How far is too far.

[Kinky with Ink]

So I don't know if you wanna call it the pink fog or what but lately I've been going for more of an androgynous day to day look and dress when I can. My feminine side has been showing at work because I know the way I gesture, hold myself, and walk are different. I've even taken to wearing foundation on a daily basis even though everything done so far has been somewhat discreet and aren't blaringly obvious. I've also slimmed down my eyebrows and had them arched some. I've even considered concealer for some of my blemishes. I feel most comfortable like this.

My issue is I'm expected to maintain a masculine appearance. At which point do you think one too many minor tweaks is too much? I'm tired of hiding who I am but at the same time care about my career. I guess you can call it quit the dilemma. Have to wait 3 years hiding all of this until I can get a different job or just be true to myself and try and walk the tightrope?

[Karren H]

Life is all about balance.. And especially in this job market... Sounds like your right on the hairy edge to me.... I would definately keep it toned down unless you really know you can find another job or you really done need an income.. The harsh reality.... Loose your job and you want be able to afford all those pretty things? Lol.

[Sara82]

Kinky,

I went through and going through the same thing as you. Trying very hard to present myself more androdgynously including work. I don't know what type of job you have, but the safest bet is to research the companies HR policies if any exist, and find out if you are breaking any dress code policies.

For example at my job, the dress code only states that you must wear neatly pressed pants, or jeans with no holes. What it doesn't say is "Men must wear men's pants" lol.

But as I've said before, appearance is everything in the work place, and even if you aren't breaking any official rules, the way you present yourself could definitely impact your ability to grow in the company, as well as other repercussions.

[Kinky with Ink]

Yeah my work has a uniform so I don't have to worry about wardrobe choices. The changes I've made so far are far from feminine as far as my definition goes but my job's interpretation will probably be miscontrued as metrosexual. At least that's what I hope lol.

Seriously though my plan is to finish the rest of this contract then change to a more lenient employer. I doubt I'll be let go about this though it could close some future career move opportunities. Just so you know I do government work and with my skill set am looking at several good jobs doing non government work. The only possible effect I can see is the way I'm treated for the remainder of my contract.

If only it was acceptable in today's society for men to actually care about their appearance. Really is it so bad that some of us like slim eyebrows and might wear some foundation to smooth out our complexion (not everybody is born with blemish free skin). For me looking nice is a confidence booster and makes me feel better about myself. Dressing down for work.....oh the joy.

[Karren H]

Actually I dress up for work more than I have to... And it gets me noticed... In a good way... We just had 35 people laid off.. And I'm still here.. And I've incorporated many fem features into my wardrobe.. Funny too I was talking to a coworker and the fact that most of the people laid off had grey hair... I said then I'll never get let go as long as I keep coloring my hair with L'oreal Preference! Lol.

[docrobbysherry]

Yeah my work has a uniform so I don't have to worry about wardrobe choices. The changes I've made so far are far from feminine as far as my definition goes but my job's interpretation will probably be miscontrued as metrosexual. At least that's what I hope lol.

Seriously though my plan is to finish the rest of this contract then change to a more lenient employer. I doubt I'll be let go about this though it could close some future career move opportunities. Just so you know I do government work and with my skill set am looking at several good jobs doing non government work. The only possible effect I can see is the way I'm treated for the remainder of my contract.

If only it was acceptable in today's society for men to actually care about their appearance. Really is it so bad that some of us like slim eyebrows and might wear some foundation to smooth out our complexion (not everybody is born with blemish free skin). For me looking nice is a confidence booster and makes me feel better about myself. Dressing down for work.....oh the joy.

For answering your question for us!:heehee:

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno, I think the best approach myself is to be the same person in both modes. Not only is it easier but more natural and people will like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be at any given time.:)

[Sara82]

Kinky I agree, its crappy that a man can't thin his eyebrows, and wear makeup without getting laughed at.

My best advice, if you want to incorporate these things, do them slowly, and most people won't notice, especially men. if you drastically tweeze your eyebrows in one day, then you will probably get some crap for it. Same thing with the foundation. Start doing it lightly or just cover some blemishes, then slowly add more. I've been doing things like this for the last few months, and no one has said anything, except my girlfriend, as she knows me too well.

Then when you get really courageous you can start adding a bit of eyeliner, to your lower water line, and look like a emo kid. ok ok ill stop :)

gluck!

[Kinky with Ink]

Lol yeah of course I don't cake on the foundation. That doesn't look good anyways. I've just been using light coats in guy mode and blend it in. I did start it out slow though. Thats how I've been able to get away with this much.

[SuzanneBender]

Kinky,

I think you and I are somewhat in the same boat. I teach at a conservative university and can't tell you about the other job. The advice the girls have given you is sage and wise in a way that only women can be.

Its all about being yourself while staying inside the boundaries of what your employer allows.

I don't wear foundation but I do wear primer. It is acts as a wonderful mosturizer, most are tinted, most are sunscreen and most enhance your beauty en femme or en drab.

There is no shame in keeping those brows in proper shape. Mine are well groomed, they have the proper arch for my face, are very femme and no one in either of my jobs has ever commented on them.

Depending upon your supervisor you can get your ears pierced and if you can't wear earings at work you can wear the clear posts.

I have a mani and pedi weekly. My wife complains because I primp in the bathroom twice as long as she does in the mornings. Embrace the pink fog, but just don't let it overwhelm you. Karren said it best. You need a job to enjoy the finer femme things in life. However, there is nothing wrong with embracing some to the aspects of your femme side at work that sets you apart from your drab coworkers.

[Frédérique]

At which point do you think one too many minor tweaks is too much? I'm tired of hiding who I am but at the same time care about my career. I guess you can call it quit the dilemma. Have to wait 3 years hiding all of this until I can get a different job or just be true to myself and try and walk the tightrope?

In the words of Quentin Crisp, “Stay right where you are.”

You can be quite imaginative “hiding” your true self, in fact you can make a game of it for your own amusement – why not? There are no rules, you know, when it comes to gender identity. If you care about your career (and who doesn’t?), do all you can within the confines imposed on you. As soon as you leave work for the day you can let yourself out and be truly “Kinky.” :)

[PretzelGirl]

Given your environment, this is a tough question. Some of it you have to decide on using the great advice here as a guide. Some of it you have to feel out as you make the subtle changes. I know in general what you are facing, but only you know the specific people around you and how they will react.

Then the next question I have is how long before you end up with a new job position and possibly a dramatically different environment? Some things are easier when you appear in a certain manner from the get-go. So there can be an advantage to a move. But also you could find yourself moved into a hostile enviroment.

Like I said, it is a tough one for you. Given that, I would say that I recommend you take it a little at a time so you can measure how things are going. Also, this will keep the changes as subtle as possible by not overwhelming everyone with a new look. :hugs:

[sherri52]

Don't wear a dress to work and watch out for your femme voice