What do you really want?

[helenr]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons. We have to cope with the concerns of alienating others, risking marriages or relationships, worry about revealing the 'secret stuff',etc.
I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing? I underdress always, wear Silk Reflections daily-sometimes without socks to hide the Little Color beige hose, ladies casual slacks, find myself pushing the envelope so to speak. Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr

[Laura_Stephens]

If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy. Sadly, this is the "real world" and it ain't gonna happen.

And, as you point out, SRS isn't really there for a zillion reasons. Relative to that issue, for me, no matter what gets sliced, diced, chopped, or julienne fried, my chromosomes would still be that of a male while my brain still wishes ALL of the cells in my body were female.

So, like many others on a wide personality scale, I do those things that let me know that I am both male and female without letting the "outside world" see the real me.

In the words of a great philosopher, "Life sucks, then you die."

[NathalieX66]

I've been pondering the path of Betty Crow, the husband of Helen Boyd, author of My Husband Betty & She's Not the Man I Married. We are a lot alike in many ways, and in fact we come from the same culture an age group, and also my social circle is in the same geographic location.
....but where I depart from someone who is in mid-transition ( like Betty) is the fact that I have too much of a sense of my self as a man. Betty says, and I quote, "my dysphoria doesn't manifest itself in the physical, it always manifests itself in the social"

...sounds like a lot of fun to me.

But for countless reasons, I decided to remain the simple crossdresser instead of persuing transition as the said name above. Making such a move as becoming a TS would be far to great a sacrifice that I'm not willing to give....thus a compromise. I would have more to lose than I could possibly bear. Half a loaf of bread is better than none.

[boardpuppy]

Hi Helen,
I heard Laura's philospheer's quote a little more litterly "Life suchs, then you die and you wake up right back where you started". The "reasons" list is endless and oh, I wish it wasn't so.

Hugs,
Alice

[sterling12]

To quote Henry David Thoreau: "Most Men (T-Gurls?) lead lives of quiet desperation."

So, even though many of us feel that "pull," it's just not in The Cards. The question then becomes, "What are you going to do about it, within The Boundaries that you have set for yourself?"

OK, probably we are back to working on that Self-Acceptance Thing again, aren't we?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Cheshire Gummi]

To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.

If people acknowledge that I'm male, that's perfectly acceptable. I'm not asking them to tear down there perceptions of the gender, nor am I so arrogant as to say I would challenge those perceptions. It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined.

For instance, I'd rather be called "beautiful" than "handsome." If others choose not to say "she" or "Miss" it's to be expected.

Now if you're just asking "would I want to be a real girl if I could?" my answer is simple; I already am. The body defines the soul like preference in pizza toppings defines shoe size.

[Miranda09]

Sometimes I have that compulsion to self out myself to others, but at the same time, I'm not willing to let just anyone into my secret life. I'm happy with who and what I am, both male and female selfs..so with that, transitioning is just not in the picture. I would say that if I would want anyone to eventually accept both sides of me, it would be a SO, who ever that eventually turns out to be. I'd be happy with that. :)

[txrobinm]

never seriously thought about transitioning. A genie granting a reversible wish? Sure, but I like me as male with the option of dressing up female.

SRS isn't really reassignment- the genes are still the genes, as evidenced by where the fat is stored, build (especially shoulders), relative length of fingers, hair loss patterns, etc. Hormones can only do so much. Still, I admire the courage exhibited by those who go through it in an effort to be true to themselves. It is certainly better than faking your whole life, or taking your life in a fit of desparation.

I self-out a little by "knowing too much" (been said by more than one female coworker, relating to appearance, mostly).

Sometimes Robin needs to get some air, and it would be nice to let her out without endangering my job, reputation, or marriage.

[kellycan27]

never seriously thought about transitioning. A genie granting a reversible wish? Sure, but I like me as male with the option of dressing up female.

SRS isn't really reassignment- the genes are still the genes, as evidenced by where the fat is stored, build (especially shoulders), relative length of fingers, hair loss patterns, etc. Hormones can only do so much. Still, I admire the courage exhibited by those who go through it in an effort to be true to themselves. It is certainly better than faking your whole life, or taking your life in a fit of desparation.

I self-out a little by "knowing too much" (been said by more than one female coworker, relating to appearance, mostly).

Sometimes Robin needs to get some air, and it would be nice to let her out without endangering my job, reputation, or marriage.

Knowing too much ? it isn't about the body, that's just cosmetics. It about what's in the heart, head and soul. We try and change the outside to fit what's on the inside. And we that can....do, those who can't don't, but whether we do or don't doesn't really matter because we are still the same on the inside. Now you "know" just a little more

Kelly

[MissyW]

Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

[kellycan27]

Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

Does that mean that you don't have the desire to transition, or that you are willing to settle for what you can?
Just curious
Kel

[Jenniferpl]

I agree with 100% with MissyW. Witha supportive spouse, no need to transition.

[Kate Simmons]

It depends Helen. The crossdressing itself can become an all consuming entity bent on self interest if allowed to. This is where true wisdom comes in as sometimes being given an "inch" becomes taking a "mile". This is why it's a much better goal to work on ourself as far as being a person rather than being a crossdresser.:)

[shannonFL]

Almost routinely, I reconcile my desires this way.....which is worse...repressed transexualism or self actualization with all of its chaotic effects on loved ones I have committed to, maybe I'm not really TS, I can only pretend to understand the feelings of someone like myself who has made a different choice...if it is really a choice....
Flashback 20 yrs. ago...so much makes sense to me now....if I had the information...resources...like the brain trust of this forum...

[Jonianne]

.......Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr


......many of us feel that "pull,"......

I describe it as, there is a part of me that would love to be female, but I know I am not. So, I don't have a strong compulsion to go any farther than dressing occasionally.


To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.......It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined......

When I was seeing a therapist, she told me that I presented myself in such a masculine way, that no one ever would know I felt feminine in the least. She suggested that I find ways of presenting myself more how I felt on the inside so that others would see a more true representation of who I am. So I found ways of dressing and being a little more feminine without losing my masculinity.

Maybe that is why we want to out ourselves in little ways.

[skirtsuit]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons

That is a HUGE assumption for a crossdressers forum. I have zero interest in any kind of permanent transition. I value my guy side and plan on keeping it. I have found I can enjoy the best of both worlds.


what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr

I found it recently when I started going out fully dressed. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I don't think I'll ever really pass, but I don't care. I have met many wonderful and friendly women and been treated like 'one of the girls' eventho I'm a guy in a dress!

All the Best,
Ann / SS

[Carol A]

I guess at age 70 I have been there and done most all of it. I am a happy crossdresser and have gone almost as far as I can go or better yet as far as the wife will let me go.

What more would I like?, well to be able to dress full time as a crossdresser and not have to get undressed after 6 or 7 hours but the wife said "NO" !
But I am happy to dress everyday and enjoy as much as I can. :daydreaming:

[Wen4cd]

I want to treat people how I would be treated.

I want integration to mean the she and I remain distinct in invocation and inner voice, so that she's always there for me, and I'm always there for her, and the syzygy is never lost.

I want to want less. I want to hide up in these mountains forever and watch the seasons change and the animals live and die in nature's endless cycle. I want to sleep in a tent warm and cozy while a storm rages just outside.

She wants to live. To be seen, heard, felt, and affirmed. She wants to meet you on the train platform once a year, stroll around the city, eat out, go to museums and galleries, and be and experience 'culture' with you, because she's that part which 'is' that.

She wants to see you how you see yourself in dreams. She wants to treat you how you want to be treated. She wants to end your loneliness and fear and impossibility, to hold your hand through the scary spots, and to give you the strength of company, which remains with you after we part, with the assurance of knowing that we will meet again, and do this all again some time, because life is meant to be lived. This is what makes her feel alive.

[Leanne2]

What do I really want? I need to think about that for a minute. When I was little my mother caught me wearing a dress. As she helped me to undress she told me that boys don't wear dresses. When I asked her why she said," Just because." I couldn't understand that logic. Now I believe that I would like to be "out" to everyone; sort of like a third gender.
Years ago it was acceptable in some circles for a boy to be raised by his mother to be a sissy. He could dress and act feminine and people would just say," Oh, he's just a sissy." Today if someone's openly gay son acts feminine people may not like it but most accept it. The problem is that I am not gay. A straight feminine person is considered to be impossible. Well guess what; we are out there. The general public either doesn't know it or won't believe it. Thanks for putting up with my rant. Leanne

[skirtsuit]

The general public either doesn't know it or won't believe it.

I believe that that is slowly changing. If the young girls at the Claire's who pierced my ears are representative of their generation, I'd say things are definitely changing. They just sort of shrugged and said nobody really cares about that stuff anymore. They obviously know that gender boundries are not so clear cut.

All the Best,
Ann / SS

[GinnySmith]

I love your post, I feel much the same. I want to get Ginny out and into the group. BTW, you are very pretty!

[Amanda Shaft]

That’s such a big question for me: I am so confused! I used to think I was just a straight forward Cd’er: hetro male who since the age of four just liked to be a girl now and then. That carried on for years but now I’m not sure, I think I would, if I could, go full time and live as a female. I’m stopped in doing that by all the things that have been spoken of here: family, commitments, finances etc. and I guess a lack of true courage. I guess what brought it all home a bit was the other day a guy asked me to go out with him on a date. I felt really flattered and excited until I thought about it a little: the problem is I’m just a fraud! When I take my bra off my boobs fall on the floor, my wig slips when I’m asleep, I don’t have a waist and hips and I have other ‘bits and bobs’ that I keep tucked but are there. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the manic depressive I might be sounding; it’s just that ‘Amanda’ is and she deserves more. In the end though if God had wanted me to be a girl he would let me win the lotto tonight!

[MJ]

Knowing too much ? it isn't about the body, that's just cosmetics. It about what's in the heart, head and soul. We try and change the outside to fit what's on the inside. And we that can....do, those who can't don't, but whether we do or don't doesn't really matter because we are still the same on the inside. Now you "know" just a little more

Kelly

and for some of us srs is the only choice for a zillion reasons.
if the truth be told we have no choice it who we are.

[Prissy Linda]

It's rather simple what I want. I don't want to transition, I would just like to be able to dress however I want to dress without the constraints society has placed on how men should dress and act. It's not about passing 100%, in reality most of us don't so why try to fool ourselves into thinking we do (although I try).

I have a supportive wife who has always accepted my feminine nature for which i'm very fortunate to have but that isn't enough for me, I just want to be able to go out and dress and live the way I have always felt deep inside. So why don't I ? Family, finances, yada yada yada. Ok, maybe it's not so simple. shutting up now.

[meri]

To simply be me, myself. To be able to freely express who and what I feel I am at the moment without fear or concern about what others may be thinking.

I don't want to be a woman and frankly, I have never felt I was a "man". All my life, I have been wondering when I would grow up and be "man" like my father was. Finally figured out that it wasn't going to happen.

Thus, I don't necessarily fit into any "bucket" or group and after much pondering have decided I don't need to anyway. Problem with trying to fit-in is you are always wondering if your behavior and manner of dress is compatible with the bucket you are a member of! Thus, I choose "no bucket", "no identity". I am unique, a million years of evolution has gone into making me. I simply want to express myself as I feel in any given moment.

Sometimes this means wanting to be pretty, other times it means wanting to be dapper. Go figure....

GG's do this effortlessly all the time and I have seen them make radical changes in outfits in a single day... I wish to do the same. That's the direction I am heading and I have made some progress....

[tinalynn]

I've never seriously considered SRS, and never will. Not even when single and could dress whenever, however, and for as long as I wished. I've always like my guy side more, the dressing is something I enjoy. Yes, its a part of me, but so is the 'more manly' things I do. Its fun to go out, but I don't need it every night. As it is, I can dress at home with my wife present, and that's enough for me. I get to indulge my needs, maybe not how I used to do it without boundaries, but I accept the boundaries nonetheless. Its human nature to always want more, the tough part is finding the balance between 'enough' and 'not enough'.

[Rachel Morley]

I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing? ........... I underdress always, wear Silk Reflections daily-sometimes without socks to hide the Little Color beige hose, ladies casual slacks, find myself pushing the envelope so to speak. Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? What would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough?
I don't think it's a compulsion for me, but I do want to always dress in clothes that make me feel "closer to my feminine side". I really, really, don't like it if I have to dress in clothes that are not at least "somewhat girly". It just doesn't feel right inside if I'm not wearing clothes with a feminine accent. I don't want to transition but I do want to be much more feminine than my male peers. I want to be "girl-like" as aften as possible.


To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.

If people acknowledge that I'm male, that's perfectly acceptable ........ It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined.
Exactly! I want people to understand that I am a perosn who gravitates toward the feminine side of life. Yes, I am a guy, but so what? Ok, I dress and act with behavior that is more akin to how women are .... what wrong with that? Absolutely nothing! IMHO being feminine is not going down the scale, it's actually going up!

[Jonianne]

.......I want to be "girl-like" as aften as possible.......Exactly! I want people to understand that I am a perosn who gravitates toward the feminine side of life. Yes, I am a guy, but so what? Ok, I dress and act with behavior that is more akin to how women are .... what wrong with that? Absolutely nothing! IMHO being feminine is not going down the scale, it's actually going up!

Rachel, from reading your posts and our PM's, you very much fit the discription of being the true opposite or counterpart of a female "tomboy". I guess you would call that a "janegirl"?

Another sister here describes herself as a "tomgirl", which I feel fits me as well. I describe that as a male who identifies more with female "tomboys" than with other females or males.

[charlytuna]

this say it all for me srs was never thought for me I'm happy just the way things is going
now

[charlytuna]

Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

sums it up for me

[Rianna Humble]

I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing?

What I truly want is changing all the time.

When I started recently, I wanted to "get it out of my system".

Just after that, I wanted to be "a bloke in a skirt".

As time goes on, I want to express my femininity more and more.

I will never "pass" since my voice is already deep for a bloke - when singing (sic), I cannot quite get up to the bass notes - so how can I have a convincing feminine voice?

Most of all, I want to understand who I am.

[Suzy Harrison]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons.

These reasons may not last forever.

I used to think exactly the same thing - but circumstances can change in the future and anything can happen. After years and years of CDing I'm now on my way to being female at last.

All this means is: 'It isn't your time yet' - But that can change - it certainly did for me.

[Phyliss]

I, WANT, everything.
Having said that, (and feeling better for it ) practicality sets in and I wake up in the real world. FULL transition has been a recurring thought lately, however for those "zillion" reasons it ain't gonna happen, ... yet.

Give an inch, take a mile, yep that's me, I'd take that mile in a second, given the chance, who wouldn't? I do have that inch and I'll make the most of it for now.

In the last 5 to 6 years I've gone from the secret stash of one pair of undies to having my closet stuffed with girl clothes and can dress as I wish ( within limits ) anytime I want. (limits involve going out to dinner wearing a skirt, ladies dress trousers and neutral looking blouse are OK )

When I do go out fully dressed, for whatever reason, I want NO negative comments. Not that I want loads of compliments on how pretty I am. Just want simple acceptance, even if it's in the form of no comment . Please don't point, giggle, and laugh, at least within hearing distance.

I want to be able to live as I choose, as long as I'm not hurting somebody else or breaking any social laws. The fact that I wish to wear clothes that are usually associated with women shouldn't be a factor in how I'm viewed.

Unfortunately it is and that's the problem.

[Faith_G]

It's a moving target. I used to just want to be able to get dressed up and relax without having to jump every time I heard a noise. As that desire has become a reality, I've come to realize that I do have some dysmorphia issues and there's a lot I'd like to change about my body.

Would I take the "magic pill" that would instantly give me a female body and also make my family, friends, and co-workers instantly accept the change? Of course I would! Am I willing to put out the effort, time, pain, and money that a real world transition requires? Not yet, anyway. The dysmorphia is not causing enough distress to push me to transition. So for now I settle for what I can do at home by myself. A little tape and some padding, along with a lot of time spent on hair removal makes me feel OK in my body - at least for now.

[TGMarla]

I want for my wife to accept that I do this thing, and that it's not a threat to her or to our relationship. But she is closed minded to it, at least as far as I am concerned. It just makes her feel funny that I would have such a feminine aspect to me. She wants me to be her man, and a man is what she wanted when she met me and married me. It's my own fault that I never disclosed it to her prior to our marriage. But with her acceptance, I would be at greater liberty to go our more often, and experience the great big world a little more from a feminine perspective.

Is that enough? I don't know, but it would be a huge step closer to where I want this to be. I doubt I'm ever going to transition, but I also know that there's a part of me that will always want to. But as things are, I'd be very happy if I simply got to this next step.

[JOJO44]

Said by almost everyone here.

I "want" to be a female, period.

Strike one - - not many girls are 6'8"
Strike two - - a long angular face
Strike three - - A voice that that is so full of gravel (no I don't smoke).

So I dress and hang around the house or go for a ride in the car where no one can see any of my problems.

Love to all (even those that can pass (and whom I want to hate!) in public)

Josephine Anne :daydreaming:

:love: :love:

[Lidia_tv]

If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy.

In so many words.

[Kelly Greene]

I want to feel good in my skin.
Sometimes I think this means changing my body so that I can fill out tops and dresses without the need for breast forms, at other times I think I can fake the cleavage and live with it.

I think that a complete transition would not fit me there fore it is not desired.

I am a man who wants to look like a woman there are issues like the needs and desires of my wife, and also how my brother and sisters would react to any changes I made.
As far as work I believe the reactions of the people I work with would be manageable because I don't socialize with them and only see them at work.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Until about 3 years ago, I would definitely be in the majority on this question.

As time went on though, practicality, and everything else went out the window.. living as a man became unsustainable and I could no longer bear the thought of being stuck as a man for the rest of my life.

I was jealous of all the girls that transitioned but I insisted that crossdressing in my spare time would be fine...

oops

Kate

[Claire Cook]

I guess I agree with the majority here. I confess that I've thought about transitiioning, and if there were no other considerations, maybe I'd pursue that route -- but like the rest of us there are other considerations, so I'm content dressing as often as I can (it's been said often enough: the best of both worlds?) . Then again, perhaps Suzy H. is right .. we never know what's down the road.

[Lidia_tv]

Then again, perhaps Suzy H. is right .. we never know what's down the road.

If there's a second time 'round, then I hope to be born a girl that second time.

[TxKimberly]

An excellent question that encourages people to a little self introspection.
What do we want? What do we need? What is required to make us happy?
I dunno . . .

[Sam-antha]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons.

[quote=Suzy Harrison;1924943]These reasons may not last forever.
I used to think exactly the same thing - but circumstances can change in the future and anything can happen.

I have lived through it all. The total desire phase really was around me -I think- when I was thirtyish. But that was in the early sixties. Sex changes were not then an option.

The years rolled on and I learned the lesson quoted above namely that circumstances not only can change, but they really do change.


I am and have been for a long time, happy being a part time Sam-antha.
In retrospect, apart from my early total flirtation,
I believe that I am content.


My inch or so, has been sufficient.


~Samm

[Valeries_Online]

For me I have been pushing things but with the attitude that I don't care what others people think. I shave my whole body. Some people have noticed my chest and arms. I pluck my eyebrows. Yes, that got noticed as well. Ive been dressing more androgynously in guy mode such as girls low rise jeans ( from my SO, lol) and tight fitting shirts. I have a punky haircut and went ahead and dyed it hot pink. I have pierced my nipples, my ears and my lip. So over the last year I would say Ive been pushing further. Not really to out myself but to get closer to being happy with who I am and want to be regardless of what society and my peers have to say about it. It feels better than living a lie, really it does. I'm a lot more confident than when I worried about what people might think or say.

My SO and I talk a lot about it and both accept who I am which I am really lucky to have such a lady. As far as where I see myself going in the future I would like to take steps to feminize my body some but in some way I could ride the middle. I don't want SRS for sure or a boob job. If I could get some fat redistribution on my bum and a perky little chest I would be content and happy. That's how I see myself wanting to be anyway. The bras I dress in are all A cups anyway so I present how I think I should look not what bimbo I could resemble. There all all shapes and sizes so there ya go. Ive seen guys who aren't fat with bigger chests and they don't get ridiculed or try to hide it. My SO doesn't have an issue with some feminization so that's a definite fit since I don't want a full transition. She likes my androgynous dressing as a guy as well, she told me its very hot. I don't think my doctor would see it that way about riding the middle. You either have to choose one or the other. Well if I identify with both roles what do I do? I tried some herbs and progesterone cram in the past that had a small effect on my body but were making me sick to maintain it. Oops, my mistake.

So anyways, that's what would make me happy and how I see myself in the future if attainable safely. I know now I'm gonna get scolded with the hormones are nothing to fool with but neither are my feelings and identity. I'm not in the wrong body however this body isn't who I identify as. If some people choose not to do anything for whatever reason that's what works for them in their life. If others choose to go all the way I'm happy that they can do that if it makes them truly happy or not. If you have defined your identity and don't fit either category I don't see why you cant fine tune yourself to reflect who you are inside. If some people can say Im not a guy and transition then I can say Im neither and present myself as whatever label you might come up with for that. I know what makes me happy and feel confident. Really, it works better than antidepressants. You should try it. :)

[docrobbysherry]

I keep waiting for some sort of fem side to appear.:straightface:

Until that happens, I'm QUITE HAPPY to just dress in the closet, and LOOK like a female occasionally! Even if it IS all an illusion!:D

[Teri Jean]

I want to say for the most part I can identify with a number of sisters here in that it is a self reflection of what and where we want to be. I started out as a closeted CD and that was fine but then the CDing became unfulfilling and I wanted more. As my life came into full view and I had time to reflect on the things that made me happiest the more I disliked me as a man. So today is the beginning of a new life. Not Helen's or Karren's but mine and if those who CD and that is fine for them so be it but for me Teri is Teri and always be. Do I care what people think, yes but not to the point where I will bend to their needs.

Point being; last night I recieved a call from a patron of our Legion who heard I was transitioning. She was upset that the man she knew was doing this. I explained that this is who I am and it wasn't going to change. She said to go to a therapist and get cured to which I told her I am but there is no cure for it is who I am. She conceded that she still loved me for me but still didn't understand.

I thanked her for her opinion and honesty and asked her to respect my feelings and desires. If there was the magic pill, would I take it, yes. But there is no pill and here we are.

Teri

[LoriFlores]

If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy. Sadly, this is the "real world" and it ain't gonna happen.

I agree 100%. Unfortunately, the more time goes on the more SRS becomes further from a possibility as well. Maybe it will happen one day but until then I'll remain androgynous.

I out myself all the time because I typically were mostly female clothing but those that could almost be worn by either sex. I typically wear juniors jeans and shirts and shoes such as Skechers I also wear a lot of pink. So most persons, particularly females, immediately recognize that I'm dressing from the juniors of womens departments. Looking a little closer you would also notice the bra and panty lines. :o

Did I mention that I love shopping at Ross, Marshalls, and Kohls... and of course you never find me in the mens departments at those stores! :daydreaming:

[Edyta_C]

We all have fairly unique situations in our lives. I have gone from a half crazy guy with repressed need to express submerged femininity to a person that realizes that these repressed feeling are a blend of genders in me. After realizing where I was at I had to come out to my wife. Luckily for me, she accepts that I have a need to express some of this inner femme. Could it change to a deeper need to transition ? Well of course it might given where I think my head is at.

Of course the reality is that I am not healthy and relatively old to make that decision. I do not know if that need could dominate my feeling for my wife and what she needs. So I am fairly sure that I am stuck. The most I could do is live a a woman. Even that probably would not be possible as I need to work to have health insurance and trying to present as my real gender might kill the goose that is laying the health insurance egg of gold. I just can take the chance. I need to convince myself that I am totally happy as I am.

A tough course? Well considering pre outing to my wife and counseling, I was ready to die, and now I get up each day with more of a smile. Especially if I get time as Edy!!

Hugs Edy

[Heather_Marie]

I really want to be who I am all the time without judgment I feel like I fit into both of my personas Heather Marie and my male persona both have their good points and bad points I wish at times that I could take a magic pill that would let me change from one to another.

Heather Marie seems to be my stronger side I am always thinking like a women and how things would be if I could be her all of the time from getting ready as a women, to having relationships with other women and getting married, having children. Women are the most beautiful creatures in the world I would love to be one they get the most colorful, sensual items, cloths makeup and the best one is their bodies. I would love to be a woman.

It’s hard to be a CD’er the feelings I have going both ways it’s confusing but I manage I would have liked to have had the choice at birth to be a girl/women. I feel like I should have been a girl/women because I have so many female traits I love everything girly I feel more at ease when I am dressed up as Heather Marie.

So my final answer what do I really want I would love to be a women. :daydreaming:

[Maddie22]

I have realized that I will transition fully a few years down the road, physically at least. As of now I'm transitioning mentaly. I'm coming out to more people, talking about my feelings more about who I actually am. What my goal is to let my self be more accepted as a whole, to my self, and not worry about what my parents and friends expect from me. Not just on gender issues, but where I want to live, career, politics, hobbies, partners I may have.

I believe if I can do this, this will be one of the most important aspects of my mental transition. I think I can come out to more people, live how I want to actually live, be less depressed, be with people who I truly value and that I want to be around.

I know I have major father issues that I cope with (not that my dad is a bad father by any means or ever abusive) I have acceptance issues from him as well, and this is a step that I need to get over. I also have genral acceptance issues from other people in general.

So If I can start accepting myself and having confidence, that the people who won't accept me will not be as devistating.

The outcome of fully transitioning mentaly and physically excites me and engerizies me, it keeps me going as a goal. The path to get to outcome is what is most frigtening.

[DeniseNJ]

That is a good question:thumbsup: I want the freedom to choose. The type of freedom with out reprisals. I notice one thing about us girl. We truely enjoy the feeling of feminity. To a GG shaving her legs are a chore to me it's a wonderful experience. I wonder if women in general get the same goose bumps when they get a pretty pedicure. It seems the average CDer really embraces being feminine. What is Feminine ?? can you touch it, can you see it, we all know you can feel it. I for one like Denise better than my make self. She makes me happy and is my best friend. I want to feel like that girl that I always wanted to be the shoes, the clothes the make-up. I want to do what ever it takes to feel good inside. Someday I will meet and be with other Cd's cause I feel it's a good thing!!!

[Samantha43]

I'm patiently waiting for someone to develop a pill that will change me into a female for 24 hours, then revert me back to my male self....:D

Seriously, I like where I am now, and have been for over 20 years. I have a wonderful wife who is accepting and supportive. I can dress pretty much as often as I want. She lets me buy clothes and even shops with me. For me, the love of a wonderful woman could never be surpassed by the desire to crossdress. I would never consider SRS. I like my position in life way too much.

[sherri52]

I always push the envelope. Starting my workday in womens jeans, sometimes a top, and heels. On some days like tommorrow I'll still have red polish on my fingers and toes. If a customer pulls up and rushes in, I'm caught. I guess I like the rush

[Barbara Dugan]

I just want be true to myself

[Cristi]

I just want the right to experience what 50% of the population already has. The right to choose what I wear and how I express myself with out being judged by narrow minded people.

Right now, it feels like to do this I have to 'hide' by disguising myself as a woman. Perhaps sometime in the future that won't be necessary, either because society changes and doesn't judge anymore, or because *I* change and don't care about their judgement.

[suchacutie]

In fact, it is THE question, but for me this is not the time to answer for the long term.

Right now Tina has not had enough time to know who she is. She has a lot to learn about being feminine and life just does not offer her a lot of time to learn, but that too will pass. On the other hand, it is already clear that Tina had been a part of me for a long time before we recognized her. Now that we have, it seems clear that the only way to understand that part of me is to bring Tina to reality as much as we can.

If that continues, the logical conclusion is that both my masculine and feminine selves need time, and that would point to a goal where the barriers to transition back and forth are minimized and we would have carved out identities that we would pursue, intertwining the best of what my two gender manifestations mean to me and my wife.

For now we are working to understand just what those identities are. It's a fun ride!

tina

[NathalieX66]

I'm patiently waiting for someone to develop a pill that will change me into a female for 24 hours, then revert me back to my male self....:D
speaks for me. ...I'm hoping I'm not that alone on this one.



.

[JamieOH]

That is a pondersome question. BTW, I know I've been MIA for a while. But I am around. I would love to have a supportive wife, who understood and didnt feel threatend by seein me in femme. But, I have really been looking inside myself here lately, tryin to figure this out. And I must say, If I could wake up a GG, I would be in heaven, but not gunna happen. If I could just wear a dress when I want, and lace, and things, anytime anywhere, That too would be heavenly. BUT, would that truly be enough? Once I got that, The freedom to dress when and where I please, would that truly sate me, or would I desire for more. I have seen the Vee String, and let me tell you, that has intrigued me. It would allow me to fool my mind a bit into feeling that much more like a woman, or it might make me feel like a man with a piece of plastic strapped to my junk. I dunno.. What I do know, is I am sittin here on my lunch break, and have a pink lace trimmed tank with spaghetti straps and shelf bra under my uniform, and pink lace trimmed panties. the spaghetti straps are just slipping onto my shoulders, and it feels magical. I feel special. But, man, to not be covered by this hideous uniform would be even better. I feel so much more content in a lacy cami and skirt... sigh.. If only....

[sabrina mercedes]

I too am happy with my life.
It hurts me to realize my wife will never fully accept my CDing, so I am closeted forever.
I don't have any desire to transition, though, I often wonder what it would be like to be a real woman.
My ultimate would be to CD at home, self-employed, and venture out when given the chance.
The chance is when I am out-of-town on business, which is only seasonal.
My en femme at home is thwarted by two kids who live with us while in college.
Maybe someday my house will clear out and Sabrina can begin to live at home.:daydreaming::kiss:

[tricia_uktv]

We all only want one thing. It isn't necessarily love or money. It is simply happiness. We should all find our own way of getting there.

And as Tricia I am very, very happy :)