CDing, Girlfriend, and online activity

[chloe_cross]

First time post for me here... So here's my story:

I'm a 29 yo CD and have been at it off and on for almost 20 years. I have a loving gf now who mostly excepts me as Chloe (she even gave me that name... and yes it's after the Kardasian). As good as it has been between us, we're having problems now.
When I first told her about it, she freaked out and I almost lost her. Luckily, our love for each other, plus a purge, and a bit of therapy on her part got us through it. At that point, I had pretty much tried to except that I may not get a chance to dress again.
Then a year later, the unexpected happened. She became obsessed with the idea of seeing me dressed, and pandora's box was opened once again.
Since then I have been able to dress anywhere from once a month to twice a week with her. Adding to that, I am currently unemployed and have a lot of free time... which I have filled from time to time with things like this forum and other online interactions with other CDs such as IMing.
All of it has been totally innocent, but she seems to believe that these actions are going to lead to me to cheating on her or worse. In fact it almost seems that she views this as cheating on her.
So my question to everyone (GGs too!) is: How can I balance my relationship with my desire to dress and how can I convince her that sites like these are support networks and not dating sites? How do I get her trust back?

[charlie]

Hello Chloe!
Welcome to the forum and all that it contains. I hope you find it helpful, a guidance, and validation that you are not the only person having problems with society because of crossdressing. As for your girlfriend, have her join the forum here as well. There is a section (F.A.B) that will help her as well. It is the Female At Birth section. Only woman can join and post there. It will give her a place to find other women that are mates of crossdressers and she can talk with them. She would also have access to all the other parts of the forum that you do as well. If she joins the forum herself then she can't say you will be cheating on her by being there...she will know what goes on here for herself. It is not a dating site by any stretch of the imagination.

[AmberLynn]

chloe,it will be a long time of talk's and debates in my opion and expirince's. buy haveing your s/o join would be a great idea. then you can both share your expirince and she wont feel so left in the dark. my wife is thinking of joining so she can understand a little better about what this and i am

[Ashley_in_Texas]

Hello Chloe!
Welcome to the forum and all that it contains. I hope you find it helpful, a guidance, and validation that you are not the only person having problems with society because of crossdressing. As for your girlfriend, have her join the forum here as well. There is a section (F.A.B) that will help her as well. It is the Female At Birth section. Only woman can join and post there. It will give her a place to find other women that are mates of crossdressers and she can talk with them. She would also have access to all the other parts of the forum that you do as well. If she joins the forum herself then she can't say you will be cheating on her by being there...she will know what goes on here for herself. It is not a dating site by any stretch of the imagination.

:iagree:

She should join. My wife hasn't joined yet, (She will soon), but we have sat together and read through many, many threads, before I became a member. She never thought that I would cheat on her, but at first she had other issues with my dressing. That has all been cleared up now. Now, just about every day, she asks me "How are all your friends doing today? Anything interesting?" She is very happy that I am a member here. She says it's good for me to have friends that I can relate to, and share my feeling with. I have always been kind of a loner, so I only have 1 friend. (other than family, and my friends here) She has seen an improvement in my personality, mood, and outlook on life. She will see, that you being a member her does no harm, and may help you both.

[trisha59]

I agree with the above two posts, see if she will Join here. I would also stop all of the other online interactions and IMing for a time. It seems that you crossed that comfort zone line. Time to pull back and talk about "the boundaries" again.

[tinker_bell]

as a gg I would also suggest she join and become member of FAB. My s/o now my husband got me to join last year and it has helped a great deal, even though I still have some days when i seem more accepting than other not totally in control of all my emotions at times. We have agreed to have one full day a week for him to dres however He wants, and one full day a week for him not to dress at all. The other five days we will decide together how much he dresses. Either way good luck hope it all works out for you...

[sherri52]

Hi Chloe: welcome to the site. Have her join the site using her own name unknown to you. That way she will get some input about cd'ing and also see that this is not a dating site. After ten posts she could join a gg forum and get better info from the ggs that may help her in understanding.

[KayC]

Get her to come here and get ten posts in and apply to the FAB section. We'll answer her questions and allay her fears as best as we can.

[AKASadieGG]

She should join FAB, and first and foremost, never lie to her. Trust is the key to a lasting relationship. Believe me, it takes years to gain trust back (if ever) so be honest, set boundries that are suitable for both of you. Good luck and best wishes.

[ReineD]

Welcome Chloe! :hugs:

If your gf wants to join the site then become a FAB member and she reads this thread, she can click on the link under my signature.

As to her being suspicious, I can relate! :doh: Although I understood my SO's need to express herself, I had no idea what it meant. She had a myspace page to build a support group, and as long as I wasn't involved, I thought all kinds of things. :eek: (Sorry, M :o)

I know better know, but it took time for me to understand how much being M meant to her, and how important it was for her to build community. Your gf needs time too. It seems obvious now, but I didn't understand why the need to branch out all of a sudden after having kept the CDing private all these years. Especially since it seemed to me that no other activity could compare in terms of the excitement and gratification it brought to her.

Just be very open with your gf about all your activities and get her involved as much as you can. Try not to look at it as having to 'report' to her. Instead please see this as an educational period. The love you share will be big enough to pull you through this too and with lots of communication, you will eventually find your balance.
:love:

[chloe_cross]

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions. We ended up having the talk and came to a compromise. I will be ending the IMing and including her in any other online activities in the future. I'll see later if she wants to join FAB. She may already be a member since she recognized this forum.

Thanks to you all again.