Full Time CD's/TG/TV....relationships

[Brooke Ashley]

Just curious as to all the girls who dress full time or are TG/TV. Do you gals still try and date women? Do you try and date men now that you are a woman? Just something I've always been curious about. Any comments would be great, Thanks.

[The_Juggler]

I am not a full-time crossdresser, I do not intend to dress openly at all - it is something I do in private.
But I might have some insight.


In one of my psychology classes we talked about crossdressing and transvestitism. Crossdressers (not to be confused with transvestites) are not necessarily homosexuals because they do not like men.

Think about it, gay men like men and everything about men. Big manly atheletes like to hang around with shirtless sweaty men all day - sounds a little gay to me. And professional wrestlers like to grope around with other men on the floor while covered in body oil - is that really the manliest sport?


Crossdressers like women so much we want to wear their clothes! And by extension have no attraction towards men.
The study that we talked about in psychology class claimed that crossdressers had a lower rate of homosexuality than many other demographics of people.

So yes I like girls quite a lot

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I'll disagree....so here's my two cents worth....

Gay guys are into other gay guys and not guys who want to dress as a female...after all what guy interested in a want to be female????

However, there are a number of men out there who want to get it on with a Cder or even better a TG who has both the boobs as well as the male tool...

By trying to hook up with a CD or TG they in their own minds can have it both ways...they can legitimize being straight by experiencing being with a "woman" but can still go outside and see what it's like getting it on with a guy but in their minds they're still "straight"....

Don't agree??? Put an ad on a site liek Craig's List as a M seeking M or a CD/TG seeking a Male and see which one gets more of a response ....

JMHO....YMMV

[Marissa Mae]

I have no attraction, urge or curiosity whatsoever about being with a man. This doesn't change with the clothes I wear.

[Princess Chantal]

no mention of bisexuality or even the attraction/sexual curiosity towards other crossdressers.....
I swear that I have more crossdressers hitting on me than female or non-crossdressing men
But hey that's just me living in the real society which does not count for much compared to what people studying the community from the outside

[Monica93304]

Now that I CD quite often and go out publicly I get more guys than anything else hitting on me. Although when i attend gay clubs, it's usually very fem girls that show lots of interest in me. Sometimes I feel that being complimented by a female is more genuine that the compliment of a male.

Last night after a halloween party i went to IHOP. As I was paying at the register, the girl cashier said that a on duty sheriff that had just left the restroom and was going back to his table, was totally checking me out until the cashier herself caught him looking...i had my back turned so never noticed. I love being female...

[tricia_uktv]

Simple. We were all born bi-sexual. Its not the body but the person that matters.

[KayC]

We're all born bisexuals? You've got to be kidding me, right? Wow! And that coming from a forum that I thought would be supportive and open to all sexual orientations. Hmmm...seems a little off to me.

[Monica93304]

i dont think we're all bi-sexuals. That's a blanket statement. But many of us are for sure. That's the great thing about being an individual. What might seem wrong for someone else, can be totally cool for another.

[The_Juggler]

But hey that's just me living in the real society which does not count for much compared to what people studying the community from the outside
And indeed a psychological study is not an observation from an individual or one's experiences, it is a gathering of surveys and statistics.

[kellycan27]

In one of my psychology classes we talked about crossdressing and transvestitism. Crossdressers (not to be confused with transvestites) are not necessarily homosexuals because they do not like men.

Wrong to begin with.. Look up the definition of cross dressers in the dictionary, then look up transvestites.. you'll see that the definitions are the same. Cross dressers can be either male or female, but transvestite usually refer to males.
Another armchair shrink.. looking to distance themselve for gays in my opinion. We don't care what your sexual preference is Juggler... Just who are you trying to convince? You or us.

[Angel.Marie76]

I just want to throw my two cents in as someone who has come out as TG/TS lately, and has been coming to grips with my sexuality over time. This comment goes on the whole 'Everyone's born bisexual' thought train...

Before a year ago, I might have defined myself as a generally hetero man with crossdressing tendencies. Throughout the past ~20 years, I'd say that I had significant twinges of bi-curiousness built into me. I dated and was married once, and wasn't opposed to 'traditional' heterosexual intercourse. I will say that, over the years that bi-curious nature has become stronger and stronger, really to the point where now, as an 'out' transwoman, I have, really, craved intimate relations with a man (as a woman). I've been enthralled with my ability to be a woman on the town, and when a cute man passes by, if women in my company chatter about his hotness, I won't disagree, if anything I'd chime in with detail.. but, yet, kisses from my GF still easily excite me and stimulate me in pseudo-hetero ways.

So, as I digress, to summarize, WHEN I do go full time, I can, at least for the time being, see myself dating women and/or men for different reasons. Attractiveness, at this time, goes both ways (Baby, I'm neither straight, nor narrow...), I just don't know when (or if) I'll ever go for the chance to be with a man.

All that said, here's a note for all you buffs out there:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innate_bisexuality

And then, for a follow up, the PFLAG site denoting concepts of bisexuality in the populous today:
http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf

DO I believe everything I read? No, especially with the Internet so rampant with fodder for the sensationalists. Do I feel that there are some truths to this? Possibly. Heck, I had this very conversation with my Laser/electro tech just a few months ago - and SHE said it before I even did (the possible belief of being generally 'born bisexual).

[Hope]

We're all born bisexuals? You've got to be kidding me, right? Wow! And that coming from a forum that I thought would be supportive and open to all sexual orientations. Hmmm...seems a little off to me.

Yeah, pretty much, almost every one is bisexual to some extent. Sexuality isn't a binary, or even tertiary state where one likes boys, or one likes girls or one likes both equally, and those who like boys will never like girls or those who like girls will never like boys.

Sexuality is much more of a continuum, consisting of subtle gradations and changing shades. A person might prefer boys, but also enjoy girls, say an 80/20 split, or someone else might might experience more of a 73/27 split, or someone else might experience a 66/34 split. VERY few people, say 1 in 100, will have that 100/0 exclusively strait experience.

This isn't new information. This has ben empirically observed and reported by the Kinsey studies in the 1950's.

I'm not sure what that has to do with not being supportive of all orientations, but I would hazard a guess that recognizing sexuality in all of it's variations is more supportive than insisting that folks fit into clearly defined boxes of Strait / Gay.

[sandra-leigh]

Just curious as to all the girls who dress full time or are TG/TV. Do you gals still try and date women?

Nearly all the clothes I wear these days are womens', but few people notice that... e.g., modest womens' jeans look much like modest mens' jeans if you don't have a sharp eye for detail.

I'm pretty sure I'm TG (but probably not TS), and my gender therapist seems to be in agreement -- though she did happen to use the word "transition" once in a context that tacitly implied that she's thinking I'm heading in the direction of transitioning. My GP didn't really believe me at first (not even about me being a CD), but he's more than convinced now... he's trying to convince me to write a book about being TG.

Do I try to date women? Only my wife, and I've been working hard to keep that going. (We've had serious difficulties that had nothing to do with with my being CD/TG -- though it does continue to be one of the sources of strain.)

In the hypothetical case that my marriage falls apart, Yes, it would be women that I would be trying to date -- and the reactions I've gotten from the local community suggest that there are a fair number of open-minded women around here... though of course the "..... in everyone except their husband" factor might kick in. And of course open-minded isn't exactly the same as being The Right Person For Me, so there would be no certainties... but there never are, for anyone.

All of my relationships have come about more or less by accident: I was turned down flat by nearly everyone I asked for a date, and never got to a third Date with anyone. And that was long before I had any idea that I was a cross-dresser. I gained a lot of self-confidence and became more out-going through my dressing, so I would probably find dating easier now than I did before I cross-dressed.

[IamSara]

I am bi-sexual and also am a crossdresser. I love wearing women's clothing and feel great in them. However as a man I also enjoy the company of a man and also of a woman. I think being bi is not in everyone but i do believe most people have at the very least thought about it at some point in their lives. It doesn't mean that they have actually entertained the idea of being in a bi-sexual relationship. As a crossdresser I have had a lot more men and women hit on me as Sarah then as my man counterpart.

[leia]

I feel I am str8 when in male mode I only like women. When I am dressed I like women and other TG/CD's or real smooth men. There is no way a man with hair no mater if it is body or fascial hair does any thing for me. but a cd or tg flips my switch.so when dressed I guess I am bi since I do like women when dressed too.

[Stephenie S]

"I'm not gay, but . . . . . . . whatever." is one of the most common phrases we see here on this forum.

But for this almost automatic protestation, it would seem that most CDers have at least a passing interest in being attractive to men at some point or other.

To my mind, what possible other reason could there be for the prominent exagerated breasts, the masochistic binding of the genitals, and the almost unwalkable high heels that so many here profess to love. These are, among many other markers, all designed SOLELY to attract the male of the species.

And then we get the obligatory. "I'm not gay, but . . . . . .", statement.

Homophobia is not only alive and well in our society, it's rampant. Crossdressing provides a wonderfully inocent avenue to stick your toe in, so to speak.

Personally, I denied any even fleeting interest in homosexuality for most of my 60+ years here on earth. I know ALL about that. Been there, done that. Again, personally, I found that transition and HRT gradually awakened a slightly different awareness, or at least willingness to talk about, alternate sexual attraction in me.

When we can finally admit to ourselves that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, or bisexuality, we, as a culture will be healthier. But that's asking a lot. Most males in our society, myself included, are raised with a rabid, fanatical, homophobic awareness. We KNOW we ain't gay.

Yeah, right!

"Pass me my forms, will ya?"

"Can someone help me with my makeup?"

"Anybody got some tips on actually WALKING in these heels?"

"Ahhh, I feel so FEMININE when I get all dressed up!"

Lovies,
Stephenie

[abigailf]

But I will try anything once. If I like it, I'll do it again... (I was quoted before saying “I’ll do anything on two legs ... and consider some things on four.”)

Seariously though, I know that I am at least heterosexual. I am married, in love and faithful (like a hound). I also have many female tendencies and I love to express them. However, to this day, I am not attracted to men. I can look at some of the “hottest” men and it does nothing for me.

The Victoria Secrets catalogue on the other hand still does it for me, but I do not know if it is the girls doing it or the clothes doing it.

In the end, I say go with whatever gets you through the day.



- Abigail

[sandra-leigh]

To my mind, what possible other reason could there be for the prominent exagerated breasts, the masochistic binding of the genitals, and the almost unwalkable high heels that so many here profess to love. These are, among many other markers, all designed SOLELY to attract the male of the species.


I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case, heels up to about 4" help me walk properly. I normally "walk on my heels" instead of on the ball of my foot; wearing heels supports a more proper gait, reducing the wear on my pelvis and straightening my back.

Medical articles I've seen indicate that the maximum heel that a normal person should wear is about 2", and consider 4" to be "virtually unwalkable". I've certainly seen 4" heels that I would not be able to walk in... because heel height is not the only factor in walkability. "Stillettos" tend to have a much greater incline than "cowboy boots". I don't do very well on narrow heels -- not even if they are only 2".


With regards to "I'm not gay... but": different people mean different things by "I'm not gay".

Myself, when I walk down the street or mall, or sit in the bus and watch the people, when I see a male, my brain does a quick threat-assessment and facial-recognition sweep, and then dismisses most of them from my thoughts, generally retaining only the ones who are wearing or doing or saying something unusual (or which were over my threat threshold for what-ever reason). It is very uncommon for me to consciously think about a male's "attractiveness", except for the ones which my first-level assessment mistook as being female. Women, on the other hand, often catch my interest, and I automatically look at them and if I see one or more features that my brain assesses as "attractive", it's off to the day-dreams or off to awaken my pleasure-centre that my mind goes. It doesn't take much at all for me to think of a woman as attractive and desirable. By way of contrast, there have only been two males that I've been "drawn to" as being physically attractive.

Being readily attracted to women (to the point where any attractive feature is enough to draw one's attention), and being only very very rarely attracted to or "checking out" males: I think most males would classify that as "straight", which is a stronger statement than "not gay".

And how do I classify it? For that, I personally think not about what I have done, or whom I have been attracted to, but rather about what doesn't distinctly turn me off. The most common male/male homosexual acts don't offend me, so I consider it within the realm of possibility that in the right circumstances, I might be willing to experiment. But it isn't exactly something I'm chomping at the bit for.

Thus for me, "I'm not gay" applied to myself is a statement of observed fact; similarily "I am potentially bi" applied to myself is a statement of fact that I am comfortable with. Could I hypothetically have a Long Term Relationship with a male? :scratcheshead: I dunno; it's a bit hard to picture; but life has strange twists, and I wouldn't say "Impossible!".

[Sara82]

What I find interesting among the entire gay vs. straight vs. bi issues is this..

We say that "most" gay guys aren't attracted to CDers or TVs, because after all they are "GAY" and attracted to masculinity. Which is all find and dandy, but then why do you see gay couples in which one is masculine, and one is feminine, or both feminine? If a gay guy is truely attracted to masculinity which we can define physically as say (deep voice, body hair, muscular), why do feminine gay guys even exist? Are they trying to attract otherwise straight men? by making the transition from woman to man more easier?

The same thing can be said about the lesbian community, when you look at masculine and feminine lesbians.

I'm not trying to criticize anyone, but I always find it funny when people say "Gay guys aren't attracted to CDers or TGers"

[Illusions Of Amy]

What I find interesting among the entire gay vs. straight vs. bi issues is this..

We say that "most" gay guys aren't attracted to CDers or TVs, because after all they are "GAY" and attracted to masculinity. Which is all find and dandy, but then why do you see gay couples in which one is masculine, and one is feminine, or both feminine? If a gay guy is truely attracted to masculinity which we can define physically as say (deep voice, body hair, muscular), why do feminine gay guys even exist? Are they trying to attract otherwise straight men? by making the transition from woman to man more easier?

The same thing can be said about the lesbian community, when you look at masculine and feminine lesbians.

I'm not trying to criticize anyone, but I always find it funny when people say "Gay guys aren't attracted to CDers or TGers"

Sooo true. One of my brother's best friends is gay, and believe me, he's undeniably not one of the most "masculine" guys you'll ever meet. One of the most energetic and hilarious, yeah, but very feminine in a lot of ways. Seriously, would the first question asked of CDers really ever be "Are you gay?" if the gay community were all or mostly masculine? Lifestyle and sexual orientation are two totally different things!