Leaving Hints

[LaurenB]

Here's a question for those who came out to their wives after being married:

Did any of you intentionally drop subtle hints along the way for your wife to pick up on?

Any thoughts or experiences? Did she pick up the hints? Was it a surprise/shock anyway?

Thanks
Lauren

[Elizebeth]

Dropped lots of hints. She did not want to know so she did not pick up on any. Has to sit down and tell her.

[Lorileah]

This first hint I remember was being in a Sears store and walking by the closeout shoes...ah..1978, seeing a pair of 4inch slides for 3$ and holding them and saying...can I have these? Was that a hint? I still have the shoes but they really need to go bye bye. From then on she would just say "you are strange" and buy whatever.

[giuseppina]

There is a very good guide by Marla GG at the top of this section. This should answer most of your questions.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841

[AlisonRenee]

I've dropped a few hints along the way. "ran out" of clean underwear one morning and donned a pair of hers instead, which she found amusing.

[Lorileah]

Honestly has anyone had the hint game work on anything...Christmas presents?...New car?...sex?

Why is this a game that we play?

[Kate Simmons]

Yes, no, yes.

[MJ]

why don't you just tell her ?

[Nicole Marie]

If you feel you are ready to tell your wife then tell her. I know, it's difficult, but it's better the beating around the bush. Good luck!

[Sarah Doepner]

I suggest you look at all the guides and recommendations and work toward telling her. I didn't do the hint thing since I don't understand hints anyway. The trauma of a surprise revelation is much worse than the trauma associated with a well planned discussion.

Just get all your resources and references in place and go for it.

[Karren H]

My hint sure worked well!! Must have been some sort of subliminal thingy going because when she found those skirts at the bottom of my closet she got the hint... And when asked about them I did not lie.... "I like to crossdress"...

Boooommmm... Lots of crying and screaming... She was pretty upset too!!

So it worked!!

Don't let "them" talk you into doing the "right" thing... You need to decide what the ultimate results of exposing this side of you to your SO.... Think long and hard... No taking it back...

Who ever said "the truth hurts". Must have told his wife he crossdressed...

[Shelly Preston]

The trouble with hint's

If you don't choose them carefully you could cause more problems

I think it would be easier to be honest

And yes having done that I know its not an easy decision

[sherri]

Boooommmm... Lots of crying and screaming... She was pretty upset too!! :lol:

[kellycan27]

This first hint I remember was being in a Sears store and walking by the closeout shoes...ah..1978, seeing a pair of 4inch slides for 3$ and holding them and saying...can I have these? Was that a hint? I still have the shoes but they really need to go bye bye. From then on she would just say "you are strange" and buy whatever.

You could buy shoes for $3.00 in 1978? Lucky pup! I was like what -4 years old.

[Kerigirl2009]

I tried leaving suttle hints in the form of comments that I would make such as OOOHHHH I like that, can I wear that, The only thing that she ever figured out from all the comments over the years was I had "a thing" about womens panties. So when I finally decided to tell her She thought I was just telling her about my Thing for panties. So after I told her I had to convince her it was more than just panties. But so far so good. Some of are long standing jokes are no longer played on eachother anymore though. I do miss those but I enjoy talking with my wife a whole lot more. :)

[LaurenB]

Lori - I think you're right now that I think about it. Hints are usually either misinterpreted or missed entirely...I guess it's a process that I have to decide on the timing and approach. Thanks for the suggestions - sounds like for the most part hints aren't a viable approach. Lauren

[Alice B]

I'm sure that having my ears pierced, legs shaved and liking woman's underwear were more than subtile hints, but even at that time se said nothing and I was not sure myself. Finally I accepted that I was a cross dresser and discussed it with her in length. I first researched the web and printed out everything that I felt applied to me, and gave it for her to read. Several discussions followed. It took a while, but she accepted that I liked to dress and made time to do so when she was not around. This was several years ago. Now she is more accepting, gives me more time and accepts and buys me ear rings, gives me clothing she thinks will fit, accepts my shaved legs, under arms and chest. Plus my painted toe nails. It gets better all the time.

[Joanne f]

Yes i left a hint , i put a skirt on the bed for my wife to see so that i could not go back on my decision to let her know .
Got called a coward on here for doing that but i am not going to mention that :heehee:
The best way is to just tell her, (OK that is easy for me to say):heehee:

[Lorileah]

Joanne how as that cowardly? Seems like a good ice breaker

[JamieOH]

You could buy shoes for $3.00 in 1978? Lucky pup! I was like what -4 years old.

ahhhh, but in 1978 $3 was like $20 now... So, dont think so lucky.. Cause now you can get shoes for $9 if you look hard enough... ;)

[Toni_Lynn]

Can I answer please!!!!

Oh yes -- lots of subtle hints after we got married :) usually accompanied by a come hither look and nod toward the bedroom :daydreaming: ... but then my wife already knows about me and accepts,. So the result was, as the Beatles sang, a splendid time is guaranteed for all.

Oh -- but before we got married -- lots within the first 3/ 4 months of dating .. which, since the expanse of the continent and an international border separated us, meant that the hinst were dropped in phones calls and emails. Yep, she picked up on them, and the result was --- see paragraph above :)

Sorry if that is not in keeping with the topic, but I just hadda say it

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[kellycan27]

ahhhh, but in 1978 $3 was like $20 now... So, dont think so lucky.. Cause now you can get shoes for $9 if you look hard enough... ;)

Even so $20.00 for a pair of shoes now is wayyyy cheap. I won't even tell you what I pay for a pair of shoes, but I will tell you....I am worth every red cent! :heehee:

Tell who what? I got side tracked by the shoes.
Kel

[Karen564]

Honestly has anyone had the hint game work on anything...Christmas presents?...New car?...sex?

Why is this a game that we play?

It never worked with me, so I gave that up the 2nd year I was married..Then I just told her point blank what I would like to have..The usual answer was, it's too expensive or no, I'm on riding the cotton pony this week..LOL

So I always ended up with what I didn't want regardless of what I said, the last time I got a talking fish, the divorce followed soon after..She asked for it, and I gave it to her....LOL

So forget the hints, if someone needs to say something, just say it..

[KylieQ]

Never dropped any hints...turns out it wasn't necessary anyway because we were divorced after only a couple of years due to other reasons. She wasn't around long enough for it to ever become a concern.

[Hope]

I know I did...

I think of it as softening up the beachhead.

It worked out well for me, but then my wife is pretty smart and pretty open, and a fabulous wife. YMMV.

[Joanne f]

Joanne , Seems like a good ice breaker

Or the start of a suicide mission :rofl:

[Samantha Girl]

Yes i left a hint , i put a skirt on the bed for my wife to see so that i could not go back on my decision to let her know .
Got called a coward on here for doing that but i am not going to mention that :heehee:
The best way is to just tell her, (OK that is easy for me to say):heehee:

Joanne I don't think you're a coward either! ;) Course I did something similar, so maybe I'm biased! :p

I felt like I couldn't ask my girl to marry me until she knew about ALL of me. Obviously I hadn't told her or hinted even that I cross dressed. But I had to tell her, so i forced it! I have a sketchbook/journal that has art ideas, sketches and my journal. My girl is the only person on earth with permission to just read it or look through it whenever. So I wrote a whole page about how I had a secret and I couldn't in good conscience ask her to marry me until she knew this secret. I never voiced the secret and at the end I put "if you ever read this just ask what's the big secret?" And one day she did on a long car ride and I told her and she accepted me :D

I agree with most of you, hinting is not a great idea ;)

P.S. $3 dollars for shoes!? :cheer:

[Billie1]

I would agree that, as an ice-breaker or introduction, the subtle hint method is not he best way. BUT NOW, I have fun with setting the mood sometimes by leaving out certain items in a conspicious location.:eek:

[Jessinthesprings]

When I came out to my ex I had a general idea of her response. I made up several senarios involving the transgender lifestyle and presented them to her to guage how receptive she would be toward trans people. She passed with flying colors, so one night I told her. She asked why I hadn't told her sooner and we went shopping the next weekend.

with my wife she'd already knew and had to talk me into telling her. She'd seen my panties, and said I made love like a woman. That was cake.

But hints are liekly to be ignored or seen as you are cheating on her... depending on how well you are at hideing it. Ask her about trans people so you might have an insight into her feelings and then tell her when you are ready. And no matter how well you plan it could go wrong so you need to be prepaired for that.

[Danielle Gee]

My wife once had a job in the local hospital's Emergency Room (very high stress) She got home each day @ 6:30. I however got home at 3:00, So I dressed up and did the laundry and fixed supper and cleaned house a bit.

She was very grateful to be able to come home and not have to deal with household issues (she didn't know I dressed)

One day she remarked " You'd make any woman a good wife"......I blinked my eye once or twice and began......"Honey, there something I wanna tell ya" And the rest is history.