Excuses

[Lorileah]

This has been brought up I am sure in different forms many times, but once again I am confused to why there always has to be an excuse.

Such as in "You can blame your wife (daughter, cat dog the neighbor) for the nail polish (make up, shaved legs)". And usually in the same post or thread is the comment of "My wife (daughter, cat, neighbor) hates it when I do this".

Ok going out on a limb here but I am going to say it (forgive me for this sexist comment) "cowboy up!"(that's how we say it out west). For once just say "I did it!" You want people to accept you but you sneak and crawl around and make excuses. Try it once. Just look at the person who says anything and say "Yeah so? I like it." Usually they either smile and compliment you on your taste or nerve or they wander away mumbling. Either way is better than a see through lie.

My new rebuttal?

"Don't ask questions that you don't really want the honest answer to." or "Do you really want to know?" If they say yes, then I tell them. If they don't want to know they usually hang their head and walk away or just change the subject.

And you all thought this thread was going to be a group of new ways to weasel out of owning up to who you are, didn't you?

[Paula Siemen]

I agree!!! We all just need to grab up our BALLS and tell it like it is. I guess that's what separates the MEN from the GIRLS?????

[Karren H]

I agree!!! We all just need to grab up our BALLS and tell it like it is. I guess that's what separates the MEN from the GIRLS?????

Damn... I missplaced them along with my forms..
actually my wife think I'm the biggest liar on this planet so why disappoint her? And even when you tell people the truth.. Most of them don't believe you anyway!! So what's the use..

[Lorileah]

I agree!!! We all just need to grab up our BALLS and tell it like it is. I guess that's what separates the MEN from the GIRLS?????

:rofl: I am sure that was said in jest. But Yes, strange how the TS's have the "biggest ones" here isn't it?

But women in general do that more than men. They don't hem and haw (another western saying) but just say "Hey, I like this outfit." or "I like this color". Women own what they do and what they wear. So many here say the emulate women, but they emulate a parody outdated caricature of women.

I can give you the I don't want to hurt my parents or spouses feelings. Personally I am still working through the not letting children see me dressed (my own mind game). But c'mon. If your racquetball buddy sees your painted toenails, you wanted him to see them. You painted them, how did you "forget" you painted them? (for that matter if you spouse "forced you" to paint them it is even LESS likely you forget"). I had my toenails painted three summers ago and I was wearing Huarache sandals at a party where there were many of my wife's co-workers. Many noticed, some commented and complimented (yes they were red), and one 10 year old girl said to her mom, "look he has toenail polish on". Her mom said, "yeah ain't that cool?" No one in my wife's office ever confronted her about it, I also had smooth legs. It was a non-issue.

But back to the no excuses part. If you own it, it does become a non-issue in most cases. It can be a learning experience for both of you.

[Karren H]

Now that you mention it... Again and again... You might be on to something.. If no one used excuses any more than it would totally deflate my wifes argument that I'm a poor excuse for a man?? :)

[Lorileah]

See there is always a bright side Karren. I didn't know you needed an excuse to be a man. I thought that gave you a free pass to be inept and clumsy. No wonder I can roam the halls no pass.

[DaphneGrey]

:rofl: I am sure that was said in jest. But Yes, strange how the TS's have the "biggest ones" here isn't it?

But women in general do that more than men. They don't hem and haw (another western saying) but just say "Hey, I like this outfit." or "I like this color". Women own what they do and what they wear. So many here say the emulate women, but they emulate a parody outdated caricature of women.

I can give you the I don't want to hurt my parents or spouses feelings. Personally I am still working through the not letting children see me dressed (my own mind game). But c'mon. If your racquetball buddy sees your painted toenails, you wanted him to see them. You painted them, how did you "forget" you painted them? (for that matter if you spouse "forced you" to paint them it is even LESS likely you forget"). I had my toenails painted three summers ago and I was wearing Huarache sandals at a party where there were many of my wife's co-workers. Many noticed, some commented and complimented (yes they were red), and one 10 year old girl said to her mom, "look he has toenail polish on". Her mom said, "yeah ain't that cool?" No one in my wife's office ever confronted her about it, I also had smooth legs. It was a non-issue.

But back to the no excuses part. If you own it, it does become a non-issue in most cases. It can be a learning experience for both of you.
:iagree:

[shannonsilk]

Wasn't Steve Martin famous for saying,"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse meeee!"

[mklinden2010]

>>I am confused to why there always has to be an excuse.



I don't think there's anything to be confused about; it's less trouble to lie than tell the truth. The truth hurts; it can have some very bad consequences.

And, what truth? "A man in a dress" covers a wide spectrum of dressing, viewpoints, and, yes, mentally ill individuals, fools, and, the chronically reality challenged.

Who wants to get stuck in the same boat with all those "nuts" plus all the gay issues - with all the same sorts of people, on top of that?

Lying, I mean, excuses, makes a lot of sense.

And, why be different from anyone else? People lie about their golf scores, income, SAT scores, IQ... And, all pretty much for the same reasons people lie about anything esle: more to gain and less to loose, right now.

As for later... Who can control the past or the future?

The present is trouble enough.

[suchacutie]

Sadly, I'm not sure it's all so simple. If I'm 2000 miles from home and a SA in a shoe store asks if the 5" heels are for me (since I'm trying them on) it's not a problem to say yes, and then ask if she has a narrower width :)

If I'm buying thigh highs in Target and the checkout person makes some remark about whether these will fit me, I can continue as if it's a joke or answer more sincerely if I'm far from home.

The issue is that we are all in a set of circumstances and those might be restrictive, especially if we have made commitments to spouses, etc. Evasion might be necessary to meet these commitments. In the absence of such commitments, it's just so much fun to watch their faces when they realize that the item really IS for you! :) (the SA in the shoe store disappointed me by not reacting at all except to say that there was a 2 for 1 sale on and that she'd be glad to help me! ).

tina

[kellycan27]

>>I am confused to why there always has to be an excuse.



I don't think there's anything to be confused about; it's less trouble to lie than tell the truth. The truth hurts; it can have some very bad consequences.

And, what truth? "A man in a dress" covers a wide spectrum of dressing, viewpoints, and, yes, mentally ill individuals, fools, and, the chronically reality challenged.

Who wants to get stuck in the same boat with all those "nuts" plus all the gay issues - with all the same sorts of people, on top of that?

Lying, I mean, excuses, makes a lot of sense.

And, why be different from anyone else? People lie about their golf scores, income, SAT scores, IQ... And, all pretty much for the same reasons people lie about anything esle: more to gain and less to loose, right now.

As for later... Who can control the past or the future?

The present is trouble enough.

Maryklinden says it all. People are intolerant of others, even in the cross dresser community. They don't want to be associated with all the nuts and "gays", but they want and whine about acceptance. Read Mary's statement again slowly, and then ask yourself again.. Why do people make excuses? Tolerance should begin in your own backyard.

[Lorileah]

Somebody asks "What did you do on Friday night?"
You reply, with an absolutely deadpan face, "I put on a dress and high heels and went clubbing, what else? Pass me that 2-inch wrench, will you?"
Just watch their expression - it's priceless! They'll soon stop asking questions.

works for me. At least they stop for awhile, until the curiosity gets the best of them :)

[Fab Karen]

This has been brought up I am sure in different forms many times, but once again I am confused to why there always has to be an excuse.

Such as in "You can blame your wife (daughter, cat dog the neighbor) for the nail polish (make up, shaved legs)". And usually in the same post or thread is the comment of "My wife (daughter, cat, neighbor) hates it when I do this".

Ok going out on a limb here but I am going to say it (forgive me for this sexist comment) "cowboy up!"(that's how we say it out west). For once just say "I did it!" You want people to accept you but you sneak and crawl around and make excuses. Try it once. Just look at the person who says anything and say "Yeah so? I like it." Usually they either smile and compliment you on your taste or nerve or they wander away mumbling. Either way is better than a see through lie.

I live the furthest West you can go without leaving the continent. We don't say "cowboy up" here.:)

Yep. Stand tall and proud, and say "I like it!"

[Kate Simmons]

Yep, there's a lot of "weasels" out there for sure Hon.;):)

[carolinoakland]

I've always said, if you can't ask the question you're not ready for the answer. Carol

[Valeries_Online]

A coworker noticed I shaved my chest and pierced my nipples. He said you always shave it? I told him yes and he replied "only fags do that". Ill never forget how I felt. It sucked. But hes stupid anyway. :D Ive mentioned before another day he asked if I pluck my eyebrows and again I just said yeah. Expecting a dumb comment he just said "I thought so cause they look really clean". So yeah it can go either way but I dont give a damn what anyone else thinks becouse it makes me happy. Im not going to be fired for it and if someone goes too far Ill just tell the boss he is a pothead. :) he really is, lol.

[Teri Jean]

Lori you are so right, grow some (backbone) and tell them; if you want to know I will tell you but if not, don't assume. Teri

[Lorileah]

A coworker noticed I shaved my chest and pierced my nipples. He said you always shave it? I told him yes and he replied "only fags do that".

that's when I would have asked which gay bar did he go to to learn that. you can teach the ignorant but you cannot cure stupid.

[Teri Jean]

Yep, there is a bad case of stupid. I venture a guess he walks on his knuckles also. I let them know "it takes one to know one" and then they usually stop.

Teri

[Kinky with Ink]

Lol that's why I warn people about asking too many questions. Usually when I open up some and show them how far off the deep end I really am, they stop asking. If somebody won't leave you alone....scare them away. Most people don't like dealing with situations outside of the norm to them and being around people who are more gender diverse makes them very uncomfortable. I think for most people it's fear of the unknown. So by all means educate them.

[sherri52]

I agree as well. Admit to it and it goes away faster.

[Veronica 1]

A while back a co-worker noticed my girly ankle socks and asked, "Are those girls socks?" I replied that they were my socks. A week or two later he asked, "Gee, your arms are looking pretty smooth, what do you do, shave them?" I answered yes. Since then, no more questions. LOL
Sometimes they really are not ready for the answer when you are honest.

[trannie T]

If you are confronted you can blush and stammer out a lame excuse blaming the cat, and they will know you are lying.
Or, you can tell them the truth, look them straight in the eye and say, "I shave my arms and legs because I am a crossdresser and they look better with my dress this way," and they will know that you're lying.

[Hope]

Amen sister.

I just got my ears pierced this weekend, and on Sunday I was at a birthday party where a family member asked me why I got my ears pierced. "Because I wanted to." that was the end of the questioning.

[melissacd]

So long as it is not too personal then I see no reason why not to give an honest answer.

[Fran Moore]

I think for some of us the answer would be based somewhat on the situation......Is it really anyones business how you look? And if they are rude enough to make a comment does it even justify a response? Are you normally confrontational, or the kind of person who would rather just "let it slide"? Will your honest response have a negative effect on those that you care about, i.e. kids, or family members? If you "Cowboy up", then fall off the horse and get trampled, was it worth it?

I prefer to take life one day at a time, and work my way thru it as it unfolds in front of me, and as the thread responses show, we don't all agree.....and nobody is necessarily "wrong" on how they handle these situations. I'll get off my "horse" now.:)

[marny]

:tongueoutAccording to my wife,after a weekend with my sister and brother-in-law, I'm so grumpy and mean everyone is afraid to ask me anything? Guess that eliminates the cute factor. Oh well, being a b/tch is a close second. :tongueout

[Kari Lynn Franks]

hi everyone
I am a carpenter and was working at a cabinet shop doing service calls we would all get together every morning to get our work orders i had a boss that was a complete dick you know those big bad rednecks well every morning he had a comment about my ladys watch and ladies wedding ring I put up with it for a while and finally got tired of it when he said out loud look at franks pretty watch i smiled and showed it off along with my ring im not ashamed of who I am well that did not work so one morning i brought in a wraped present with a card for him i had gone and bought him a ladys watch just like mine he opened the present then the card inside it said since you seem to love my watch so much I" bought you one just like it well needles to say he tried to fire me over it but the owner wouldnt let him because of fearing a sexual harrasment suit. I diidnt stay there long after that but he never said another word about it again

[Kaitlyn Michele]

when i was working as an executive, i lost about 90 lbs....all in preparation for starting to transition....i was asked ALOT about why/how i was losing weight..

i always told the truth..

how did i lose the weight...depression
why? to fit into a size 10 skirt...

no one ever beleived me...some laughed, some didnt...now they know, but i bet NONE of them remember what i said...it means so much more to "us" than to "them"

fear of the unknown is a huge thing...years ago , i couldnt even go outside with any feminine signs...

and i couldnt agree more with Kelly...when you consider how many transgendered folks look down on other non conforming folks, you realize we all have a long way to go