Sexual attraction

[Teri Jean]

Sorry everyone no details. The other day I was in group therapy and a member of the group asked the question of sexual identification. Euwwww
well I thought about this and refered to the answer I gave to a GGf when asked the same thing. I'm hetrosexual, or am I lesbian? Now when I was answering the question the first time I was for all purposes a man talking with a girl. But now a transgendered MtoF or non-op transsexual is it different?

I know the answer for me now but what is your feelings? It is just one of those questions to stir the blondness in the brain,:daydreaming:.

Huggs Teri

[Andy66]

That's a darn good question. From my point of view (see how I turned it around to be about me?) if I'm attracted to a crossdresser, is that my lesbian side or my hetero side dominating? I figure it depends on my mood at the time. Probably a little of both.

[Mariah]

Since I'm bi, I can say hetero and still be right :P but I look as it like I'm female sure trans but still female and go from there.

and side note, teri you avatar pic looks lot like my aunt teri b/f her nose job! you look great! :)


Mariah

[Lorileah]

my personal pet peeve is claiming lesbianism when you don't have the equipment. I think until you are fully transitioned, you are hetero. It is more nebulous for the TS here because they are truly female in mind and spirit, but if we have to draw a line in the sand, I use physical. Then again it is one of those labels that really needs to just go away.

If one is a MtF crossdresser and you have "relations" with a woman you are straight. Don't use the "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body" line. Just because you sat in a race car doesn't make you a race car driver.

[Karen7cd]

Attraction to another no matter where you are, is normal. What we do with those feeling is how you decide where you want to go camping. Maybe you have a big tent that includes everyone, or a small tent with only room for one other. I have a great deal of scientific training and the more you learn the more you learn that nothing is black and white, real people, real feelings move between shades of gray.
I have seen many relationships fail, not due to cheating, or Cding , (they may be excuses) but because over time a couple fail to work, play, and grow together.
Peace to all.
Karen

[Teri Jean]

Lori, you and I see things as they are but others want to enter the race before the flag is dropped. Thank you girl for being straight with the line in the sand. I may have ended this discussion but know this this will invoke a lot of different responses.

Teri

[Sheila]

Lori great reply .............. love the racing car bit :D NICE :hugs:

[Dawn D.]

Teri Jean,

It's an interesting question to try and find an answer for. My wife refuses to identify as a lesbian. I don't truly know how to describe myself. Do we really need to? Our therapist says as long as we're both happy and satisfied with each other, why try to label it? I just consider ourselves, married and intimately involved.


Dawn

[Eileen]

Dawn happiness is what it is all about. Labeling us does not make us happy. It is how we feel and our interaction with others that bring us happiness.

[Karen564]

Good question,
I used to always think of myself as hetro, because I only had sex with females in the past, but my Ex wife says I'm a lesbian, because it's clear to her I have a female mind, & to her, she said it doesn't matter whether I had the male equipment or not, since I was thinking as a female during sex with her, and and for that she's very pissed off knowing now that she had lesbian sex without her consent..
So at this point I'm not sure I can label myself anything, I guess Bi for now, but something inside strongly tells me I'll be strictly Hetro again once I'm Post Op..

So talk about confusing!!, Did that make me a Hetro-Bi-Lesbian...LOL

[Teri Jean]

Labels are for cans and bags not people. You are so right in that one sentence but some people really get hung up on those things and if you care for and love the person what does it matter, the sun will shine and the night will come.

Okay some people should be "canned" and if you give me more than six stiff brandys I will be in the bag. So then a label might help, don't shake the bag or kick the can.

Chuckles and huggs. Teri

[Teri Jean]

Don't tell your wife this Karen but your cute. Teri

[Nigella]

I shall try to answer

First of all I identify sexually as female, which if I respond to the gist of the OP, finishes this post.

However, considering the title of the thread "sexual attraction", well that is a different matter.

When out and about, and when Sandra is not looking :lol:, I am attracted to females, but at times I have also looked at males, not sure if that is in a sexual way, mainly because I am not looking for a partner, Got my Love by my side with me.

So does that make me Hetro, gay, bisexual, who cares, its only a label, and with todays society, most just don't care anyway.

[CharleneT]

My old saw comes in handy with this type of question:

"it's about the electricity, not the plumbing..."

I'm sticking with it, yup, that's my story :hugs:

[joanlynn28]

Was always attracted to women and still am if not more since post-op. So I have always been lesbian, just when I crossdressed all those years I was trying to be a heterosexual male.

[GypsyKaren]

I'm a "Katsexual", I'm only attracted to my spouse Kat.

GK :g2:

[Karen564]

Don't tell your wife this Karen but your cute. Teri
Awwww, Thanks, that's really so sweet..:love:

It wouldn't matter though, shes my EX, plus she wouldn't believe it anyways, now she just thinks I'm creepy because of all the physical changes that happened,

I told her today she can get rid of me for a while if she pays for my trip to Thailand..to finish the job.....LOL

But she said no..:sad:

That's OK, it's only another $1100. it's only money,,,,,,,,,,,that I dont have..

[Byanca]

Then again it is one of those labels that really needs to just go away.

Wholeheartedly agree. I've been asked the question a million times. And I get all worked up. Because it has no meaning to me. And I start to wonder if I am insane, or they are insane. Or just why do they ask this. I think it is offensive. There is no answer, and I do not want to lie.

[sherri52]

For some people any answer is the wrong one. It's best not to reply to keep from argument.

[Nigella]

For some people any answer is the wrong one. It's best not to reply to keep from argument.

What argument?

How any of us conduct our lives is nothing to do with others. But I agree there are some who judge others depending upon their own values or beliefs.

[MJ]

Was always attracted to women and still am if not more since post-op. So I have always been lesbian, just when I crossdressed all those years I was trying to be a heterosexual male.

:yt:

[SusanMarie]

As for me...
I find that I am attracted to people. Most are women, some are men, some are trans. What label applies to that, I have stopped trying to figure.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

and the topic is Sexuality, before transitioning, while transitioning and post transition. Do Therapist's who have support groups have a monthly topic list..or what? Any way it will be a very interesting group meeting this weekend, a topic that will have alot of questions by me and everyone else.

I hope that the possibility for a loving relationship with someone will occur in the future, but time will tell. I still very much love women, so right now I would be a lesbian but not presently with someone. Part of me kinda hope's that in the future I may look attractive enough to have the loving relationship between a man and a woman. That would be when I'm Post-op, whenever that could be.. For now I work alone. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[kellycan27]

my personal pet peeve is claiming lesbianism when you don't have the equipment. I think until you are fully transitioned, you are hetero. It is more nebulous for the TS here because they are truly female in mind and spirit, but if we have to draw a line in the sand, I use physical. Then again it is one of those labels that really needs to just go away.

If one is a MtF crossdresser and you have "relations" with a woman you are straight. Don't use the "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body" line. Just because you sat in a race car doesn't make you a race car driver.

I am a pre-op TS. One of my good friends (banned for now) says that no matter what I claim to be, I am just a gay guy in a dress. He did add.. a very pretty one, but still a gay guy....in a dress.:heehee:

[Byanca]

I have fooled around, and experimented some in my teens. But it was really weird. It's probably 10 years ago, and some a bit later, usually stop at kissing. I dont feel like having a relationship. I had one with a girl, about 6mnts, 6 or seven years ago. Not really any sex. Just a little. But generally those 6months was very nice. Was really in love. And cried and locked myself inside for one week when it broke. Sexually it was a disaster, but I did not really mind that.

I dont know, a family seems like a far away dream. Would have loved that though.

Another girlfriend wrote me fantasies, cause it was a game we had. And the short story was about me growing into a woman and with a husband and an adopted child. Wonder if that is going to go through. I got big big eyes when I read it. I wonder how she came up with that *rolls eyes* I said as was true, that it was a lovely story.

[Veronica_Jean]

I tend to object to the notion that our gender is based on our physical parts.

In the end, it really doesn't matter much (except to those wanting to keep marriage between only a man and a woman) which gender I am attracted to compared to which gender I identify or others identify me with.

For now I'm not attracted to either. But it is an interesting debate if you see yourself on either or both sides of the gender definition.

If I am a man, and was with a woman was I straight? If I was a woman with a woman was I gay? If I get GRS does that mean if I go with a man I am straight, but if I don't get GRS am I gay?

Mostly it is just confusing, and for me no worth thinking much about.

Veronica

[Aubrey Green]

Truly a tough question from everyone here's personal preception. I totally respect all your answers and those such as you Teri Jean and Kelly, who are transitioning, have strong opinions because you see things, we who haven't transitioned or won't, do not see. I very much value your positions.
For many, many years, I have felt the same and I am sure, why most of my life has been confusing. My everyday person is strict hetro, with zero interest in the same sex. Aubrey on the other hand, also considers herself hetero. Any fantasies Aubrey has, she sees herself as a woman and not a guy in a dress with another man. These have been her perceptions of herself for more than 35 years. She knows in her heart, she was born the wrong sex, but we play the cards we're dealt and she is truly envious of both Teri and Kelly and all else who are being who they know they are.

[kellycan27]

I tend to object to the notion that our gender is based on our physical parts.

In the end, it really doesn't matter much (except to those wanting to keep marriage between only a man and a woman) which gender I am attracted to compared to which gender I identify or others identify me with.

For now I'm not attracted to either. But it is an interesting debate if you see yourself on either or both sides of the gender definition.

If I am a man, and was with a woman was I straight? If I was a woman with a woman was I gay? If I get GRS does that mean if I go with a man I am straight, but if I don't get GRS am I gay?

Mostly it is just confusing, and for me no worth thinking much about.



Veronica


There ya go.......I personally don't care how I am labeled. I just know that I am in a loving relationship and I enjoy the "S" aspect.

[Samantha B L]

I'm an m to f crossdresser and I've always been,as far as I know,heterosexual. I like female looks accompanied with female clothes,hair and makeup although I do apreciate and respect that there are f to m people in the forum. I used to be concerned that I was some kind of m to f "lesbian" because I do find that lesbians and CD's seem to get along. And I used to read Cosmo,Mademoiselle and Vogue all the time in Junior High back about 1969 and 1970 and sometimes they would feature articles and photo shoots of strange almost fetishy styles being modeled in London and Paris which you definately couldn't wear to Wal-mart.


I used to just drool over these strange fashions and the sultry women with tons of eyeshadow. I began to sometimes think of myself as kind of a "lesbian" because people would sometimes catch me at the back of the class with these magazines and it seems like all the guys were into Barbi Benton(don't get me wrong,Barbi was very sweet)and many of them thought these women looked "queer" and "pervy". I know many of you remember Twiggy,Julie Driscol or from the eighties Sinead O'connor?


Anyway, I guess I'd say that none of this makes me a lesbian and the ocaisional lesbians I've known would probably be offended if I made any gesture or move that went beyond freindship and got into anything resembling sex or romantic attachement either one. I'm straight but I had sex with a guy several times years ago who was hitting on me when he found out I dressed. So I found out I didn't like guys sexually, yet I love to dress and I used to just love those weird photo layouts in Cosmo,Mademoiselle and Vogue. And I definately still would.

[Eriee]

Alina (my girl) and I have been through some interesting events together to say the least. We've had drunken hicks throw outdoor camping supplies at us in Wal*Mart. An old woman hit me with a shopping cart (haha, her face was all wrinkly and angry). A larger man spit on Alina's pants, then told us we were going to burn in hell... countless dirty looks, and assholeish comments... All because we hold each others hand, or put our arms around each other. Like any other loving couple would.

It's hard to consider yourself hetro, when straight people rarely get hate because of who they love. It also doesn't seem logical since i've been on HRT at 16 (can't pass as a guy anymore), and Alina only likes girls.

[Hope]

If we have to draw a line in the sand, I use physical. Then again it is one of those labels that really needs to just go away.

If one is a MtF crossdresser and you have "relations" with a woman you are straight. Don't use the "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body" line. Just because you sat in a race car doesn't make you a race car driver.

I agree with you about the trite and much over used "lesbian trapped in a mans body" bit... I don't use it myself, not so much because I don't feel that way, more because I think the line is cheese-ball.

If one must draw a line in the sand (must we, really?) I am going to break the other way. Sexuality is about what is between your ears, not what is between your legs.

Just because you own some rope and hearty boots that doesn't make you a mountain climber.

[Lorileah]

Just because you own some rope and hearty boots that doesn't make you a mountain climber.

*throws down gauntlet* So...you want an analogy war? :heehee:

I still don't like "lesbian" even if you use the mental part (again with the caveat for post transition TS's...but that sounds like something you earn then). We all have societal obstacles to conquer but a CD especially who sleeps with a GG is not going through the same (lack of a better word) problems as a female same sex couple. I agree that a lot of what we are is mental (half is 90% mental I think Yogi Berra said). We all have to make our own minds up on the labeling.

You and I agree then that the "Lesbian trapped in a man's body" shall be written out of the TG hand book? :) Can you imagine the hell a lesbian would go through being in a -ugh- man's body?:heehee:

[Byanca]

You and I agree then that the "Lesbian trapped in a man's body" shall be written out of the TG hand book? :)

What about saying one of these things?

I like femininity
I like masculinity
I like femininity and masculinity

Quite easy, and clear. And most will grasp the outlines.
Not sure it is a good idea to go deeper, cause the sense of identity is so strongly defined with most. Adaptation seems like the best way to me.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." - Charles Darwin

[Karen564]

*throws down gauntlet* So...you want an analogy war? :heehee:

I still don't like "lesbian" even if you use the mental part (again with the caveat for post transition TS's...but that sounds like something you earn then). We all have societal obstacles to conquer but a CD especially who sleeps with a GG is not going through the same (lack of a better word) problems as a female same sex couple. I agree that a lot of what we are is mental (half is 90% mental I think Yogi Berra said). We all have to make our own minds up on the labeling.

You and I agree then that the "Lesbian trapped in a man's body" shall be written out of the TG hand book? :) Can you imagine the hell a lesbian would go through being in a -ugh- man's body?:heehee:

By all means, please try explaining that to my EX wife, I wish you could convince her to feel otherwise..


Can you imagine the hell a lesbian would go through being in a -ugh- man's body?:

Yes, I sure can, just the same as my own hell living as a hetro woman in a man's body, so either way, it's just a living hell for us as a pre-op..


I know many here dont like labels because they feel it causes division, but regardless, even if it was ever possible to have no labels, there would still be division among the human race no matter what, I just dont care how you slice it, it's just what people do as a society, and the way this world has worked for eons, and the way it will always be.. it's just the natural order of life on this planet, and see no realistic way around it..except maybe go to heaven, since I hear it's perfect there..

So what exactly do we do then?, go about our lives with a big question mark hanging over our heads, like a blank labeled can sitting on a shelf somewhere in the store where all the cans look the same, while hoping that whoever picks us off the shelf likes whats inside after they open the can?? That may work for a while, but after being thrown away a few times because they didn't like what they got or getting into, would think in time people would like to know what there getting & start labeling the cans & sorting them in different isles again so we all know what we are & what others are getting..but that would be like reinventing the wheel & back to square one..

Sorry, that's just my silly analogy, & I'm sticking to it...LOL

Personally, I dont really care what I'm called, I just want to live my life as a human being just the same as everyone else wants to live theirs and is currently doing without too much turmoil, and then die happy if possible, that's all I want, because I cant fight a battle I know I cant win, just guess I'm not the crusader activists type to change anything..All I can do for now is live in harmony the best I can & get along with people willing to have me in their lives & let the ones that cant go about their own way..

So there's lots of things I like & dont like too, but I dont remember anything giving me the power to say what I liked or dislike is right or wrong for someone else..and I never want to either..

[Lorileah]

Yes, I sure can, just the same as my own hell living as a hetro woman in a man's body, so either way, it's just a living hell for us as a pre-op..




As close as you can come without being lesbian. Point to Karen on that.

Oh and BTW I ain't 'splainin' nothing to anyone's ex. If you couldn't explain it by being there, I ain't going to be able to here ;)

[Karen564]

Oh and BTW I ain't 'splainin' nothing to anyone's ex. If you couldn't explain it by being there, I ain't going to be able to here ;)

That would probably be very wise..:)

I have tried to explain many things, but the only thing I get back from her everyday is, everything is my fault, even if it's raining out, it's all my fault, but surprisingly, we still do get along for our kids sake.. so shes not all that bad..but I still wouldn't mess with her..and neither does any of her Postal supervisors at work..whatever she says goes, and that's it!!..
So I wouldn't want to see anyone here get hurt, especially me..:heehee:

[Hope]

*throws down gauntlet* So...you want an analogy war?


*picks up gauntlet* *places chip on shoulder* Bring it. I do this for a living.


You and I agree then that the "Lesbian trapped in a man's body" shall be written out of the TG hand book? :) Can you imagine the hell a lesbian would go through being in a -ugh- man's body?:heehee:

Well, as has been said before me - um, yeah - I think I can imagine that hell. For it is the one in which I daily roast. But yeah, I am happy to never hear the phrase again... provided that you might be willing to agree that one might indeed be able to have that experience... while also recognizing that not everyone who claims to have such an experience actually does?