Help with fighting off the wolves

[SuzanneBender]

I was driving to Dallas yesterday for business and stopped off in Oklahoma City for the evening. To make a long story short I found a great club that had a drag show last night. Got dressed, rather conservatively I might add, and went to have a drink and check it out. I was there about 20 minutes and a guy approached me and asked to by me a drink. I declined told him I was married, showed him my wedding ring, and tried to go back to watching the show. He wouldn't back off and less than an hour latter I was leaving because I was tired of being hit on. This isn't the first time this has happend. Why do men think that we all are easy? What am I doing wrong when I try to let them know I am not interested. I was as straight forward as I could be short of telling him in my drab voice that if he didn't back off I was going to have to demonstrate the damage a 3" heel can inflict. :bitchslap:

[giuseppina]

Time to call in the bouncer.

[TonyaV]

Small price to pay when you're gorgeous!
I am sorry to hear - glad it ended peacefully, though.

[Gisele]

I know what you are saying. It is nice to be hit on but in a drag bar/show I know I am attracting the wrong type of men. They can be a bit creepy. I don't date men (I have a wonderful wife at home) But it is nice to attract men. That tells me that I am doing something right. Even though I don't feel like I look like a real GG.

It is hard to get rid of the creppy men. They only look at you for one thing and when they think with the wrong head it is very hard to get them to leave you alone. Once I had to tell the bouncer that a man was rubbing me the wrong way. The bouncer was totaly nice and let me know if the jerk did anything to me he would have is butt. So I had a bodyguard for the night and the man left me alone after I talked to the bouncer.:)

You pretty much have to stay one step ahead of men when you are out. It is best to be out with another person or a group.

[Jilmac]

I was driving to Dallas yesterday for business and stopped off in Oklahoma City for the evening. To make a long story short I found a great club that had a drag show last night. Got dressed, rather conservatively I might add, and went to have a drink and check it out. I was there about 20 minutes and a guy approached me and asked to by me a drink. I declined told him I was married, showed him my wedding ring, and tried to go back to watching the show. He wouldn't back off and less than an hour latter I was leaving because I was tired of being hit on. This isn't the first time this has happend. Why do men think that we all are easy? What am I doing wrong when I try to let them know I am not interested. I was as straight forward as I could be short of telling him in my drab voice that if he didn't back off I was going to have to demonstrate the damage a 3" heel can inflict. :bitchslap:

If you'd have clobbered him after the second pass, he might have gotten the message. Better luck next time.

[SuzanneBender]

I know what you are saying. It is nice to be hit on but in a drag bar/show I know I am attracting the wrong type of men. They can be a bit creepy. I don't date men (I have a wonderful wife at home) But it is nice to attract men. That tells me that I am doing something right. Even though I don't feel like I look like a real GG.

It is hard to get rid of the creppy men. They only look at you for one thing and when they think with the wrong head it is very hard to get them to leave you alone. Once I had to tell the bouncer that a man was rubbing me the wrong way. The bouncer was totaly nice and let me know if the jerk did anything to me he would have is butt. So I had a bodyguard for the night and the man left me alone after I talked to the bouncer.:)

You pretty much have to stay one step ahead of men when you are out. It is best to be out with another person or a group.


Darling first off your pic looks GG to me!
I know it always is flattering to get a comment, but I wish that guys didnt think just because they give you a compliment they get to crawl in bed with you. I have become very sensitive about this when I am out in guy mode and one of my buddies starts pulling this with GGs.
I hear you about going out in groups. I normally try to go out with other girls, but given the fact that I travel so much its not always possible.

[Lorileah]

Here's what I do.

first time "Thank you but not today (tonight)"

second time " I am really flattered but just not right now OK?"

third time "Look when the test results come back and I get the all clear from this disease, I'll let you know".

Usually they don't want anything they can take home to wifey ;)

[Miranda09]

Well, look at it this way...now you know what most women have to put with!! :)

[Michelle-Leigh]

Or better yet, look at it this way - you have acquired the HOLY GRAIL OF CROSSDRESSING !

http://i642.photobucket.com/albums/uu143/michelleleighb/HolyGrail.jpg

Best Regards,
Michelle-Leigh

[DonnaT]

Telling them you have an STD my be the way to go, but condoms are the answer to that.

You could tell them you are just getting over the swine flu, however, but they might have had the shot already.

Otherwise, you should find the proprietor, bar tender or bouncer, and let them know you're being hassled. Just make sure someone is watching your back when you leave for the night.

[Angelofsomekind]

I've had my share of those people. That's one of the reasons why I don't go out without my wife.

[Lorileah]

I've had my share of those people. That's one of the reasons why I don't go out without my wife.

I wish that worked. One night I was approached with the line "You must be bisexual" I said damn I have to get that tattoo taken off my forehead

[Angelofsomekind]

Oh I still get them when I'm with my wife, but the worst ones have been when I was alone. The ones that I thought may end in violence.

[sherri52]

Be thankfull that someone is hitting on you. It is unfortunate that some men just can't take no for an answer. Maybe being married was a turnon for him. Hope you have better luck the next time out.

[SuzanneBender]

Here's what I do.

first time "Thank you but not today (tonight)"

second time " I am really flattered but just not right now OK?"

third time "Look when the test results come back and I get the all clear from this disease, I'll let you know".

Usually they don't want anything they can take home to wifey ;)

Lorileah I am going to use that line next time. It will be hard to not just jump immediately to the third time just to watch the look on his face. :heehee:

[kellycan27]

Be nice until it's time to not be nice. If the guy didn't get the messege after two no's my next response would be.. What is it about no that you don't understand? Now for the last time ..LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

[Angelofsomekind]

Be nice until it's time to not be nice.

That totally reminded me of Road House!

[kellycan27]

That totally reminded me of Road House!

That's where the line came from. :heehee:

[Angelofsomekind]

Before they re-opened the bar he was talking to all the people and he said that. I think, I don't know why I remember that.

[Elsa Larson]

Remember that even creepy guys sometimes get lucky. And sometimes they improve their odds by being persistent. He's not going to change his approach until it stops working completely.

It's a shame your guy didn't understand that "NO" means NO and that he would have been closer to his goal by moving on to Ms. Next.

[Lorileah]

Remember that even creepy guys sometimes get lucky.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth :heehee:



And sometimes they improve their odds by being persistent. He's not going to change his approach until it stops working completely.

Yeah, for some reason women and TG's love a creep who is persistent. Is it easier to give up rather than giving him the "bums rush" (old saying, I learned from my grandfather...I think it means showing him the door) Which may be another way to get rid of him. "Go out to your car and wait. If I am not there in 10 minutes start without me"

I do agree though, sometimes they do wear the target down. Sort of a Stockholm syndrome thing I guess.

[donnalee]

It's amazing how discouraging a spike heel to the instep can be. Just keep apologizing for being so clumsy "just not used to these new shoes yet"; maybe help him up and accidently bang his head on the underside of a table, while apologizing profusely, of course. :devil:

[Deidra Cowen]

I wish I could tell you what to do. I'm a gay Tgirl, but regardless sometimes I am not interested or hey, maybe just hanging out with my friends.

Last time I went to Le Buzz this creepy guy hit on me during the drag show the second one of my friends got up to go get drink. He grabbed her chair, I tried to tell him the chair belonged to a friend, then that I was not interested. He left after the friend came back.

Then when I went to the bar he charged in again. Got right in my face...I admit I finally gave in...wrote a BS phone number on a napkin and walked off saying my friends were waiting on me.

[docrobbysherry]

While traveling in Europe years ago, I was told about, "American women's disease", by a young woman from my hometown.

She had been traveling around Portugal, Spain, and Italy by herself. And having a TERRIBLE time with the local men! She kept telling them, " No. I'm NOT interested"! But, they kept after her, and wouldn't leave her alone. She'd have to literally, run away from them!:eek:

Finally, she talked to a woman in a market, who had just witnessed her latest Romeo's advance. She told her:

"U say, "No, but u smile, and r too nice. The men all think that means, "Yes". U have that American women's disease. None of u know how to say, "NO!":brolleyes:

Then, she told me she started acting rude and yelling out, "NO!", at the men.:Angry3: If they still followed her, she would slap them. She said it worked!:thumbsup:

[kellycan27]

Yeah, for some reason women and TG's love a creep who is persistent. Is it easier to give up rather than giving him the "bums rush"



How do you figure?

[sterling12]

You were ALONE, I will assume. As any GG or T-Gal can tell you, this will dramatically increase your risk for unwanted attention(s).

Next time, quietly signal The Bartender. If your "suitor" won't give you breathing room, just go ahead and be blunt. Tell The Bartender, "This guy won't leave me alone, I need him removed." Trust me, if your pretty enough to attract attention, it means you also attract more business for The Establishment. They will gratefully remove your "impediment," just to keep you and your Sista's Patronage.

I've seen it a couple of dozen times. Your "Potential Boyfriend" will be told to go to The Other End of The Bar and leave you alone! If he can't handle that situation, it's dire consequences. He earns The Attention's of The Bouncer, and that's never a good situation for him.

By the way, ask for an escort to your car at The End of an Evening like that. They won't have a problem with it.

peace and Love, Joanie

[cd_jamie]

my wife has a great fix for creeps.
1 tell them no
2 tell them no and she is married and I am due back from the bathroom
3 someones nuts get kicked into orbit

I seen her do it. most of the places we go dont have bouncers. thats part of why i carry when we go out

[Barbara Dugan]

I think is one of the risks of being gorgeous and be in the kind of place. but I agree unwanted attention is not fun at all.

[Hope]

Welcome to being a woman.

Always remember to be nice, but firm - until it is simply time to be firm.

[Lorileah]

How do you figure?

How else do you explain the ugly moron getting a girl at the end of the night. I's corollary to "the girls all get prettier at closing time"? Maybe it is "I don't want to be lonely tonight" But they seem to get someone by midnight

Jamie you would use a gun? That is more scary than just being hit on and usually illegal unless you life is threatened specifically.

[Melinda G]

"Get the **** away from me", in a loud voice should work.:D

[SuzanneBender]

It's amazing how discouraging a spike heel to the instep can be. Just keep apologizing for being so clumsy "just not used to these new shoes yet"; maybe help him up and accidently bang his head on the underside of a table, while apologizing profusely, of course. :devil:

What if he likes it! :eek: EEEEWWWWW

[AmiFL]

First of all I have to say that you are beautiful as a woman. Your photos ooze femininity. I could just imagine seeing you in person. It not wrong, but that is part of the problem.

If you were that same man in that same bar. you would probably buy a person as lovely as you a drink, or try to. That is what we do in bars. Straight bars, gay bars, lesbian bars or drag bars.

Enjoy the compliment, I think I would and I am 10000% straight

[tamarav]

I was cutting a guy's hair in the salon the other day and the guy started hitting on me. I have to admit this isn't my first birthday party and I told him I had no interest in him, other than cutting his hair, or the end of his ear off. He laughed and then launched once more into his routine.

When I asked him if this line worked for him he said, "if I ask 100 women, at least 1 will give in". That was his total justification for hitting on every woman he met.

I explained that I was half done with his hair cut and that I now wanted him to leave. He objected and I told him that he could live with it until he could find another stylist to cut the rest of his hair. None of the others in the salon would even look at him so he left, hair half cut.

Men tend to think in numbers, the more women I hit on, the better my odds of scoring. Makes perfect sense, except they are dealing with other humans...and it just pisses off most of them.

[Lorileah]

I want to play poker against that guy. All in on a 1% odds of winning. Not even a good bluffer. :)

[Persephone]

What am I doing wrong when I try to let them know I am not interested.

You're cute, you're sitting alone, and you're in a club. Most guys will figure you're there for only one reason, why else would a good looking, well dressed woman be sitting alone at a bar? She's fishing for a pickup. So sure, they're going to try.

You have to ask yourself WWGGD? (What would a GG do?). Here's what one GG who goes to clubs wrote:

"This has happened to many women I know. One time, my friend, who is really a patient person, actually said, "Which part of "No" don't you understand?" I've also been nearly dragged out on the dance floor by my wrist. That's a definite no-go for me.

"The first time a guy asks me to dance, I'll dance. If later I don't want to dance with him, I smile and decline politely. If he asks a second time, I smile and decline firmly and tell him I'm waiting for a salsa song, or that I'm resting a little.
And then I move seats, or go find another friend, or go to the bar, or go to the ladies room and wash my hands or something. (Public Health Message: One can never wash one’s hands enough. A male friend and salsero once observed that 5 out of 7 guys did NOT wash their hands after doing their thing in the bathroom at a club.)

"Another way to avoid these "infatuated with your looks" kind of people is to walk into a club, and search and stand by people you know. It's kind of harder to find people you know when you're just starting out. But if you go a few times, you'll recognize faces. Just walk right up to them, say hi, and ask if they don't mind you putting your coat on that chair as well. (Great way to find a spot to put stuff down if you get into a club too late to snag a table.) Most people are quite nice and don't mind at all.

"Then, if you see an undesirable person approach, get quickly involved in conversation with your friend, or immediately ask them to go out onto the dance floor with you (you can ask guys or girls to dance. It's all good). Sometimes, these guys, who've been falling in love with you the whole night, will want to walk you to your car. If you can, ask a friend or acquaintance if they'd mind walking you to your car.

"These situations seldom occur, but it happens. Its just part of the club scene. Have fun, be on defense and you'll be fine."

From Dancescape™ (http://www.dancescape.org/ezine/articles/45/1/Avoiding-Pesky-Persistent-Men/Page1.html)

I believe that if you are going to dress and take on the role, then you need to learn from the "natives" (GG's) and behave accordingly.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Karen7cd]

Tell them you are straight and only have sex with your SO, but you appreciate the interest and they can still buy you a drink. I talk to men and woman everywhere I go.
I only have sex with my SO, but being nice to people who may be jerks, you may bring out the good person in them. Soon you may be laughing and showing off pictures of the kids.
Karen

[CharlotteCD]

Tell them you are straight and only have sex with your SO, but you appreciate the interest and they can still buy you a drink. I talk to men and woman everywhere I go.
I only have sex with my SO, but being nice to people who may be jerks, you may bring out the good person in them. Soon you may be laughing and showing off pictures of the kids.
Karen

I dont mean to sound rude here but we aren't in a Disney film! Most of these guys don't have a good side to be brought out, they are just after a quick shag and nothing more! Sad reflection of modern society im afraid.

[dilane]

... I was there about 20 minutes and a guy approached me and asked to by me a drink. I declined told him I was married, showed him my wedding ring, and tried to go back to watching the show. He wouldn't back off and less than an hour latter I was leaving because I was tired of being hit on. This isn't the first time this has happend. Why do men think that we all are easy? What am I doing wrong when I try to let them know I am not interested. I was as straight forward as I could be short of telling him in my drab voice that if he didn't back off I was going to have to demonstrate the damage a 3" heel can inflict. :bitchslap:

You learn how to handle men after awhile. Lots of times if the guy isn't creepy I'll take the drink, chat a bit, and if asked out will tell them I'm in a relationship. If they persist, I just rinse and repeat. It doesn't T me off. Men can be very persistent, especially from other countries (outside of the US). If it gets out of hand I talk to the bartender who will get the bouncer.

Sometimes the bartender will lean close to me and say "Is that guy bothering you?" and offer to get help or ask the guy to please leave me alone.

And yes, if you're known to be a T-girl, the word on the street is that as a group we are very easy.

-- Diane

[Christina Horton]

Before they re-opened the bar he was talking to all the people and he said that. I think, I don't know why I remember that.

Well you might remember it cuz He stared in Two Wong Foo Thanks For Every Thing Julie Newmar. Since that movie I remember all the movies he was in that I saw. So that is the reason I think.




I think is one of the risks of being gorgeous and be in the kind of place. but I agree unwanted attention is not fun at all.



I have never been hit on while out and feel left out :sad::sad::sad: I guess I am not pretty enough. I am like most of you stright and think it would be neat to experince that. Sing all ways a brides maid never a bride. (I have never been a brides maid eather SIGH...

[kellycan27]

How else do you explain the ugly moron getting a girl at the end of the night. I's corollary to "the girls all get prettier at closing time"? Maybe it is "I don't want to be lonely tonight" But they seem to get someone by midnight

Jamie you would use a gun? That is more scary than just being hit on and usually illegal unless you life is threatened specifically.

Well maybe some desparate ones... You statement seems to include ALL gg's and TG girls.

[Laurie909]

Sorry that happened but that's the price you pay for being pretty.

[ReineD]

I'm assuming you were at a LGBT or trans-friendly club to catch the drag show? It is my impression that many of these clubs are meat markets.

Is there a mainstream bar or lounge with live entertainment that you can go to instead? You might not be hit on quite as much there or if you are and you decline, your refusal will be respected.

[vivianann]

I dont like men hitting on me either, a couple of years ago I was enfemme at a dance club dancing with a GG friend when a really creapy guy come on to the dance floor and grabbed my hand and said I want to dance with you, I pulled away and said I dont want to dance with you, I am dancing with my girlfriend here, he grabbed my hand again, I flung my arm and he lost his balance and fell down, he then got up on his feet and lunged for me, I then kicked him as hard as I could right between the legs, he fell down and stayed in the fetal position on the floor til the bouncers pick him up and carried him out of the club. My ladyfriend told me later I think you took him out of the gene pool, you ruined his family jewels, then she laugh's out loud.:D

[Mistybtm]

Next time send him/them my way :dom:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Well, look at it this way...now you know what most women have to put with!!

I second that...have a whole new appreciation for gg's and what they have to deal with the horny male population!!!!

[Andy66]

I have the same problem. I hate any kind of rudeness - I hate it when people act rude, and I hate to have to be rude, but some of those jerks don't understand anything else.

I was surprised and disappointed when this sort of situation happened with a CD recently. I just wanted to have a girl's day out, but apparently "she" was thinking like a "he" and must have thought he was about to get lucky. I expected more class from a CD. No wonder some people have a hard time finding GG friends to shop and have lunch with, when there are a few guys in dresses making everybody else look bad. :(

[AlisonRenee]

Well, look at it this way...now you know what most women have to put with!! :)

-- my thoughts too. I had this happen at a club this summer. It gave me a first-hand appreciation for women's point of view. Attention is nice, but there's something less than flattering about getting the feeling that you look like a sure thing.

[Crissy Kay]

On the other hand, maybe you should wear drab the next time you want to go to a drag show.

[Prissy Linda]

I just tell them I bite really hard

[theresa]

I've been hit on a couple of times at clubs and declined with no problem. I was flattered that they found me attractive enough (or did I just look easy?) to ask.

After reading all of the stories in this thread, I realize now that I could run into jerks who don't stop and try to force themselves on you. It's something I hadn't really thought about before, and I need to have a game plan for how to deal with it.

[Elle44]

Um reading these posts I totaly understand where you are at with getting hit on. LOL I've been hit on by men even when wearing my drag clothes ( LOL men's wear). When I was young and beautiful in my youth it annoyed me because I was straight, women only. I met a TS in my 40's in NYC at a club and we became lovers, first ever, and I declare myself bi sexual now at 65 and since then. Not going into detail, but my first sexual experience in that area with her was the best loving I ever had in my life. Always afraid and thought it disgusting with 2 men together and didn't want to be labeled gay or homosexual and that caused my fear. I admit I am a latent homsexual gay person now. I did get pyscological help and have been free for the last 25 years. Well all I can say is I'm so glad it happened, my favorite and best lover companions have been CD/TV/TS/TG. I've been hit on this month by 2 straight men and will be going out with one of them, not found in bars either but in a 12th step program. I do go out with straight men for dinner and quiet evenings, but they are clean and disease free and are quite charming. But still love my gurlfriends who are just like me best of all. Time made the difference! Hugs and kiss's, Elle

LOL in bars and sleazy night clubs, which I no longer frequent and haven't in a lot of years, we are all "queens of the silver dollar" at 2 am. Not a good idea
for any girl GG or otherwise! Just say no anytime you are uncomfortable! Your gut feeling will tell you that, listen and obey the "still small voice inside".

[Karen7cd]

I just tell them I bite and collect souvenirs.