Transsexual?

[RobynGirl]

Hi everyone,
Has anybody else found that dressing is just not enough anymore?:eek: I am now 56 and everyday I feel stronger urges to have SRS. I am on my 2nd marriage, the first failed when my wife found out I wanted to have SRS. My current wife knows that I crossdress but wants no part of it.:eek: I have even gotten to the point if I see a movie with a hot love seen I see myself as the woman.:o The thoughts of being intimate with a man as a woman in every way possible just makes me go nuts.:devil: I have been seeing a therapist about family issues and my crossdressing for 9 moths now and told her Tuesday night I am feeling more like a woman inside.:battingeyelashes: I really hate my male body and would not mind if I were to lose my male parts.:) I would love to hear from anybody else that shares the same thoughts:straightface:

Thanks,

Robyn

[karen68]

Hi Yes I feel the same I am not sure I want to have srs though but I deffinately want to have my own breasts I do feel more feminine now and even when dressed drab, I now hate being drab and wish to go further.

[ggtracy]

i am confused. if your first marriage failed because you wanted to have SRS then why did you marry again without fully addressing this issue?

[Karen564]

i am confused. if your first marriage failed because you wanted to have SRS then why did you marry again without fully addressing this issue?

Yeah, That's what I was thinking too..

So, what's up with that????

I know from my own personal experience that once my 1st marriage was over that it then gave me the opportunity to finally transition so I could go all the way to SRS, I certainly knew without a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be interested in another woman as a man ever again, never mind a 2nd marriage with one, that would be crazy..

[kellycan27]

Yeah, That's what I was thinking too..

So, what's up with that????

I know from my own personal experience that once my 1st marriage was over that it then gave me the opportunity to finally transition so I could go all the way to SRS, I certainly knew without a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be interested in another woman as a man ever again, never mind a 2nd marriage with one, that would be crazy..

I third that! Why would you even consider re-marrying if your goal is to have SRS? :eek: I don't know about how other TS people feel,but for for me it was life or death. It wasn't like.. I could take it or leave it. I was driven,the feelings consumed me every waking hour. I don't get this.. Well. I feel like a woman inside,but I have other obligations that keep me from fulfilling my life, so it's just not convientent. I commend those people for fulfilling their obligations but a lot of the time it just seems like Oh well, I can't do it.. no big deal. Kinda makes one think that transitioning for some is more fantasy than fact. Luckily for me I figured this out before getting invloved. Had I not I am one hundred percent sure that I would have been miserable and would have made my SO equally so. Maybe I am all wet here, but it wasn't something that I could just turn on and off with a switch.

[kellycan27]

Hi everyone,
Has anybody else found that dressing is just not enough anymore?:eek: I am now 56 and everyday I feel stronger urges to have SRS. I am on my 2nd marriage, the first failed when my wife found out I wanted to have SRS. My current wife knows that I crossdress but wants no part of it.:eek: I have even gotten to the point if I see a movie with a hot love seen I see myself as the woman.:o The thoughts of being intimate with a man as a woman in every way possible just makes me go nuts.:devil: I have been seeing a therapist about family issues and my crossdressing for 9 moths now and told her Tuesday night I am feeling more like a woman inside.:battingeyelashes: I really hate my male body and would not mind if I were to lose my male parts.:) I would love to hear from anybody else that shares the same thoughts:straightface:

Thanks,

Robyn

(http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=119439)

You might want to check out this thread, you might find it and the comments quite interesting. The scenario is not quite the same, but similar. My own personal comments, I believe... fit this thread of yours.
Kelly

[docrobbysherry]

My divorce had NOTHING to do with CDing. But, I can NEVER see myself getting married again, in ANY scenario!:doh:

Maybe with some folks, they think, "the 3rd time's the charm"!:heehee:

Or else they just like---:hwac:

[Karen564]

I don't know about how other TS people feel,but for for me it was life or death. It wasn't like.. I could take it or leave it. I was driven,the feelings consumed me every waking hour..

No Kelly, Your not wet at all..LOL

Your absolutely correct!!!

As an example....
For me personally, I lied to myself when I got into my marriage from the beginning, I thought my desires to live as a woman would go away.......Wrong..

And also realized how huge of a mistake I had made especially after having my 1st child from this marriage, that's when it really hit me, then she wanted a 2nd, and I figured I'm stuck now with one, so sure why not a 2nd, but dont get me wrong, I dont regret having offspring because I love them so much, there the most precious gift I had ever had, but on the other hand do feel dirty for having them because I was living a lie..
Needless to say, I was totally miserable inside feeling stuck being married with children, but also felt it was my obligation to continue the lie in order to raise them under one roof with a loving Mom & Dad and give them the best life I could give them..
But it finally it got to the point that I could no longer live the lie, and it's just as you said, it consumes your every thought every minute day & night and also became a do or die situation, and it came so close to dying for me, I was ready to off myself, the pain had become unbearable to live with, but after more thought couldn't bring myself to leave my girls behind in this world wondering why daddy killed himself and leave them wondering if they were to blame, so I decided to live and take the 1st step to begin my journey towards transition.
And so during the time leading up to this moment since I was so miserable by then, my wife had asked for a divorce anyway, and had concluded this was all for the best for everyone concerned, and so for once in my life finally made a decision to live as my true self as I should of done many years ago..

After all those years of suffering with GID & being trapped in a marriage with a family, I certainly knew I would never make such a terrible mistake again once I was finally set free..

And that's why I cant imagine why anyone in there right mind that felt they were a transsexual would ever want to ever go though a 2nd marriage, it just doesn't make any sense at all..

:hugs:

[DaphneGrey]

I third that! Why would you even consider re-marrying if your goal is to have SRS? :eek: I don't know about how other TS people feel,but for for me it was life or death. It wasn't like.. I could take it or leave it. I was driven,the feelings consumed me every waking hour. I don't get this.. Well. I feel like a woman inside,but I have other obligations that keep me from fulfilling my life, so it's just not convientent. I commend those people for fulfilling their obligations but a lot of the time it just seems like Oh well, I can't do it.. no big deal. Kinda makes one think that transitioning for some is more fantasy than fact. Luckily for me I figured this out before getting invloved. Had I not I am one hundred percent sure that I would have been miserable and would have made my SO equally so. Maybe I am all wet here, but it wasn't something that I could just turn on and off with a switch.

Although I have no desire for SRS, I agree one hundred percent with what you are saying. I am not Transexual so I have no personal insight to add. Just my observations. It seems to me from reading on the forum that the desire to transition is so overwhelming it drives all other choices. Of the two Transexuals I know personally, I can only say that for them it was close to a matter of life and death. They both felt that desperate.

My point is this if you hide your crossdressing from your second wife. And your fantasizing about sex as a woman, and wouldn't mind if you lost your male parts. You seem to putting the cart before the horse. My thinking is this, You need to see a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. And as Karen mentioned stop keeping secrets.

[GypsyKaren]

There's a big difference between wanting SRS and having it done, and I venture to say there's a whole lot of TS'ers out there who figure they'll never be able to have it done for whatever reasons (money is usually a biggie), so you try to live your life and you try to find someone. I know it's not fair to keep the secret from the partner, but we don't exactly live in a perfect world and we never get everything right.

Robyn, I would just add that "being with a man" quickly becomes real low on the list of priorities and issues when it comes to actually living the life, SRS or not, for many the fantasy is better than the reality. Therapy is good, so be honest and be open, and no more secrets.

Karen :g1:

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am in a similar boat. I am on wife #3. Neither of my first 2 divorces were over cd?tg issues. But I was in denial over being GID until these past few years. Wife #3 knows I cd and is not real supportive of it. She probably feels I am going thru a "stage" or something. I have always wanted to be a girl but had to bury it deep in me due to obligations and family. Now I am metaphorphing slowly and hope to someday come out. DyLen

[sometimes_miss]

Any TS feelings that I have are the result of just wanting the rest of my life to feel congruent. Brought up to believe that I was supposed to be a girl, being conditioned to want to wear girls clothing and behave like one sexually, it sure would have been an easier life if I had been female. But I came to realize that SRS wouldn't necessarily fix anything; as a heterosexual male, I'm attracted to females, and kind of repulsed by males, and I can't see that changing no matter what I might do to my genitalia. The number of GG's that exist who might be attracted and turned on by a TS MtF can probably be counted on one hand, so that clearly wasn't the answer. I'm kind of just stuck in the middle somewhere, with no real solution.

[RitaCD]

Too late in life for SRS, but I would like to have more feminine features. I really enjoy feeling feminine but still enjoy my male side as well. I've been debating taking female hormones and have read all the data I can find on the possible results and effects on the body. At this time I am still apprehensive.:daydreaming:

[Sara82]

I find it funny that whenever a CDer on this board, raises the question that they might be TS, the actual TS girls jump on them pointing out all the flaws in their post, that prove they are frauds, or living in a fantasy.

Then to top it off, you stroke each others ego's within the same post, boasting about how real and intense your own feelings were compared to the OP. I think its really distasteful, and inappropriate.


I continually see this type of behavior from the same people. I thought we were suppose to be supportive of each other, and embrace each others differences.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Julia...i think you make an excellent point.

It can definitely feel like there is an usvsthem sometimes..and there are obviously jerks on any message board (of course jerkiness is in the eye of the beholder)

i hope you find this responsive to your point

the women that have transitioned have a very good understanding of what actually happens when you transition. its not what people think ..and there are some folks that have tried to transition and failed, and others that took multiples tries before successfully transitioning

so that is a unique and important perspective that should not be ignored..

being a transsexual is totally different than transitioning...and sometimes the am i a transsexual? question and the "should i transition?" question get mixed up, some girls end up having to transition or die (at least it feels that way), and some girls stick out there male lives for whatever personal reason..

its sharing experience for better or worse...and part of supporting people is being honest and upfront..i applaud robyn for asking the question and being honest about her feelings..and she deserves honest responses

my honest response is that her comments seemed to have a strong tie to the sexual nature of feeling that she may be a transsexual and has been in multiple marraiges

these are 2 hints that transition may not be right for her, and so girls post and say that or question her seriousness....or implore her to get serious and honest with herself..

so i think its a good supportive environment when you get a different perspective from many people with different experiences.

if the origanal poster responds and shares more i am certain she will continue to get even better feedback..

[Sara82]

Julia...i think you make an excellent point.

It can definitely feel like there is an usvsthem sometimes..and there are obviously jerks on any message board (of course jerkiness is in the eye of the beholder)

i hope you find this responsive to your point

the women that have transitioned have a very good understanding of what actually happens when you transition. its not what people think ..and there are some folks that have tried to transition and failed, and others that took multiples tries before successfully transitioning

so that is a unique and important perspective that should not be ignored..

being a transsexual is totally different than transitioning...and sometimes the am i a transsexual? question and the "should i transition?" question get mixed up, some girls end up having to transition or die (at least it feels that way), and some girls stick out there male lives for whatever personal reason..

its sharing experience for better or worse...and part of supporting people is being honest and upfront..i applaud robyn for asking the question and being honest about her feelings..and she deserves honest responses

my honest response is that her comments seemed to have a strong tie to the sexual nature of feeling that she may be a transsexual and has been in multiple marraiges

these are 2 hints that transition may not be right for her, and so girls post and say that or question her seriousness....or implore her to get serious and honest with herself..

so i think its a good supportive environment when you get a different perspective from many people with different experiences.

if the origanal poster responds and shares more i am certain she will continue to get even better feedback..

Kaitlyn I totally agree with what you said. I just think due to the nature of the topic, I think some could be a little less abrasive. We know that these issues can be very sensitive for some people, and as you say its sometimes "life or death". How would we feel if we pushed someone to hurt themselves or others, because we were just a bit too insensitive, and sometimes this forum can be a person's only source of support.

[AmandaM]

Just make sure you're truly TS and not wanting to "be a woman" for some sort of deep sexual feeling. That can be perceived as TS'ism, and not really be, i.e., the inner drive you have could be about "being a woman, making love to a man". This is not TS'ism.

[Karen564]

I find it funny that whenever a CDer on this board, raises the question that they might be TS, the actual TS girls jump on them pointing out all the flaws in their post, that prove they are frauds, or living in a fantasy.

Then to top it off, you stroke each others ego's within the same post, boasting about how real and intense your own feelings were compared to the OP. I think its really distasteful, and inappropriate.

Who cares if the OP got into a second marriage, after having TS feelings, perhaps he felt guilt about it, and thought geting into another relationship would make things go away.

I continually see this type of behavior from the same people. I thought we were suppose to be supportive of each other, and embrace each others differences.

No one here did any such thing, all were asking for is why now after a 2nd marriage, so are you saying we shouldn't ask?? and just accept it at face value without knowing a little more?
I think it's a very fare question to ask.. that yet to be answered..

You callously said, Who cares if whomever got themselves into a 2nd marriage...
Well, I care!!! and do so because I feel so terrible for the victims of these marriages all because someone cant come to terms with themselves.. Like hey, OK, I made a mistake for getting involved with my 1st marriage, I think that was so wrong of me do that and so unfair to my wife, So I should have never gotten married at all in the 1st place, but it did happen, so I can see & understand it can happen to anyone, were only human, and we do make mistakes and most of us that are of sound mind learn from those mistakes, but for someone to do something over & over again with the same bad result is just so wrong on many levels..

So you think getting involved in more than one marriage is because they feel guilt of having GID and it will make it go away?? I mean come on, get real, if the 1st marriage didn't do that, why on earth do you think the 2nd one would..Are you really telling me that you dont see something wrong with this picture??
You say we should support each other, but all I see you dong here right here & now is creating a division, it's not about TS vs whoever, or stroking each others ego, because quite honestly, we gave up our egos a long time ago when we said our goodbyes to manhood..



Real support helps people, not feed some fantasy that will hurt themselves & others around them.

[joannemarie barker]

you really have to figure out if you are ts or not.
i feel so much better in girl mode,i am attracted to men,i would love to be a mans wife.i do know though that i'm not ts

[carolinoakland]

Honey you could be the poster girl for the typical late in life TS. Just like me, i'm fifty by the way. and the fear is that if I put it off any longer I will have waited too long. That's over now thank gosh. I'm a year on HRT and full time for nine months now and loving life for the first real time in my life. Seek a REAL gender therapist. And any real therapist isn't going to give you any answears, they're already inside you, the therapist SHOULD be able to get you to ask the right questions of yourself. Carol

[kellycan27]

I find it funny that whenever a CDer on this board, raises the question that they might be TS, the actual TS girls jump on them pointing out all the flaws in their post, that prove they are frauds, or living in a fantasy.

Then to top it off, you stroke each others ego's within the same post, boasting about how real and intense your own feelings were compared to the OP. I think its really distasteful, and inappropriate.

Who cares if the OP got into a second marriage, after having TS feelings, perhaps he felt guilt about it, and thought geting into another relationship would make things go away.

I continually see this type of behavior from the same people. I thought we were suppose to be supportive of each other, and embrace each others differences.

Don't you believe that the feelings should be intense if you are planning on altering your mind and body? Wouldn't it be wise to take a good long hard look into those feelings? Are we really boasting when we attempt to get the OP to ask themselves if they in fact have these intense feeling? Are we stroking our ego's by agreeing that having these intense feelings.. are pretty common amongst TS's? All we have to go by is the little bit that the OP has stated. having a penis or not having a penis has nothing to do with being TS, nor does your sexual proclivity. The OP has been seeing a therapist for some time, and only recently brought up the the subject of feeling like a "woman". So far I for one don't see why the OP thinks that she may in fact be TS. I am not saying that she's not, but rather attempting to to make her think.

who cares? I would imagine that the OP's wife might care, or doesn't her vote count? I am sick to death of this me,me,me attitude when it comes to family. Oh you need to do what is right for you and screw everyone else. After all.. it's not your fault that you are the way you are. Have you no compassion? What about the break ups, broken homes and children left with one parent. Does your right to be "who you are" trump the rights of the people who you supposedly love? Why not man up, show you have some balls before you selfishly destroy someone Else's life.

Continually see the same behavior from the same people?
You're damn right, I am consistent. And by getting someone to think, I feel I am being supportive. By getting people to think about the people that they willingly bring into their lives I believe that I am supporting their loved ones.
I don't give a rat's behind about being PC. If someone asks for my opinion, I give it to them, and if they don't like my opinion, they shouldn't ask for it.
I call it tough love.. I said this in another post.. Sometimes we all need a kick in the ass to help us figure things out. I am quoting myself... isn't an ounce or prevention truly worth a pound of cure?
I don't know if the OP is or isn't TS, and I hope she finds her way..just not at the expense of an innocent. If my logic here is flawed.. Please tell me how.

Kelly

[Kathi Lake]

Kelly,

Keep not giving a rat's behind about being politically correct. On a board such as this, I'm hoping people come for truth, and not ego-stroking or a "you go girl!" (good Lord, I'm sounding like Jenny! :eek:). Please keep giving the truth.

To those that think it is an us vs. them situation, please stop. We have ran so many TSs off of this board already. We need their opinions as much as we need the opinions of the occasional crossdresser. Since this board encompasses so many people, coming from so many backgrounds at so many levels, we can't afford to polarize it into a TS vs. TV or anything like that. Isn't the entire country polarized enough?

I think Kelly made some good points. As a TS, I would say that she is uniquely qualified to post on how a person might feel enough stress or disconnection in their lives that transitioning isn't an option, it is the only option.

So please, don't think that you can't be supportive if you disagree with the person. Instead of you climbing all over those that don't share your viewpoints, let the one that asked the question do the climbing, if they feel the necessity.

Kathi

[GypsyKaren]

What some see as disagreeing or giving an answer that perhaps an OP doesn't want to hear, some see it as some sort of elitism, and I sure don't see any boasting either. Personally, I don't stroke, I point out a problem if I see one, and that's what I see from the other TS'ers here, though I suppose there are plenty here who would prefer if we gave a pat on the back and let them shoot their foot off...and if you don't know what it's like to be a transsexual, then you don't know what you're talking about when you complain about what we say.

Karen :g1:

[VeronicaMoonlit]

There's a big difference between wanting SRS and having it done, and I venture to say there's a whole lot of TS'ers out there who figure they'll never be able to have it done for whatever reasons (money is usually a biggie), so you try to live your life and you try to find someone.

Yes, on trying to live my life, but I've made the decision to avoid romance. But I'm pretty asexual anyway.


no more secrets.

Karen :g1:

Word!

Veronica Rogers

[Sara82]

I admit my comments regarding "who cares" in marriage was uncalled for, and I do realize that others are involved who are hurt. I also don't condone jumping into a relationship out of guilt as being a good basis for marriage. That was a bad example on my part. But in All honesty we know nothing about the OP and wife's marriage and relationship.


More importantly is this... The OP at the very end of her post said:


I would love to hear from anybody else that shares the same thoughts

She wasn't looking for TS people to question her life choices, or question her motivations. She was merely looking for comfort knowing that perhaps some other CDers may feel the same way.

[Laura_Stephens]

Any TS feelings that I have are the result of just wanting the rest of my life to feel congruent. Brought up to believe that I was supposed to be a girl, being conditioned to want to wear girls clothing and behave like one sexually, it sure would have been an easier life if I had been female. But I came to realize that SRS wouldn't necessarily fix anything; as a heterosexual male, I'm attracted to females, and kind of repulsed by males, and I can't see that changing no matter what I might do to my genitalia. The number of GG's that exist who might be attracted and turned on by a TS MtF can probably be counted on one hand, so that clearly wasn't the answer. I'm kind of just stuck in the middle somewhere, with no real solution.

I am very similar to you.

Internally, I identify as TS. If I had the surgery, at the cell level I would still have male chromosomes regardless of what the doctors sliced and diced.

[DaphneGrey]

I admit my comments regarding "who cares" in marriage was uncalled for, and I do realize that others are involved who are hurt. I also don't condone jumping into a relationship out of guilt as being a good basis for marriage. That was a bad example on my part. But in All honesty we know nothing about the OP and wife's marriage and relationship.


More importantly is this... The OP at the very end of her post said:



She wasn't looking for TS people to question her life choices, or question her motivations. She was merely looking for comfort knowing that perhaps some other CDers may feel the same way.

Perhaps she needs to hear them any way! I am not sure what she needs but I do know that if she is contemplating SRS than she needs at the very least input from people who have gone through that.

I for one am very happy to have their opinions and more than once have taken their opinions and advice to heart.

If this stupid insecurity CDs have regarding TSs is out of hand. They don't think they are better than you because you are CDs. Perhaps you are not comfortable with yourself (we have all been there) But for heaven sake get over it!

Every time someone asks a tough question on this form or states an unpopular opinion they get their head bitten off! Myself included. Terrible things can happen when, in situations like this we look the other way and refuse to bring up tough questions. When dealing with SRS and body modification. Perhaps 20 years ago when it was much tougher to be accepted for SRS and the profiles were much stiffer. There were less mistakes meaning there were less people who had the surgery who regretted it afterwords.

I know one person who was sure they wanted this went to all the consultations to get the hormones, the castration, and so forth. Got breast implants and was on the way to complete SRS. when after a few years into the journey came to realize they were miserable and the Sex change wasn't solving his problems. Physically caught between being a woman and man, realizing he could never go back and knowing going forward was the wrong choice. Can you imagine being in that place? He destroyed his life, lost his family (wife and two children) is unable to work because he is to emotionally unstable. The reason? Because nobody asked the tough questions! Because it is what he thought he wanted, and nobody was going to tell him otherwise. He told the doctors what he knew they wanted to hear and ignored everyone and everything that pointed to the contrary. Now his wife is broken hearted and his children are fatherless.

It would be nice if this sort of thing didn't happen, but it does.

You might consider giving the TSs a break after all they have been there and know what they are talking about.

[NathalieX66]

I
I know one person who was sure they wanted this went to all the consultations to get the hormones, the castration, and so forth. Got breast implants and was on the way to complete SRS. when after a few years into the journey came to realize they were miserable and the Sex change wasn't solving his problems. Physically caught between being a woman and man, realizing he could never go back and knowing going forward was the wrong choice. Can you imagine being in that place? He destroyed his life, lost his family (wife and two children) is unable to work because he is to emotionally unstable. The reason? Because nobody asked the tough questions! Because it is what he thought he wanted, and nobody was going to tell him otherwise. He told the doctors what he knew they wanted to hear and ignored everyone and everything that pointed to the contrary. Now his wife is broken hearted and his children are fatherless.

I know a similar story, and all I saw in the end was isolation, and friendships since childhood that have dissolved. After she handed me the 'coming out' letter 8 years ago, I witnessed what looked like falling off a cliff. Then, not knowing how much emotion was involved, my comment about "sailing off to [Special-Land]" was not the right thing to say. I was more perplexed than anything. I'm sure there are cases of happy TS's, but this is an isolated situation.
Daphne, knowing we are in the same geographical area, surely were not talking about the same person?

[Karen564]

You might consider giving the TSs a break after all they have been there and know what they are talking about.


Thanks Daphne, I really appreciate you saying that, and I'm sure all my sisters here would too, so thanks again!!:hugs:

I had wrote a large post on why we say what we say and how we feel to give others a clue to how we think a little differently about certain issues, but maybe it's best to just leave it alone & leave the clueless wondering..

As far as the OP, & she truly wants some real answers, I think she go to the proper dept 1st anyways, not here..

[sheidelmeidel]

:2c:

I do not think you should do srs, "the grass is always greener" and the mind likes to play tricks on us, especially when we are all dressed up. Remember once you do it there is no turning back, you have gone 56 years with boy plumbing, stick to that and let your fantasy stay a fantasy.

[DaphneGrey]

Thanks Daphne, I really appreciate you saying that, and I'm sure all my sisters here would too, so thanks again!!:hugs:

I had wrote a large post on why we say what we say and how we feel to give others a clue to how we think a little differently about certain issues, but maybe it's best to just leave it alone & leave the clueless wondering..

As far as the OP, & she truly wants some real answers, I think she go to the proper dept 1st anyways, not here..

You are very welcome Karen :hugs: I meant every word. I get so frustrated sometimes it just seems to me that gender variant people of any variety ought to stick together and learn from each other.

Unfortunately that doesn't happen as often as it should. I know how you feel about not wanting to post. I do know that every time I post a serious question or statement. my threads get slammed, things get taken out of context and it all goes down hill from there.

It gets me down but I keep plugging away. I hope you do the same:hugs: