In a state of confusion...

[xgeminix]

So Im not sure what section to put this under.

So, my boyfriend who has been crossdressing since he was 6, is considering a operation. I am skeptical as to how I feel about it.

My quesition is how do you feel when you think about such an operation? It must be a scary thought when you feel like your not the right body, and it must be comforting to know that an operation might change that. Am I right?

I want to know how others feel because yes I want to talk to him, but when I talk to him I sound more ignorant than when I think it all out. I dont want to be ignorant, Im scared, and I feel lonely. And I guess he does it. I know if he was to go through it, he would want support, and I would give it to him. I just wouldnt feel the same way about a few things like children, or sex. Because things have changed.

Does that make sence?

Make its the lack of sleep thats talking, or the fact that I just spend three hours crying on the phone with him as he told me that I dont understand him, when I try. But, I want to know. How do I show him I care. Do i cough up my pride. When Martin becomes a thing of a past do I just celebrate the change in my orientation, do i have a right to feel hollow, empty, lost, confused?

I accepted Martin when he wanted to be Rachel. and now, he wants to be her forever. am I wrong to want to cry. Am I wrong in wanting to be angry.

Yeah, I guess I am. I know I am. But how do i change that? I dont know.

What things change after the operation? Is it a relief? Did anyone else have someone they loved go through it with them? Was it a comforting feeling?

I want him to know I love him, with or without the penis; as Rachel or Martin or whatever. But a part of me is still bitter.

I suppose Im just looking for justification or at least some insight since he just told me about this. Any thoughts would help, thanks..

[GypsyKaren]

I had my SRS two years ago and we're still happily married after 16 years, but we're the exception plus our circumstances are different, all of our kids are grown and gone while you're young and just starting out. SRS is a total game changer, I'll try my best to answer your questions.

First, considering the operation and actually going through with it are two different things, the vast majority of transsexuals don't. Something that has to be settled first is whether she's even a TS'er to begin with, then there are requirements that have to be met in order to proceed with the surgery, it's not a fast or easy process.

I can tell you this, however, if you want children without having to go the frozen sperm implant route, then you will not be happy. If you want to have sex with a man instead of a woman, then you will not be happy. These are two huge elephants in the room that need to be tended to before anything's done, so two things:

She needs therapy, and she might as well get started because there's no surgery without it.

You both need to talk and hash this out, and you both have to be open and honest to yourselves and each other. Communication is the key to success and no one's a mind reader, so talk.

One other thing, you are not wrong to cry and you wouldn't be wrong if you decide you don't want this and leave, you're entitled to be happy and have what you want too, so no guilt!

As for how I feel now, it's simply the bestest for me. I'll be 57 in a few weeks and I knew I was a girl when I was three, it was a long time coming but worth it...and feel free to PM me anytime about this, I'm a mod so I'm always here, plus I always make myself available to help others going down this path.

Karen

[Jessinthesprings]

I think Karen hit the nail on the head there. It's not something that will happen tomorrow so it could give you time to think about what will and will not happen. That way you can make an informed decision on weather or not you wish to continue the relationship. I applaud you for your openess and, we need more people out there.

I also think you need to talk to him/her, and ask those "ignorant" questions. You may feel silly but I assure you that there is nothing wrong with that. You are not transgendered so how would you know? And, with knowledge you can help educate others.

As far as children. There are ways from adopting and sarroagtes that could provide children for you. Or you could do what my wife and I decided which was to have a child before I start hormones. To him it may seem like a long time but a couple of years is not that big of a sacrifice.

I think you two can have a long rewarding life, but there are a lot of barriers in the way. Every relationship has issues, so you two are not the only ones. However, it may sound selfish, but if you are not happy in the end it is probably best to call it off because neither of you will be happy.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

http://possiblepast.blogspot.com/2009/06/me-special-guest-contributor-shellie.html

This may be an interesting read for you ...I know shellie and randi and they are both wonderful folks...

as much as i can tell you that rachel is going through alot and needs support, don't forget that you are going to need help and support too!