SRS readiness

[Frances]

I visited a friend who was recuperating from SRS at Dr. Brassard's recovery center last week in Montreal (where I live) and have found myself with really conflicted feelings since.

I have been a patient of Montreal's General Hospital gender clinic for the last four years, and my time's up with them. They used to be the only ressource to get government funded SRS before, but things have changed recently.

I have been on hormones for 11 months, and have been fulltime since May 4th (the monday after international trans pride day). I had considerable real life experience before that date, but that is when I started coming to work as a woman. It is pretty much time for me to meet the panel of psychiatrists, psychologists and sexologists at the General and ask for my letters, but I am in a strange head space right now.

I have been wanting the operation as soon as possible, but in the days following my visit to my friend, I found myself a little emotionnal and not sure why. I felt glad for her for having finally accomplished what she wanted, but I was all of sudden feeling hesitant. I have transitionned socially very successfully, and never have problems with passing. I am appreciated at work, and have not been rejected by my family or most of my friends, so what is my problem?

Transitioning socially has ended my dysphoria and the operation has now raised my anxiety.

Am I just afraid of the operation itself, am I not ready? If it was possible to get the gender designation without the operation, would I have it at all?

Anyone feels like this?

[Jannis]

About 2 yrs ago, I started with the psychologist part of transitioning and I determined that I was not ready yet after several sessions. I discontinued seeing her and left more confused than ever. I did have a friend who went for the full program and had GRS. She was a role model I looked to for support and advice. However, after GRS she told me she was somewhat sad she didn't listen to her inner voice that said don't go through with it. She is now doing OK, but is not overly happy.
Having heard that, I am now reconsidering all my motives for pursuing this path. I guess, unless you are totally one with your need to proceed, sit back and wait until you have considered everything about your life and what you want. Time changes perspectives on your visions and plans. You will eventually arrive at the right decision. Bless you with the strength to do the right thing for yourself.

[Teri Jean]

Frances, although I'm not there myself the one thing the therapist told me was take it slow to be sure this is what you really want. I also have read the book called; transgender companion and the author said there is no one start and or ending for everyone. You find where you are happy and then stop or hold at that point. If for ever what reason you need to step back to where you are, do it until you are happy.

So if your transitioning has given you peace and there is no burning desire to go further so be it, stay there.. It is you who needs to live in your skin and if this is where it is, stay put.

Huggs Teri

[kellycan27]

Frances, although I'm not there myself the one thing the therapist told me was take it slow to be sure this is what you really want. I also have read the book called; transgender companion and the author said there is no one start and or ending for everyone. You find where you are happy and then stop or hold at that point. If for ever what reason you need to step back to where you are, do it until you are happy.

So if your transitioning has given you peace and there is no burning desire to go further so be it, stay there.. It is you who needs to live in your skin and if this is where it is, stay put.

Huggs Teri

I agree with Teri Jean. I am also gung ho for my SRS,everything is in place,funds,doctors,letters... everything is a go! Something that I have been working for over the past 4 years. I have no doubt that I will go through with the operation, but TBPH I do get the jitters now and then . Just nerves I am guessing, after all it isn't like having your tonsils removed is it? LOL

:hugs:
Kelly

[Frances]

Thank you for your postings.

I had an operation for a rectal fistula this summer and I was incredibly afraid of complications and post-surgery problems like a incontinence. SRS has more than its share of possible negative outcomes. I still want the surgery, but my inner voice is telling me not right now. Maybe I am shell-shocked from seeing my friend with all the bandages and the suffering. I delayed the hormones for a long time because of my inner voice was telling me not now. I eventually started them and transitioned socially, and I can say with a little hindsight that it was absolutely the right thing to do. Maybe SRS is for me, but maybe not right now.

One thing is for certain: I am not going back to being a boy or even remotely thinking of it. I am a woman, I live as one, but the operation may not be in the near future (but I could be ready soon).

There is no financial consideration here either. SRS is paid by the government in Quebec.

[CharleneT]

There is no rule about "when", in fact, there is nothing that says you ever have to have SRS. The way I look at it, SRS is really done for yourself. You can't "tell" from looking at a lot of TS folks as to whether they've had that surgery or not. So, if you inner voice says wait, by goddess, wait.

[kellycan27]

Thank you for your postings.

I had an operation for a rectal fistula this summer and I was incredibly afraid of complications and post-surgery problems like a incontinence. SRS has more than its share of possible negative outcomes. I still want the surgery, but my inner voice is telling me not right now. Maybe I am shell-shocked from seeing my friend with all the bandages and the suffering. I delayed the hormones for a long time because of my inner voice was telling me not now. I eventually started them and transitioned socially, and I can say with a little hindsight that it was absolutely the right thing to do. Maybe SRS is for me, but maybe not right now.

One thing is for certain: I am not going back to being a boy or even remotely thinking of it. I am a woman, I live as one, but the operation may not be in the near future (but I could be ready soon).

There is no financial consideration here either. SRS is paid by the government in Quebec.

You have to do what you feel is right for you. You'll be ready... when you're ready.

kel

[kellycan27]

There is no rule about "when", in fact, there is nothing that says you ever have to have SRS. The way I look at it, SRS is really done for yourself. You can't "tell" from looking at a lot of TS folks as to whether they've had that surgery or not. So, if you inner voice says wait, by goddess, wait.

True, but those of us that want to do it can tell. It's not about what others can or can't see.

[Carole Cross]

I decide a year ago that I needed to transition and, for me, I will not feel complete until I have had srs. I have not started on hormones yet but I have felt this way right from the first visit to my GP.

[joanlynn28]

My goal was always to make it all the way through transition, for my that was my only choice. I had others tell me that is this what you really want there is no reversing things after surgery. (all coming from non transgenders) And yes I had my fears coming up prior to surgery, one of them being finding out at the last minute I would not be able to for medical reasons or other things beyond my control. All I can say for myself is that last May I finally had my SRS and it was and still is the right thing for me. I have no regrets at all, the best decision I've made dispite the huge costs in lost friendships and financial loses. But what I lost I gained in personal happiness which no one or thing can put a price on.

There was this little fear that outside the OR I might have told the doctor wait, maybe I should wait before I go through with this. But that never came up, once I was on my way to surgery I knew that my life's dream was going to finally going to be fulfilled and that birth defect removed for good.

For those of you about to take the plunge only you know what is best for you, listen to what you heart tells you. Only yourself knows what is best for you. To be non-op, pre-op, or post-op your the one that must decide.

[Frances]

There is no rule about "when", in fact, there is nothing that says you ever have to have SRS. The way I look at it, SRS is really done for yourself. You can't "tell" from looking at a lot of TS folks as to whether they've had that surgery or not. So, if you inner voice says wait, by goddess, wait.

That is how I feel too, but there are outside pressures to have SRS. You cannot have the female designation in Canada unless you have SRS. Men either treat me like a porn object or a piece of uranium, rarely in between. I think it would be easier for me to have relationships with SRS. Because I am kind of short and have soft features, people have been nice to me, but when you are naked in a hospital in front of doctors, you cannot hide your hybridness. Also, it is dangerous to take high doses of hormones for a long time, and changing your name is far less complicated in Quebec with SRS. I don't know... maybe I am just afraid.

[sherri52]

You are a woman. Doesn't matter if the date is next week or three months from now, you will still be woman. Take your time and be sure of what you want. You are still woman.

[dilane]

Listen to your inner voice. Don't allow yourself to be pressured.

I've seen that pressure subtly applied in therapy groups, and it's wrong.

Beware the Gender Industrial Complex! There is a whole assembly line out there to serve us, but they have institutional biases. Be your own guide.

I've known one girl who regretted her surgery. It is not a good place to be. She was the one I saw pressured, and I thought it was wrong then, but I didn't know her at the time and didn't say anything to her.

And I've known one who committed suicide (not necessarily because of GRS). And I met a post-op who was not a happy camper, and who never had a chance to use her new equipment (as of a few years ago), because she hadn't confidently integrated into the world as a woman.

It's more important to fit in and have a decent work and social life than simply to go through the checklist because "that's the way it's done around here."

-- Diane

[GypsyKaren]

Hey, it is major surgery, and you're not going to look or feel your best for awhile, but that passes and you do heal. Yes, there could be complications, and yes, there's always going to be some unhappy campers who probably shouldn't have taken that step in the first place. It's fine to be nervous about it and you don't have to have it until you're ready, but listen to your heart instead of your fears.

Karen :g1:

[LisaM]

Frances,

You seem to have done everything very deliberately and done them very well. Being afraid of surgery is not that unusual plus there are plenty of transgendered women who choose not to pursue SRS and still live as women.

Take your time and I am sure you will find your answer. You look terrific. You are accepted as a woman and you have plenty of time to decide if you want surgery.

[CharleneT]

True, but those of us that want to do it can tell. It's not about what others can or can't see.

Exactly, I was referring to outside viewers only. Meaning, there is no reason to be concerned much with what others may see or not see. You don't do it to get a lover or be able to wear spray on jeans. You do it to complete yourself.


That is how I feel too, but there are outside pressures to have SRS. You cannot have the female designation in Canada unless you have SRS. Men either treat me like a porn object or a piece of uranium, rarely in between. I think it would be easier for me to have relationships with SRS. Because I am kind of short and have soft features, people have been nice to me, but when you are naked in a hospital in front of doctors, you cannot hide your hybridness. Also, it is dangerous to take high doses of hormones for a long time, and changing your name is far less complicated in Quebec with SRS. I don't know... maybe I am just afraid.

Almost all true here and I agree with all that you say. The only big diff for me is that I can change my name pretty easily. But in terms of birth cert's and the like, SRS or no change.


Listen to your inner voice. Don't allow yourself to be pressured....

Beware the Gender Industrial Complex! There is a whole assembly line out there to serve us, but they have institutional biases. Be your own guide.

I've known one girl who regretted her surgery. It is not a good place to be. She was the one I saw pressured, and I thought it was wrong then, but I didn't know her at the time and didn't say anything to her. ....

-- Diane

I think this is good advice. I also have seen things like the "GIC". Although not an organized thing, few will try and stand in your way if you ask for transition and go at it in an orderly way. I also know a post-op woman who truly regrets her surgery. If you ask her, she would tell you to take your time. It is a big step in life and I think most know when they are ready to take it.

[noeleena]

HI....
How interesting .
Never at any time did i have as you say the jitters ...i was totaly prepared .
Haveing said that . i did have one of our sons say you wont be having any op s ....& some one else said the same

well they were very wrong because they did not know what was happening to me . as a person .
Of cause there were emotional things going on inside . when i left n z . to go over to phuket . it came. you still have time to back out 9 hours flying then even at the hospital check in . i had two days ... the last time was going up top . one hour .... then sleep .. oh no to late ..... was it ....... no way,,,,,,,
the best day of my life .
I was not bothered at all concerning the op s . . because i was prepeared .. i was content . & knew this was just so right ... that was june july 07 ... just over 2 years & 3 months .
what do i think now
.
Still the best day of my life . when i talk about that day my emotions will be there & come flooding back . because it means ,,,,,SO,,,,SO,,,,,,much to this kid ......just every thing about it is so neat........that s what it means to me ......

Now why would a person get so worked up about having some surgery . well some dont like having surgery s & yes i dont blame them . because there are some things that can go wrong ...

I can not & will not speak for others . for me it was just so lovely .
.
Oh you really do know inside whats right for your self .
If some of you are not sure . then wait if there is. any . dought then back off till you really know. other wise like has been said one girl is not happy now after having her op s . that s a pity . & saddens me to hear that . because there s no going back . & would i wont to ..........NO,,,,,,,
...noeleena..