The Transition Path

[stefcd1]

A question to all you girls out there which are now living full time. Were there certain distinct points which led you to living as a woman or was it more of a continuous path. I mean I am now staying in female clothes almost all the time I am not at work, keeping all hair off, getting ears pierced, food shopping as female; doing a lot of things as female which I wouldn't have dreamed of doing just a year ago. Am I heading to living full time? Would like to hear your experiences.

[Sandra Dunn]

I can not speak for a lot of others, however, I would say you are heading for full time. I have tried working on certian jobs as a female and the breast forms are a pain, they fell out. I want real ones and I am going to begin at least a partial SRS and go for the name change and gender change in a year. I am giving myself this time to make adjustments, get the sessions started and to give my spouse the time to adjust. This will allow me the time to tell others what I will be doing and to get ready for those who will not be very receptive to my decision to change genders.

For me the breast issue was the turning point for me. I know the forms are not real yet I wear them as much as I can and I like having breast. I know another point will be when the real ones get cold. I still want them and I want the HRT to be as effective as it can be with the least amount of shock to my body.

I know of some girls who like to dress full time and change nothing about their body and theya re happy where they are. It sounds like for the moment you are one of those girls who would be just as happy to dress full time and that be it. Where I will be happy with some major changes.

HUGS Sandra

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Steph...do you have tg friends??

There are many girls that crossdress as they figure out their way..the more i learn the more i see that for our generation, there are many folks that finally understand what they need to do as they get into their 40's and later.

i wonder if that is because we didnt really have the internet in the early 80's, nd only some girls had real access to good information... and many of us started unwanted lives.. (ummm,...or maybe it was just me! :drink:)

anyway....talk to your friends, and sit down with a professional in the field...
sitting with folks that enjoy dressing, and with folks that are transitionig helped me so much


only you can answer the question..but in my experience, the older you get, transition is driven by the overwhelming feeling of being trapped and lost in your previous life..if you can truly accept yourself, then transition is often successful although sometimes with alot of cost.

i loved my dressing and finally started to overcome the guilt, my final male thought was that I was not going to die as a man that regretted not doing what I wanted

do you feel this way at all?

[Katesback]

There is an old joke in the trans community. It goes like this. What is the difference between a TS and a CD? The answer is two years! NOTE I SAID JOKE. On the other hand there are a lot of CDs that really are TS and just have for 1000 reasons not choosen to go forward with transition.

So if you are considering transition then you might be TS and you simply will either decide to go for it or not.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kate Hiya..

i agree with you and i am just like that joke..i remember how overwhelmed i felt when i finally gave up on my 1000 reasons and realized that I was going to have to make a decision....i got so depressed and bitter and this got very serious for me... and I know other girls that felt the same way and its no fun..

and lots of times i see girls posts that look like something i posted just about 2 years ago!!!! LOL....its funny because its true ..

[Karen564]

So if you are considering transition then you might be TS and you simply will either decide to go for it or not.

I know that for myself, I had 2 choices, do it, or die..
When the feelings become intense enough, those are your only choices when your a TS..it really doesn't leave much room to wiggle in..

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Steph, I think I'm the same position as you. Any opportunity I have to dress I will take - and thats not easy with kids and a job. I am really happy when I do it but it isn't fair because my male side takes all the pressure off. I can live the life of Riley because Iain pays the bills and looks after the children. The next stage is for me to take on some serious responsibility so I can pay the bills and live full time as a girl. Things may change then but I feel its the only way to go. And I'm working on it!

[Dana Lane]

The best way to find your answer is to talk to a gender identity therapist. Be totally upfront and honest with them and they can help you figure out what your path is.

[Katesback]

I sit here and ponder life a bit. For me I was always happy but I was always aware that I was doing nothing more than pretending to be a guy. These days I can look back and know that that guy was a nice person but like any facade there was only soo much depth to the character.

These days I am the person I always knew I was. I can honestly say that life now is NORMAL. With normal comes a certain message that is virtually always NEVER stated to the trans community.

What I mean is that when all the dust settles and you are post op and all that life goes back to normal. Life as a woman is not that much different than as a man!!!!!!!! You get up and go to work and live life. The clothing is just that clothing. Many trans people dream and I am only saying that the dreaming is not nessessarily reality!

Think about transition but as I say to the girls I work with. You either do it or ya dont and truthfully I could care less what you decide. On the other hand if you sit around and complain, if you put forth a half hearted effort, if you think its all fluffy rabbits and rainbows in the land of girldom, then you are REALLY in for a hell of a lot of pot holes and your dreams are likely to turn into nightmares.

[pamela_a]

Maybe the question you need to honestly answer is why? Do you dress because it's fun or exciting? Is it a turn on?
How do you feel when you're not dressed/ in drab?

All I can suggest is find a good gender therapist and talk to them. Ultimately it's your life and your decision.

I've been living full time for a few months now and transitioned at work in August. It's not easy and, although there are some good times, it's not necessarily fun but untimately , for me at least, it's worth the pain and sacrifice to finally be able to be who I am.

These and more are all questions you need to answer for yourself.

Good luck in your journey.


-Pam-

[EveMarie]

I have been researching my "Path" down this confusing world I'm in. Here's a quote from a very interesting article I came across the other night, I'll also list the link to the full article after the quote:

Like pain, it is unambiguously felt but one is unable to prove or display it to others.Gender Identity does not match their Physical Gender, the individual is termed Gender Dysphoric. Like minority Sexual Orientation, Gender Dysphoria is not pathological, but a natural aberration occurring within the population, like blue eyes. As with minority sexual orientation, the percentage of the population having gender dysphoria is in dispute, with estimates ranging between one in 39,000 individuals up to three percent of the general population. My experience leads me to feel that the higher figure (3%) is closer to the actual prevalence.

Physically male gender dysphoric individuals have been described, either by themselves or by others, as falling into three distinct groups: crossdressers, transgenderists and transsexuals.

I highly recommend reading it: http://www.docbushong.com/pubs/what_is_gender.asp

xox, Evie

[sherri52]

If we had internet back in the sixties, I may have transitioned thirty years ago. Today I'm happy as I am. Not fully out but very brazen in my dressing. I dress half enfemme on a daily basis.

[kellycan27]

What I mean is that when all the dust settles and you are post op and all that life goes back to normal. Life as a woman is not that much different than as a man!!!!!!!! You get up and go to work and live life. The clothing is just that clothing. Many trans people dream and I am only saying that the dreaming is not nessessarily reality!

Think about transition but as I say to the girls I work with. You either do it or ya dont and truthfully I could care less what you decide. On the other hand if you sit around and complain, if you put forth a half hearted effort, if you think its all fluffy rabbits and rainbows in the land of girldom, then you are REALLY in for a hell of a lot of pot holes and your dreams are likely to turn into nightmares.

I feel like my life is pretty normal. After living full time for not quite 5 years and just about to take that final step, I have to say that while yes, I do get up and go to work each day, and yes clothing is just that, my life is totally different than before. Living as a woman has opened my eyes to a lot of different experiences, and feelings. Sure there have been pitfalls along the way,but nothing that would deter me from from attaining my goal. Even the most mundane tasks feel different to me now. I am much happier and much more content than I ever was living as a man. No, not living as a man, more existing as a man. I love my job and interacting with people, I have more self confidence than I have ever had. My self esteem is high, and I am motivated to move forward. I have purpose, I have the desire to explore and experience life. The list goes on...........I'll close with this. I have no fear of what the world may throw at me because should I die tomorrow I will die with the satisfaction of knowing that even for brief time I was able to live as I was truly meant to be. Living as a woman has taught me to embrace life,not fear it.
Kelly

[melissacd]

You are only heading to living full time if that is something that you want. Also living full time can mean many different things. In my case I feel that I am heading towards full time where I live a femme life but do not pursue hormones and surgeries.

I am having facial hair removal though. I live most of my life femme and have no issues out in public at all so for me I do not see the need to go through the huge risk, effort and expense of surgery and hormones. I may change my mind one day but that is where things stand for me now. I see it as if I get by as I am is there a need to do more.

Now on the other hand, there are others who feel that that is not enough, they feel like a fake unless they get it all done hormones, facial feminization surgery, sex re-assignment surgery, voice training, deportment training etc...

I asked one person who completely passed before they went on hormones and had surgery why it was they went further than dressing and they said it was because they felt like a fake if they did not do that. In my case I do not feel like a fake now and so do not see the value of doing these more extreme steps. That being said I do feel that I need to live in femme mode as much as possible because that aligns with my mental gender, my physical gender feels fine, it is my mental gender that does not feel right when I dress and live as a male.

It is all very complex for sure. At first I believed that if I dressed full time then I would need to go all the way and also consider men as partners instead of women to fulfill my role of living as a female, but now I can see that that seems not to be necessary as those in public treat me fine in my femme role and those in my life who matter know about me and are still around.

The only place where I still show up as a male is at work but I only have to go into the office once a week, so while I do not like it I can, for now, live with it. I know that one day I will have to cross that bridge too.

Melissa

[kellycan27]

Now on the other hand, there are others who feel that that is not enough, they feel like a fake unless they get it all done hormones, facial feminization surgery, sex re-assignment surgery, voice training, deportment training etc...

I asked one person who completely passed before they went on hormones and had surgery why it was they went further than dressing and they said it was because they felt like a fake if they did not do that.
Melissa

I am on HRT,have gotton implants and will have SRS, but not because I feel fake. Just more complete:2c:

[Karen564]

You are only heading to living full time if that is something that you want. Also living full time can mean many different things. In my case I feel that I am heading towards full time where I live a femme life but do not pursue hormones and surgeries.

I am having facial hair removal though. I live most of my life femme and have no issues out in public at all so for me I do not see the need to go through the huge risk, effort and expense of surgery and hormones. I may change my mind one day but that is where things stand for me now. I see it as if I get by as I am is there a need to do more.

Now on the other hand, there are others who feel that that is not enough, they feel like a fake unless they get it all done hormones, facial feminization surgery, sex re-assignment surgery, voice training, deportment training etc...

I asked one person who completely passed before they went on hormones and had surgery why it was they went further than dressing and they said it was because they felt like a fake if they did not do that. In my case I do not feel like a fake now and so do not see the value of doing these more extreme steps. That being said I do feel that I need to live in femme mode as much as possible because that aligns with my mental gender, my physical gender feels fine, it is my mental gender that does not feel right when I dress and live as a male.

It is all very complex for sure. At first I believed that if I dressed full time then I would need to go all the way and also consider men as partners instead of women to fulfill my role of living as a female, but now I can see that that seems not to be necessary as those in public treat me fine in my femme role and those in my life who matter know about me and are still around.

The only place where I still show up as a male is at work but I only have to go into the office once a week, so while I do not like it I can, for now, live with it. I know that one day I will have to cross that bridge too.

Melissa


I'm now very sorry I ever saw this post, and just when I thought I've seen everything!!!
I can clearly see by your views here that you have no idea what it feels like to be a transsexual at all.. not even a clue..


OMG! I'm just not going to say what I would love to say here, sorry, not this time... :eek:

Good luck on your transition..:daydreaming:

[ReineD]

I'm now very sorry I ever saw this post, and just when I thought I've seen everything!!!
I can clearly see by your views here that you have no idea what it feels like to be a transsexual at all.. not even a clue..


OMG! I'm just not going to say what I would love to say here, sorry, not this time... :eek:

Good luck on your transition..:daydreaming:

Karen, with all due respect, and I ask this because I do have a desire to understand. Aren't there non-op TSs? Or is it possible that it might take time for a non-op TS to slowly move towards pre-op?

Not being transgendered, it is hard for me to understand. But I know individuals here who discover they are TS after having lived for years 24/7, believing they were full time CDs. Their need for hormones or possibly other changes just wasn't felt earlier in their lives.

This is pure conjecture but definitions are changing rapidly in the TG world and I am wondering now if perhaps the definition of a transsexual might not be expanded to include those who take much longer than others to get there. (Edited to add): Or maybe the CD/TS division is not binary, just as the male/female gender or homo/hetero sexuality is not binary?

Again, I ask this hoping I am not offending you or any other transsexual.
:hugs:

[Jennifer Marie P.]

You are heading for full time thats what you belive in I been living full time as a woman for a year and then started my transition and want to be that person. Just ask yourself that question and go and do it.

[Karen564]

Karen, with all due respect, and I ask this because I do have a desire to understand. Aren't there non-op TSs? Or is it possible that it might take time for a non-op TS to slowly move towards pre-op?

Not being transgendered, it is hard for me to understand. But I know individuals here who discover they are TS after having lived for years 24/7, believing they were full time CDs. Their need for hormones or possibly other changes just wasn't felt earlier in their lives.

This is pure conjecture but definitions are changing rapidly in the TG world and I am wondering now if perhaps the definition of a transsexual might not be expanded to include those who take much longer than others to get there. (Edited to add): Or maybe the CD/TS division is not binary, just as the male/female gender or homo/hetero sexuality is not binary?

Again, I ask this hoping I am not offending you or any other transsexual.
:hugs:

Hi Reine,

I will more than happy to give you a better understanding of how a transsexual mind thinks & feels inside, but wont do that today if you dont mind, being that it's my B-day & I dont really want to get to deep into this today, but I will write to you another day as soon as I can..

I can leave you this one aspect of it among many, but I'll start you off with just one thing for now to think about, being that your born female, complete in both mind & body..

Ok, Now to place yourself in my position, think of yourself still completely as you are now, Reine the woman, but now lets add a twist, your now looking in a full length mirror completely naked, but the refection you see isn't you anymore, you now have the appearance of a man, complete from head to toe, yet your mind is still telling you your Reine the woman..

Now ask yourself if would you feel better about yourself by just wearing female clothes & makeup to hide your now male body & look like Woman, or would you want to completely change your body & looks to match what your brain is telling you what you are??
This is just one thing, never mind the emotional aspects of not being able to have a loving sexual relationship with a man or woman because you have the wrong body that doesn't match up with how you really feel inside..

I hear too much emphasis here placed on being able to dress or appear to be a woman, but to me, those are just clothes & makeup, nothing more, yes it's great to look nice, and wear pretty clothes, but those are not the things that make you or me a woman..
Your a woman, so I think you understand what I mean..

:hugs:

[kellycan27]

...


It is all very complex for sure. At first I believed that if I dressed full time then I would need to go all the way and also consider men as partners instead of women to fulfill my role of living as a female, but now I can see that that seems not to be necessary as those in public treat me fine in my femme role and those in my life who matter know about me and are still around.


Melissa

Although how the public perceives me is important in that I wish to be able to go about my daily business without being the subject or any kind of disdain or curiosity, it is not even close as to why I chose to transition. A lot of us can "dress the part",or play the "feminine role" by simply dressing up, applying make-up, some breast forms and a little padding here and there.
Nobody knows what's in my bra or in my panties while I am out and about. Nobody except me that is. Transitioning is about "me" and how I feel inside. I am changing my body to match my brain. I am not acting a part, I am living my life as I feel it always should have been. One certainly doesn't have to go though full transition to be a transsexual, and if you are satisfied and comfortable by merely passing public scrutiny...more power to you.
Yes, it is very complex. How we look, and the changes we make are certainly just cosmetic..It's how we feel inside that makes us TS.

Kelly

[Katesback]

I gave up a long time ago trying to figure all this stuff out. These days I just go with the flow.

All this transgender stuff is sooooooo complex that I think in reality we are just people!! LOL

[ReineD]

Yes, it is very complex. How we look, and the changes we make are certainly just cosmetic..It's how we feel inside that makes us TS.

Kelly

Hi Kelly, :)

Putting aside being TS for the moment, I remember when I first joined this site it was a challenge for me to learn about the very real fact that gender is not binary. There is a wide spectrum in between being purely female and male, no matter what the physical appearance. I'm thinking about a gym teacher my youngest son had some years ago. She is married with kids, but she is one of the most masculine people I've met. And she is very happy with who she is. I'm also thinking about the distaste many members on this forum have for labels, since many definitions vary from the established ones.

Within the TG umbrella, is the attitude that if someone identifies female while accepting her male appendage, she is not TS? Again I do not wish to offend, but this seems very black and white. Is the label, 'non-op TS' a fallacy? Yes, for you and Karen it is necessary to have made the changes you made in order to feel complete. But is it possible for someone else to identify TS while at the same time having come to terms with her body? But, this person then might be considered androgynous. ???

I read on a research site, I wish I could cite it now, the idea that (putting gender aside), our sexuality changes over time, that being bisexual earlier in life may be a transition in moving towards homosexuality for some individuals. The effect of social conditioning is very powerful and it may take awhile for some people (given their individual propensities) to overcome internal barriers.

Might this be the same when it comes to gender, and more importantly, might someone who is TS take a different path than the TS who opts for transition? Again not wishing to offend, but medical science has not reached the ability to perfectly replicate a gender different than birth and maybe some people have come to terms with this and accept entirely new definitions for themselves? As you say, what is inside their panties is their own business. If they have this attitude, does this make them a CD and not a TS and is there nothing in between the two?

I am very much interested in hearing your thoughts and I appreciate the time you will take to answer.
:hugs:

[kellycan27]

Hi Kelly, :)

Putting aside being TS for the moment, I remember when I first joined this site it was a challenge for me to learn about the very real fact that gender is not binary. There is a wide spectrum in between being purely female and male, no matter what the physical appearance. I'm thinking about a gym teacher my youngest son had some years ago. She is married with kids, but she is one of the most masculine people I've met. And she is very happy with who she is. I'm also thinking about the distaste many members on this forum have for labels, since many definitions vary from the established ones.

Within the TG umbrella, is the attitude that if someone identifies female while accepting her male appendage, she is not TS? Again I do not wish to offend, but this seems very black and white. Is the label, 'non-op TS' a fallacy? Yes, for you and Karen it is necessary to have made the changes you made in order to feel complete. But is it possible for someone else to identify TS while at the same time having come to terms with her body? But, this person then might be considered androgynous. ???

I read on a research site, I wish I could cite it now, the idea that (putting gender aside), our sexuality changes over time, that being bisexual earlier in life may be a transition in moving towards homosexuality for some individuals. The effect of social conditioning is very powerful and it may take awhile for some people (given their individual propensities) to overcome internal barriers.

Might this be the same when it comes to gender, and more importantly, might someone who is TS take a different path than the TS who opts for transition? Again not wishing to offend, but medical science has not reached the ability to perfectly replicate a gender different than birth and maybe some people have come to terms with this and accept entirely new definitions for themselves? As you say, what is inside their panties is their own business. If they have this attitude, does this make them a CD and not a TS and is there nothing in between the two?

I am very much interested in hearing your thoughts and I appreciate the time you will take to answer.
:hugs:

Hi Reine

I was merely stating why I did what i did and why. I was basically saying what defines me. I didn't say that I disagreed with her description of what works for her. I did agree that one doesn't have to fully transition to be TS..."it's not the cosmetics, it's what we feel inside". Anyone can dawn the the get-up, but what what we are inside is what defines us. If she feels that she can achieve what she desires by doing what she does....kudos to her, and that is what is most important. It was not my intention to say that a person cannot be TS if they don't transition, and if that was the impression you got, I am sorry. I re-read my post a couple of times and I really don't see where one might get that idea, but I have been wrong before... back in 1985 when I was three I think.. LOL
Basically I think that we are on the same page, maybe I was just too vague? or have I totally missed your point?

Kel

[ReineD]

Please don't get me wrong, Kel ... I'm not criticizing you anyone. :hugs: Just trying to learn for myself.

I've read in the forum over and over again how there is a perceived 'hierarchy' and being an outsider to all of this I just wanted to ask the ladies who have transitioned how they feel.

If my post sounded like a criticism I apologize, It was not my intent. Thanks for your response! :)