Acceptance

[Sandra]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Do you think your SO should do more?

[KandisTX]

1. Yes, my wife accepts my CDing.

2. She buys me things, suggests new looks, helps with make-up sometimes.

3. You should never expect your SO to do more than they are comfortable with doing. If you try to push them to do more, you are more than likely only going to push them away. Allow them to work within their own comfort zone when it comes to your TGism, it is not all about you after all, there are two people in the relationship.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Kimmy55]

Does my SO accept my CD'ing?-No How does she show it?-Left to go live in NY.Could she do more?-I dont think so.

[DiannaRose]

No.
No,
Yes. :)

I'm hopeful, though, that she's going to start coming around a little. She's going to be getting some information soon that I *hope* eventually brings her to acknowledging it...which is the first step toward acceptance.

Baby steps. :)

Keep your fingers crossed!

[MichelleSanders]

Yes

Encourages me to dress more often

No

[Lorileah]

Every female I have ever been involved with has accepted Lori as part of me, so yes

Buying things for Lori, shopping with Lori, going "out" with Lori (wondering why Lori speaks in third person) and on some occasions have intimate relationships with Lori (Ok Ok sex)

I don't expect any person who I am involved with to go beyond just being there and having a good time, enjoy the moment. Often they are the ones who think they should do more but it isn't the case

[Alice B]

1. yes
2. Allows me time to dress. Has bought me ear rings and given me jewlery and clothing.
3. Does not wish to be fully around me when I'm dressed, so stays upstairs. I would love to have a normal interaction when dressed.

[TheresaJTS]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Do you think your SO should do more?

She accepts and supports me. She prefers to dress in a masculine manner.

We go out together and also enjoy intimacy while I'm dressed.

There is nothing more she needs to do.

[Joanne f]

Yes my So (wife) accepts my TGism,
My wife shows her acceptance by buying me things, giving me her opinion on things like clothes When i ask for it , allowing me to wear what i like when i like , standing up for me if someone says anything about my dressing habits, asking me if i want any of her clothes that she no longer wants (but they are always to small for me):sad: Nice thought thou :), and never makes me feel uncomfortable how ever i am dressed,( which can be a bit unusual some times):devil:.
No i do not think that my SO (wife) could do more, in fact i wish some times she would do less as it gets a bit embarrassing for me(as i am a very shy and quite person) when we are in a shop and she holds something up and says "is`t that like the one you already have.:o

Oh this word TGism , does that mean i am now a TGism`est :doh::D

[Karren H]

1. No.....
2. N/A.. See #1
3. Not really... If she wants to do more fine.... If not fine too.. Its my hobby and I really don't require her help or input...

[Ugly Michele]

She will allow me to dress, then without notice throw everything out. This is the hard part but then will allow me to buy more and even help. She doesn't like it when I do nails, and makeup.

[AmberLynn]

Does your SO accept your TGism? yes she does

How does your SO show her acceptance? She help's me to pick out out fit's and does my nail's. we also talk alot about what it is that i feel and that's a huge help in the day to day when im in drab or in dress

Do you think your SO should do more? not unless she want's to.Im not going to force it down her throat,she is very excepting and thats way more then most get so im greatful

[Jocelyn Quivers]

1. Yes
2. Allows me to dress whenever I want with no restrictions. Borrows my clothes without asking (not that I'm complaining).
3. No, she is the textbook definition of an accepting wife who shows unconditional love towards her CDing husband.

[Chloe Renee]

1 Over time it has grown, so yes.
2. She buys things for me occasionally, or suggests that I dress.
3. No, At this time I would rather her do what she feels as she feels. Earlier on, When I thought I was going slow, but was forcing it upon her, I would've said yes.

[Danielle Gee]

1-She's very accepting & encourging

2-She help me with everything

3- The only thing the kinda bugs me is that she interacts with me exactly the same in Girl or Boy mode. But don't get me wrong, I'm counting my blessings!!!

[Jonianne]

Does your SO accept your TGism?
How does your SO show her acceptance?

Yes, before we were married, she went to TRI-ESS meetings with me (including my first one) to learn what this was all about. She gave me my first wig, and took me on my first outing, saying "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face". She encouraged me to spend a day with her out and about dressed on our vacation at Niagara Falls and rode one leg of our train trip dressed.


Do you think your SO should do more?

My wife has done for me far more than I ever dreamed. That doesn't mean she hasn't had issues with my crossdressing. She has told me in the past she wished that I did not want to crossdress, but she has always shown nothing but acceptance from the begining. We worked out boundries and groundrules from the start and I have always let her lead with her comfort level and in our relationship it has worked out wonderful. When she has had an issue she will always say, "Well it's not like you didn't tell me from the begining".

So no, I do not expect her to do more. She has already done far more than I ever dreamed.

[brina_cd]

1. No.
2. Nothing, flat out refusal.
3. Even an "I just don't want to see it" level of tolerance would be a forward step. Not going to get that either.

[shannonFL]

Acceptance? not at all....she might say she tolerates...because she hasn't walked out or anything.....
So much has been said about communication....but each has to want to listen...there is a point at which talking just makes things worse, I don't need to hear again that there is no way I will ever be accepted or understood....
soooo, what could she do? Absolutely nothing! I've accepted myself (not easy) and have given up on her, at least as far as wishing for something that just is not there.....it would just be nice someday to just be with someone who likes me all the way....

Shannon

[ReineD]

3- The only thing the kinda bugs me is that she interacts with me exactly the same in Girl or Boy mode. But don't get me wrong, I'm counting my blessings!!!

Not to highjack the thread, but would you mind expanding on this a little (for us GGs)? :)

Ideally, how might your wife interact differently with you in Girl or Boy mode?

Thanks for answering this. :hugs:

[Rachel Morley]

1. Yes
2. Allows me to dress whenever I want with no restrictions. Borrows my clothes without asking (not that I'm complaining).
3. No, she is the textbook definition of an accepting wife who shows unconditional love towards her CDing husband.
Ditto! :)

[JamieOH]

Does she accept it? well, yes and no, But I dont consider myself TG, I'm a crossdresser.. TG means I am more female than male, and I think I'm more feminine than masculine.. but not necessarily a FEMALE.. I mean, at least right now, I dont want to go FULL ON GIRL MODE and go out.. tried it, not really liking it.. it wasnt me.. I just like wearing pink and lace and pretty clothes.. and dresses and skirts and .. umm. where was I? Oh yeah..

Well, she first had told me she didnt mind the panties, but didnt want to see the bra or anything else.. She did find my camera had some pics I thought I deleted, of me i a skirt and blouse.. she didn't say anything, but left the camera where I would know she saw them.. lately she is being more accepting, by rubbing my back when I'm wearing a nightie, and kinda enjoying the feel...

I would love for her to help me shop for nice feminine stuff.. That would be icing on the cake..

[suchacutie]

1. Yes
2. She is actively teaching me how to be feminine, how it is to grow up as a girl, and critiques me (gently) every time Tina comes to visit. She is totally honest with my questions about how "this or that" went during the visit. She tries incredibly hard to help separate Tina from my male self (not always easy). I always ask her opinion as the times I haven't Tina has done something that a 10-year old might in terms of style or fashion decisions!
3. I can't imagine what more there might be, but if there is more it's likely she'll think of it long before I will!

and yes, I couldn't be happier!

tina

[AmandaM]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Do you think your SO should do more?

Yes.
Buys me things. Let's me dress when I want.
Yes, active participation.

[melissacd]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

Absolutely, my current girlfriend (who is the total opposite of the way that my ex wife was) accepts it 100%.

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Shops with me, buys me things, dresses with me, helps me with my hair and nails, goes out with me dressed, has let her kids, family and friends know about me, does not mind me dressing around her most of the time, has no issue with me going to bed dressed in women's night clothes, buys me lingerie...need I say more?

Do you think your SO should do more?

I don't think she can do more than her total acceptance of who I am.

Perhaps a footnote is in order here. This is such a good question because had this been asked of me a few years ago it would have been:

1. No
2. Nothing
3. Everything

My ex wife was completely against my transgenderism 100%. My girlfriend, enjoys and shares it with me. I never thought that this would be possible, but it is a dream come true. Never in my wildest dreams, after splitting with my wife, did I believe that I would finally get to a stage in life where I could dress when and how I please and be with someone who is so comfortable with this side of me while also having so many other levels of compatibility besides the cross dressing side of who I am.

[sherri52]

Neither of my ex's accepted. Showed it in court when they each got the house.

[Julie in Virginia]

My SO 'sorta' accepts my dressing.

She really doesn't like being part of it, but understands when I go away for crossdressing trips.

Right now it is working out ok for us.

[Melanie R]

In 19 days my wife and I leave on our fourth transatlantic cruise and 34th cruise where I have dressed enfemme. She has picked out most of the feminine clothing Melanie will wear on the 14 night cruise including outfits we will share. This is the ultimate in unconditional love and acceptance from a wife. As she says, "I love you and accept you no matter if you are dressed as Mel or Melanie. Clothes do not matter. Who you are under the clothes matters." The photo below shows Melanie and Peggy at the Captain's party on a cruise this past May.

[AmiFL]

NO, NO, NO, NO.....

I cannot be more emphatic. My wife is totally unaccepting and will use my crossdressing any way possible to destroy me when the time comes.

[Colleen03]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Do you think your SO should do more?

Hell no
She doesn't
If she did more she'd be out the door, on her terms.

Those 3 answers are why I am strictly closeted, aside from the one time I went to a fetish ball. My SO is more important to me than xdressing.

[Sandra]

Wow thankyou everyone I really didn't think I'd get so many replies, usually my threads die after a few posts :(






3. You should never expect your SO to do more than they are comfortable with doing. If you try to push them to do more, you are more than likely only going to push them away. Allow them to work within their own comfort zone when it comes to your TGism, it is not all about you after all, there are two people in the relationship.

Kandis:love::rose2:

Totally agre with you here. Pushing them will also make them dig their heels in, and make them feel that it's all about the cding and that their feelings don't matter.



No i do not think that my SO (wife) could do more, in fact i wish some times she would do less as it gets a bit embarrassing for me(as i am a very shy and quite person) when we are in a shop and she holds something up and says "is`t that like the one you already have.:o



Joanne I have heard this before, as if the SO takes over and does to much and makes her partner uncomfortable.

To those who wished they had more, don't give up, it does take time and I don't mean a few weeks, or months, it can years.

[jenny01]

yes My SO is very accepting. I just came out to her with in the past month. She encourages me to dress when ever I can. She wants me happy.
We have gone shopping together a few times already.
She is content with being around me when Im dressed. I dont have a wig yet. She has helped me with my make-up.

I couldn't ask for more. She is the BEST!!

[NV Susan]

1. No
2. No {see #1}
3. No more no less.....

Susan :doll:

[Brianna in Hose]

I told my fiance this past Halloween and told me that she didn't care if I dressed but she doesn't want to see it or want to hear about it. And would like for me to quit by the time we get married in a year and a half. That was a better result than I expected. Hopefully over time she will be more accepting of my dressing.

[PretzelGirl]

My wife is very accepting. I recently had a foundation match at an Ulta store. I went back later with my wife to pick up the "goods" I bought. She asked the SA if she gave me a makeup lesson, and when the SA said no, she asked how much. All while I stood there listening quietly.

I also get to dress when I want. If there is a time (rarely) that it would make her uncomfortable, then she says so instead of giving off signs (and I don't dress).

Yes, I realize I am lucky. :love:

[Laura_Stephens]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

Not in the least

How does your SO show her acceptance?

There is no acceptance. It must out of sight and cannot be discussed.

Do you think your SO should do more?

Should she? I don't know. The bottom line is that nothing is going to change.

[Presh GG]

To the Gals who what to address the cding with their s/o all it took for me to accept was in a word "necessity ".

Necessary to be whole
Necessary to be happy.
One word made all the differance.

Keep trying !
Like Sandra & Reine said it won't be over night, but it will come.

Peace,
springtime

Back to the thread..............

[Joanne f]

[QUOTE=springtime;1938902]

Keep trying !
Like Sandra & Reine said it won't be over night, but it will come.

Peace,
springtime

I think it would be worth while for me to add that i did not get full acceptance over night, it took some working out for both of us and it did nearly end are marriage to start with ,but that was mainly because of outside interference , so for both the CDs SO and the CD , as springtime has said don`t give up as it can be done, just don`t push to hard and expect to much as a little is better than nothing .
(Sorry Sandra should have put it at the end of my first post , but most will not go back so added it here)

[ginafaye]

yes, ican dress any time family isnt around, i think we are both very happy with my current level of dressing

[MissyW]

1) Yes
2) Allows me to dress when I want, purchases things for me, is non-judgemental and accepting
3)nope

[xd-tigger]

Yes she fully accepts my cd'ing.
She encourages me to dress and buys me clothes, so yes she does show it.
And no, she couldn't do anymore if she tried.

[charlie]

Hello Sandra!
My wife tells me that I'm not normal, I'm not obeying God, and she has a hard tie thinking of me as a man ever since she knew that I dress. I have always known that she did not accept my dressing, but she is now going off the deep end and I'm not sure that she will even stay with me. I know CD is hard on our wives, but this hard? I have asked her to join the F.A.B. forum but she refuses. I do not even dress in the state that we live in, but she says she still knows "it" goes on.

[Tomara]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Do you think your SO should do more?

Yes she (my S/O) does accept my cross dressing.

She encourages me to wear whatever makes me happy and comfortable.

No , I think that her acceptance , support and love are quite enough to make me very happy !

It is sad that more S/Os and wives can't or won't even try to understand.

Tomara

[WandaRae2009]

She does not support at all. Every time I think we are getting to a tollerating level, she does a backslide to totally against it. I still wish for accepting someday but I think that is long off.

I have tried to get her to read some select information or positive websites. Usually when she looks on line she finds some extreme sites. Some of the better ones are harder to find.

I'm trying to be patient and my primary focus right now is to keep the family together.

She knows and understands I can't stop, but sometimes she has gotten mean and insulting. It's a lot for her to deal with after so many years of not knowing. I thought when I was younger that once I got married the desire and urges might go away. They only get stronger over the years.

[Jacky Aikou]

Does your SO accept your TGism??

Yes. Not with great enthusiasm, but because she loves me, yes.


How does your SO show her acceptance?

She:

tolerates my dressing around the house while she's home
helps me shop for womens clothes
teases me about my shoe collection
picks up beauty products, lotions, etc we both can use
washes my girl clothes without complaint on laundry day
compliments me when I get clothes or makeup right, or tells me if I look trampy
allows me time to go out en femme or blog here on CD.com
doesn't freak when I shave/epilate in the shower for like 3 hours:eek:



Do you think your SO should do more?

In my vision of a perfect world, my wife and I would be two girls out on the town, clubbing or shopping or getting manicures together. In reality, I don't have that kind of freedom, though, and don't expect to. We both work hard to find a halfway point where we can both be happy. I feel blessed just to have my present level of acceptance. I understand that crossdressing was not one of the prerequisites she had in mind for a husband, and that this side of me has caused her a lot of stress and anxiety. But at the same time, she knows that I am transgendered and expressing it by crossdressing is a part of my personality. She will not budge on some things -- just yesterday she reminded me that she can't take it when I grow my nails long. She was vaguely upset with me about "Jacky" all last weekend. My nails were the cause, but she held back telling me because she really doesn't want to impose restrictions on me "being myself." When we finally stopped and made up last night, she teared up. I know she wants what's best for us, and I do, too. So I clipped my nails right down. Lots of girls wear them short now, anyway. :tongueout

Thanks for the thoughtful poll, Sandra! I'm sorry my post was so long. :doh:

[BWOemerger]

1. She accepts and doesn't fight it as long as the kids don't find out.

2. Nothing

3. It has been a long road but doesn't care if I dress where there is no chance of discovery. She is terrified that the children will find out and wants me to be extremely careful. It was a discussion and decision that we made quite a few year ago.

I am pretty happy most of the time with her acceptance.

BWOemerger

[VS Fan]

Does your SO accept your TGism?

How does your SO show her acceptance?

Do you think your SO should do more?

1. Yes... at least somewhat (it's only been a month or so that I've been "out" and there are no real negative reactions yet...)

2. Little jokes about it, she gave me some of her stuff (by leaving it in the closet for me), indicated I should dress (in the basement of course) to get through a stressful time with work related stuff... (she's been pretty good actually, even though I still think she thinks it's pretty weird.)

3. *should* do more... no... I'm ecstatic she's shown what acceptance she has. I would love it if she *did* do more, but I'm not being impatient, only hopeful. Since it's only been a short while, it's too soon to expect anything else. Honestly, I don't think she *needs* to do more either... shopping trips together, buying me gifts, all these things would be cool, but are not necessary for me to be happy. I think the only thing I really want to be able to do at this point is wear some femme stuff to bed (to sleep), but I don't think she's ready for that yet and I'm not pushing my luck! ;)


VS Fan

[ReineD]

I know she wants what's best for us, and I do, too. So I clipped my nails right down. Lots of girls wear them short now, anyway. :tongueout

Thanks for the thoughtful poll, Sandra! I'm sorry my post was so long. :doh:

I just have to say, thank you for being who you are. What a wonderful post! I don't know if some CDs here would be appalled that you felt you had to compromise. But I have to say that you and your wife are a shining example of two people doing the best they can to meet half way.

An anecdote: when I was newly married over 30 years ago, my ex, a rising young executive, had a formal company Christmas party. My fashion sense was developing and I had allowed a savvy SA to talk me into purchasing quite a revealing, black halter club-type dress, with a decolletage down to my navel, long to the ground in the back but coming up above the knees in the front. I thought it was a sophisticated, adult look. I brought the dress home about 2 hours before the party, very proud of my purchase. It did look nice on me, but it was not the image my ex wanted to project. He went politely nuts, but it was too late to exchange the dress. So I found a huge white silk flower that I used to pin together the two strips of fabric covering each of my breasts. :facepalm: The point of my story is to show that compromise goes both ways. :)

[Jenniferpl]

She accepts it

She shows by purchasing makeup and some clothes for me. Allows me to dress when ever I want but not front of the kids. She gets excited when I purchase something. She cannot wait to see it.

She could do more but she already does enough.

[Crystal 26]

My wife knows about my dressing has bought me clothes and done my makeup. however she is still unsure about seeing me dressed. i find this hard as sitting dressed on my own in the bedroom is not as much fun as if i could talk to her. its very hard for her i know but recently we have been very busy and the subject seems to have been pushed to one side. suppose it just takes time hopefully.

[noeleena]

Hi..
Accptance

. Is being accepted for who you are . & in this case a woman.
married for 34 years & to gether allmost 37.
8 years of hell & 3 getting to know the other ...woman .so 11 years so far . because i live all the time as that woman . it s accepting of me as a person .

Help with clothes . & looking at what i could wear . yes . yet i would pick out clothes for Jos . make up . its both ways . going out together yes . all the time ,. that took guts to do on Jos s part . & time to get there . the hard part is acceptance with out fully understanding . as to why
. Friendship
as two women . or two sisters . (( no more than that . now not the same as we were . just really Jos getting to know me in a different way . ))

i had to look at it from her side . how would i cope with this . who are getting on well to gether .
It was never about being dressed . there was no hiding or cover up . no lie s . just this is me . a woman . & Jos accepting of me .
If that is acceptance then what could i add that is

..... JOS.....
-------------------
one neat . WOMAN.............who has gone through hell .
For me .

...noeleena...

[Karen kc]

1) yes
2) my wife lets me dress anytime, helps me shop for clothes that fit and look good on me,does my nails, and wants us to go out, me as Karen, but not around here
3) no, she is perfect, and I love her dearly, and her me

[lavistaa62]

Yes.

Has seemingly no problem with though she has not encouraged it per se thus far. It's a much better reaction than she might have had and I'm encouraged so far.

Being able to CD on a regular basis has really sparked my enthusiasm for getting back into shape and hopefully will inspire her to do the same. We're happy together , very happy, and the downside of that is that's done a bit of nesting and need to get back to our trim selves.

[Jacky Aikou]

I just have to say, thank you for being who you are. What a wonderful post! I don't know if some CDs here would be appalled that you felt you had to compromise. But I have to say that you and your wife are a shining example of two people doing the best they can to meet half way.

Reine, Thanks so much for the kind words! I don't post all that often, but just so you know I have yet to be flamed by any of the girls here. Maybe some of us really aren't willing to compromise and are just quietly respecting my opinion, I don't know. Personally, I've always believed that if you want something, you've got to earn it. Why should your SO care about your happiness if you don't reciprocate? You shouldn't put on that maid uniform unless you're willing to scrub! :2c:


a savvy SA to talk me into purchasing quite a revealing, black halter club-type dress, with a decolletage down to my navel, long to the ground in the back but coming up above the knees in the front. I thought it was a sophisticated, adult look. It did look nice on me, but it was not the image my ex wanted to project. He went politely nuts, but it was too late to exchange the dress. So I found a huge white silk flower that I used to pin together the two strips of fabric covering each of my breasts. :facepalm: The point of my story is to show that compromise goes both ways. :)

Point taken! Balance makes a couple happy! :hugs:
But I think your anecdote has half the girls here dying to find such a sexy dress! :daydreaming: