Graduation pictures

[Ze]

Just got a campus e-mail today about senior graduation portraits. To be honest, the problem never crossed my mind. I've had too many other things going on. But it's still a problem. I have to make a decision within the next day or so and really want the opinions of others.

Pictures are going to be taken really soon; sign-ups happen within the next two days. The problem is they are actually dividing the portrait times between "women" days/times and "men" days/times. WTF? Is that really necessary? They even go as far as to what each is expected to wear:


Women’s sittings will include four poses in your own long sleeve blouse and skirt, plus two poses in academic gown.

Men’s sittings will include four poses in shirt/tie/jacket plus two poses in academic gown.

Okay, now I know I would have had a problem either way, but to specifically state what each needs to wear? I'm curious as to how strict this policy is. I'm also wondering if graduation gowns differ based on gender, too.

Not that it really matters. The bigger issue is the fact that they're senior portraits. Namely, all my family members will be wanting them, they'll be the pictures associated with any graduation invitations, the senior yearbook, etc. Simply put, if I dress the way I want, there will be a massive backlash from family, provided the school "allows" me to do it at all. But I can't dress as female and submit to female-like poses, either. The very thought makes me cringe. It would be a complete sham!

So what does one do? My current decision is to simply opt out of photos and miss a big commemorative milestone in my life. All for something as trivial as gender-based appearance. I've worked my butt off in college and am very proud of what I've been able to claw my way through. And yet I can't even get a photo to my liking to remember it by.

I'm getting really exhausted really fast having to fight every freaking little thing.

[Thornton]

Man, I know how you feel. I felt the same way a few months ago graduating from high school. I chose to do it my way and the school didn't care except my parents were furious and my mom decided to skip my graduation...

hmmm...

there really is no way out of this, Ze. Hate to say it, but, you are in fact damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think this one's really up to you and which torture you think you can handle better. I'm sorry, bro.

[Ze]

It's okay, Thorny, I expected as much. :hugs: I know you went through something like this yourself, and I'm still proud (awww) of the choice you made. :) That took a lot of courage.

I guess I'd feel more apt to make a decision if I had more time. But they just sort of sprang this on us. Meh. For now I'll do nothing either way until a better idea comes along.

[Sheila]

Ze, you have to be who you are, I know the family may not like it, but you have to have your graduation portrait, this is a huge milestone for you and you will only regret it in later years if you don't hun :sad:

I wish you the best in the hard choice you have to make & you will have as many positive vibes as I can send you hun :bh: & lots of :love:

Sheila

[Ze]

Thanks, Sheila. :huggles If I could have my way, I really would want portraits that actually depict me. But like Thornton pretty much said, I need to sit down and figure out how badly I want that. The smallest evil would be to just have no pictures at all...but...I still want them...

Maybe I can at least field the issue over to a few professors who know about me, just to get a feel. If I feel more motivated to go for it, I'll probably also bring it up with my mom, but I know that won't go over well. But at least she'd be more prepared.

I'll have to do the latter tonight and the former tomorrow, then. :worried:

[Lorileah]

Whoa, first it is not trivial! This is very important. I will have to think real hard about what you can wear if you want to compromise and I understand that you will want to compromise at this point.

But not withstanding the gender thing there are some important issues here.

My assumption is that the "uniform" is because many will use these pictures when searching for a job after graduation. Corporate America still wants the suit and tie male and the skirt and hose female. You would confuse personnel if you were a female and submitted a picture of a guy (I know that isn't supposed to be an issue but it is).

The other thing here is if you decide to forgo the photos, trust me, in 20 years you will be sorry. No matter how you decide to present at this point, you will really want to see how you looked 20 years before. So not getting a photo should be a low option.

I am doing a lot of assuming here. I assume that these photos are less expensive than having them done on your own. So if you decide to not have the college pictures, you can pay more and do what you like as far as the outfit. I also assume that the genders will have different colored gowns. Here is a new dilemma for you. I doubt they have one color trimmed in the opposite. Ideally there would only be one color (that is how they do it beyond the BS/BA degrees).

Ok had an idea. You are liberal arts. Artists are not expected to conform to the "norm". So lets think androgynous for the non-gown pictures. There is no rule that a woman cannot wear a sport (suit) jacket. I know the cut is different but in a sitting photo that won't be an issue. How about a nice turtle neck under it? Androgynous slacks? Fool them and wear a necklace in line but take it off for the shoot ;) Loafers are male and female attire. But as a guy, a turtleneck under a jacket (or even a crewneck) is avant garde. You are not looking to get job at Goldman Sachs ( we all had a job from...well never mind). You are looking to get into academics or the arts fields. (what would really freak em out is if you posed with a pipe ;)). Just a thought.

As far as the color of the gown (if that is an issue) make a choice now talk to your advisor about it. When graduation rolls around, you can either chose again or don't go (I didn't go to my undergrad ceremony). The picture will look good in the gown of either color on your mantel and will make a nice gift when you beg ...I mean announce your graduation :)

[Ze]

Good points, Lori, thank you. :bh: I had never considered that people use them for interviews later on. Unfortunately makes a lot of sense. (Yeah, I know it's an issue that shouldn't be but still is.)

Androgyny is a good point, too. I'll need to raid my closet on that one. I have many awesome tie, sweater vest, dress shirt combos, but I'll likely have to forfeit them all due to the circumstances. :( I'll probably look more into the turtleneck and jacket idea that you were talking about.

As for liberal artists (heh) being expected to not conform, the rule doesn't seem to apply to where I go. :( Full of unappreciative kids who can't get their heads out of the sand. I've only worn a tie once this school year and have thought twice of doing it again. Despite the fact that I wore it for an honors orientation meeting after classes, regardless of me telling people this reasoning, you would think they were all having heart attacks over the issue. :rolleyes: It got so ridiculous that I don't even want to go through it again. So I guess even dealing with my peers and the photographers that day will be another hurdle to get over.

Since you mentioned graduation itself, I really do want to go. I didn't go to my high school one because the education had been a complete joke, but now I'm prouder of what I've accomplished and demand people congratulate me for it. :ner: So yeah...another issue I'll need to look into.

That all being said, I seriously need to get my hair in order. :lurk: It's not like I can wear a hat for photos. Humbug.

[Miranda09]

Hey Ze....I would tend to agree with Lori on this, try going with an androgynous look, which is popular now anyway. Personally, when I finished college, I didn't bother with photos, I didn't even bother with the graduation ceremony. I just wanted my degree...that's all I cared about. So what it boils down to is this....how do you want to remember this stepping stone of life.....nothing wrong with little steps either. ;) BTW...what length IS your hair. I've never seen it!!!!

[Lorileah]

That all being said, I seriously need to get my hair in order. :lurk: It's not like I can wear a hat for photos. Humbug.

Well you could but I think it would be kinda dorky :) You could hold it on your lap though, or if it is a standing pose in one hand casually, Bring back the 40's look Hideee Hideee hideee ho!

101409 *ducking*

[Ze]

Thanks, Lori, now that song's stuck in my head. :facepalm: :ner:

Thank you for the input, Miranda. :) If you want to check out my hair length, I have a photo album in my profile. I'm currently trying to find a style that actually works for me. So far I just look like a loser, so I'll probably go through all this work just for loser portraits, anyway.

[Miranda09]

Ze....you don't look like a loser!!!!! In fact, you're quite hot, for a guy!!!! ;) You know, after looking at your pics, the hair style you have right now really isn't that bad. Do you want a more extreme look, or more toned down? If extreme, you could try spiking your hair a bit.

[Ze]

Ze....you don't look like a loser!!!!! In fact, you're quite hot, for a guy!!!! ;)

Aww...I love liars. :hugs:

[Lorileah]

is spiking your hair like spiking a football?

[Fab Karen]

Gender separation AND telling you what to wear for pics? I've never heard of that in a college. I don't have personal experience as I didn't go ( other than some jr. college classes ), but don't recall anything like that for my older brother who did. And using college pic for an interview? why would someone do that?
Discuss it with the Prof's who know you Ze, and do what feels acceptable to you. In this day and age it's ridiculous that they'd be telling female students to wear a skirt. I think there'd be a mass protest if that happened in a Calif. college.

[Ze]

is spiking your hair like spiking a football?

Pretty much. I seem to always end up injured either way, at least. :ner:


In this day and age it's ridiculous that they'd be telling female students to wear a skirt. I think there'd be a mass protest if that happened in a Calif. college.

I agree. And I'm wondering more and more if they would completely back off if I said something. The last thing they'd want is bad publicity...assuming I'd have to threaten them with that.

[Miranda09]

I'd speak up Ze. I'm sure you're not the only one not happy with that kind of policy. If they insist, then I wouldn't even bother with the pics.

[Lorileah]

oh goody we are gonna make Ze a militant "Che Ze" *pumps fist in the air*

[Miranda09]

:stirthepot: Every pot needs a little stirring!!! :D

[sherri52]

Ze: be all that you can be. It is your life that you lead and you may regret wearing that dress years from now. Your family may not like it but it will be who you are.

[Stephanie Heplby]

Gender separation AND telling you what to wear for pics? [...]

I have to agree. I read Ze's description in the original post and basically said OMG, I had no idea places still did crap like this!

Even my conservative small college in Virginia did not go in for that crap way back in the last century. (Remember the 1900s?)

How much of an activist do you feel like right now, Ze? I am pretty incensed on your behalf (and probably a few others, as well). This is the kind of thing I would have pushed and railed against in college. Heck, I would probably take time off work to do it now!

Anyway... more productively:

Yes, talk it over with your mom first because preparation will be better, no matter what you decide to do.

Definitely go more androgynous, if you can, since that will "soften the blow" (like it is anyone's business but yours, but I digress into righteous indignation, again).

Go to your professors and ask what they think about this, perhaps enlisting them to help you petition the administration.

Petition the administration to change this 19th Century policy. It may not change for you, but it might help the next class of people who don't feel comfortable in the dominant cultural norms.

If you feel particularly activist-y, consider having a chat with someone at the local paper, a local LGBT group, etc.

Finally, for what it is worth, my wife's head would have spun around and fire come out of her eyes if someone had tried to tell her to wear a skirt or dress at graduation. Even better, her mother would not be caught dead in a skirt (and has made it clear that, once dead, she will come back to haunt us if she is put in a dress). Which is to say, you are not alone in this fight, there are many folks who would benefit if you stood up, though it may be very uncomfortable in the standing...

Good luck, man.


oh goody we are gonna make Ze a militant "Che Ze" *pumps fist in the air*

That is the most brilliant thing I have seen all day (of course, it is noon here).

Ze, you need a t-shirt! Have a friend photoshop you into that famous picture of Che.

Brilliant, Lori.

(I would actually pay money for a Che Ze t-shirt. I mean, who wouldn't?)

[SirTrey]

Dude....Bottom line is that transitioning is not socially acceptable and it sucks....You are going to encounter MANY situations just like this....and it will really define for you how you transition....There are situations like this that come up in every aspect of life....Situations where you are the "exception to the rule", if you choose to just be who you are....and it is not easy to BE that....unfortunately, that's what transition is....and there is that period where you are caught between a rock and a hard place, everyone in the world thinks you are nuts or selfish, and it all just makes you feel like shit....Every trans person who fully transitions goes through it....There is no way to avoid it....It all comes down to if and when you are ready to just start being who you are, knowing full well going in that it will suck for a while and that there will be a lot of situations that are made far more complicated by it than they would otherwise be....This is just one of those.....:hugs::drink:

[Sally2005]

Present yourself the way you are known today and in a way that is going to make you feel proud in 20 years. What seems important today may seem trivial later so you may want to opt for the typical classical image. You could look at it as the one last time you get all dressed up before you burn your old wardrobe. After you graduate, your life will change anyway.

[Thornton]

(I would actually pay money for a Che Ze t-shirt. I mean, who wouldn't?)

...So what is that now?...a children's book, a soap opera, and a t-shirt? Dude, if we actually got started on these things, you could afford to move out of your house yesterday.

[Ze]

Thanks once again for the help, everyone. Unfortunately, I've hit "exhausted" levels again with my life and think I'll be stepping out of the way for this. i.e. No pictures at all.

If I change my mind later, I'll just dish out the money to do it through an outside photographer or whathaveyou. But I just can't deal with something else right now. *shrugs* I don't graduate until April/May anyway, so there's plenty of time to do the alternative.


...So what is that now?...a children's book, a soap opera, and a t-shirt? Dude, if we actually got started on these things, you could afford to move out of your house yesterday.

I know, right? Who knew I was the next Mickey Mouse?

[halfman_halfamazing]

you should totally just show up on the man day.
i just got trhough or am going through a similar situation.
i'm going to a cousin's wedding in mexico this weekend and al,ost didnt go because i wasnt sure what to wear. then one magical day my mom suggested i wear a jacket. i even bought a skinny tie and told my brother to which his magical reply was, "you can't wear a tie, I'M wearing a tie!" and then we showed each other our ties.
So really, it cant be as bad as a family affair. Just show up or talk to somebody and say "look here you!"
good luck

[Sally24]

As a photographer I come at this from a different angle. How about presenting enough like your former female self to satisfy your mom (and the college) but make it easy for someone to photoshop you back to your male look? The gown color would be easy enough to change. If the collar is different, just make sure you get a good picture of one of the males so their gown can be "cloned" onto your picture. It's easy to add elements to a photo. A little harder to remove things.

Your "official" graduation photo would work for the traditionalist and you would have a Ze photo for your memories. Opting for the gown photos would avoid the problems associated with a skirt and blouse. Good luck and congratulations!:Party: