Is it worth telling your Doctor

[Philipa Jane]

Well what does your doctor know?
Today after much soul searching I gave my doctor an article from this forum which I thought adequately explained TG and TS people.
It was by Paula D and titled Explaining myself.
Since I told my wife of my CDing I have gone through some bouts of depression and have mostly alluded to the doctor that it was to do with finances and fatigue.

After reading so much here and chatting to some members of this forum I have been persuaded to confide in him.
I felt my heart rate rise and I did get a little uncomfortable as I awaited some questions.
Not one was forthcoming.

So I asked a couple of my own as to how many others like me had he heard of or had on his books.
I know that I am not unique in this regard….but I am at this practice.

I have come to terms with my guilt over what my wife now knows but would rather have not been told.
I have never been one to cry over spilt milk so my way of dealing with the issue is to put Phillipa back in the closet.

My wife on the other hand is happy to bury her head in the sand.
If you can’t see it, it’s not there.
Hey if it works for her then I am happy.
The doctor’s view on this was that it is unhealthy and that marriage guidance would help.
Did he know of any good ones who were experienced in this area? NO
He did express the view that communication was vital. Yes and we see that so often here and we do talk, but not lately. Better to let the subject die on its own.

Now can I throw this open for comment please?

[Sam-antha]

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I doubt your doctor's view. He may be good on gynae and infectious diseases but to tell a concerned patient that cross dressing is unhealthy is hardly informed.
Then to add in marriage guidance. Alright I do not know the info that you gave him concerning your wife but is marriage guidance the way ? I doubt it. A plain straightforward trick cyclist would be better.
Why bother, since your wife accepts as long as you keep it out of her sight.
Leave it be, as far as she is concerned. He cannot not - ethically - tell your wife without your consent.
You are communicating with us and that meets his prescription.

[Ruth]

Can you find another doctor? Telling you that CDing is unhealthy is not a helpful or an informed opinion. Not all practitioners are up to speed on transgender issues and you would do well to find one who is.

[Kate Simmons]

The only reason I told my doctor was that I passed out at the club where I go to dance about 4 years ago and was taken to the ER half in and half out of femme. He wanted to know what happened, so I figured I'd come clean. He really didn't express his opinion one way or the other but was happy when I told him I danced a lot as that is healthy aerobic exercise. During subsequent visits the subject has not been mentioned as he is mostly concerned I stay in good health more than anything else and respects my privacy as any good professional would.:)

[Karren H]

My doctor is an old Italian guy who wears his shirt open and wears a ton of gold chains... I have enough to deal with in getting him to give the correct diagnosis and treatment and don't need to complicate my health care with any other issues...

[Sally2005]

In my experience, doctors spend too much time reading medical books to be really good mental experts and their social skills are often lacking. I think it is just the nature of the beast, but if you find a doctor who treats depression you might get a better response. I don't think it is correct for a doctor to tell you it is wrong, he should have told you he doesn't know about it and he should put in the effort to refer you to someone else who can help you.

I came to understand myself though treatment for depression (I didn't tell my doctor all the details (there were enough other causes to list) and I didn't feel I needed to). The CDing part was dealt with by learning on my own through forums like this one and by experimenting with dressing up and going out on my own. It took a long time, but I think it was the correct approach. I am a much more open and secure about myself than I ever have been. I was once shy (I still have good and bad days), but lately I find I am a lot more bold and I can care less what many people think of me. One really positive benefit is that I am really starting to enjoy CDing and the compulsion is fading fast.

[Lorileah]

I told my doctor two years ago. She is wonderful about it and maybe she has more insight than others. Her first question, which was totally pertinent, was "do you want to transition?" No judgment, no preaching. Her second question was "are you being careful?" Again, pertinent and caring. I explained that at this time no I didn't want to transition, I felt that I was too old to be taking that on now (my opinion). And yes I was being careful. We talked a bit more. She told me that if I had any concerns or questions to call her.

I think that with your physician you need to be upfront and honest. They cannot and should not make judgments or use their position to proselytize their personal feelings. They should have one thing on their mind at that moment, your personal mental and physical health. It is important for your doctor to know if there is anything that can put your health at risk. This can be sexual activity (Gay Straight or Bi.) or mental problems. Many here suffer depression and anxieties :wave:...that's me! with their CD activities. Unforgiving spouses and family puts pressure on your brain function. This will lead to physical and mental breakdowns. Hiding things like this from your doctor does not help them get the diagnosis they need. Granted they should ask more questions when they suspect but if you curl up in a ball it won't help (and often lie). You ever try to put a puzzle together when your older cousin has hidden some pieces? (sorry, my flashback).

In this case, you asked his opinion. You didn't ask specifically his medical opinion so he thought you wanted his outdated and closed minded opinion. Now, it is time to ask him to please send your records to a physician who has taken some CE in the last 40 years and has a more broad minded background who actually wants to help his patients. BTW, if you and your spouse are not having marital problems, he was out of line to even go there.

And communication, in the beginning when you are sitting there naked with a gown that shows the world your backside, is you talking to him and him responding in an informed and professional manner. Sounds like his idea of communication is different. No medical advice should be "My way or the highway." it is an educational thing.


P.S. Karen, your doctor sounds like the same guy who taught me dentistry. :)

[nvlady]

I think we should all go to the doctor that Kathi Lake went to that had a son who transitioned.

[Joselle3]

Is that your doctor's personal opinion or professional opinion?
I would ask him next time your in his office
If he tells you thats his professional opinion I would also ask him on what basis he arrives at that conclusion?
I can't say for sure but the way you have described it sounds more like he has a personal prejudice against
crossdressers amd TG people in general.
His advice is unhealthy

[Philipa Jane]

Thanks to all so far.
I am not sure how some came to the idea that my doctor felt CD was unhealthy.He expressed no opinion at all.
What he was talking about was the situation of my wife burying her head in the sand being unhealthy.I took it to mean that marriage guidance would be helpful in getting my wife to deal with her hiding from the issue.
My doctor has been treating my depression and did not know of my circumstances prior to this visit.I was under the misapprehension that knowing more of my inner self would help him understand the pressure that I was under.
As I also stated I was the first TG person he had come into contact with and his lack of knowledge is understandable.He did not judge or make any comments of a prejudicial nature indeed he felt that as long as it was not hurting anyone why not.
How do you find a doctor who understands TG if you don't first come out to them.Catch 22.
PJ

[Samantha B L]

Hi There Paula, Is this a psychiatrist or a general practioner that you're talking about,Paula? This is a little bit difficult for me to admit to but I have mental problems which are biochemical and hereditary in nature. Most of the mental health professionals who've worked with me over the years just tell me "don't worry about it(my crossdressing),it's got nothing to do with medication monitering". A couple of my counselars and therapists wouldn't discuss it with me beyond just a few words because I think they were repulsed by LGBT and TG/TS/CD topics.

And if it's a GP and he sees your manicured toenails and fingernails,shaved legs,chest,underarms and arms,or your peirced ears and your strangely effeminate haircut when you're on the gurney with your clothes off just let him wonder about it and don't try to explain anything. As it is you're paying hundreds of dollars for a half an hour of being poked and prodded and having your pulse and blood pressure taken. If he doesn't like it he can try sheep farming or a roto rooter man job


PJ,I would say try a mental health clinic either of the county and community type(there's one of these in most middle-sized cities or county seats)or any clinical psychiatric or Phd psychological practice with at least 4 or 5 professionals in residence and ask at any of these if they have somebody available on staff who is familiar with TG/TS/CD concerns. There will probably be some sort of advance person who sets up appointments and I think it would be perfectly OK to let him/her know that you're looking for someone you can talk to who won't just slag you off as crazy because you dress.


hugs, best, Samantha

[sissystephanie]

I know my Primary doctor knows because I told him some time ago. His only comment was, "At your age, taking female hormones would not be a good idea. Take herbal ones!" My Endochronologist also knows and is only interested in what color my toe nails are for a particualr visit!

The doctor in the original post needs to go back to medical school! There is nothing unhealthy about CD'ing. Unless you count the problem with wives who hit their husbands with a cast iron frying pan because the husband looks prettier!:D That would be unhealthy!

Some guidance is needed, but IMHO the main thing is to establish some open communication. Maybe a marriage counselor could do that!

[Kari Lynn Franks]

my dr knows i told him the first time i saw him i just point blank asked him if he had any probs with a crossdressing patient he said no and told me how mice my nails where now i go every time dressed up and they call me carrie even tho my real name is frank

[Danielle Gee]

My plan has always been, "Don't ask don't tell" ( at least as far as doctors are concerned) I for one don't believe Doctors have any more insight into crossdressing than say..... hmmmm..... your butcher. I shave my entire body each year around Halloween......Then I pray I don't have any illness thru the winter that requires me to disrobe in front of my GP..............30 yrs and counting and it hasn't happined yet.....If it does WTF?