Exposing the wife in a playful manner.

[75texascd]

My wife has no idea I'm interested in crossdressing. I bought some fake eye lashes she found the glue and asked me about it.
I couldn't bring myself to explain so i said i found the in an old cabinet and just tried them for fun the one time. She thought it was werd that i even did that. I am thinking I would like to bring up the subject in some playful manner like sex play or something. Haven't figured it out yet.
Has anybody done this?
how did it go?

[sissystephanie]

TexasCD,

The title of your post is a little misleading! You would not be exposing your wife, unless you do mean to the fact that you are a crossdresser! I don't think making it a joke, or sex play, is a very good idea. From her reaction to the eye lashes, you are probably not going to get a good reception no matter what.

What you need to do is have a sit down conversation with her and tell her about your desires, while letting her know in no uncertain terms that you are still her MAN. Remember, she married a man, not a woman! The time to tell her was before you married, but it is too late for that now! You may try to keep it a secret, but sooner or later she will find out and then you would b e in even more trouble. I wish you luck!!:thumbsup:

[DiannaRose]

I agree...unless it really is just a lark for you (and it sounds more serious than that), then you don't want to joke about it when you tell her. Her reaction to the eyelashes raises red flags in my mind. You need to go slowly, with tons of love and compassion for her. There are threads on these forums that deal with the topic of coming out. Research, research, research, Texas! :)

[dancinginthedark]

Well Texas from the POV of many a wife/gf I have counseled after a SO pulled a stunt like this... I'd say it will go absolutely lousy dear. :rolleyes:

One genius decided the wedding anniversary would make a great time to let the wife know of the CD-ing. He promised the grandparents would watch the children and it would be a romantic weekend getaway... with a big surprise for her that evening.

You know nice bed and breakfast, dinner and wine afterwards in the suite. The big surprise for the wife, a "TA-DA" entrance from hubby after he ran a bubble bath for them. Dressed in matching bra and panties with stockings, heels, wig, full makeup.

He just couldn't understand why she didn't want her matching set or why she cried so much. :strugglin Why indeed.



dancin


`

[Phyliss Hdson]

Howdy 75 TX CD

As a sister Texan just had to say HI.
I have to agree with Stephanie for the most part, I doubt that she would take it serious enough. I tried some things simallar just after I got married and we had a bit fun, but she failed to realize that it was not just a game.
Ater a few times she tired of it quickly. It did how ever give me opprotunity to broach the subject with her. And in the beginning she was pretty much okay with me wearing panties and stockings around the house as long as it was not too often. It ook several more years before she became accepting enough to let me dress completely, but no make up.
Well by then I was tuely wanting to not only dress regullarly but to put on make up and go out. Here in lies the problem (I new she was not thrilled with my getting all done up. but after all it was what I had been working towards since the beginning), I could not take it any more and went out with out telling her. She eventually found out and went through the roof.

Since then we have worked it out some, she still doen't understand, but she knows it makes me happy. After the blow up I sat down and wrote her a letter, one that should have been written long time ago. A truely heart felt letter explaining how much I loved her, that I was not going to leaver, that I was still and always will be a guy, and that I was not going out to pick up dates etc. and to the best of my abillity my desire to Dress Up. It was a long letter. Since then many dicussions have ensuued, and while things are still a bit shake now and then, I think thigs would be better had I written the letter sooner.

So while playing at it may or may not open the door for disscusion the bottom line is the two of you are going to have sit down and really talk. Because if she finds out things by accident it will only cause more problems.

Best of luck to you.

Phyliss
CDing in TX, best of both worlds

[Hope]

You can drop hints, and be playful about it (you SHOULD be playful about it) but during sex is the wrong time, unless your dressing is primarily a sexual thing for you.

Either way, I would suggest avoiding having a "sit-down" where you discuss cross dressing in the gravest of terms as if it is something akin to cancer that will destroy your relationship and that she should hate you for. If you act guilty, you can't be upset when she reacts as if you are guilty.

[75texascd]

I understand what is being said here. I am not one to hit the streets dressed but like doing it in private. I would just like to open up to her sowly on this. She doesn't have to worry bout what other people think etc. because nobody will know. So i hope this better explains where i am on my desire to dress at this point in time. on the lashes she said "do you think so and so does these types of things?" Comparing my private actions to somebody elses public life. Obvoiusly not a fair comparison.

DO you think it would be too strong to tell her i kinda want her to dress me up fr some adult fun?

Just trying to gently ease into this.

[DaphneGrey]

I understand what is being said here. I am not one to hit the streets dressed but like doing it in private. I would just like to open up to her sowly on this. She doesn't have to worry bout what other people think etc. because nobody will know. So i hope this better explains where i am on my desire to dress at this point in time. on the lashes she said "do you think so and so does these types of things?" Comparing my private actions to somebody elses public life. Obvoiusly not a fair comparison.

DO you think it would be too strong to tell her i kinda want her to dress me up fr some adult fun?

Just trying to gently ease into this.

This is a bad Idea! repeat after me This is a bad Idea! You need to openly and honestly talk to her! This nonsense of playing games and easing her in will not work!

[DanaR]

.........................:rolleyes:

One genius decided the wedding anniversary would make a great time to let the wife know of the CD-ing. He promised the grandparents would watch the children and it would be a romantic weekend getaway... with a big surprise for her that evening.



I knew someone that sprung it on their wife during a move to a warmer climate to start their retirement. Pure class!

[Joanne f]

For me it has become difficult to answer questions like this as where i would have said one thing in the past i now have to take into consideration the things like dancinginthedark has said as she gets things from another perspective that i don`t (other GGs).
It is always difficult to tell or advise someone else the best way to do things as there may be what you might call the right way and a not so right way , the problem is sometimes the right way can cost you more then you intended to pay .
So is testing the water so to speak a good way , i must admit that i am not completely against it , but (always that but) the problem that you have with making it a joke is that in one sense you are double deceiving because what if she takes it well and you decide to say OK it was not a joke as i am really into cross dressing , is that better than coming straight out and risking the hole marriage, I don`t really know but (a t b) you may get more respect from you wife if you just talk to her with straight talk .

[Karren H]

Around here liar is a four letter word!!! They probably should rename the site www . Honestcrossdressers . Com?

Ohh well... My wife doesn't play sex games period.. Sigh....

[trisha254]

I also side with the ladys from Texas, That to big of step, to just tell her your secret after the you were marriaged, How would you feel ??????


Trisha

[Marlena-4now]

I agree, the idea of asking your wife to dress you up for sex is the proverbial million to one shot ! Especially given her reaction to the eyelashes ! If you take this course I forsee an extended period of stormy weather in your future. However, it must be said, you know your wife better than I. If she is an "anything goes" type of lady maybe you could upgrade to a 1000 to one shot !

If you want to feel her out on her thoughts and opinions regarding crossdressing how about renting a movie and watching it with her and then talking about it with her. A good positive one about a heterosexual crossdresser is "Just like a woman"


Also, you should read the recent thread started by Anouk titled "I told my wife" or something similar. Anouk handled this touchy sublect beautifully.

Good luck Texas and please be gentle with your wife. No doubt this will rock her world.

[Shelly Preston]

This seems like a recipe for disaster to me

Hints dont normally work and just confuse the issue

I think if you seriously want to tell her read the link in my signature

[sherri52]

There is no fool proof way to tell the wife. You have to pick the best time (feelings) and bring it out slowly. It could make or break your marriage so make sure you think she's ready or at least can handle the discussion

[lisa-marie]

From her reaction I think you are between a rock and hard place!
Only you can decide if you want to come clean or carry on and dress in secret
Been there done that got the T shirt and its a decision that ONLY you can make
Good luck xx

[giuseppina]

There's a very good sticky by Marla GG about this very topic ...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841

Please don't use the Ta Da method. It generally causes a lot of hurt feelings, and most people don't want that.

[Sandra]

Another GG here replying.


What you are thinking of doing if is as others have said a very bad idea.....and if you went ahead I would hazzard a guess that the next thread you do would be titled.."SO went crazy" or words along them lines.

Talk to her and be honest.

[CharleneT]

You can drop hints, and be playful about it (you SHOULD be playful about it) but during sex is the wrong time, unless your dressing is primarily a sexual thing for you.

Either way, I would suggest avoiding having a "sit-down" where you discuss cross dressing in the gravest of terms as if it is something akin to cancer that will destroy your relationship and that she should hate you for. If you act guilty, you can't be upset when she reacts as if you are guilty.

:iagree:

Listen to Hope !! From what you've said it sounds like you really want the CD'ng to be part of your intimate encounters. While there is nothing wrong with that, it would be a very bad idea to bring it up then. Many, if not MOST wives are going to have a hard time with this news, it needs to be a serious conversation. IF she finds it something she can deal with, THEN you can consider bringing it into the bed room. Start there and you may find yourself sleeping on a friends couch.

Two other bits, consider searching on the subject of telling your SO (hundreds of threads here on that ) and also remember, her initial reaction may change - a lot - over time. This is normal, it is news most people take a while to process.

[busker]

Hi, you could wait until the new Gwenyth Paltrow/Nicole Kidman movie --The Danish Girl--comes out, take her to it, and see her reaction to the notion of crossdressing. It's a real longshot though.
Mandrake

[Sheila]

Please read this thread by clicking on the red words .......... read it from start to finish, it will give you a lot of good information I promise


If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=106619&page=2)

Please do not go down the fun/play route ............ I fear a disaster could be in the offing :sad:

[Loni]

I think I would rather find a gg that accepts right from the start.

But at 50, it might be kinda hard.

Did I say that..........maybe not 50????

[JustAlex]

You asked if someone has done it before and I can say I did. However, my experience probably is not what you're looking for.

I'm not going back to experiences previous to my wife because none was a really long term one. With my wife I started wearing in front of her while we were dating. I wore her stuff in front of her but it was always part of our sex games. Like taking her panties and dare her to get them back. Sometimes I kept them to exchange back the next day, etc.
Once we moved together, I sometimes wore her panties and nightgowns while she was taking a shower, just to keep them warm for her. Sometimes she called my bluff and wear something else or nothing at all. Funny thing, she thought she won that one... Sometimes when she was taking a late night course, I waited for her with the diner ready, candles and wearing the set she wore on our wedding night.
Eventually, I got what I wanted, the chance of wear whenever I want whatever I want and she's fine with it. In fact I rarely wore full en femme, only on exceptional occasions when I was a teen. She asked me to do that for her (I granted her wish of course).
But the point is that I never ever talked about my history as a crossdresser with her and I don't think I will.

My experience may help you get ideas but don't expect it to work. I don't think it's a good idea to go all the way in. Maybe taking her panties or her nightgown once and see how she reacts. Sense her mood beforehand, avoid times of high stress. I wouldn't suggest raising her libido and all of a sudden showing up in lace, even when it worked fine for me and not only with my wife. I guess is better to try it when she's in a happy mood after sharing a nice evening with you, make your move and do whatever you have to do to keep her mind focus on sex and not her panties on you.

I can't tell you where to go from there, as I said I never had that experience nor I'm planning to. But I can tell you that raising it as "by the way, do you know that I wore my mom's too?" is something you may want to stay away from... :heehee:

[RachelF]

The unfortunate thing is you had that small conversation around making up, which with wigs I think is the last thing to show as they complete the transformation. I have never done them with my wife, although I have to be honest I do not have an urge to do it.

I started using black plain panties thongs (no laces), then I tried nude, white, and ivory colors. I always used them at bed time (sex play). So, for me, that was my start with her. From there I moved to plain boyshorts (same colors), then started with sheer panties (still no laces) and more girly models (like with multiple strippes) but still with no laces ... then I moved to use pantyhoses (that was a risky step but went OK). I started to use sheer nightshirts, sheer pj pants (plain ones not to feminine) and then I did another risky move: started to use high heels, it went OK again ... finally I used lace panties and the last thing I added were bras and skirts. And that is the point were I am, my next step would be some sexy dresses (I need to reduce my weight), corsets ... and I am considering a body shave.

What worked for me is doing it very gradually, but that does not mean it will work for everybody.

I do not dress out of our bedroom, exception is I sometimes use panties and/or pantyhoses underware while working in drab mode.

I did not have yet "the conversation" with my wife ... from time to time she asked why I like to use some girly things (specially the first time I used pantyhoses, heels...) ... I told her I loved the feeling and that doing it turn me on (which is true).

I think she is not very into the CD thing, but she does not seem to be against it. I think she tolerates it as something I like, but without being an enthusiast of it. Although she likes a lot the softness of silky or sheer dressing.

Wow, it resulted a little more longer that I expected ... my 2 cents of sharing my experience... and, of course, every couple should look for its own route ... I think.

Kisses,

Rachel

[DonnaT]

My wife was exposed to my CDing in a playful manner.

Soon after we were married, she complained of my hairy legs and threatened to shave them.

I dared her, and she started on one leg. I finished both legs.

That weekend, while she was on the phone with my mother, she mentioned my shaved legs, and somehow the topic of pantyhose arose.

Next thing, I'm in a pair of her hose. This led to a full dress up session, and she even had a wig.

We had fun with it for a while.

Then she asked why I liked it, and I told her.

She looked up the word transvestite (crossdresser wasn't a term in use back then) in the dictionary, which included a reference to homosexuality.

Then she was no longer having fun with it. Did a complete 180.

It's best to be truthful up front, instead of relying on a playful approach.

What saved our marriage early on was she told her grandmother, who told her there was nothing wrong with it.