves such phenomenal pleasure and joy.
For me, crossdressing also involves pain and emotional turmoil.
Blessing and a curse, at least for now...

[Megan70]

[QUOTE=Michellette;1915097....i wouldn't judge or disagree with you friend :) but i am interested in reading those three pages so i can better understand how you mean".[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your truly sincere comment. I will find the URL page or older PM I sent to several like minded CD's on this issue, who won't speak up. Thanks 'girls" ( I hate the euphemism!!!) for not being judge mental with nasty remarks. my feelings are my own.


Christinek,I like that! the next time someone wants to know why I crossdress I can tell them it is a bi polar condition and there is no drug that can help it.Thank goodness there isn't. Seriously though...... "


I say Careful with those words you better know who and what kinds of people are on this page. You see I AM BI_POLAR and That am not ashamed of because through the use of medication and family support I am able to function a normal life. I am also A.D.D, anxiety ridden, explosive disorder and reactive depressive. . now throw in the god_damn CURSE of crossdressing and I am one f-ucked up puppy( not girl). Sorry about the anger here with myself but this should have been on the mental health page... I apologize . A blessing to me is a sacred word with religious connotations an I can absolutely NOT connected with my life of CDing. I wish it never happened.

A deranged, guilty
Megan

[windycissy]

I've been touched by the responses to this, although each of our paths is different, isn't it amazing how much we all have in common. My path to contentment has been no bed of roses, but the pain along the way has been rewarded by making me more comfortable in my skin - especially when I have makeup on it...

[Megan70]

I've been touched by the responses to this, although each of our paths is different, isn't it amazing how much we all have in common. My path to contentment has been no bed of roses, but the pain along the way has been rewarded by making me more...

A touching gentle statement from a sensitive gentle-woman. Thank you for seeing ALL our points here. Bless you "sister"

Megan

[melissacd]

There were many times within my life when it felt like a curse. But I have learned that the real curse was my state of denial. I denied just being me to conform to what I thought I was expected to be.

I have learned that the only thing that you can be and still lead a happy life, is yourself. In as much as we feel that we can, with enough will power, push aside these aspects of ourselves, there is always a deep unrest bubbling inside.

As I have accepted and allowed myself to just be, that unrest dissipates. We already know what is right for ourselves if we just take the time to connect with that emotional compass inside. When it feels right and good it probably is (assuming we can put aside all the judgements and moralization's of others). If it feels bad, wrong, truly wrong (after we have properly given it its due) then it probably is.

When I allow myself to be me I feel good inside, it feels right. Part of being me is expressing my feminine side. It has always felt that way, I just did not listen. I tried to bottle it up and set it aside, but that never works. In the end, it exploded onto the stage and created great havoc in my life. Had I just dealt with it long ago when it was a little thing I could have evolved with it gradually and life would have played out as it should have. There would have been much less hurt and pain to all involved.

So the curse was the denial and recognizing that I look at the rest of my life and choices in a very different way now.

Melissa

[Megan70]

There were many times within my life when it felt like a curse. But I have learned that the real curse was my state of denial.

So the curse was the denial and recognizing that I look at the rest of my life and choices in a very different way now.

Melissa

I haven't considered that but I guess i can't agree with you more as sounded by the bitter denial tone of my post. Thank you for your thoughts, well taken.
Megan

[sharynPA]

I gotta say both. LOVE IT....and uh...well...er..I never hate it, but ya know.

[Jaclyn NM]

As I've aged, I've come to accept my crossdressing as an integral part of who I am. I simply love being dressed in soft feminine clothing, and I no longer deny myself.

[Jodi M]

To Megan 70, My comment was in no way ment to belittle or ridicule anyone who is bi polar. I myself have a child now grown who is bi polar and ADD and I am well aware of the effects on his life and mine. My heart goes out to you also! Jodi M

[sherri52]

I think both. A blessing because it's one step closer to women where I can relate. A curse because I can never get enough clothes and when I"m satisfied for that day, I don't have enough closet space for them.

[sometimes_miss]

While self acceptance is important, there's no reason to delude myself that it's made my life better. It hasn't. I also have arthritis; I accept that, but don't like it either. Having my thoughts interrupted by desires to dress/act/be female on a almost constant basis really is a waste of mind power, not to mention how much it freaks out the women I wish I could be with. Nope, not a blessing. Not at all.
You can find a silver lining in most clouds; that doesn't mean a hurricane isn't coming to wash your town away.