Why is it that some wives accept us without a problem?

[Koka]

Girls,

I took my wife shopping to her favorite store today :daydreaming: . I told her that I wanted her to get some clothes and shoes for herself (she loves clothes and shoes). I told her that I wanted her to give her a surprise in appreciation for being the coolest wife in the world. :love: We had a great time while the children were running and playing throughout the store. When we got home, she started taking all the tags off and putting her clothes away in the closet and drawers. All of a sudden while I was reading emails, she came with a little bag and she told me that it was for me... and guess what? In the bag were the cutiest and sexiest little panties ever. She told me she never used them and she thought they will look great on me. There were a total of 6 undies from Victoria's Secret. Loved them!!! - I can't wait to try them on.
After a while, I started thinking about why is that there are wives who accept the feminine side of their husbands without a problem. As some of you know, I have a supportive wife (well, semi-supportive I'd say) and in my case, she says she does not make it a problem and she is the kind of person with a "it is what it is" attitude. She says, she won't analize it, or even stop to think why is it that I am the way I am. She says: "that is YOU and period". Sometimes I wonder if she accepts it as a sort of a trade for the tranquility and peace she loves to have in the relationship. She is ALWAYS calling me "girl", even when we talk over the phone; she is always making jokes such as "where are you girl", "I am sure you are flying wrapped in silk and high heels so into your pink fog that you don;t even notice the phone ringing" or sometimes she says "Hi beautiful, am I interrupting?... are you with your lovers driving them crazy?... Let me tell you, I love those jokes, they feed my desires for crossdressing so much that sometimes I wish I could stop working and go home to dress and get out to the streets. All this makes me also think / suspect that perhaps deep inside her, she loves to know that I love being a girl and perhaps it brings her some sexual feelings. She is not the type of woman who loves sex, in fact, I am the one who is always looking for her to have intimacy. I don't know. I am not sure and I might be wrong. Perhaps she is just a understanding woman and a very nice one. However, all I know is that she accepts me (at least in her own way) and that is what matters. She is a keeper indeed!!. Last night I showed her some pictures I took on Friday at home and she commented that I look hot. By the way, you can take a look at some of the pics here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kokabonita/. Anyway, Why is it that some wives accept us without a problem?

I would love to see your commments..:battingeyelashes:

Kisses

KK

[sissystephanie]

I think more wives would be accepting if two things happened:

1. The wife knew about the CD activities before the marriage. (So she had a fair chance to back out!)

2. She always knew that her husband was a MAN no matter what he was wearing!

These two things worked for 40+ years with my late wife. I told her before we married, and she not only accepted me "as is," but also supported me for the entire time we had together. I also took great pains to make sure that she knew I was her Man no matter what I had on!

It is very understandable to me why any woman who learns after the marriage that her husband like to dress and act like a woman doesn't like it. To put it bluntly, she has been living with a liar! Nobody likes that!

BTW, be sure to give your wife a big hug and kiss. She is one in a million!

[NathalieX66]

Not everyone is fortunate to have someone like Helen Boyd for a wife. ;)

[Cheshire Gummi]

Originally, I was going to mention that most of the people who get rejected have been hiding it for a long time. It's a broken trust. It occurs to me, however, as closeted as I am, I can't say a thing about deceiving those you love out of fear. I'm hiding right now so I don't get hurt.

My girlfriend knows who I am and she accepts it because she loves me and wants my love, but she's not the norm. I've lied to her and she's lied to me. That's what hurts our relationship the most, but I don't know if that's what causes these kinds of rejections. If I had to put money down on it, that would be the place my dollars would go, but I can't tell you why some people think what they think and do the things they do. Sometimes it's because the trust is broken, I'm sure, but it's sometimes out of fear, too. Sometimes, people just want to hurt other people.

Did I really need to mention any of this? It's obvious enough, isn't it? People are people. Didn't we all know that?

[LaurenRenee]

Koka, you are a beautiful and very lucky gurl.

I can't see my wife ever accepting Lauren :(

I am jealous.

Lauren

[AndroRemi]

You might as well ask why someone doesn't like cheese, to be honest. People are born different, raised different, and think different, and that all has an impact on how someone is going to react to your crossdressing. It isn't like its as simple as, "oh, if she knew all along, she'd have accepted it for sure." Some people can tolerate it, some people love it, some people hate it, some people couldn't care less. Everyone is different, just like everyone else.

[Karren H]

You might as well ask why someone doesn't like cheese, to be honest.

Some people don't like cheese?? I'm crushed.........

[Miranda09]

She sounds like a real sweetie KK. Why some accept and others don't is a mystery to me. All I can say is that some woman have a broader outlook on life which came either from their upbringing or from their own life's experiences. Count yourself among the lucky few, which hopefully will grow in the very near future. :)

[Andy66]

I'll tell you why I would be accepting: Crossdressers (many but not all) are beautiful and sexy and have very likeable personalities.

And I'll tell you why I wouldn't be accepting: if he/she were a liar or selfish, or a jerk in some way.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi Koka,

Maybe we should put the problem back to front. The wives/SO's may be accepting of some but not all Cd's? Perhaps its the Cd's who are just not acceptable to the wives?

Sam.

.

[Jenniferpl]

If I knew the answer to the question, I would be rich. To have the ability to figure out what is on a women's mind would open up sooo many posibilities it would be heard to determine where to start.

Good thing my wife loves cheese.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I really think most of it is that each GG has thier own level of acceptance, tolerance, likes, dis-likes and it might not have as much to do with if and when the CD chose to tell them. Although it is proper and essential to tell as soon as possible and especially before engagement or marriage.

I think about my own wonderful wife, in that she not only accepts my cross dressing, she accepts so many other things about me (slob, long work hours, Star Trek fan, Fox News Fan etc.) that basically every other GG I dated before had issues with and did not really accept.

[Samantha43]

I can only speak from my personal experiences. My wife is accepting and supportive. She has even said she likes it when I crossdress. I told her....(and showed her)... well before we were married.

I am very careful to always be the man she married. I do my best to be a good father to our children. I never let crossdressing interfere with any family activities. I maintain my male traits at all times except when I am crossdressed.

I think a wife must feel secure in her relationship with her husband and be secure in her sexuality before she will be able to accept a crossdressing husband. Honesty and openness are very important for both partners.

I try to look at it from her perspective. What if she was the one who liked to crossdress? What if she wanted to get a butch haircut and wear Carharts and work boots? It would be difficult for me to be accepting and supportive, but I would because I love her. My wife is a very special woman and I make sure I let her know how much I appreciate her.

[TxKimberly]

I'll tell you why I would be accepting: Crossdressers (many but not all) are beautiful and sexy and have very likeable personalities.

And I'll tell you why I wouldn't be accepting: if he/she were a liar or selfish, or a jerk in some way.


Well, count me out then. My wife has informed me on numerous occasions that I AM a jerk. lol

[Rachel_Red]

Here are the two big things in my mind as to why some do and don't like their CDing husbands:

1st as stated before, tell your wife or future wife LONG before you get married that you're a CDer or that you like CDing. If they can't handle it they'll leave you but then you get the chance to search for a more understanding person.

The second part to that is that its only fair. Would you like it if your wife came to you with some big huge secret. It may not be that they can't stand your CDing it might just be that you kept such a secret from them, that you didn't trust them with all of your heart. When you get married to someone you're supposed to share everything even a bed so the key to any good marriage is no secrets. So yah first rule: tell them before you get to deep in a relationship.

2nd possible though. Your gal is socialy conditioned in the "old ways". What I mean by this is that from birth she may have always been taught that pink = girl, blue = boy and that this very important rule should NEVER be broken. If thats the case you have a hard battle ahead of you. Its a relatively new concept to be allowed to express yourself in any way you want and even then its still hard to do. If this is the case and your gf is iffy about your CDing and you know it'll never improve you have to make a choice, do you give up CDing or give her up? The important thing in any case is to be honest with your SO long before you get to deep. With luck she'll hear you out and you can convince her its not a big deal and regardless of what clothing you wear you'll always be her man and the love of her life, in which case thats most of what an SO would want.

The important thing to ask yourself is: would you be ok with your wife/SO dressing like you in guy mode? Also a good thing to remember is, don't go clubing or out without your SO/wife, thats not fair to them.

[Dutchess]

From an accepting GG ....

Here I am again ,, somehow I sometimes feel like I am butting in ..after this I will go over to the lounge lol

My acceptance is kind of unusual maybe ,,,in that I was raised through my teen years in the late 70's my my first cousin who was an openly gay performing drag queen. This started in 1977 when I was 15 and at that time in Texas the cops never bothered hidden gay clubs like these,, the management was well aware of my cousins situation and allowed me into the dressing areas with him. I saw everything you could imagine as of course in this club and in many others we went to I eventually mingled into the crowd ,,gay people of all sorts, crossdressers, the transgendered, married men looking for a gay fling or a trans on the side,, you name it I saw it . Most of these people became my friends.... I was born an ultra fem girly girl so backstage and the people that came with it were just a heaven for me. My mother was an avant guard artist that was gone all the time... so I see things in a different way. Also, even though my cousin was a few years older , I had played the role of his protector all our lives .. he was flaming from birth and growing up in conservative small town Texas was a nightmare .....

So I play the role of protector today. I knew what my husband was from the moment I saw him. He was totally hidden ,,he thought. I was shocked I could read a person that well just from my past experiences , and he cannot still see how I knew ,,,I just knew ..so as I have said many times before,, it was ME who drug him out of his closet..

I just talked to my beloved cousin a few days ago ,,no longer a drag queen but still living the good life in Ft. Lauderdale. :love:

[Carroll]

Why? Cuz they are cool!

[kayfan]

For me was a thing of getting caught:doh: but how do you tell your wife of 20 years you like to have female time??? don't think it would have been any different if i told her.. some women are open minded and know it does not change who we are for who we like to be for a while..

Why do we like to dress????? have we got something missing in our lives or is it just normal????? well having the internet tells me its the being normal....doesn't everyone have their outlets in life?? ours is feeling sexy and female :hugs:

[Rachel_Red]

well having the internet tells me its the being normal....doesn't everyone have their outlets in life?? ours is feeling sexy and female :hugs:

Thats a great gem right there. Everyone has their outlets just as you mentioned hehe. What one person considers wierd another considers normal, I doubt that everyone will see eye-to-eye 100% all the time. The best thing everyone can do is be tolerant of eachother as long as they arn't hurting themselves or anyone then its fine.

[Karren H]

In my humble opinion, their is no such thing as total acceptance... Just varying degrees of tolllerence.. From 99.9% tollerence to zero.. They tolerate what we do... But there's always something that they won't tollerate.. Some crossdressing threshold.. A limit.. Then boom!! Things change...

[sissystephanie]

In my humble opinion, their is no such thing as total acceptance... Just varying degrees of tolllerence.. From 99.9% tollerence to zero.. They tolerate what we do... But there's always something that they won't tollerate.. Some crossdressing threshold.. A limit.. Then boom!! Things change...

The only limit my late wife ever put on me was No Being Dressed in front of our children! I could and did live with that. Everything else was O.K. At her request, we even changed roles sometimes! We both enjoyed that! Maybe her tolerance was 99.9999999999999%, but it sure was close to total!!:)

Again I will say, open and honest communication from the git go will win every time!

[PretzelGirl]

I think it also lies in the way that we treat them. The part mentioned about telling them early in the relationship is true. But I also think that the way we continue to treat and respect them makes it easier for them to accept us because they are accepting the person and not necessarily the presentation.

Take my wife for instance (no Henny Youngman jokes here, you can't have her!). From the beginning I have asked what her boundaries are. She has told me clearly how she feels. Whenever something seemed outside of anything we have previously discussed, I would sit down with her. As time has gone by, these boundaries have changed. But I believe her comfort has always been based on the fact that I ask for her boundaries and respect them.

[christinek]

I have seen a lot of negative responses from GG's in other threads.

I had a great marriage before I came out after 15 years. That said I still have a great marriage and like above my wife and I shop together and she gives me clothes too. A few of my best outfits were ones she bought for herself and did not like how the looked on her and she said "Here try this one and see how it looks on you". I think if your relations ship was not one of Gibraltar then the foundation was crumbling already.

I know I am lucky, I know I had tons of clues out there for her to pick up on and she never did. I am in love and she loves me.

She is going with me to Be-All in June, she is nervous, so was I before the SCC started, hell I wondered why I was at the SCC the first day and considered leaving. That would have been a huge mistake, glad I never made it.

Cheers to you and yours Koka, look to meet you at an upcoming conference.

Christine

[Andy66]

Well, count me out then. My wife has informed me on numerous occasions that I AM a jerk. lol
Aw, Kimberly. You're really going through it right now, aren't you? :hugs:

[Speck]

I'm a genetic woman. On your scale of acceptance I'm way over to an extreme that most, including myself, find incredible.

I won't bore you with the details of just how much I love "her" and miss her when she hasn't been out for more than a week or so. Buying things for her has become my favourite pass time.

I can only share some things that I think have contributed but I don't think it's a recipe that works for everyone:

-I was the instigator
-She's gorgeous
-She looks and acts like a lady (makes me very proud)
-She dresses classy
-She's smart
-She's fun and funny

I also think that in male mode, he is attentive, he understands me, he's kind, etc. and that cannot be underestimated.

I don't want friends and family to know about "her" because I'm well aware of how intolerant the rest of the my world (and his) would be.

So she's my secret and one I cherish.

Cheers,

Tipyish

[harmony]

two things come to mind!one has been mentioned already:insecurity in ones own sexuality or femininity.
are you living YOUR life or are your life and your actions determined by others ie what will the neighbors think!!
this does not hold for sos only but generally makes sound human beeings!

[Lorileah]

The second part to that is that its only fair. Would you like it if your wife came to you with some big huge secret. It may not be that they can't stand your CDing it might just be that you kept such a secret from them, that you didn't trust them with all of your heart. When you get married to someone you're supposed to share everything even a bed so the key to any good marriage is no secrets. So yah first rule: tell them before you get to deep in a relationship.



I agree with telling your SO/GF/fiance early so they can choose, but honestly (since we have no secrets) do you really expect your spouse to have told you everything???? I don't know many people who could handle knowing everything that ever happened in their spouse's life. First experience? How many boyfriends and what they did? They time she tried an illegal substance? I never expected total honesty. Maybe that is why I was married 23 years and together 33. We both knew the other wasn't an angel. Everyone has secrets.

[AmiFL]

I think it is all a matter of luck, mixed with a lot of understanding. Some of you simply "lucked out" meeting that special GG who accepted everything about you. Your dressing was just another facet of you that they love. It makes you happy and complete so they cultivate it. Some of your SO's found out before the relationship or well into it and they accepted that part of you as you.

Unfortunately, many of us had just the opposite reaction from our spouses. Total unacceptance. Yet we stayed with them anyway, and hide that part of us in the closet. We at least get to share our feelings here,

Like I said, it is just the luck of the draw......

[FluffyPersian]

I agree with telling your SO/GF/fiance early so they can choose, but honestly (since we have no secrets) do you really expect your spouse to have told you everything???? I don't know many people who could handle knowing everything that ever happened in their spouse's life. First experience? How many boyfriends and what they did? They time she tried an illegal substance? I never expected total honesty. Maybe that is why I was married 23 years and together 33. We both knew the other wasn't an angel. Everyone has secrets.

If it affects day to day life, then not disclosing it to a future spouse is wrong.

[Koka]

I also believe in the power of understanding and compassion. I have always believed that GG have a lot more flexibility and compassion just for the fact that they are beings capable of creating human life and therefore embracing it better.

Koka

[sempervirens]

There're a lot of good answers. In addition to what others have said about honesty, I think it depends on...

* ...her beliefs, attitudes, and values (and her overall world-view). To some degree, that's something you have a handle on before you get too involved
* ...the strength of communication. It's a heck of a lot better when you can both communicate well and you have a culture of open and respectful communication
* ...being friends first, and allowing the other person to be less than some objective ideal of perfection; sometimes we hold our SO's to unrealistic standards
* ...the generation. I think the younger generation might have an easier time with it
* ...whether you both have fun together, can laugh, and not have everything be serious

Overall, though, there's a difference between tolerance and acceptance. It's easier to tolerate than accept, but acceptance feels quite a bit different (and better).

[Nicole Marie]

Acceptance begins with the strength of the relationship between you and your wife and ends with her ability to understand and empathize. Ideally you should discuss it early on in the relationship but can be done later if you're willing to work at rebuilding trust after years of hiding it. I just did it the hard way and it's working for us but that may not work for others. Just my two cents!

[Rianna Humble]

You might as well ask why someone doesn't like cheese, to be honest.

Some people don't like cheese?? I'm crushed.........

Relax hun, I'm sure that was only taking an absurd example to underline the thought:)

I can't answer the original question, all I can say is if you've got it, cherish it.

[SuzanneBender]

Well, count me out then. My wife has informed me on numerous occasions that I AM a jerk. lol


Mine does that all the time also, but its typically not because of the dressing. Its usually because I was a total guy. :doh:

[SuzanneBender]

I expect some nail scratches for this one girls so please be gentle. I will say up front that I am not saying all of us that have a strained relationship because of our dressing are bad husbands. Please do not take my comments that way. I love all of you. Just making an observation that may hit close to home for some and not apply at all to others.
Many relationships that fail or are strained do not fail solely because of the dressing or even the lack of trust that not having come out to our wives sooner causes. The painful fact of the matter is that hiding this from our wives often causes significant other relational issues because of the issues that we are dealing or failing to deal with. Lets face it girls we are men baby and men often deal with issues like this in detrimental ways. Sometimes I just hate that darn Y chromosome. We have a tendency to fix rather than listen and we try to fix ourselves rather than reaching out to others to help us fix it. How many sisters do you know that self medicate in some way....too much work, too much drinking, too much anything, but not enough family.

In my experience the sisters that I have met that have accepting loving wives have them because they are great husbands and fathers no matter what the gender presentation. When we let our dressing and desires get in the way of that role it is human nature that our spouse will not want to accept the dressing and question their relationship with us.

[tanyacross]

I think the problem for us CDers is that we often cannot find a balance because we are so wrapped up in our cross dressing, this prevents our partners from being able to appreciate the positive qualities.

[SuzanneBender]

I think the problem for us CDers is that we often cannot find a balance because we are so wrapped up in our cross dressing, this prevents our partners from being able to appreciate the positive qualities.

Sage wisdom Tanya. We get so excited by being what we want to be that we forget what others need of us. Especially if they show a little acceptance up front.

[lavistaa62]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone- my wife doesn't know and I'm considering that it might be a positive thing to discuss it despite the fact that we have been married for a while and I'm not sure (who can be) how she'll react. This is some of the most mature and thoughtful discussion I've ever come across.

[Rita B]

You have to be kidding. Right

[sherri52]

I'm divorced twice and both my wives knew I dressed. It bothered both of them and always caused fights. Love is what drove them to the alter but eventually the dressing drove them out. I had 6 children with the first and 2 with the second. Having children doesn't keep you together when one partner wants out.

[JamieToo]

Koka, first of all, your wife was right, you are totally hot. I don't disagree with the other ladies about being forthright at the beginning, but how many of us told a girlfriend before marrying them only to have them leave the relationship. If you've gotten far enough into a relationship for it to be serious enough to divulge that you are a cross dresser, then you probably don't want to screw it up. That is not to say that you shouldn't tell them, but simply an explanation as to why we often do not.

But what about those women who are told and accept it? First I think that they must be strong women who are confident and not threatened by something like CDing. Secondly, they cannot have had such a strict upbringing that they think that anything except a relationship between a man and woman in the traditional sense is wrong. If they are not open minded in considering that people are different from one another then they won't be accepting.

And lastly, some women simply don't want a man who dresses like a woman. Forget all that stuff about your feminine side because she won't understand it. She is a female who only wants to be a female. How or why would she understand your desire to be a female, or even simply dress like one?

All of you who have found a girlfriend or wife who is accepting of your CDing, consider youself lucky and cherish that woman and treat her like a queen because she has given you a gift that a very small percentage of us ever receive.

[PortiaHoney]

If you are lkucky enough to have met the girl who is secure in her relationship, actually loves "you" for whoever you are, is confident in her own person, bleieves in her heart that you are still you regardeless of the covering and that you still show her that she is the centre of your universe and not just circling around your own egocentric ideals, then you may have what the rest of us strive for.

A rare pearl indeed.

[Valeries_Online]

Recently my SO and I had a great talk and we both came to an understanding of how far I was willing to go. I'm not sure about all others but Ive noticed a few things. The uncertainty of how far you really want to go inside and when it will come out as well as the accepting SO who will accept you to the point that she is miserable being with you but loves you.

No matter what I want my SO will always accept and love me. Even if it makes her miserable. On the other side I see her unhappy and need to do something about it. So not that she is holding me back from being what I want I'm not saying that at all. I guess the best way to say it is you can find happiness in many places and I'm most happy dressing and making my SO and family happy. We talk about every aspect of each other and it doesn't always come right out or make sense to the other person at first. People don't need time to adjust they need to talk to you and know who you are. At that point they accept it or reject it. Wouldn't it be scary to wake up to your SO and not really know who they are or want to be? It would be for me. Anyways.. blah blah..

I think if you have an accepting SO you must talk a lot and are open and honest with each other. Isn't that the foundation to any successful relationship with cding involved or not? If it isn't it should be. Maybe the cding isnt the issue but relationship skills are.
:2c:

[KayC]

Valerie,
Re: Your statement: "No matter what I want my SO will always accept and love me. Even if it makes her miserable."

No person should want the one they love to sacrifice their happiness for your own. If it makes the other person truly miserable, perhaps it's not a good match. Personally, I'd give it time for her to adjust and if that wasn't happening and satisfactory compromises couldn't be reached, it'd be time to move on for both of your sakes.

[Valeries_Online]

Okay, sorry, but to clarify a bit...


On the other side I see her unhappy and need to do something about it. So not that she is holding me back from being what I want I'm not saying that at all. I guess the best way to say it is you can find happiness in many places and I'm most happy dressing and making my SO and family happy.


the issue wasnt dressing. It was an issue with hormones and a possible full transition someday. Im more than a crossdresser so sorry for the confusion. She isnt miserable nor would I ever let that happen. She makes me happy. If dressing was the issue I dont think she would have bought me new knee high boots tonight to go with my skirts. Or the 6 pack of low rise panties at target earlier and the few cute tops and a sweater she insisted I get at our local thrift shop. I hope that clarifies a little. Sorry if I confused anyone. I do NOT treat my SO that way.:Peace:

[lavistaa62]

Nope- not at all. Most of the internet is pretty immature and this is not the sort of thing one discusses with neighbors.

[Koka]

It occurs to me that, more than acceptance, it is the understanding level some women have. I had a conversation with my wife and I asked her if she considers herself as a supportive wife. Her response was “more than supportive, I consider myself as an understanding wife” – then I asked if she likes that her husband is a cross dresser, she says, “it is totally indifferent to me, neither makes me happy nor miserable” - Again, she says she understands and if that makes me feel good then she is ok with it. I think in my case, my SO is naturally detached to the paradigms of society. Sometimes I feel afraid of her openness regarding my C-ding. For instance, I told her tonight that I love the feminine feeling, that I love to look and feel like a girl, she looked me in the eyes and smile and she said: “You are a crazy girl!!” – OMG, sometimes I think I am more closed minded than her.

KOKA :love:

[Ariadne GG]

Koka! I think it sounds like more than you have a wonderful wife, it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship!:love:
I love to hear good things like that.

I don't know if accepting is the right word for what I feel. I think accepting implies a conscious choice. I don't need to think about it, I love my husband no matter what he's wearing. I am interested in what interests him. (Or her as the case may be.)

KayC- I'm thinking you may have misread Val's comment... She didn't say "No matter what, I want my SO TO always accept and love me. Even if it makes her miserable."
She said "no matter what I want- my SO WILL always love and accept me."
It's like when your kids are sick and you'd rather it was you, I'd rather be sad than have Val upset. (And I know she feels the same for me.) But we always talk things through and it's always resolved. And we are always honest with each other.

I am glad you two appreciate each other Koka.

[Megan70]

It occurs to me that, more than acceptance, it is the understanding level some women have. I had a conversation with my wife and I asked her if she considers herself as a supportive wife. Her response was “more than supportive, I consider myself as an understanding wife” – then I asked if she likes that her husband is a cross dresser, she says, “it is totally indifferent to me, neither makes me happy nor miserable” - Again, she says she understands and if that makes me feel good then she is ok with it. I think in my case, my SO is naturally detached to the paradigms of society. Sometimes I feel afraid of her openness regarding my C-ding. For instance, I told her tonight that I love the feminine feeling, that I love to look and feel like a girl, she looked me in the eyes and smile and she said: “You are a crazy girl!!” – OMG, sometimes I think I am more closed minded than her.

KOKA :love:
Koka you are a very very lucky girl, as am I . This week my wife and I are married 39 years and she found out by accident into the 3rd year of our marriage. But to the envy and jealousy and yes the unfortunate chagrin of others my wife has been very loving and supporting and helping assist other wives of CD's in coming to grips with their husbands unusual hobby.
In all our years we have gone out hundreds of time to the mall and plazas shopping ( en femme) , movies, ethic restaurants for dinners, philharmonic concerts, stage shows, visiting others, and more and more etc. Say nothing of the very personal aspect of sexual involvement with my spouse while dressed or her assisting in dressing me. Wow the first few time she did that was mind blowing and then to satisfy her man/girl in all ways showed a loving gesture of a truly remarkable woman. You are lucky like me Koka, and I wish I could wave a magic wand over all those those thousands of miserable sisters who do not have our kind of wives and are adamantly against accepting it that in some cases it causes a marriage breakup.:straightface:

We are blessed girlfriend.:hugs:

Megan

[Miranda09]

It occurs to me that, more than acceptance, it is the understanding level some women have. I had a conversation with my wife and I asked her if she considers herself as a supportive wife. Her response was “more than supportive, I consider myself as an understanding wife” – then I asked if she likes that her husband is a cross dresser, she says, “it is totally indifferent to me, neither makes me happy nor miserable” - Again, she says she understands and if that makes me feel good then she is ok with it. I think in my case, my SO is naturally detached to the paradigms of society. Sometimes I feel afraid of her openness regarding my C-ding. For instance, I told her tonight that I love the feminine feeling, that I love to look and feel like a girl, she looked me in the eyes and smile and she said: “You are a crazy girl!!” – OMG, sometimes I think I am more closed minded than her.

KOKA :love:

Koka...your wife sounds like a gem...does she have a sister?? :D I really envy you!

[KayC]

KayC- I'm thinking you may have misread Val's comment... She didn't say "No matter what, I want my SO TO always accept and love me. Even if it makes her miserable."
She said "no matter what I want- my SO WILL always love and accept me."
You're so right, thank you both for clarifying. Sorry!

[Hali]

That single decision she made to accept u will go a long way in making ur life easier and worth ur while ..........congrats!

[Laura_Stephens]

I have no idea why one person is accepting and another one isn't.

My wife is a wonderful person. She is a great mother, caring, helpful, and I am sure beyond all doubt that she is one of God's favorite people.

When she found out about my closeted secret, she decided that she wouldn't leave me, but that is the precise moment when the marriage ended. She won't discuss CDing whatsoever. Today, not only do we not have a traditional physical relationship, I am not allowed to hold her hand or give her a hug. It is very much like having a platonic roommate.

Other than the anti-CD attitude, she really is perfect.

[MissyW]

I believe that my wife has accepted me for a couple of reasons. One, i was upfront with her at the beginning of the relationship. Two, she is pretty open - minded. Three, a degree in Psychology can't hurt, either!

[Shananigans]

I love to joke with my boyfriend about him CD too. The first skirt we bought him was a Miley Cyrus skirt (don't hate!) so we always joke around saying that we're going to "Miley Cyrus it up tonight." I'd say I am more open and turned on by it because I know it turns him on...and when he's turned on it turns me on. So, perhaps, your wife knows it is something you love and she loves you, therefore she loves it too. She may not be outwardly wild about it, but I bet deep down she loves making you feel good. Or else she wouldn't be buying you pretty panties.

[iamgem]

I give my wife a lot of input for my female side and she enjoys it. Also I believe she also enjoys the idea that she can turn me from he to she.

[dresser1974]

I think it is some woman think it is another thing a man is trying to take from women. But I don't think they realize how much work goes into looking fem? As a man I am not trying to take anything from women if anything they should feel honored imitation being the best form of flattery!:heehee:

[charlytuna]

don't know why some wives [so] are surportive or not all I know I laid everything on the table before i propose to her and went to the marrige with open minds. been married for 30 years [tuesday] she some what surportive she buys me lingerie and other clothes but she not that surportive in like wanting to go out dressed she feel like it's a sexual thing or something. I dress in front of her, she helps me with my make-up, but it's all at home behind closed doors