Real thoughts about transitioning

[viviane]

Just writing everyone about how the changes are going and telling you some thoughts I have. How is the transition going? It’s going well is good.

I’m in the process of introducing myself as Vivianne to everyone I meet not my birth name, and my job is adjusting well with the changes also. It’s becoming Vivianne as the first name basis at work. I’m waiting for some type of situation at work. I heard so many horror stories about people changing at work, just wondering what about me. It is going smoothly.

I get upset to the point of feeling hurt when friends who say the wanted me to be myself; when I do I’m treated harshly. Especially one person, she says birth name, even tho everyone one around her is starting to call me Vivianne. The “so called” friend has been completely cynical, sarcastic, and sometimes cruel with her comments, for the last 7 months. That does not include events that happened that made me doubt her support. Whomever reading this and is close to me, knows who I’m mentioning.

As to how, I feel I feel definitely less confident. I prayed on hopefully being comfortable and in control. This is something I always depended on. This transition takes me into an uncomfortable zone. I do not know what to expect from people; sometimes I do not know what to expect from myself. Everyday I feel like I am starting over, like a puzzle that’s changing. I wrote about a mosaic in my poetry, so the mosaic is shifting. I feel like the pieces are the same but how they are being put together is different.

I just awaken. I have been watching Mia video (link to video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBv10fZ91Zs)) this morning. The music is close to how I feel and some of the thoughts I have she says. I feel tired and drained, but determined. My heart felt feeling is that I am learning about myself again. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify the changes to people. What do I tell a female about myself? I am to the point of telling people I’m female, I have so many feminine characteristics now without dressing. How my relationships will change with a female? A lot of thoughts or question is popping up as I think about it.

Vivianne Summers

[GypsyKaren]

Viviane, one of the sad facts about transitioning is you'll find out who you're real and true friends are in a hurry, and you will be disappointed when you see how many that you thought close are just fair weather birds. People don't realize how tough this road we travel is, just please keep your head up and keep moving because you will work through this. :hugs:

Karen :g1:

[CharleneT]

The head giraffe is spot on (pun intended...), remember this as well: you will find some friends become much better friends and your life will be enriched by having them around !

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

And like Karen and Charlene both mention, you will find out who your real friends are and who are not real friends. What is so amazing is that you will find some of your friendships will be so much stronger and closer than you ever thought. And you will find some people cannot deal with your transition, but you will find that is there loss.

Don't let it bother you, understand that people are entitled to their opinions and all you can expect from them is civil behavior in the workplace. As an example a friend of mine was telling me a mutual co-worker of ours will probably talk behind my back, make snide comments etc.. I commented that's okay as long as I don't get wind of it, as otherwise under the companies sexual harassment policy he could get himself into trouble. All I expect is for a civil workplace for myself, but I've been having a good reception from all my friends and people I have spoken with. Up to 24 people at this point know Kimberly at my office and soon 3 weeks from now the other 125 will know as well.

I guess what I'm saying is people are entitled to think what they want, I don't expect everyone to accept me with open arms, hugs and kisses. But I do expect civil behavior in the workplace.. And company policy can enforce that if needed. But I've been blessed with good acceptance. So my advice is don't sweat the reactions of others so much.. Kimberly :battingeyelashes: