Do you overcompensate in guy mode?

[emmicd]

As a crossdresser living in secrecy do you tend to overcompensate when you are in guy mode?

If you were found out do you suspect most of your buddies would say I knew there was something about you or do you believe they would be shocked?

If found out how do you think your buddies would treat you and how would you act with them?

Is it your biggest fear to be found out or do you somehow hope to be discovered?

If you are married and dress do you do it secretly or do you openly talk about it with your wife and openly dress en femme in her presence?

Do you prefer to be very masculine with your wife or girlfriend or rather share your femme side with your wife/girlfriend?

Do you think crossdressing is fun or the biggest obstacle you ever encountered?

Emmi

[emmicd]

Being a relatively good athelete I tend to be very competitive and let my masculine side really take over when in guy mode. I hate to lose in competitive sports!

I could never reveal my crossdressing to my friends. I'd have to crawl under a rock if I was outed!

I would definitely shock all my friends if found out.

I walk that fine line and must continue to do so!

I don't even want to think about being found out. That would be too painful!

Emmi

[emmicd]

With respect to my wife I can dress in a way that is subtle and not revealing at all. I respect my wife's wishes and also am masculine to some degree but not afraid to reveal my sensitive side. As long as I provide for her and my family and go to work everyday things are ok.

Emmi

[merle]

Truly living with it in secrecy for so much time now. I guess that buds suspect something is going on. I don't think they will really accept that in full. +?

[racquel]

I'd say I do overcompensate somewhat but I have always been very precise probably due to my military service.
There have been rumors about me crossdressing for twenty years and still no-one has asked me face-to-face.(a couple have asked my wife)she told them to ask me themselves.So I believe they would be shocked.
Eighty percent would ignore me or be ignorant.Twenty percent would be o.k with it I think.I expect I would be the same professional I am now.
No fear of discovery and no great desire to come out to work mates.
Married and open.
Femme with wife.
Fun now and an obstacle(in years past)

[Toyah]

Tricky but it the old question, dont really know the answer, my wife knows, drop hints here an there but sure only wife and a few shopkeepers know.

[tifftg]

As a crossdresser living in secrecy do you tend to overcompensate when you are in guy mode? Very competitive in sports but not generally macho-often cry in movies

If you were found out do you suspect most of your buddies would say I knew there was something about you or do you believe they would be shocked? Friends would be blown away.

If found out how do you think your buddies would treat you and how would you act with them? I think most people would initally shun me.

Is it your biggest fear to be found out or do you somehow hope to be discovered? I have a fear of being found out, but carrying this secret for so long, nearly 40 years sometimes the thought of discovery would seem a relief.

If you are married and dress do you do it secretly or do you openly talk about it with your wife and openly dress en femme in her presence? Dress very secretly, I believe my wife would leave me.

Do you prefer to be very masculine with your wife or girlfriend or rather share your femme side with your wife/girlfriend? I tend to be softer and more submissive

Do you think crossdressing is fun or the biggest obstacle you ever encountered? Love when I dress, sometimes wish I was 30 years younger and probably would not have gotten married and explored my femme side more.


Tiffany

Emmi

[Emily Ann Brown]

I would say I'm about average as far as being masculine with friends. I don't think anyone would believe it. The few "friends" I have would have little to do with me if they found out. The wife does not know, and I expect she would leave me in a heartbeat once she finally accepted it as true.

Emily Ann

[Clare]

As a crossdresser living in secrecy do you tend to overcompensate when you are in guy mode?
Nope. Just a normal guy doing normal guy things mainly.


If you were found out do you suspect most of your buddies would say I knew there was something about you or do you believe they would be shocked?
Some would - some wouldn't. I have some mates who are understanding types and others who could not deal with crossdressing.


If found out how do you think your buddies would treat you and how would you act with them?
Not having had it happen yet, the answer is guesswork. Disbelief and suspicion is probably how they would react, then questions on the whys, how longs, and so forth. For me, i suppose i would not act any differently than normal, but if they asked me to dress in front of them, i may be a little nervous until i got a reaction of some sort.


Is it your biggest fear to be found out or do you somehow hope to be discovered?
I have been think about this recently. i would prefer to be discovered, but by subtle means such as my clothing stash being found or makeup discovered in my bathroom. Something like that would be preferable. I really wouldn't want to be found out whilst dressed as the shock factor would make it harder for the discoverer i think.


If you are married and dress do you do it secretly or do you openly talk about it with your wife and openly dress en femme in her presence?
My Ex knew i wore pantyhose for various reasons not associated with XDR, but there is no way she would accept her SO crossdressing! I gave many hints over the last few years of our relationship, but she wouldn't followup on the topic at all.


Do you prefer to be very masculine with your wife or girlfriend or rather share your femme side with your wife/girlfriend?
I prefer to display my feminine side with people, but in my drab life, i had to be the strong male supporting his family, and thus i wasn't able to express my femme side with my SO.


Do you think crossdressing is fun or the biggest obstacle you ever encountered?
Its just something i'm comfortable with, but yes it can be fun at times. Its an obstacle in terms of having to keep a secret or take advantage of limited periods to dress.

Christine

[FionaAlexis]

Good question Emmi!

No...but...

When I was a kid part of my survival technique was to be the font of all knowledge on the English Football and Scottish Football Leagues. I remember cramming information from club colours to FA Cup wins - just so I was useful to my school mates. Mind you, I was still left standing on my own when play started.

In my 20s I wouldn't drink alcohol for fear of losing control of how I behaved - and then others might realise I was very girly. Totally wrong of course - but I still don't drink.

I don't have any male mates that I need to impress or convince - and I hate male bonding and socialising....or any informal situations with men. I like the formality of work siutations.

At this stage of my life I am quite content to be an enigma...and I no longer try to fit. I've been the fake macho corporate climber - wiz kid and I've tried being Mr Average family hero - but it didn't work for me.

Fiona xx

[Jamie M]

As a crossdresser living in secrecy do you tend to overcompensate when you are in guy mode? I think i definately went through that stage as a a teenager , I joined a youth military training group ( the ATC for anyone who knows of it ) and was encouraged to be very manly manly . I always loved the assault courses and the rifle shooting , but whilst there I couldn't help being overawed by all the girl's uniforms instead of my own


If you were found out do you suspect most of your buddies would say I knew there was something about you or do you believe they would be shocked?I would have thought that they would be all like , "well that figures" , but having said that , the few who I have told over the years said afterwards that they hadn't a clue , so who knows :confused: ?


If found out how do you think your buddies would treat you and how would you act with them?it's about half and half with my group of friends . I know some who I think would be cool with it and wouldn't bat an eyelid. I know the others would be quite shocked


Is it your biggest fear to be found out or do you somehow hope to be discovered?To be honest I think I'm getting to that stage now where I don't see the point in keeping it all hidden from my friends , I want them to know who I am . Doesn't mean that I want them to see me dressed yet or even for them to be a part of it , I'm just getting tired of pretending . However , I know that Kelly is in no way ready for that and I totally understand and respect that , so status quo for the time being :)


If you are married and dress do you do it secretly or do you openly talk about it with your wife and openly dress en femme in her presence?Kelly and I have gone through various stages in trying to cope with and understand this side of me which I'm sure many with relate with but to cut a long story short , we're now at the best place we've ever been . We can now talk about it without us ending up in tears :cry: We have had a couple of evenings together , and she occasionally buys me some extremely nice pressies ( kelly has much better dress sense than me !) But we're still taking it nice and slow :thumbsup:


Do you prefer to be very masculine with your wife or girlfriend or rather share your femme side with your wife/girlfriend?Again , i went through a stage of being very masculine with kelly , but it wasn't me . If i try to be too masculine or too femme , then I'm being someone I'm not . I am me and I'm somewhere hovering in the middle .

It's taken a while but , I think ( you can disagree with me later honey x ) , that Kelly has finally begun to see this as well . Whilst I was going from one extreme to the other , I would suffer from horrible feelings of self disgust in the middle . Now , I'm nicely balanced because I've given in to who I am . Kelly see's this as making me happy , which makes her happy . I'm so lucky ....................... I love you baby *mwah*

[carson]

My wife just found out recently and after some long talks is fairly understanding, but not what I would call accepting. I can dress at home as long as she sees NO trace of it. If I were to let anything slip which would out me to our family, friends or social circle it would devastate her and make her absolutely furious with me.

With that in mind, I have no doubt that most of my friends would be shocked and would ridicule and shun me. I can think of two local friends who may accept me - one male and one female (who probably wouldn't want to be out and about w/me.) And two out of town friends who may accept me - one male and one female.

I'm sure my friends would be shocked though because I present a pretty masculine image although I used to be in theater productions in school so I do put on a "dramatic flare" at times to be funny.

To go back to the "masculine image" for a moment. Do I overcompensate? I don't know if I've been overcompensating all my life or if I just plain enjoy the "masculine" things I do. I've always been into sports. I work out regularly and have a pretty decent bod. My favorite sport is sailing (not necessarily masculine) followed by target shooting. I have a large collection of weapons: handguns and military/sniper rifles. I've learned to rock climb, sky dive, drive a stock car (it once occured to me that I've both fallen and driven at over 150mph - best not to think about that too long!) :eek: And I've flown my own small SEL aircraft. I'm also a certified rescue diver (SCUBA.) I also love reading and studying WWII history and my favorite fiction author is Richard Marchinko (The Rogue Warrior) Talk about testosterone at it's max!

HOWEVER, when I'm en femme, I am very much a girl. A girlie girl even. I wouldn't call crossdressing fun. It's something I need. There is a sensual aspect to getting dressed and putting on makeup, but being dressed is the conduit that's allows me to connect with my strong feminine side. Due to the social stigmas, mores and the competitive male environment in which I grew up, crossdressing is something I have keep hidden with shame and guilt for 33yrs. So yes, you could say it's the biggest obstacle I've ever encountered. But I also love being dressed en femme! :)

[joni-alice]

1-Don't overcompensate much...don't like sports, all know that. Up until now, wouldnt wear certain clothes, like my nice pink T-shirt,,,goes that was trying to hide something.

2-Dont think they would be shocked at all. Would just continue being me, I guess, but probably more open.

3-not married now, cd came out once in a brief cross-gender bed stage, wasn't greatly accepted.

4- definitely the latter, just want to be me.

5- CD is comfortable for me. My only concern is that lately I have been wanting to go out and be accepted in a skirt.

[Angela Burke]

I used to when I lived in fear and had to do all the bull.... you know the rest of the word.
when I thought I was crazy.
then I found good friends.
now gone.
Avril,Heather-Anne,Lynne.

Thankyou my beautiful sisters.


Angela XX

[Stephenie]

Over compensate, yes I used to quite abit. I was not secure enough with my self and worried that others might see Stephenie in me. So I would never wear thing that might be thought of as girly, But since I have become more accepting of my two selves I have been wearing brighter colors and less mucho clothes. Some people have commented that I am dressing better/differently. I feel better about my looks.

[Jenny Rose]

As a crossdresser living in secrecy do you tend to overcompensate when you are in guy mode?
Yes and no. I definitely like guy stuff, am naturally competitive, and sometimes overfocused on career. In my interest to hide my true nature, however, I've gone the route of overconstraining myself in both feminine and masculine things. I've come to realize quite recently that I look pretty neutral to people. Sort of the inverted version of androgeny: low masculine, low feminine.

If you were found out do you suspect most of your buddies would say I knew there was something about you or do you believe they would be shocked?
Most shocked initially. Some would come to respond, "somehow this explains some things about you". This might be my fear showing up that I am tipping.

If found out how do you think your buddies would treat you and how would you act with them?
Family would stay in touch, but they would never want to talk about it. They would ask some questions, suggest I consult a minister about advice. Most buddies I would say initially it is OK, or a little weird, and say they would hang in there, but in the end would drift away.

Is it your biggest fear to be found out or do you somehow hope to be discovered?
Both. I don't like hinding anything. It is against my nature. Frankly, it would be easier to be discovered. It sure would be a good way to know who your friends really are. I think the day will come when at least some friends will know. It might come in the form of aquiring new friends who might be accepting in the first place. I'm looking for a place/group of friends where I can be me. Much like most people show different sides of their personalities to different friends, depending on politics, etc, there would be some who would know and some who wouldn't.


If you are married and dress do you do it secretly or do you openly talk about it with your wife and openly dress en femme in her presence?
Wife knows, but we have the don't ask, don't tell policy. She is out of the house alot anyway for crafting events with her friends. She knows that is the main time when I dress up. If I just started dressing in front of her, she would not leave, she would stay, but become extremely depressed. Guilt would overcome me and I would stop. The damage would be done, however, as she would view this as a near impossible breach of trust to overcome.

Do you prefer to be very masculine with your wife or girlfriend or rather share your femme side with your wife/girlfriend?
See comment about being overconstrained in male & female things. The funny thing is that my sense is that if I could present myself out in a more feminine manner, I could more easily bring out the male parts. Of course, this might just be my rationalization.

Do you think crossdressing is fun or the biggest obstacle you ever encountered?
It used to feel like an obstacle especially since the early years had more of sexual component, resulting in a lot of guilt. Now, it is like exploring this vast journey of self-discovery. Learning what is/is not feminine about myself. Trying on both physically and metaphorically different feminine things as seeing if they are me or not. I really enjoy playing around with the idea of where I'm trying to really look like a woman or exploring around with the idea of being a highly feminized man, sort of the opposite of a tomgirl. What I really like about the latter is there is no appearance of intent to deceive.

[Christina]

Wow, what a good thread.

1. I don't think I overcompensate, as I have never thought of myself as overly masculine. For example, my light blonde hair has been near shoulder length for the last 10-12 years, which has drawn some misguided responses from guys. I can be very male in that I am competitive. Hate losing, unless the foe is truly better.

2. I think most would be shocked. Other than the hair, would probably surprise them, and living in the bible belt, in a state where it is illegal to get a tattoo, wouldn't go over well. But I have been friends with a few of them for 20+ years so who knows.

3. I don't think I could dress in front of them, although maybe Halloween.

4. As I'm still becoming comfortable with dressing, not ready to be found out. Especially not ready for the "surprise" discovery.

5. My wife knows and says she doesn't care if she's not home, so I honor that, and try not to display any blatant evidence, even though she can usually tell. Perhaps that will change as she gets more comfortable.

6. I act mostly masculine, but would truly prefer to act both, depending on how I felt that day. We went shopping for her the other day, and I enjoyed it much more than usual, due to my growing comfort with my dressing.

7. Dressing is very exhilerating, and I do wish I could do it more, so in that sense it is an obstacle, although maybe not the biggest. Time will tell.

:love:

Christina

[Fiona K]

Short answer, I definitely used to. Not any more now that I'm out to my wife, I have to be careful not to be too much of a "girl" around her in drab, she gets a bit worried!
Fiona