jenniferishappy
11-16-2009, 12:48 AM
I just posted a long reply to a thread (here is another, lucky you!! :D) where one of the girls SO's is what in my opinion is serving up degrading abuse. It involved tantrum behavior with a demoralizing rant. As far as I am concerned there is never call for this, especially over CD'ing. It is not that I am naive about what this must represent to a GG wife or partner, but I would never unleash that kind of rage on someone I claim to love. This is not happenstance or that I am just an exceptionally calm and rational person, I was not- rather it is the result of several years of coming to terms with a low level of anger/unhappiness I carried around. A lot of people are existing like this and really are unaware. 99% of their life may be how it should be, but then they just rage out of control and say/do things that are over the top the other 1%. Let me tell you it is possible to never allow yourself to deteriorate to that point. It is not magic or new age woo-woo. It is simply being completely honest with yourself and deciding you are simply not going to let yourself escalate to this. For anyone dealing with that in themselves or their SO I would like to recommend a book that is a practical guide to advanced, intentional communication skills.
'The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage'. written by Susan Heitler, PhD.
This was used in my most recent marriage counseling foray and it is the first book that has real examples (some kind of hokey, give it a chance) and exercises on how to move past this once and for all. During these exercises both I and my wife identified serious deficiencies in our communication patterns over the last 15 years. You have to get two copies and you both need to go through the book, together, with complete seriousness. During the time it takes to read it and go through it together I assure you that there will be opportunities to apply it in your communication breakdowns, even the small ones. I really think this is well suited for CD's and their GG's. Almost every review on Amazon gives it 5 stars, the lowest being 4. There are used copies for under $5. Do yourself a favor, even if your marriage is good. Get a pair and give it a read. We all deserve to have intact self esteem, weather our SO's like CD'ing or not. And they (SO's) deserve to know they are truly being listened to and HEARD. I thought I understood what this meant before I read this book. Was I ever wrong.
'The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage'. written by Susan Heitler, PhD.
This was used in my most recent marriage counseling foray and it is the first book that has real examples (some kind of hokey, give it a chance) and exercises on how to move past this once and for all. During these exercises both I and my wife identified serious deficiencies in our communication patterns over the last 15 years. You have to get two copies and you both need to go through the book, together, with complete seriousness. During the time it takes to read it and go through it together I assure you that there will be opportunities to apply it in your communication breakdowns, even the small ones. I really think this is well suited for CD's and their GG's. Almost every review on Amazon gives it 5 stars, the lowest being 4. There are used copies for under $5. Do yourself a favor, even if your marriage is good. Get a pair and give it a read. We all deserve to have intact self esteem, weather our SO's like CD'ing or not. And they (SO's) deserve to know they are truly being listened to and HEARD. I thought I understood what this meant before I read this book. Was I ever wrong.