Shame after CDing...any input would be great

[ashgagal]

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

[crusadergirl]

for me theres no shame in dressing its not doing it when i have the desire too, that messes me up. Sometimes i can't make up my mind what i want to do.
I know when i first started dressing i felt the way you did.
i enjoy dressing up i just have little time to do it or i fight the urge to dress.

[Kinky with Ink]

for me theres no shame in dressing its not doing it when i have the desire too, that messes me up. Sometimes i can't make up my mind what i want to do.
I know when i first started dressing i felt the way you did.
i enjoy dressing up i just have little time to do it or i fight the urge to dress.

I understand where you're coming from there. It seems with long hours at work and maintaining a semblance of a social life I don't have time for myself at all and when I do all I want to do is rest.

[TonyaV]

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I promise you!

[sherri52]

My biggest problem is trying to get thin enough. Every time I start a diet I end up moving heavy items regularly and start building up muscles that won't fit into womens sleeves. Still not guilt on dressing.

[Kinky with Ink]

I used to hate it when I was younger but no matter how much I worked out I've never been able to get "big" arms. Now that I'm more focused on staying toned it comes in handy. I can keep the skinny arms and still stay in shape. Now to just figure out how to work my tattoo's more into my enfemme look. I think women with tasteful tattoo's are hot.

[Ashley_in_Texas]

I used to have similar feelings, but then I realized that there are plenty of people out there to judge and ridicule me. There is no need to do it to ourselves. Be happy with who you are. Embrace it. Enjoy it. I view crossdressing as a gift, not a curse. Most men are too afraid to do what we do. You don't feel guilty for breathing, do you? Crossdressing is as just as much a part of us. I hope you find peace with it, and yourself.

[Barbara Dugan]

I don't feel shame just hate myself when I lied to hide it.

[MyBlackTights]

dont hate it or feel bad afterward....theres been many a times i got undressed "after" i was done, but at the same time its just plain fun and comfortable to be dressed before, after, during, or even when your not in "the" mood". have fun with it. just put on a skirt and tights on, not fully dressed and watch some tv, or just screw around the house. I find it great to be in guy mode w/ tights and skirt while im doing my everyday things.....trust me......just enjoy whatever it is you enjoy without feeling guilty ....is it really that big of a deal? didnt think so....so go all out or a little out , but just do what ever the hell you want.....its all about you!

[Rebecca Jayne]

Ash I use to feel the same way, then suddenly I looked at myself in a mirror, deep into myself, while I was dressed up in
Fem, and as I looked at myself I felt an Angelic feeling come over me, suddenly I smiled st myself and "Guilt and Shame" left and I no longer have those demons around.

[Wen4cd]

After crossdressing, when I'm washing my face and changing back into guy clothes, sometimes I think, "ah, what a shame."

[BLUE ORCHID]

It.s no big deal you just ran out of Testosterone just drive
down to your local jizz station for a quick fill up.
.
.................................................. ..................thanks..........ORCHID

[Marina]

Like many others it seems, I used to feel exactly like you. That was a handy way to finish up dressing when I only had limited time (normally when I knew my parents were due home). When I lived on my own and had longer, I still felt the same way for a while then gradually the urge to get right out of girl's clothes faded.

Find yourself something relaxing to do when you're about to finish - a movie you really want to watch for example. Sit down and relax for a few minutes, grab a glass of wine, watch a movie or do whatever and gradually you might feel comfy about still being all dressed up. Resist the urge to panic and get undressed. As I got older and more experienced, I gradually felt more and more natural to the extent that getting back into male mode is now a serious disappointment and a feeling I hate.

Certainly don't feel shame. I know I used to until I wised up. Whatever you want to wear is your business.

[windycissy]

It used to be that way with me too, I'd get all aroused, lose control and then hate myself! You know what it reminded me of? Making it with a girl you didn't really have any feelings for, how you try to get dressed and get out as soon as you can...anyway those days are over, and so is the shame from crossdressing, now it's a sublime feeling that I never want to end. I guess getting older isn't all bad :)

[Alicia Grey]

You Wrote "I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

I believe this is an experience we all share at one time or another, we relate the dressing with a sexual desire to be with the perfect partner, which is at the time is the image we are projecting.

[Ann Thomas]

I can really relate to your ongoing struggles. Went thru a lot of the same when I was younger. The guilt came from my upbringing, hammered home by the particular church I attended for too long. For me, wearing girl clothes helped get rid of the arousal issue, which I feel is coming from an image one has of the perfect woman that accepts all of who I am. I do not get aroused by the clothes any longer, or very rarely. Instead I feel energized. I am careful about the cut and color as well, because that can have an effect on the energy I feel I need to convey that day.

Press forward thru it, and you'll come out the other side a better person. :)

Hugs,
Ann

[Miranda09]

No shame...not any more. I have come to realize that this is who I am and society will not make me feel guilty. :)

[Kate's at home]

I agree with much of what has been said here. The shame goes away with gradual acceptance. It takes time and much looking within.

Over time, I have found that dressing becomes more a matter of being than doing...a way to express and experience what is inside, a feminine energy.

Kate

[Celeste]

I agree with Miranda,we need to step back and make sure were not feeling guilt over what society's impression of cding is,that is where my initial guilt stemmed from.I needed to recognize this as a unique part of my life that is free to experiment and feel the way I want.Try to come to the realization that you have a right to experience what you choose.

[il.dso]

Yes, I'm familiar with the feelings you describe.
Crossdressing involves such tremendous and
phenomenal joy but it's not without its many
challenges and struggles. You are not alone.

[Kristen Marie]

Try dressing for a few hours, going out perhaps, and then changing back to guy mode without your orgasm at the end and see if the guilt goes away. Perhaps the guilt is associated more with the act at the end rather than dressing.

[Kimmy-Love20]

I was in the same perdicament as you I always thought afterwards is something wrong with me? But honestly the answer is no. Nothing is wrong with any of us here we all just have a very special gift from God that he only chose a very select number of us to hold this special gift and we are all part of it and a very unique, beautiful,fun to be around, honest,loving ect.. ect... people in our own special way. This is just the path of life that God has chosen for us to follow.
Take care and good luck in whatever you may do in life.
~Kimmy-Love20~:hugs:

[Sallee]

Kristen,
I like what you say the end act instead of that actual dressing. But one can lead to the other I thinkit is a growing process and guilt goes away as we get older and accept ourselves. I would liketo think I have gotten over my guilt but it is still there no matter what.
Dressing is fun But what productive thing could I be doing instead of shopping, clubbing or just hanging out likea guy in a dress. ?????????

[Ras]

I think the guilt is very common among us but it does fade away the more you dress and become comfortable with it. Try to stay dressed longer and your mind and body will be more used to it and it will feel right and nothing different.

[Alice Torn]

I agree with Alicia.

[docrobbysherry]

Except for a rare few, EVERY CD GIRL , ( that's thousands here, maybe millions world wide!), at one time or another, has experienced what you described!:eek:

I'm over 60, and STILL finish all my dressing sessions that way!:o And many others here do, too!:)

After 2 years here, I've received so many messages about how CDing is a part of us. That it is a harmless activity that hurts no one! And that the WORST thing we can do, is DENY what we r!

I must say the messages r working on me! I still have some guilt. But, it's NOT NEARLY as bad as what I suffered 2 years ago! :doh:

Just be yourself, Ash. And CD when u feel like it! Maybe one day you'll dress GUILT FREE! That's my hope for ALL OF US!:devil:

[Michelle-Leigh]

You are feeling ashamed because you have taboos programmed into you that are causing you to feel so. I had that same problem for years; giving into that impulse then feeling ashamed afterward and peeling. The key to overcoming this problem is to (1) make yourself erotically insensitive to xdressing, and (2) get rid of that ridiculous taboo. The way I fixed it was to simply stay dressed while going about my normal household routines, thus keeping my mind off of the stimulation from wearing the clothes. The more you do this, the less the clothes will stimulate you. Now you will falter and give in a lot at first - if you do, clean yourself up and force yourself to stay dressed (this will take some willpower). The more you do it, the stronger you will become....

[sharynPA]

Hmmm...i tought it was just because I was raised Catholic. BIG DOSE of guilt over everything.

[Lorileah]

I blame genetics. I was born without the gene that makes me want to get drunk, puke over the side of the boat and drive a motorcycle real fast over a cliff. I do have the gene to dress up and look pretty. Isn't DNA wonderful?

[dawnmarrie1961]

ASH,
Those feelings of "Guilt" are normal. I'm sure that most of us that have been cding have felt the same way from time to time. I'm not going to tell you that the feelings will go away. That would not be truthful. They will only become less intense over time, as they probably already have for you. Any time a person feels the need to hide a part of themselves from the rest of the world there is always going to be a certain sense of "Guilt". It is a shame that we have to feel that way but it goes with the territory.

That's just they way it is. Unfortunately.
We learn to live or give in to it. Just another one of the many choices that we make.



Be Safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[jenniferj]

If you think about it, most guilt/shame (in this context, at least) results from doing something you don't want other people to know about. Obviously, crossdressing is one of those things (for most of us), but so is self-gratification. Put together, they make a potent mix...

I still keep this part of my life private (except to DearSweetWife and the 8 million or so people in NewYorkCity), but the fact that she knows and generally accepts me as I am has pretty much removed any sense of guilt/shame. Perhaps the biggest part to getting over this is finding somebody to share it with.

JJ's (guy-me)

[Illusions Of Amy]

I'm sure everyone here can relate to how you feel about that shame, as has been said many times here. It's the #1 thing by far that kept me from seriously trying out CDing for almost 30 years, and I wish I had known that turn-on feeling often fades away over time as you become more used to girl mode! Oh sure, overall I'm, as the Buzzcocks say, an "Orgasm Addict", but thankfully not really when I'm dressed anymore. I think in my case it has more to do with having very, very little romance in my life and fantasizing over wanting it than anything. That and it's just one of those lame and nasty habits you tell yourself to stop doing but just never get around to it! :devil:

[Samantha B L]

I had the same thing years and years ago and I finally decided I felt bad after dressing because I didn't want to get caught by certain family members and so the heebie jeebies turned into pangs of guilt and regret. I've learned over the years not to feel that way even though I do have a couple of people in my life that I have to be careful not to let them find out I dress. Otherwise not everyone would agree with me but dressing probably runs in families and it's somehow in the brain and hormones(I think so at least). So really,you can't quit anymore than you could get a head transplant and of all the things you could've been born with I can't think of anything more exciting and fun!

[Jaclyn NM]

I found that as I got older, and dressed more often, and for longer periods of time, that the feelings of shame gradually receded. Maybe because I realized it was part of me and wasn't going to go away, and I just accepted it, and embraced it.

[JustAlex]

I'll add my experience to confirm that we all felt that way, I can see that some still feel like that today.

Unfortunately, when you're young (worse if you're a teenager), it's hard to separate dressing and getting aroused. The inevitable conclusion is masturbation.
Both things are taboos in society, they are today, imagine how it was 30 years ago when I started. And I was used to CDing from my childhood when I wasn't even able to get an erection.

It fades away eventually. But (IMHO) it has to do with your development as a person. Shame has no meaning for an isolated human. It's a feeling of non compliance with society standards. As you develop your own personality, you can grow self confident and be able to separate right from wrong or grow dependent on society and keep struggling between non compliance and your own desires. :2c:

When my sexual urges subsided and I started to dress regularly without getting aroused (at least not all the time), I was still feeling guilty about masturbation. And even when I got over that too, the first time I went to a chat room to talk to others CDers I was very very unwilling to mention masturbation. And everyone else was talking about it. But I still felt that it was kind of inappropriate.
The point is it takes time. We are wired from childhood to comply with society. You have to learn how to take control of your life in society. It doesn't mean to go against it. It means that your life is one thing and only a part of it includes interaction with others. You have to take a stand and defend your boundaries.

This is a basic principle of freedom. You have to be in control of your life to be free. We renounce some of our freedoms in order to function in a society and benefit from it. But the part of your life that's outside the reach of society interaction (vulgarly known as private life) has no limits. It can't be regulated by law (there are attempts to regulate it but that's another story). The only regulation comes from our indoctrination. That's the barrier you have to break.

[Georgina]

It was the same for me from teenage years on. I felt shame and guilt for a period afterwards. I never purged as I didn't have my own clothes but I used to leave all borrowed items back,only to retrieve all a day later. In my thirties, twenty years ago, I made a decision that I wasn't going to stop and I don't regret it since. In my early years, when chances to dress were rare, I used to wear lingerie under my own clothes to just to get more time to dress. As I became able to dress more fully and more often I discovered that the urge to underdress waned. Also as I got older, and my sex drive decreased, I could fully dress for a month of nights without ending with a bang. I think age has a lot to do with loosing the guilt. I find as I get older that I care less about what other people think and more about what I want.

[tricia_uktv]

As always the girls here are great. Yes, you just need time and an acceptance of who you really are. I no longer feel guilt or shame but did so for many, many years. Take your time and don't worry. Good luck.

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

Want to know how I feel about my crossdressing? I keep it a secret, but I am proud of it. When I am dressed I look pretty good (sometimes). I used to feel guilty. But not any more.
Hey lets face it. Women do not have the same wardrobe restraints as we do. They can wear alot of clothing. Some womens styles mimic mens trends. Do you think they feel guilty? I think not. So I dont either.

Lately I have been thinking that these feeling come from a extra dose of estrogen while in utero. While I am a male, my brain has been preprogrammed to lean towards the femanine side. There is nothing I can do about that. There is no cure. And I dont want one.

Life is short. You enjoy womens clothing? Go for it. I beleive there are some men who wrestle with these feelings but never adress them. They go to their graves not knowing how happy they could of felt.

Todays society has too much of a binary definition of male and female. I think the truch of the matter is that the diffrence between the sexes overlaps, or is blurred if you will.

We live in a stressful and hardcore world. You need some type of outlet. My advice is to embrace and enjoy it. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

[mklinden2010]

You're making this complicated.

To un-complicate things, "do what you gotta do", and masturbate first.

You're feeling, after sex, the normal let-down nearly everyone feels:

"Well, heck. How long before I can do that again?"

Do what you gotta do first and see if you give a flip about crossdressing for a while. I doubt you'll be feeling much guilt about much of anything at that point. Sleepy, yes. Guilty? No so much...

Sex - and masturbation counts as sex - and crossdressing are two different pleasures in life.

You can combine the two, but you risk over-doing one at the expense of the other.

And, it's hell on the laundry...

[CherylFlint]

Face it, the X and Y's got mixed-up somehow and you need/want/like to identify with girls so much that you get to dress as one and enjoy doing so. Tha's it. That's my life, and others, and yours. No guilt, it's just the way the cookie crumbles. Different strokes for different folks. Me, I really feel GOOD when I'm dressed and when I'm not I think about what I'll wear next, or what I need to buy. Do I need stockings? Maybe a new belt? No guilt. Life is too short and I'm having too much fun. Accept the fact that you need/want/like to dress and have a damn good time. Remember, you can never be too thin or too rich. Have fun, your going to dress anyway so might as well have a good time.

[Sallee]

I like your perfect partner analogy that is a good explanation what I have a problem with is the feeling sick and frightened. So you touched yourself was it fun and no offense or harm to anyone else OK then it is OK

[Sallee]

I like the gift analogy I kind of think of CDing like that too. but that didn't come with ease and I still feel guilt some times for no good reason.

[The_Juggler]

a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm
Remember that an orgasm affects your hormonal chemistry and your hierarchy of needs.

After an orgasm the last thing a man whats is sex - you've already fulfilled that need and get no pleasure from continuing with it any further.
Maybe it sounds gross, but I've caused myself to orgasm just for the sake of fulfilling the simple biological need. This way I can focus on other things and be less distracted with the need for sex.
I've even done this before a date with a girl - on a first date she doesn't want me trying to get into her pants.

Maybe I can't help you otherwise, but I can tell you the psychological and physical reactions that occur.

[dreamer_2.0]

There have been a lot of good posts here. It's great to hear about so many girls out there who have come to accept this side of them and enjoy it so much.

I've been dressing in secret since grade 8, only recently have I started to get a little more comfortable about it. I've told a few real girls about it and they've been pretty accepting. My ex-girlfriend completely supported and encouraged it, she was the first person I had ever told. Took a big chance with her but it worked out in ways I never thought possible. She certainly helped me feel a little more comfortable. But despite this I still felt embarrassed. Plus, not having the right body was (is) discouraging as clothes don't look / fit "right" on me. While dressing has made me quite happy in the past, it has also upset me knowing that it is a fantasy and not real.

We'll see where life leads to though...

[StarrOfDelite]

this post is like the old line, "man is the only animal that feels ashamed after sex,and the only one that needs to."

fight the urge to purge. what you're experiencing is natural, but it's probably more due to a sudden decrease in endorphins than anything else. i agree with the poster who said, after ejaculation don't immediately undress and run around feeling guilty. have a nice glass of cabernet, watch some television, and relax. also, try getting dressed without having it be a sexual experience.

[Rachel_Red]

I tend to look at people as "humans" rather than "girl" and "boy". With that said just remember you are a "human" and the clothing you are wearing is just clothing. Your mind is giving you shame because over the years people have told you: "boys wear boy clothing, girls wear girl clothing," funny thing is its just fabric cut in a differnt way. So what makes it wrong? Nothing that's what!

I suppose the focus of my little blurb is, you are a human so you can wear human clothing. Inside you know what you are, as an intelligent creature you get to define that, you get to see the world around you as you chose. So with that said make your world yours. Well anyways I hope I didn't get to "out-there" with you but thats my advice, define yourself.

:2c:

[Shananigans]

I am a GG, so I can't say that I have experience what you are going though; however, I think what you are going through is normal. Society pressures people to think and act a certain way and always be with what is considered "the norm." Just remember that there is absolutely Nothing wrong with you. There's nothing to be ashamed of and you are not a sick person. If this is something that you enjoy and it is part of who you are, then why deny yourself of it? Life is too short to be ridden with guilt and worried about the judgements of others. Be yourself and love yourself and the rest will fall into place. I'm a firm believer in that philosophy.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Try dressing for a few hours, going out perhaps, and then changing back to guy mode without your orgasm at the end and see if the guilt goes away. Perhaps the guilt is associated more with the act at the end rather than dressing.

Hi Ash?.
I totally agree with Kirsten's reply above. I wouldn't mind betting that you feel the same if you 'do the deed' without dressing at all that you still feel the same afterwards. If you do then this is no more than guilt brought about by a lifelong teaching that we should not pleasure ourselves in this way.
Sam.

.

[Jenniferpl]

I lot of wobderfull posts here. I agree a lot with what Jennifer Giovannetta stated. Give it time your guilt will go and life is short, go for it.

[Claire Cook]

It used to be that way with me too, I'd get all aroused, lose control and then hate myself! You know what it reminded me of? Making it with a girl you didn't really have any feelings for, how you try to get dressed and get out as soon as you can...anyway those days are over, and so is the shame from crossdressing, now it's a sublime feeling that I never want to end. I guess getting older isn't all bad :)

I totally agree with Windy Cissy. I've gone through this too, maybe many of us have. I read Lacey Leigh's wonderful book The Successful Crossdresser. She makes the point that the guilt and same many of us feel is unnecessary -- we should be proud of being guys who can wear women's clothes. When you get that "Look 'em in the eye" confidence, the shame goes away. Enjoy dressing for its own sake ... and the sexual aspect will lessen ('tho I'm not sure it totally goes away.... :battingeyelashes:)

[joannemarie barker]

i only ever felt shame if i masturbated during dressing,when that happened i tore my girly stuff off as quick as i could.i dont do that now i just enjoy dressing :)

[Frédérique]

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you -- it sounds to me like you’ve found the secret door! Why not lock arms with the rest of your sisters and walk triumphantly to the land of magic? Embrace the excitement you feel, don’t waste any time feeling guilty about it, and be happy that you are different. Why can’t you be a man? :doh: Please don’t waste any precious time thinking about such nonsensical questions – you’re in touch with yourself in more ways than one (pardon the pun)...


You're making this complicated.
To un-complicate things, "do what you gotta do", and masturbate first.

Excellent advice, Mary! If I get the slightest bit aroused whilst dressed, I peel, get it over with, and return to the land of Freddy as quickly as I can…

[vjaducd]

I used to have similar feelings, but then I realized that there are plenty of people out there to judge and ridicule me. There is no need to do it to ourselves. Be happy with who you are. Embrace it. Enjoy it. I view crossdressing as a gift, not a curse. Most men are too afraid to do what we do. You don't feel guilty for breathing, do you? Crossdressing is as just as much a part of us. I hope you find peace with it, and yourself.

Yes, I agree with you, Why should we feel guilty as while it's god's gift to certain class of people.instead you should feel proud as in one birth we use to get both gender feelings. shame thing is why we have to hide from our daily life ? we have got high moral ,peaceful life feeling. nonviolence,nofake,no froud no jelousy We are a special greed whom god has especially , seperately created.We won't hurt anybody,noselfish nature,loyal.noble,humble leaving beings on earth. In India our god lord shiva's pictures are falleded one half with maa Parvati half i.e. Siva & Shakti both gathered & created the earth & living beings, So It's a proud moment when we c.d. or even think of c.d.ing

vjaducd:hugs::love:

[PittsburghThongz]

ive been trying to get over some of the shame myself and with me i think it is a relatively sexual arousal related issue because the shame never is there until after climax

[ringedjohn]

When I first started CDing in my teens I felt a bit strange about it but not ever guilty. After orgasm the desire to CD had usually vanished and so I removed whatever feminine clothes I was wearing, but not any more.

Now, many years later, I am quite happy and relaxed with all aspects of my sexuality... cross-dressing, a bit of bondage, lots of body piercings, etc.

I CD only for the sexual charge it gives me, I do not want to go out in public, I do not long to become a woman.

[AmberLynn]

I had hoped to find a thread like this. I to have had this problem,feeling dirty and un natural. But after a few min's time "and it get's less each time" you realize that your not sick,everyone has done it. Im at allmost the plane the other girl's have talked about,where you are not bothered by it. hang in there. were all hear for you :hugs:

[curious5752]

Hi I am another "lady" who has gone through the same thing and has lived to tell about it. Don't let shame rule your life continue to dress and try not to let the sexual side rule your life. It will take time but the mastrubation will slowly let loose it's grip I am a new member here but have read many posts and have learned a few things already, there are many ladies here to help you
Cathy

[jenniferishappy]

i will only speak for myself, but i was terribly abused by other kids when young. i was the one kids yelled 'faggot' at and bullied daily. as an adult i have always been very sensitive to any minority. ( i also have a very sesitive, but male persona without being macho) my conclusion has always been that people who are gay must truly be that for whatever reason. this view has been based on the question of why anyone would voluntarily join a minority group that is routinely targeted with ridicule. until recently, i never even thought of myself as an actual CD'er. just a guy who secretly dressed up in girls clothes from time to time to get off. well, its much much more than that.
due to my childhood peer conditioning (not my father, he is a loving sensitive man) the idea of being considered as anything other than heterosexual terrified me. at this point, after reading extensively on the matter, i still feel that i am heterosexual, but a lot of blurriness comes into play when we find ourselves on these sites calling other men hun and sweetie, signing off with 'kisses', etc. for the group i am referring to we are all genetic males- but somehow transcend the hardwire thinking when dressed. in the end, i find myself, finally, in a place where i am not terrified to know that some people who see me dressed in girls clothes (not dresses or wig/forms/full makeup) while out will assume i am gay. i also have no qualms about letting my friends know about this and let them make a decision where they stand. and even if i were to find out eventually that i have some kind of bisexual side it would not destroy me. yes, even if i recognized that i am actually gay i could live with that- even with the self perception at this time that the likelihood of that is nearly impossible. have you taken any time to contemplate this? i know i never did until just recently. denial of that possible reality could cause a lot of misery. not saying thats it, but its worth really exploring.

[rocketscientist]

I used to have similar feelings, but then I realized that there are plenty of people out there to judge and ridicule me. There is no need to do it to ourselves. Be happy with who you are. Embrace it. Enjoy it. I view crossdressing as a gift, not a curse. Most men are too afraid to do what we do. You don't feel guilty for breathing, do you? Crossdressing is as just as much a part of us. I hope you find peace with it, and yourself.

I think this sums it up better than I can say myself.:hugs:

[bridget jones]

I know exactly how you feel Ash.I have done the same for years.I don't understand how the urge to dress is so strong until the big O comes.I'd like to get passed this and hope I will.I spend way too much time getting dolled up just to rip it off and the feelings are unbearable at times..........I still question my crossdressing,why me?

[tricia_uktv]

As the girls here say, we've all been through that. I can remember the first few times I dressed in public and how ashamed I was of my male self. Now I kniow that is rubbish. It is about me me, not whether I am male or female. And you know what? Since discovering that, the guilt melted away in all forms. Keep going hon!

[Joy Carter]

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

I have to admit I was once much like you, but with me I discovered I really wanted to be female. For me that was when I accepted who I am, and now enJoy the time I spend as my self. It will come, there is no reason why you can't accept and love your self for who you are.

[Daniela76]

I wanted to add my newfound hope to this topic. I always felt guilt & shame over my CD'ing and masturbating until just this last week.
When I realized that the porn I watched was the real problem with my shame I felt much better. I only enjoyed watching girls & lesbians in porn, no men except for an occasional 2 girls 1 guy scene. I decided that if I love women sooo much that I want to dress and act like them, how can I objectify & rudely lust after them? I can't anymore!!
That night everything changed for me. I CD'd inconspicuously at work the next day & slept in girly pajamas that night. I woke up severely turned on and enjoyed myself. The key there was I enjoyed myself & the way I felt & didn't think about anyone else. Know what? I felt perfectly fine afterwards!! :yippee:



I blame genetics. I was born without the gene that makes me want to get drunk, puke over the side of the boat and drive a motorcycle real fast over a cliff. I do have the gene to dress up and look pretty. Isn't DNA wonderful?

I just had to quote this post Lorileah.
I was born with that gene!! I used to enjoy getting drunk, but can't anymore due to the medications I take now, and would puke sometimes. That made me want to not drink too much anyway.
However I do still have the urge to drive a motorcycle/car really fast, but not over a cliff. I'd love to learn to race cars!!
Best of both worlds for me now!!

Dani

[suchacutie]

The only way through this issue is (as others have said in one way or another) to separate the emotional/hormonal flow that is associated with any physically pleasurable act from the emotional/hormonal desire to be your feminine self. You really have to separate these issues or you will just twist in the wind over it. This may not be easy to do, but I do have one suggestion as a starting point.

Keep one "outfit" for the sexual/feminine self and all your other clothes for your platonic feminine self. Then, in whatever direction you are headed you have separated these two heavily charged emotional situtations.

Good luck with it and please let us know how you are doing with it.

hugs
tina

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Dear Ash-

<big hug, girl> I so feel for you and understand what you're going through, I think it's a phase that many of us, perhaps not all, but a lot, have gone through. For so many years, dressing in girl clothes, usually just panties was so erotic and so emotionally charged, and yes, I felt guilty and hid things and vowed never to do it again...but of course I did...and the feelings happened over and over.

To be honest, I don't know how it happened really, it wasn't some blinding flash of light or anything, but I just got tired of living my life how other people thought I should, or even worse, how I thought they thought I should, which made it all in my own head. I was the one shaming myself and making self feel guilty over something which is, in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Nothing about being TG/CD is wrong, bad, illegal, or immoral. Nothing.

Absolve yourself, girl, give yourself permission to be you. You're the only one who can do that, no else can do that for you. Don't let others dictate how you should live your life.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Bettyann303]

I think many of us should have been born female. Now we wrestle with the fact that we feel normal when we transfer into the female world where we were meant to be in.

[eluuzion]

at the risk of boring you with clinical etiology and psych sterility...I will take a crack at condensing a novel into a cheap "Cliff Notes" reply...lol

Most paraphilic (CDing included) activity has a "compulsive" quality attached to it. ("inability" to control the impulse) Stress, anxiety/depression increases the desire. Resolutions to "stop" are usually followed by a return to the behavior, acting out and then strong feelings of "guilt". (exacerbated by the inability to abstain).

Generally speaking, there is only a moderate success rate in trying to stop or "control" these behaviors. The most constructive approach is acceptance in this part of your life, and finding a way to comfortably incorporate it in a well-adjusted manner that allows you to be happy.

As far as the "guilt" following orgasm...this is partially the result of normal sexual excitement "phases". Skipping the details...there is a chemical change involving the neurotransmitters (brain chemisty) that follows orgasm. Think of it as a kind of "tank" which is full of dopamine, serotonin, etc...which is "emptied" or "depleted" with the onset of orgasm. (you are "exhaused"...which is the way the body makes you "rest" (both of your "heads", lol) while it replenishes the supplies for you to "perform" again.

anyway, when you "combine" the natural resting phase of post-orgasm with your "guilty" state of mind...it appears that one is causing the other...etc. Actually, you are simply attaching negative thoughts to the time your body is doing a natural process. This "fools' you into thinking they are connected causal/effect...not necessarily so.

ok, I will quit now. 100 lbs in a 5 lb bag...lol

moral of story...you are just fine...

havefun/behappy

[Paula_56]

been there done that.

[Aleca]

I think that it's in the way that you use it. For most it is healthy and it is so much fun but CDing is something that can also be abused. I do feel the same way, immediately after acting out, from either being dressed up or looking at other photos of myself dressed up. Once I do that I feel totally exhausted. I can blame it for my lower energy level throughout the day, if I gave up badly needed sleep hours for doing it, if I feel it raised my blood pressure, if my heart palpitates too much or if it has taken too much time away from important responsibilities during the day.
At such time it then can make one question CDing as self-destructive behavior or addiction.
What I think is going on is there are the CD issues which are normal but something underlying taking place which is causing it to become a negative behavior - like in my case I have had to deal with a fear and anxiety disorder since the late 80's (and for some there can be other psychiatric conditions present that are combusting with the CDing that make crossdressing seem like it's the problem). Again, it's in the way that one reacts to - and uses CDing to whether it is good or bad.

[CharlotteW]

I answer to the original post....

I would say you were a fetishist rather than a crossdresser.

[Crysten]

I used to be this way. Then one day.....walking down the street in drab (I still remember it clearly) like I bolt out of the blue - I realized that I needed to accept myself as I was, or my life was gonna be a failure. Acceptance leads to a lessining of guilt and stress, and allows you to more fully embrace and express our fem side.

With the self acceptance, the guilt disappeared. Immediately. And that was about 20 years ago. Since then, I've never purged my clothes, and was able to open up to my future wife on our third date (once I decided she wasn't going to pull the fire alarm when I told her).

I believe that, in many of us, we struugle with this. This is the EXACT reason so many marriages fail - we have problems accepting ourselves, and when it finally happens, OOPS, been lying to the wife for that last XX years.

Good luck :)

[Aleca]

Well yes, that's true - having better self acceptance certainly can keep it from being a problem.

[Crysten]

Well yes, that's true - having better self acceptance certainly can keep it from being a problem.

Well I can't speak for anyone else, but it works well for me. I used to go throught the binging thing often - because I felt guilty, and needed to get rid of the evidence of my "crime". Up to the age of 20 or so. Since then, I've pretty much dressed continuously (at least 3-4 times a week) and over the last several years, incorporated dressing into my every day existance. No guilt. No shame. It's great!!

[danielle.cd]

ok anouther person posted on a simular issue, the responce was due to the feel good chemicals in the brain wich are released after orgasm, endorphins i think there called, dressing u feel good and tingly inside and when u orgasm all those feelings are gone and u want to hurry and get all this stuff off u as soon as u can But just like after sex if u sit and wait for a little while the feeling will return and you wont feel the need to rip all your stuff off , and it true resist the urge and just watch tv or something to take your mind off it and wala youll feel just fine in about ten minutes or so

[danielle.cd]

I answer to the original post....

I would say you were a fetishist rather than a crossdresser.

only thing i dont like about u saying this is what if he didnt have a orgasm or even try his urge to strip it all away wouldnt be there so if and when he learns to control this even after orgasm what would u call it then. theres people that dress for less than an hour and people that dress for weeks on end needles to say there all crossdressers are they not

[SamanthaS]

Ya think? I never thought about that, but "We" should ride side saddle, LMAO!

[Nicole Erin]

Like a friend once told me about something non-CD related -
If you ain't hurting anyone, just have your fun, call it a day, and go about your life.

[lavistaa62]

I have started dressing when I have menial things (cleaning, washing, etc) that absolutely need to get done. There's no temptation to do anything other than the tasks and the time gives me an opportunity to get used to being dressed. It's not a time for glam- it's for acclimation. It's helped a lot with the cyclic emotions that I used to have. :2c:

[peski]

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

I want to say that like you I have been cding sense childhood also but had to hide it for years and now I have a wife that not only understands but helps me with my new wardrobe

[carolinoakland]

Yep, did that for years. you are conflicted about why you dress. figure that out and realize that whatever the reason... it makes you happy. So give yourself permission to be happy. Only you can. Carol

[AliceXXX]

Like a friend once told me about something non-CD related -
If you ain't hurting anyone, just have your fun, call it a day, and go about your life.

I like that

[Kellie Day]

Here's the thing: you have nothing remotely to be ashamed of, and don't let anybody shame you (and they probably won't--the fear of that is much greater than its likelihood of happening).

Clothes do not make the man, nor the woman. Our naked bodies are unfashionable, except to our lovers, and so we adorn them in various ways. In this curious dark age women have all the cool options of adornment and men are forced into uniform, which explains our male push-back. (I'm speaking of the West; in other societies it's the other way around.)

Reject shame as having anything to do with how you dress--clothes are how we improve upon our unfashionable bodies, and any-body should be able to improvise and innovate on how they choose to cover themselves.

[NikiMichelle]

I could probably write pages for you on this with respect to myself.

For years I went through what you describe as the feeling of being a freak...stop that...you did not ask to be born the way you are (and yes I believe we are born the way we are and I believe science backs us up on this). I said for the longest time "I hate loving what I am".

Embrace what you are, learn to say "it is OK" and accept what/who you are.

Once you get to that you can go about figuring out how to enjoy this gift and find peace in your life. It becomes a matter of "balance".

[kristinacd55]

I think the older u get the less there is, I believe it has something to do with something in our male systems called testosterone! When I was young I used to swear I'd never cd again........oops a week just went by & voila! would I love to dress up again! :daydreaming:

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

I used to be just the same with the guilt and shame till I started to accept it was part of who I was and now can sit at pc or laptop for ages while dressed and feel so right. I think we have all been there at the start.

[ArleneRaquel]

I do no harm 2 others & feel no shame ! :)

[NoraTV]

I have had to work through the same feelings. It is like this voice tells me, "What are you doing? Are you totally nuts?"

I have learned to live with that. It has not been easy. But I know that I am a much better person for allowing Nora to live than I would have been if I denied her presence as part of me.

I have just re-read that last sentence. I am sorry if it sounds pompous or self-absorbed. I know that what many of us go through, the sense of shame and guilt, are not easy.

Whatever you do, girlfriend, do resist the urge to purge. Those beautiful clothes are expensive!

[amflguy]

My simple rule is if it feels good, doesn't hurt anyone, including myself, then why not do it?

We spend far too many hours of our daily lives trying to please those around us - there's nothing wrong with pleasing yourself. I need my dressing time, it's my "therapy" - my connection with a hidden part of me, and it ultimately makes me a happier and better person.

What's to feel guilty about?

[PanteeQueen]

I get the same feeling. When I dress I get really excited and exillerated. But when I finish I feel guilty and ashamed like I am cheating on my male side or something. I can't explain it.

[Cathytg]

Oh, but you do sound like a younger version of me.

I have been through all the same stages as you. I just never had the courage to admit to anyone.

As you get older, the compulsion to masturbate will lessen and then dressing will become more of a state of being and less of an event. It will get better.

[HappyWife42]

Sick would be a desire to hurt someone or something. A joy in others' suffering, or a lack of empathy or remorse, or compassion.

What you are doing is not sick. You are instead BEING A MAN by not ignoring your need to express and embrace part of yourself. What do you think you should be doing instead? Going through the motions of looking and dressing "manly" and feeling miserable inside, being grouchy and sad? You are instead taking the harder road and being true to yourself. It takes a REAL MAN to do that!

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have known about this part of yourself since you were a child. It's not like it's going to change!

Look at yourself in the mirror and dry your tears. You are a real man because you choose to not live your life in denial. :itsok:

[Didi]

I've felt shame immediately after I have an orgasm, but within a few minutes, it passes. I'm usually ready to try on a new outfit and start over again.

[JessicaMiller]

I have the same feelings too. After i have an "O", sometimes i feel like dressing back into drab. But if i'm out somewhere, i'm not able to do that, and that can make me feel very uncomfortable.

[AliciaNC]

Very normal response - it happens to the best of us!! ;-)

[Jamz1b]

I have had the same feelings. Though I have found that these feelings are not connected to the dressing but infact the sexual gratification afterwards. If I let my self get that far. I have been doing a lot of dressing in the past few weeks and been able to surpass the sexual relief which has also stopped the guilt feelings. Be strong and give that a try, I hope it works for you as well. Its difficult at times, but believe me it is very worth it.

[Joanne f]

You are letting what you assume society would think of you control your feelings .

[Bree-asaurus]

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

I used to feel shame afterwards, but it went away with time. I would sometimes underdress and force myself to do normal activities or sleep dressed (without any play-time). It became less and less of an issue so the point where I would start dressing for the sake of dressing and MAYBE relieve some stress.

Since I made the leap to getting fully dressed (not just under-things), if I felt ashamed afterwards I just stayed dressed and waited for the feeling to subside. And it did. And now I primarily dress for comfort and other activities just aren't a big deal anymore if you know what I mean.

[Laura Evans]

I can really relate to your ongoing struggles. Went thru a lot of the same when I was younger. The guilt came from my upbringing, hammered home by the particular church I attended for too long. For me, wearing girl clothes helped get rid of the arousal issue, which I feel is coming from an image one has of the perfect woman that accepts all of who I am. I do not get aroused by the clothes any longer, or very rarely. Instead I feel energized. I am careful about the cut and color as well, because that can have an effect on the energy I feel I need to convey that day.

Press forward thru it, and you'll come out the other side a better person. :)

Hugs,
Ann

Exactely the same for me and for many of the same reasons as Ann's. It took a long time for that guilt and shame to go away so don't despair, take heed you are not alone.

[ashgagal]

haven't been able to check in for a bit, but all these responses help so very much.

And girls, thanks for all the hugs and your combined wisdom. you all took so much time and made such thoughtful replies. i don't feel so terrible now.

A special thank to Shananigans (GG). I already feel less than attractive to girls when I am in drab, but when I think of them finding out about my CDing, oh god I feel like they would scream and call me names (even tho i think i look so cute when dressed!).

[ver0n1c@]

i used to feel shame for the way that i thought, and my fantasies, especially after orgasm. I used to feel sick and low, like this isnt me, but that was only when i exclusively kept it a secret... I came out to my wife, told her that i wish i was a woman and that im bi.... now i feel alot better and i dont get ashamed. maybe telling someone close to you will help, but i dont know, we are all like planes at the airport. we carry different baggage, and it all comes from different places

[jenifer m.]

i went through sort of the same things as you but as the other girls said you have to do it more often,and for longer periods of time,just try to really enjoy the art of dressing up and think less about arousal,i dont know how long youve been dressing but it just gets more fun and interesting the farther you go with it trust me.ive been a girl trapped in a mans body my whole life.....i say just go with it .

[Lucy_Bella]

i have been cding since childhood...long before i had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.


One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably i touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

yes