How do i tell my wife that I am a cross dresser?

[Kathy B]

Hi am new to this site and I would like to know how I can tell my wife that i am a cross dresser. I really enjoy wearing bras and panties! My wife and I have been married for 4 years and I've been hidding my clothes from her, but I would like to come out and tell her. Then I can start ordering other items like breast frms and have them sent to the house.

[Wen4cd]

Very carefully... especially after 4 years of deception. That is going to hurt worse than the fact that you're a crossdresser, believe me.

Say that you've got something to tell her, but you're afraid of how she'll take it. (Well, that's the truth, isn't it?)

She'll probably suspect something worse than crossdressing, so when she finally gets it out of you, it will be a relief to her (and you.)

Then, once she knows, be careful not to go overboard, (like immediately buying a bunch of supplies, and dressing too much in front of her.) Take it slow, and give her a lot of reassurance that it's still you.

Wen

[Shy Charlotte]

To see how she'll take it, maybe bring up crossdressers in casual conversation, and how she feels about them. Her reaction should give you some idea about how to progress.

A favorable response of "They seem very hip, exciting, and sexy" is unlikely, but should predict a positive response to your crossdressing.

If her response is "Um, they're kind of weird/perverse/etc. but I guess it's their right to dress how they want", then you might want to be cautious with your approach. If and when you bring it up, be prepared to answer any/all questions sensitively and intelligently, and arm yourself with as much knowledge about crossdressers as you can beforehand. A response that "some studies have shown crossdressing has no correlation with homosexuality, but may be caused by chemical stimuli from a mother prior to birth" will go over much better than "uh, I dunno, I just like to put on pantyhose because it keeps the mess from shooting farther".

If her response is "They are evil perverts that will burn in hell forever and ever and ever", then you could actually be risking a divorce and worse, exposure to any/all individuals to whom your wife is acquainted (well, depends on her demeanor, but this is a Defcon 1 worst scenario). Don't want to give any advice in this last response, as this would be a powder keg. Just tread lightly.

Either way, best of luck to you.

[ChristineRenee]

Hi am new to this site and I would like to know how I can tell my wife that i am a cross dresser. I really enjoy wearing bras and panties! My wife and I have been married for 4 years and I've been hidding my clothes from her, but I would like to come out and tell her. Then I can start ordering other items like breast frms and have them sent to the house.This is not going to be easy for either of you after 4 years of deception. Not knowing how she feels about the subject, you may want to elicit her opinions by bringing up the subject in casual conversation. I wouldn't just go out and drop the 'bomb" on her without exploring where her mind set is at and how she might take the news. It is going to take a lot of tact, diplomacy, and tenderness. Be prepared for a lot of different emotions to be thrown at you all at once...betrayal, anger, confusion. It will be a release for you but for her a catalyst to a lot of conflicting emotions about how she feels not only about crossdressing in general, but how it will now affect her marriage to you and the fact that this has gone on for 4 years under her roof and without her knowledge. This was precisely the kind of scenerio I wanted to avoid when I was dating my wife to be and I told her upfront before we even got engaged so that if she had any, ANY, major problems with it, she was free to bail out of the relationship. In your case now, that is not an option so you need to preceed with caution, be as honest and straightforward as you can be, and not push her emotional buttons with forceful statements or ultimatums.

You are on the precipice my friend and I wish you the best and hope that it all works out to both your mutual benefit.

Good luck!


Christine

[Amelie]

I don't want to sound mean but it's what you desire most the cding or your wife. There is the chance that your wife will be accepting then all is well, but if not and your desire to dress is to great then it's best to part ways. I can understand to some cds that it's just a fantasy. That's ok if the fantasy remains in the back of your head but most cds have to dress to fullfill this fantasy and this is where telling the wife comes in. You should tell her' how I don't know I'm not Abbey. If the love between isn't strong enough forher to accept you then it wasn't strong enough to begin with. I don't know how many of you girls keep it a secret for so long. Most of you have many bras, shoes and other clothes yet manage to hide them, even in toolboxes. This is my opinion get out of the closet, you only wrinkle your dress in there.


No person has a right to rain on your dreams

[Marda]

Hi Kathy B

All good replies so far I reckon

Q. "How does one sum an Encyclopedia in One Sentence ?"

What you are asking about amounts to "Announcing to your wife that the marriage *as she knew (and/or understood) it* is *Finished*"

Q. How open-minded do you think she is about "Re-Marrying" you knowing you are a different "girl" than she thought you were ?

As always, the CDressing part is *only*" the *visible part* (which of course is very powerful) ... "You" may say to her that you "are still the same "guy" she married ... "You" may say "It's *Only in Private* ... but those will be *Only "Your" Opinions* to her

Yes my dear ... this *Is* "Pandora's Box" ... the Magic Genie that comes out of the bottle *never* to return

The only words that come to my mind along with my encouragement to you (*If* you are a truly genuine, from the Heart CD/TG) are ...

"An intense and fully authentic life is not without risk; but it's better than the only possible alternative - a life of self-deception and quiet desperation" (R.G.Olsen)

Good luck / Marda

[Sarah Cummings]

Sweetheart, I had been married twice. Both times as far as I'm concerned was going to be my life. But unfortunately, they thought differently. Anyhow, my second wife, I tried to feel her out by first asking her right after making very passionate love to her, if she had any sexual fantasies. tell her that she can feel comfotable confiding in you and that it would be just another way to spice up your love life a little more. (that's if it needs spicing) encourage her to open up to you very gently. Don't rush this process or you risk suspicion on her part and totally blowing it all apart. She may ask you questions about you that would be too soon to answer. Give her time to think about her fantasies if she chooses. Tell her that if she feels kinky in anyway that you would be understanding. (Which is what you want from her if you get to tell her of your interests). When and if she decides to tell you what her fantasies are, pay attention to everything she says AND HOW SHE SAYS IT. This could be a major clue to you as to what next to say. Maybe you would lucky if she were to say someting to the effect that she would be bi-curious. if so, THAT COULD be a break for you. Next, maybe she'll be interested in your fantasies. but don't ask if she wants to hear about right away. Wait to see if she asks on her own. if she hasn't asked anything of you after a few minutes, then say something like "Well, since you were really great in sharing your fantasies with me, shall I share mine with you? Then wait a moment for her response. Chances are good she'll want to know. let her verbally say yes or visually nod yeah. Then tell her your curious what it would be like to make love to her dressed in lingerie. Then don't say anything at all. SHHHH!!! Wait for her response. If she gives a sarcastic response in anyway about it, then say, well, it's just something that would be between you and I and if you don't like the idea, then well drop it. Then just let it go right there. She could surprise you sometime later and reastablish the conversation with an actual interest for your fantasy, or maybe not. But what ever you do at that point, never bring it up again unless she does, or again you risk suspicion on her part and questions you can't answer without incriminating yourself. if all goes well, and she agrees to it. ask her if she has interest in what she wants you to wear. First off, does her clothes fit you. Let her try to fit you first. then when it's obvious that they don't fit, suggest that she take you shopping and look together for some things that BOTH of you will like. From that point you could try building on that as a foundation for CDing. But never rush things or she'll wonder about you and you don't want her to know you've dressed before. Unless she says she wishes you could have done it long ago. In which you can tell her you tried it, felt too embarresd to tell her. Then, she should hopefully understand. let us know if you try things this way and progress if any. Best wishes in your endeavor. Love Sarah

[HillaryArtemis]

This is a hard one. I came clean the first few months to my wife. She was scared. I then spent a long time unhappy trying to suppress it. Then I finally gave up and just got caught. She is a great lady though. She is now accepting and even interested in CDs. We shop together and talk about makeup. As long as we are safe, she is happy. But I know my wife was very radical before I married her and I always felt that she would accept me. My question would be similar to others - how radical/liberal is she in her opinions? This could turn out to improve your marriage, but go slowly and it will probably take time.


Try hard to think like a woman to understand how she might see it, before you do anything! You know for some people CDing is only a fetish, others are androgyenous, other feel transgender and others are trying in the wrong body -transexuals. IF you know which one you are, then that would be a good to tell her. Sop you can let her know what to expect, however I would bet that many CDs are not fully settled in what they are. I am an androgynous.

JodiArtemis

[Elaine36b]

Hi Kathy,
Can't help you with the emotional stuff, but I can tell you of what i did with my girlfiend.

I simply waited for a day, when she hed a bad one, she was down and miserable, I went upstairs and changed into her clothes, about an hour before she was due home, and waited for her return.
When she saw me she was shocked!! but saw the funny side to it, which instantly put her in a better mood.
It was then, that after a few days, when we where in bed, that I started to talk about cders, then i told her of how i was one! again a bit shocked, but a least i was honest to her, she then understood why i looked at other girls, not because they where better looking, but i was admiring their feminity.
All went well for 6 month, then we split, not because of Elaine but other reasons, she is very dominating, and I didnt do things the way she wanted them done. Regrets? None. Now I've come out to my family as well, no more lies now.

Well Kathy, thats the way I did it, hope it of help to you?

Love Elaine
xx

[Stelli]

I am getting to the point of understanding that comming out to your wife is actually in a good degree an issue of how she understands lesbian relationship or how much she fears it. It doesnot have to be your case but her opinion about lesbianism and female homosexuality will give you a lot of indicies how much she would be supportive. Since you are in real-life situation you may try to chat her up in some discussion about that before you get open to her. But even that depends who you really are in so called "spectrum".

Please understand that this truth about you if prolonged is going just to create much worse situation later while revealing is going to put her in very unconformtable position if not overreactive. By studying the issue through various sources it turns out that sooner is better. To soothe you a bit, four years is a long time but there are many cases that have revealed to their wifes after 20 years or more. Then the reaction is highly troublesome.

Although this forum is supportive for us it is far from supportive to wifes of CD's (with all respect to everyone).

Getting to know the truth of this kind will put her under tremendeous strains both intellectual and emotional especially if she is straight-straight therefore be very gentle to her. Being a CD you have chance to be gentle or admire being gentle or caring for someone. However the most important thing is to really understand what she may fear after getting to know.

If you really love each other nothing is impossible.

I think that following excercize will help you understanding what you may encounter: Say you are straight male with no desire to crossdress (I bet you can imagine that even you are not). Your wife comes out one day to you and she reveals that she has been feeling like boy all her life and that she decided to tell you that after 4 years of marriage that she would like to borrow your suits, shoes etc or she wants to buy these things that makes her looking more masculine or she was secretly collecting pieces before she came out to you and she would like to do it as much as possible because she has all sort of reasons that makes her feel good being that. Furthermore she is also having thoughts of taking male role in sex. How you would react if you are straight-straight male??? What kind of questions you would ask yourself? What kind of support or reaction from your wife you would expect? What would you expect to be your own reaction? How you will deal with this issue later on? Answer these questions honestly to yourself and I am sure that you will find a way how to approach her and tell her about your needs.