Where do I go from here?

[susant]

Where do I start? When I was around 13 I got the urge to dress. Like many of you I explored my mother's clothing on and off for a few years....often feeling ashamed, guilty and immoral...knowing I could never talk or share my secret with anyone.The label Transvestite I find hard to take on.....While going out with my wife the urge was gone . After we married I got back into it in a small way by trying on her clothes when the opportunity arose ...and then for more than twenty years while the children were growing up ...nothing..no urge or interest to dress.. but still I suppose an interest in crossdressing...and then in the last few months out of the blue I tried a dress on.While googling dressing services out of curiosity I came accross this forum and it put the whole context of dressing into a new light for me. Here I can say that I like dressing and that there is a feminine side to my personality and share it with you.Here there are lots of kind, caring ,witty people with great personalities that share a common bond and it is wonderful to read threads and send posts.......
I am at a stage where I am at the cross roads. I don't have wigs or clothes others than some panties and panty hose that I purchased at the self service checkout .I don't feel brave enough to make other purchases and buying on line is not really an option as my wife does not know about my cross dressing.
I made some enquiries with dressing services...a phone call to transformations were not inspiring .. granted it was my first venture and I was nervous I found them business like but not helpful. An e-mail to Adam and Eve in London was far more inspiring they were helpful and seem to be friendly and a good set up ( any comment would be welcome) and I would consider using their service.
So where do I go from here I didnt dress for 20 years so why now? Do I just quit now and explore no further ?or do I explore by using a dressing service? and if I do will I be able to keep it to myself and will it become addictive? I have spent a lot of my spare time on this site in recent weeks These are the questions that I am asking myself....so basically to I go for it or call a halt now? Thanks for having the patience to read all of this post . Sorry for rambling on and so forth. Any advice, comments and suggestion would be most welcome

LOL
Susan

[Jonianne]

Susan, I would suggest that if you are going to continue, you will need to talk to your wife. For those of us that have come to self-acceptance, it's too important an issue to keep secret from our wives.

EDIT: Let me add a Welcome! I also believe this is the best forum.

[sherri52]

"Cead Mile Falite" Susan. You have reached in my opinion the best cd site. I have even deleted the others from my pc. You may find like many of the girls here have tried to stop and have returned. Any that have made it haven't come back to tell. I don't suspect thatt there are many who succeeded. You can ask any question you like here and may find the answer on another thread altogether. Search enough and the answer will come. As for your own feelings no one can give you that answer. It is inside of you only as we are all different. Good luck in you search.:hugs:

[susant]

Thank you for your replies Joni and Sherri. I would love to share with my wife but she has multiple health problems including bi-polar disorder. From experience I know that it would be quite impossible to share my cross dressing with her.
Susan

[DiannaRose]

Susan, I feel for you. I agree that if you decide to pursue crossdressing, you owe it to your wife to tell her. Unfortunately there are no guarantees, so go slowly and take your time.

In my case--and not to sound like a religious nut or anything, but because it's the truth--I would not be where I am if I had not given all my worries and fears about my crossdressing to God. I asked for His help, and He delivered, but it was a long, hard, burning fire to get here. And I've got a long way to go yet. The wonderful people here are a tremendous help and support to me, even if they don't always know it. :)

I'll keep you in my prayers, Susan!

[giuseppina]

Hello Susan

Mental health issues are hard on the families as well as the diagnosed. Is there any way your wife's psychiatrist can get her more stable than she is now? If she isn't seeing a psychiatrist, that would be a big help, as s/he can prescribe medications to control the bipolar disorder, as well as send her to groups that deal with symptom management, diet, and other relevant issues.

:hugs::hugs:

[susant]

Hi,
Thanks for you kind replies.
Her psychiatrist has worked through all the meds over the years, unfortunately with only moderate success.

Susan

[LisaM]

Susan,

I don't know if this will be helpful but for me dressing in someone else's clothes means very little for me. Likewise, putting on a partial outfit does nothing as well.

I need my own outfits and I need everything to make me feel complete. And then when i am complete i feel like I have returned home after being away for years. I feel whole and complete.

I guess my advice would be to complete yourself and find out how you feel. If it is something that you need then you will know it. If that occurs then I think you need to talk to your spouse and find ways to allow you to express yourself.

[sterling12]

Well I really don't think anyone is going to tell you not to go forward; to just return to suppression and a nagging feeling of a life unfulfilled.

You intrigue me! For virtually all of us, it's not a matter of choice. We aren't able to walk away from it. It would be a denial of self. I think you have always been able to suppress your feelings UNTIL NOW, but you are getting older and entering "The Danger Zone." On this site We have abundant stories of CD's who enter middle age, quite often in their fifties, and feel a very large "pull" to increase their crossdressing activities. It appears to be a relentless urge, and to deny it, tends to make you crazy!

Personally, I think it's something to do with decreasing testosterone levels, or a recognition of mortality, and trying to take care of unfinished business.

What to do? Here we go with The Chant again.....learn self-acceptance! You don't have to be a full blown CD, you don't have to be 24/7, nor starting on hormone therapy. Try to find a comfort level, and learn to happy with whom you are, we have the luxury of having a spectrum of transgenderedness. I know it sounds simplistic, but that's The Beauty of The Whole Thing. Just learn to accept it!

By the way, good luck with The Total Transformation.....that's a BIG First Step!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Joanne f]

Hello Susan,
i am sorry to hear that your wife has these problems and i know how that can effect your life as well as it makes it very difficult to share things in the way that you would like to .
Whether you go forward with the cross dressing really has to be up to you and i must admit that i do not like the term Transvestite although i guess it means the same thing , i am personally not to keen on dressing services as i always have in the back of my mined that they are just out to get your money but i am sure there are a few good ones around .
The only other thing that i could suggest is for you to look for a meeting place a little way from your home town where one one would know you but you still have to take the risk that someone else from your town might be doing the same but i guess that they would not be to keen on saying anything as it would out them as well .