Was I read, or checked out?

[Sophie Haworth]

Was I read, or checked out?

Hi everyone.

Let me just start with a thanks, when I first started posting here, I was really struggling confidence wise, and over the years with peoples encouragement and helpful criticism I have really grown as Sophie.

I wonder if you can perhaps give me some insight, or even perspective.

This Sunday I went shopping at Deepdale Retail Park in Preston and really had a GREAT, GREAT time.

I spent about an hour and a half there arriving at 10.30 firstly going into M&S. I was in for about 20 minutes, I was looking for some black evening trousers, I plan on going to the MEN Arena Manchester in a couple of weeks to see "Classical Spectacular" and I am trying to put an outfit together.

I had no problems at all in the store, and as far as I am aware was passing fine. I could not find what I was looking for so I moved onto the next store, spent around 10 minutes in there, again with no problems, (problems by the way, mean I have been read) still did not find any trousers that will do.

I then visited a store called Borders, they sell books, and I have a voucher to spend, so wandered around there picked up around 4 titles and paid using the card, again as far as I am aware I had no problems, I can talk now with my female voice (although still uncomfortable using it, but gaining more confidence) I was able to answer the assistants questions and paid etc. she gave no indication that she was aware I was male.

I left Borders and moved next door to Boots, and was in there about 15 minutes, I knew I needed a new lip liner and so got one, 2 lipsticks and mascara, I really did not need the mascara, but they had a 3 for 2 deal on.

I had to queue for quite a while, but my confidence was good, I paid and was able to talk to the assistant, and again as far as I am aware had no problems.

I then went back to the car put my purchases in and called in at Sports World store, I needed some tennis balls, again wandered around for a bit, but could not find the brand I needed so did not get anything.

Made my way back to the car and shot the short video of me at the retail park, ( the bit with the pink coat at the end)

Now here is the thing, near the end on my way back to the car I pass a man carrying a small carrier bag and after I have walked passed, he makes a definite look back, I would not have been aware of this with out the video.

Was he checking me out?
Had he read me?

I do have this thing about being read, because when I am out, I am Sophie a woman, I am not just dressing up, and if I am read, it breaks the "spell"

And it can take the edge off the absolutely fabulous trips out shopping, and with my night out at the MEN Arena coming up can hit the confidence a bit.

Spending a few hours with a few thousand people as Sophie is quite a challenge, but I am looking forward to it.

I do have to accept that I am going to be read, because I can spot my male features in the videos.

I have had some very memorable and joyful moments going out as Sophie.

I wanted to post this both as an acknowledgement of everyone's help here, and to hear comments, private if needs be.

With thanks Sophie.



<object width="873" height="525"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/D-iDN5_GUR0&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/D-iDN5_GUR0&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="873" height="525"></embed></object>



Full size video if needed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-iDN5_GUR0

[Sandy Banks]

I'd say he was checking you out, if it were me I would check out a female with nice legs and wearing stylish boots................

[Phyliss]

After watching it all the way through, I replayed it full screen 4 times to watch the reaction. YES you were being CHECKED OUT. Good for you to attain that level.

Very nice video

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Sophie,

I was trying to watch it but my Blackberry is not picking it up right now,but by looking at your avatar pic,I'll say he was checking you out.Like your avatar pic.


Felicity

[KitCat]

From an absolutely neophyte point of view here, how about considering the possibility that he had an enlightened perspective. Who knows what to look for better than we do

[AmberLynn]

I to watched it and replayed it a few time's. he check's out the lady with the guy before you and decide's to have an extended look at you :love: look's like a check out to me

[Michelle S]

Was he checking me out?
Had he read me?


Yes, and probably not, but so what if he did? The two are not mutually exclusive.

[Shelby]

It was a glance for about 2 seconds at the most. If he had read you, he would have held his stare and walked into something or even stopped. Rather he looked back ahead and kept going with his hands in his pocket.

You passed.

[Missy Anne]

Hi Sophie,

I, too, believe he was just admiring a good looking woman. Your image was very striking. How could he not look?

Hugs,

Missy Anne

[ReineD]

I do have this thing about being read, because when I am out, I am Sophie a woman, I am not just dressing up, and if I am read, it breaks the "spell"

I will be honest and I hope I don't upset anyone.

My SO and I go out quite frequently. In the beginning I was convinced that everyone who saw us could read us and if they stared or whispered it was because they "knew" and further, they disapproved. The truth is that some people pay more attention than others or they do have more sensitive gender radars. Others don't. Some people are judgmental at first. Most aren't. The vast majority of people are polite and respectful. It really doesn't matter to them whether they are interacting with a CDer or not.

It does take awhile for some people to wrap their brains around seeing a CDer for the first time. So they do stare. This is what I did the first few times I saw a close friend's CDer husband, years before I knew my SO. It took some time for me to become accustomed to the look of a gender variant person in real life. I tried not to stare, but my eyes kept wandering over to where my friend's husband was sitting. Eventually it all fell into place.

My SO and I are not always immediately next to one another when we are out. I do notice some people have double takes when they see her. We will never know whether they read her or not, but it doesn't really matter. When she speaks it is likely that people do read her. Everyone is always very polite. Speaking to people actually helps to dispel the mystery.

To be honest, if the idea of being read will break the spell for you, you may not enjoy the experience of being yourself as much as if this didn't matter. Because you will be read. I am not trying to be mean, just realistic. Unless someone is very young, of slight build, and with a feminine facial bone structure, it is hard to mask the male gender with a bit of makeup and long hair, especially if the interaction takes longer than a few seconds.

Our world is changing and the idea that someone is gender variant is beginning to be acknowledged. Eventually Sophie will want to make friends and socialize, and feel just as feminine despite people knowing. You can lift your head, meet people's gazes, smile, and be proud of who you are.
:hugs:

[Sally2005]

I don't know what he was looking for...checking you out for some reason, but he was satisfied because he turned and continued on his way. If something was really out of place for him he would have looked for a longer time. He might have thought he recognized you or something.

[Fab Karen]

Most of us, especially up close, will be read. The thing to do when out is not to think about how you look, what you're wearing. Just focus on what you're doing ( shopping, getting a meal, etc. )

[Ruth]

I agree with Reine. Whilst your feminine presentation is very good, you should not be in the frame of mind that you have to pass "or the spell is broken". People on this forum talk a lot about passing and though it's a good thing to aim for, I now doubt whether I really pass most of the time.
However, there is some sort of unspoken contract for appearance and conduct in public places, and if you stay within the boundaries, people give you the benefit of the doubt. So, many people would check me as a tall middle-aged woman, some would be more curious and see an ambiguous individual who might possibly be a man in drag, others who are really tuned in would see me as a crossdresser but one who isn't making waves with his appearance. And in practice, nobody sees fit to confront me about it.
The point is, you are who you are and it is going to be more satisfying in the long run to be accepted for yourself than to be forever impersonating someone else.

[dominique]

I think he checked you out, cause a quick glance and he was away. Hope that helps.

[Carroll]

The only thing I saw was your steering wheel on your van is on the wrong side:D

[Sara Jessica]

Most of us, especially up close, will be read. The thing to do when out is not to think about how you look, what you're wearing. Just focus on what you're doing ( shopping, getting a meal, etc. )

I agree.

All of those up-close interactions, it seems you were treated well. That's all that matters. Did they read you? I'd say the odd are very high that most/all of them did. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Don't define your outings on whether you feel like you've been "read". The thing is, you'll never know for sure. That is why passing is such a poor choice of wording for what we're trying to accomplish.

You blended (very well I might add).

You were largely ignored.

The evidence is the passers-by who didn't give you a second glance.

Did you pass?

Your guess is as good as all of ours.

[joann07]

He was checking you out.
In drab, I do the same thing whenever an attractive woman catches my eye.

Hugs!

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I was finally able to watch it now that I'm on my home computer and I say he was checking you out.



Felicity :)

[Andy66]

What a beautiful area you live/shop in! I wish I were there.

Maybe he read you AND checked you out. But it seems like placing that much importance in other people's reactions might not be such a good idea.

[kimkat]

I dont think he was looking at you long enough to be "read". Im betting he was checking you out. Love those boots of yours. :)

Kim

[boardpuppy]

He checked you out but unlike me (in drab) the last lady I admired, I felt I crossed the line but her outfit was to die for and then went shopping and picked up a couple of sexy things. Unforunetly they had to be age approperate.

Hugs,
Alice

[Rachael Ray]

He was checking you out......you can tell because of the duration (short) meant he was amiring you. If he was trying to process what he saw, he would have looked longer.
(Just my opinion)
Rach

[TiffanyTgirl]

He was definitely checking you out. He saw thwe short skirt, legs, and boots and wanted to see what they were attached to. If you were being made, the two girls would have double taked at the start of that scene. My only advice would be to walk slower. You have a "male" speed when you walk. Slow down to match a ladies stroll. I have the same problem. Verey nice overall!

[Ineta]

Your overall appearance is very good. Just do not grimmace and do not make hasty movements.

[SuzanneBender]

First darling, great idea of the video on your dash. I love it. It is such a great way to provided yourself feedback on your femme self. Bravo.

Second, I think he was checking a cute girl in fierce boots out. I know I would have :D With that said, does it really matter if he clocked you? People in public interact. We don't just walk around staring at the ground. You are bound to make eye contact, share smiles and even a little body language here and there. It is only human. When you do that someone is bound to read you at some point. The key to being truly femme is not eliminating being read. It is how you deal with it.

You look fab. In my opinion from the tape I couldn't tell you from and GG in the parking lot. Keep it up girl and for goodness sake enjoy it at all times even if you are read.

:hugs:

[Julogden]

I think Reine has it absolutely right.

The ony thing I'd suggest is to slow down your walk a bit and try to walk with your head up more, at times you're slouching a bit, and that tends to look a bit more masculine.

Carol

[CharleneT]

.... ok... this is a subject near and dear to many hearts and minds here. The whole concept of being clocked or read and how to avoid it is rather complex and also rather "loaded".

First, as many above have said, please do not let being read "break the spell" for you. You need to relax more than that! In fact, one of the most effective things you can do to "pass" is to relax and just act normal ( which it appears you do in the vid). Want a good brain teaser: why do GG's almost always "pass" ??

Now there is an important thing to consider - and do not let this slow you down - you will likely be "read" every time you go out. Especially in public places that are well lit or day time. The thing is, most of the time there isn't a visable reaction and so you do not know it. Just because you go out and no one reacts in a way that you see, doesn't mean they do not notice you or clock you. Being accepted as just another person is a better goal, and in doing that ... you'll pass more. It is the zen thing and although it sounds wacky, it is true.

Did he check you out or read you ? No way on earth to tell in that vid. Too far away and he really just glanced backwards at you, who knows why ? Really, even if the vid was closer etc... still don't know unless he says something or gets that "oh my gawd Mable ... look there" look on his face. Alternately, sometimes you'll get addressed and find out ( "excuse me sir ....") I wouldn't worry about it, or try and read too much into it. Just enjoy the day and your experiences.

Love the boots by the way :D

Charlene

[Sophie Haworth]

Just dropping in a quick thank you reply and will get back in more detail Wednesday, it is getting a bit late now here 11.41pm time for bed.

But must really add a very big thanks, I really appreciate the "critical" comments, and all the encouragement, they both work well together.

Sophie.

[MsJanessa]

who can tell---Maybe both?

[Vash]

ya know, if you look at the women in the white jacket and jeans, he is checking her out also, so I think he was just checking out women on his way into the store. He was checking you out. I probable would have done the same :-)

[carolyn todd]

sophie
were you not dress as a female, so do not men look at females
i for one do especial if she has a nice skirt or top on, and if
they have nice legs.

you have not been read but check out girl.

carolyn xx

[Sarah_new]

Watching the video carefully I would say the glance was too short to be reading you, more just a double take at a pretty girl well dressed. As a guy we all do that!

[gemsay32]

Hmm. I check girls out all the time, but move my eyes not my head ;)

I'd say he wasn't sure. Most guys I know will look when they see a skirt, with their eyes or their head depending on their confidence. If it were me, and I wasn't sure 100% that you were a girl, I'd do my best to keep to myself. So either he's a very macho guy that don't give a sh** about your feelings, or he was checking you out.

And btw, I think that in some sense you got the "shy girl" thing down. You looked too nervous in your hands. I thought you blended in well by touching your hair - girls do that. But I'll admit that your nose, shoulders, hands, and some not obvious things are noticeable, if I concentrate. But in a city where we're moving around fast and keeping mostly to ourselves, we're not going to notice those kinds of things. I'd give you a b+ for costume and courage and form.

Please note I'm not an expert. Just another nobody. But I'm trying! I watched your other videos on you tube and have to say that i probably would have checked you out a couple times too. I can imagine scenarios where you would pass.

Like some others have said here, don't get too caught up on this notion that you need to pass. On inspection, most people will notice. You can't win em all! I understand you probably do this for the enjoyment factor. Have fun!

[Loni]

Congrats on obtaning that level most of us can only dream about,
just getting out in public is a very hard chore for those of us at 50+ years, 6ft, 200+ pounds.
You do so well and even get a gent to turn and check you out.

Enjoy the high while you can.

[Ediosa]

Video was a great idea. You outfits were great, you looked great. He was checking you out cause he looked down. Maybe admiring the boots, since you were the only one wearing them. Overall, great video, great look, great boots, and great everything.
:love:

[girlyj]

I think he checked you out. He might have wondered, but it was too quick for him to 'know'. I say good job!

Now, what is the song that was playing and why is everyone driving on the wrong side of the road??:)

[Dr.Susan]

It's hard to tell if he or anyone else read you unless you ask them.

[Sophie Haworth]

Thank you everyone for your comments and encouragement.

A few notables.

Reine and Ruth

Thank you, your insight is very valuable


Sarah


Don't define your outings on whether you feel like you've been "read". The thing is, you'll never know for sure. That is why passing is such a poor choice of wording for what we're trying to accomplish.

Thank you, I have conversed at length in the past about passing and what it means to me, and the "spell".
While I am out as Sophie, for as long as it lasts, that is who I am, Sophie and female, and it takes an incredible amount of effort and practice to get where I am now, and I admit still plenty to do, but the more I pass, the more I enjoy just being Sophie, and in a nutshell, when read, I then become a man in women's clothing. As time has gone on Sophie and the male me have become two quite separate entities and I do enjoy being one or the other.

Ineta


Just do not grimmace

Yes, that is one I have worked on for years, and still have not got it.

Carol.


The ony thing I'd suggest is to slow down your walk a bit and try to walk with your head up more, at times you're slouching a bit, and that tends to look a bit more masculine.

Yes, another area that I have worked on for years and still not got it.


Charlene


Alternately, sometimes you'll get addressed and find out ( "excuse me sir ....")

That would really finish me off, on a good note though I have been called "Love" (a term of endearment here in the UK) quite a few times when being served by male assistants and that does feel great.



gemsay32



I'll admit that your nose, shoulders, hands

You can't win em all!

Yes, by far my worst features from a female point of view.

Loni


Congrats on obtaning that level most of us can only dream about,
just getting out in public is a very hard chore for those of us at 50+ years, 6ft, 200+ pounds.
You do so well and even get a gent to turn and check you out.

Enjoy the high while you can.

As well as having "worst" features, I do have some positive ones that I am aware of.

I am 5ft 8" 10 stone (140pounds) 28" waist and size 6 shoes.

The last part of your message means a lot to me, at age 51, the "school mom" look will not survive much longer.


girlyj


Now, what is the song that was playing and why is everyone driving on the wrong side of the road??

The song is Deep by Binocular, as for driving on the wrong side of the road, we all do it over here, I just do what everyone else does, seems to work.:)


Again with a great deal of warm thanks, to everyone, no offence has been taken, and I hope non given in my replies.

Sophie.

[Paula W]

With those killer boots on Im surprised you didn't cause an accident in that parking lot.

I would say definitely checking you out as I might have too, women wearing long boots like that tend to get a second look from me.

[JOJO44]

I think Reine has it absolutely right.

The ony thing I'd suggest is to slow down your walk a bit and try to walk with your head up more, at times you're slouching a bit, and that tends to look a bit more masculine.

Carol



I concur, slow down a bit and try to ignore the camera. Focus on being a lady, while observing what's around you (always, safety first) relax, smile and maybe even wink at that guy when you see him next!


:hugs:


JO