Should I tell or not?

[sissystephanie]

Those of you who have read my numerous posts know quite a bit of my CD history and know who else knows that I am a CD. For the rest of you, let me give a brief synopsis.

I told my late wife before we married and she not only accepted me "as is," but was also totally supportive. We did, however, have some ground rules. One was that we would not tell our children when we had any, and I would never dress in front of them. As long as she was alive I followed those rules and kept folllowing them until this year. Earlier this year, after almost dying last fall, I decided to tell my daughter, who is the oldest. She took it very matter of factly, merely telling me, "Just don't get too girly around me or the grandkids!" BTW, my 3 grandchildren are grown also. The youngest is 28. Oh yes, I do have a GGF, who also knows that I am a CD and accepts me "as is!" She has seen pictures of me dressed, but has never seen me dressed in person. She lives a long way from me!

The point of this story is that a few weeks ago I was shopping dressed enfemme, as usual without a wig or makeup. I was in a local Kroger when my grandaughter came up behind me. She works in a Kroger, but not the one I was in. She happened to be doing an inventory that day in that store. So now she knows and she told her younger brother who shares an apartment with her.

So my BIG QUESTION is, should I tell the rest of the family (son, daughter in law, grandson and his wife) or try to keep it a secret? My daughter thinks I should tell the rest of the family and get it in the open. I love all my family, even the in-laws, but I am not sure I can stand to be totally out of the closet like that. On the other hand, as my daughter said, what if it had been one of my friends who saw me dressed..............?

Any suggestions??

[alexis GG]

I think you should just tell them after all what 'kids' can keep secrets like that... but i think it would sound better if you explained things to them rather than hearing it from someone who isn't fully in the know :)

[sissystephanie]

Thanks, Alexis. No wonder AZ loves you!!

[ReineD]

I agree with your daughter. Truth is best now.

But does being spotted by someone you know come as a surprise? In my opinion, the minute a TG chooses to dress openly within reasonable distance from home, she has already made the decision to out herself. It is only a question of time before she is seen. To not believe this is putting your head in the sand.

Could it be that deep down you would like everyone to know, so that you can be free to be yourself?
:hugs:

[trannie T]

I am creeping out of the closet at my own speed (dead slow.) When I look at my attitude to being out most of the reason I am still hiding in the closet is force of habit. I can think of no overpowering reason not to be out. For anyone else hiding in the closet or being out is their decision.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Steph, You may as well tell em. the ball is rolling that way anyway already. They may not be %100 comfortable with it(the ones who know already)but at least they haven't renounced you or disowned you. It could be worse. to a great extent I'm out of the closet too but I don't think I would like to come out to the good folks who live in my senior and medicare retired apartment building because they are just the sort of oldtimers who would make a nuisance out of themselves calling me "Gertrude",etc.to which I would probably get furious which would result in my being reported to the housing office as troublesome and rude. More on all this some other time. You may as well tell everybody. It's working out OK anyhow. It can't hurt.

salu, Samantha

[Sheila]

Steph as some already Know, it may be a wise decision to "out" yourself to the rest, best they get the knowledge from someone who knows what they are talking about than from a friend of a friend who has not a clue what being a Transgendered person is :)

[Karren H]

Personally.... I wouldn't..... and if someone saw you dressed.. do what I do.... lie!! lol

[Daphne Renee]

It sounds like most of them know anyhow. IMO there are too many people who know to really keep it a secret. I agree with the others ..it would be better for you to tell them than someone else.

[MyLoveMillie]

I say tell them, At the end of the day they will either accept it
or they wont but you really are just pro longing it..

And it is best to hear it from you rather then he said she said and it all getting very mixed up and added bits to the story...

Good Luck :)

Hannah xx

[Jilmac]

I think as long as your daughter (and now ) granddaughter know, there might be a trickle down affect to the rest of the family. It would probably better if the news came from you than the grapevine.:2c:

[Sandra]

Tell them better coming from you and you explaining it, than from someone who may only know a little about the cding.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry! What was the question again?:brolleyes:

[Sally24]

I love all my family, even the in-laws, but I am not sure I can stand to be totally out of the closet like that.
If you're shopping in the Kroger then I'm thinking you really aren't in the closet anymore. Time to think about who to tell and who not to tell. I've been slowly expanding my circle this year and am out to all the "important" people. I expect most people we know will be in on things in the next couple of years.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Sounds like a great reason to get everyone together, have nice dinner and explain the facts, dress code use your comfort level.
I would expect more support and approval than disgust.
Besides you already have several in your corner, champ.

[sissystephanie]

Katie B, you are correct. And so are the rest of you who told me to tell all!

After all, if I am walking around in a Koger store, or elsewhere, dressed like a lady I am out of the closet, aren't I? Especially when I don't wear a wig or makeup!

Today I did start to tell my son, he said, "Dad, I've know you were a crossdresser for some time and I don't care. Just don't dress in front of me and don't tell my wife!" I just told him thank you and didn't ask how he had known. Now I only have one grandson and his wife to tell, and I think they will not be any more problem than the others. I do kind of wish I could dress in front of them, but I will take what I get!:)

[Holly]

...I do kind of wish I could dress in front of them, but I will take what I get!:)All in time, dear lady. My wife was certain that her twin sister would disown us if she ever found out. Turns out we all went to get our nails done together last year for a New Year's Eve Party. I drove her to the airport (dressed) this past March when she came to my wife's and my 40th wedding anniversary vow renewal.

FWIW, I agree with the others who have said to go ahead and tell. The truth of the matter is that they, like your son, most likely already know. You being honest and open with them will give you the opportunity to clear up any "misconceptions" they may be having. Best wishes, sweetie.

[sissystephanie]

Thanks Holly!! It may happen(dressing in front of them), but I am O.K. with the situation as it is.

BTW, a belated congratulations on attaining your 40th. Were you a CD the entire time? As you probably know, my late wife and I missed our 50th by 5 months. And yes, she knew when we married!!:love: