Should you or shouldn't you?

[sheidelmeidel]

If someone puts up pictures and you see something very obvious that needs improvement, should you say something to them? Maybe leave a nice comment and send a private message? Maybe someone should start a thread or group called "brutally honest"?

:2c:

[charlytuna]

when I put my pic up (soon I hope) I just hope that someone will be honest enough to tell me my flaws, my wife don't.

[Kate Simmons]

Only if they asked Hon and even then it would be a private response.:)

[Holly]

Honesty need not be brutal, not should it be. Constructive suggestions on how to improve one's appearance should always accompany criticism and criticism should be constructive, not catty.

[Kathi Lake]

I certainly hope that my honesty is not considered brutal. I do try to be honest in my opinion if they ask for one. I would hope that they, like me, am trying to be the best they can be at this, and any help is therefore helpful. I do try to pick out things they did well as well as areas that I feel they could improve.

That said, I am an amateur at this, so my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt - in some cases, the entire salt lick! :)

Kathi

[Fran Moore]

I think we have all seen "those" pictures. Personally, I would rather not comment than be honest and make a negative observation. This is such a personal habbit, hobby, lifestyle, etc. that I believe it is every individuals choice to dress as they choose, not conform to any set rules. I believe we all have a different view as to what "looks good", and the kind of image we want to portray. Having said that, I have no problem at all telling someone that I feel looks good/great just that. There are many remarkable looking folks on this site and I envy many of them, but I also like the humor and insight that I find here as much or more.

I think its more important to just be happy and live your life in a manner that fits your situation the best.:)

[Karren H]

If it was about one of my photos.... I wouldn't want to hear about it.... Unrequested constructed critisizm is usually unwanted and is still critisizm.... Ok... Which one didn't you like?? Tell me and I'll delete it!

[SuzanneBender]

I think we should all remember that some of us dress to pass and some do not. Its ok to give and honest opinion especially if it is soliceted. I would never give a suggestion for improvement in a public forum. I would only share something like that in a private message.

[sheidelmeidel]

You are the hottest coal miner I've ever seen. The only pictures where you don't look great are those hockey shots. I don't think you'd pass in that uniform!

[PretzelGirl]

You're telling a hockey player she doesn't pass? I disagree. I'll bet Karren shares the puck with all her teammates. :)

[MJ]

well yes but by private response.

[kellycan27]

I might comment on something I like, I'll let others do the criticizing if they feel the need.

[Carly D.]

I couldn't be critical of people taking regular pictures because it's what they see and their vision. and I feel the same with cross dress pictures.. I know my pictures are ok (not great, or fantastic) but are about what I am after when I click a pic of my Carly self.. I know that I barely pass on maybe ten percent of all the pictures I have taken of myself dressed up.. I have posted some pictures here and yes some criticism was offered, and it is creative at the core.. nobody wants to run a fellow cross dresser down and really shouldn't because cross dressing is in the eye of the beholder.. it is what each and every cross dresser wants it to be.. and taking pictures?? well for me I had done video of my walking in all the shoes I had but never took pictures of me as head to toe (the videos were leg concentrated) and so I had a wig that rarely got worn until I took a picture of me dressed up. now the wig is featured in all but three or five pictures while I'm dressed up.. those pictures of me dressed but no wig?? the real "wish it could be this way all the time" type of fantasy..

[Frédérique]

If someone puts up pictures and you see something very obvious that needs improvement, should you say something to them? Maybe leave a nice comment and send a private message? Maybe someone should start a thread or group called "brutally honest"?

I would be discrete and send a PM (if you really must) – girls don’t like criticism, I find. You’d better have some knowledge of photography to criticize images, or be highly skilled at the art of dressing to criticize an established transvestite. Proceed with caution, darling…:battingeyelashes:

I confess I don’t display many images for fear of criticism, but I’m a perfectionist with images in any event, being a visual artist and full-time purveyor of fussiness. I think most girls here have a thick skin and a certain amount of visual confidence, but I would advise against a “brutally honest” thread – go the PM route and be gentle with us…:o

[Shari]

Often, it's better to say nothing than to tell the truth and that philosophy is not just limited to this site.

What's do you answer when your wife asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Don't go there.
Just leave it alone.

[tamarav]

This is the same type of question that brings out the true critic in all of us. I once made what I felt were honest critiques of a person's appearance, after they asked for honest criticism. I no longer do that, in private messages or on a public forum. Realize that I work full time as a hair stylist in a beauty salon and am required to make assessments daily when a client wants my opinion of their looks. (that is my justification for answering this post)

We are all in our own little bubbles and none of us want to have that bubble burst. Once that damn thing bursts, it just isn't the same and we tend to hang onto that same criticism for a long time. Then, we tend to aim back at the critic and find fault in their judgement.

It is just like going to a car show. You see things that other people do to their cars that they think are the greatest and you think are stupid or a waste of time and money, but they are happy. Why would you go up to them and tell them what you think they did wrong?

If I am wearing a tight pair of jeans and a girl tells me I have no butt, I would have to agree. But I sure don't go to my 300 pound fellow employees and tell them that they look like crap in their skin-tight jeans. What would you say? My God, you have a big ass! Or, you really do have a funny face, or did you forget to brush your hair today?

OK, I am through, got off on the wrong foot this morning.

[Trish]

My mother told me not to say anything, if I couldn't say something nice.

[Connie D50]

I just posted my first picture and a very nice person private message me some very nice suggestions which would help me look better.

Connie

[AlisonRenee]

Taste is such an individual thing, and so are the parts of us that drive our feelings to begin with. I think it also tends to evolve with time as we figure out who we are.

I'm not a fetish-y kind of girl and don't have any interest in latex, PVC, all of that, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else. I just try to dress to bring out the woman inside me, as she would appear doing the stuff that every normal woman does every day. Feeling like a hooker isn't what I'm after. :battingeyelashes:

[Blaire]

Momma told me that if you couldn't say anything nice, keep yer big mouth shut!

Any time that criticism is not asked for, you shouldn't offer any. If someone asks you "what can I do better?" you can offer an idea or two. No more.

For criticism to be constructive, it has to be positive. You can't say, "your blush looks bad." You can say, "Next time, try a subtler shade of blush and sweep it a little further down your cheeks." "You shouldn't use blue" becomes, "Have you thought of trying something more greenish for your eyes?" Basically, any comment that would need a defense is a bad one, and likewise any comment that can be answered simply with, "No, I haven't, I'll keep that in mind." is good.

You also have to consider goals and ideas. It's really not good form to say "You look too much like a tart." Implies something wrong with it. If someone's looking for a comment, just wasting a post with "It's not what I like", or "It's too __________ for my liking," doesn't help.

Whether to use the general forum or a private message depends on a few things, none of which you're likely to know about. How does the person handle hints? Has she shown herself to be particularily defensive in the past?

If you see something that you just have to comment on and comments weren't asked for, simply say it out loud to your monitor. It won't send it along. Then ask yourself why you're so nosy.

:2c:

[Sally2005]

If the person asks for feedback you can provide it. Negative feedback is valuable because it helps the person improve. However, its not nice to tell someone to change something they have no control over. You should limit feedback to one or two items and balance the negative and positive.

At the same time, if you do get feedback and you didn't ask, you shouldn't become discouraged...the feedback might be wrong.

[Sarah Doepner]

It partly depends on what is posted and the kind of experience the poster has, both in crossdressing and on this site. Some newbies to the site have a lot of experience and can stand the criticism. Some have just taken a huge step in posting and are probably not ready to be crushed under our collective stilleto heels. There are others with strong egos who we could jump and they would just laugh it off, knowing that it doesn't matter because they would do it anyway. It's a hard call that is probably unique to every post. I've seen a few responses where the followup has been honest and less than complimentary. However I think we need to be careful of how we ask the questions when we post a photo.

I like the ones where the question is something like; "Blond or Red?" or "Heels or Boots?" Those are easy.

I will try to be careful and only ask about the clothing selection I've posted. I know my face needs more than trowls full of foundation and reconstructive surgery to be considered feminine. I suppose I would be open to being offered "constructive criticism" in a private message. And Sally, just above me made a great point where she says; "However, its not nice to tell someone to change something they have no control over."

The only time I've ever actually come out on a post was once when the person posting was appearing to be a troll and was just jerking us along. We have too many sweet people here to allow for that to happen.

[Krista1985]

I've seen tons of the photos on the boards here,

Some gurls really pull it off well leaving me thinking, "That's gotta be a GG" while on other posts I can't seem to hit back on my browser fast enough. And there's everything in between.

I don't see anything wrong with pointing out a flaw in someone's presentation, so long as it's done in a constructive and not hurtful way. Try saying something like, "I really liked your choice of wig, and the outfit you chose was outstanding, but your make-up application could use some work." or whatever the case may be. It sounds a lot better than, "Were you initiated into a gang of renegade circus clowns the night those pictures were taken?"

Managers use techniques similar to this during employee evaluation all the time. Say some positive things first, then mention the negatives, and maybe even close with a positive too. And just like here, the goal of such a conversation is improvement. To improve an individual must be aware of both strengths and weaknesses. Accent the strengths and compensate for the weaknesses. When the evaluation is collaborative, the results can be more dramatic because everyone see's things differently.

Before reading this thread, if I didn't have anything nice to say I didn't comment at all. After reading this thread, I've come to recognize the utility of honest yet kind feedback.

[Krista1985]

And like others before me have said,

Make sure you have an invitation to comment with your opinion. Don't offer it without that opening. Unrequested opinions are like buttholes. Everyone has one and they all stink.

Good thread.

[sheidelmeidel]

This site is full of smart ladies. I asked this question because a while back a newbie put up some pics and asked for suggestions, and I gave one, also with a compliment. But the site moderator took it down because they didn't want to discourage a newbie. I was a little suprised because the poster asked for help as a newbie.

Since then I have refrained but sometimes I see that type of post and I don't know what to do. I guess maybe a gentle private message mixing compliments with suggestions is best thing to do.

[suchacutie]

The question that comes to mind is: Why post a pic for a public request for comments? If we want honest advice from someone whose opinion we value wouldn't it be more productive to ask them if they would make such comments privately. If they agree we send a pic or two and ask for constructive criticism. If not, we ask someone else.

The public requests will always get a spectrum of answers, and public answers are just not going to be as pointedly honest as a private request.

Hmmm, maybe that kind of network of willing and experienced members of our group would be good to have?

tina

[carolinoakland]

Your friends, the real ones, will tell you the things that you NEED to hear, hurt full or not. Carol

[johnboy23]

If it was about one of my photos....Which one didn't you like?? Tell me and I'll delete it!

The Steve Tyler ones

[sheidelmeidel]

But a lot of times a newbie comes on with no friends and they are just trying to break in and want to know what anyone or everyone thinks. Also getting a lot of opinions might be more accurate.