Broaching the subject

[Crystal 26]

Even though my wife knows about my dressing and accepts it to the point that she buys me some clothes she doesnt want to see me dressed. I have the problem that if i do not bring up the subject it isnt mentioned. but when i do bring it up i feel that there is a tension even though she is good about it. So i dont mention it. Now i feel as if im hiding things from her argg....

Sorry if that doesnt make sense just trying to explain my situation and woundering about if anyone has any experiences of this or situations like this.

[Sara Jessica]

Many of us are in similar situations, myself included.

It can be frustrating from our point of view. In my case it has to do with not being able to share such an integral part of me with the person I cherish most deeply in the world. However, we also have to see it from our SO's POV and the feelings being with someone who is transgendered brings out in them. Some evolve in their acceptance, others never will. I hope mine will accept me someday more than she already does (which is something that I cannot or should not complain about) but regardless, I understand I cannot push too hard.

[Karren H]

Be thankful for what you have... And imho stop bringing it up.. You may just push her the wrong way? My wife is not accepting and there is tension in the air when ever someone else brings up crossdressing or there is the slightest mention of crossdressing on the TV.. I'd trade you in a heartbeat!!

[Sandra]

Maybe tell her how you feel when you bring it up, that you feel there is the tension and you're not sure what to do.

Tell her you would like to talk but you don't want to push things...also maybe suggest this site and the FAB forum we have here.

[johnboy23]

Mine accepts just does not accept me in a dress, heels, wigs, or make up. But I am happy that I can still wear other things around her. Just try to let it go and be happy that she buys you things. There willl be a day it has to be brought up again more than likly.

[Katesback]

I think what you have to take into account is that your wife (assuming she didnt know about you from the very beginning) married a man. She has a mental picture and expectations and the crossdressing thing is probably not on her list of expectations.

If your wife is not interested then I would suggest you partake in your activities without bringing her into the mix.

[diannecourtney]

Idress undies wise about 4days aweek. However,a strange thing occurred yesterday with the wife, she said she wanted to go to a lingerie outlet, and invited me a long.. Before we got there she said i could come in but don't handle the goodies. I said I needed stockings and she encouraged me but I didn't have the heart. Ohwell it is fun.:)

[Crystal 26]

yes my wife knew from the start and i agree fully that its very hard. what im trying to say is that i suppose we both find it hard and me as much as her can make things difficult unintentionaly of course.

she is brilliant wife and i couldnt ask for anything more i think she finds it hard to understand even though she wants to. but so do i often having a lull for a period of time and then an overwhelming urge to dress.

suppose im being overly critical and should try to relax a bit more about the whole issue

[Paula_56]

I am in the same situation. Over the years when she might bring the subject up, she would just as quickly turn it off. She has bought me things and sometimes teases me about it but, never wants to talk about it in any depth.
I have just accepted the fact that she can't handle it and never will. It is just too much for her.
That casues me to hide alot from her, she knows I have a small stash but she has no idea that I dress fully and go out in public. This casues me alot of guilt, and in the past has led me to purge

I wish we could find some middle ground but I am better than off than many girls so this is it.

[docrobbysherry]

she is brilliant wife and i couldnt ask for anything more i think she finds it hard to understand even though she wants to. but so do i often having a lull for a period of time and then an overwhelming urge to dress.

suppose im being overly critical and should try to relax a bit more about the whole issue

And be happy with what u have! :)
There r a TON of us divorced CDs out here. And mine had NOTHING to do with CDing!:sad:

Maybe if u think of it this way:
Say you're a big Pro Wrestling fan. But, she HATES IT! So, u don't watch it, or talk about it around her.:thumbsup:

Would u need her to UNDERSTAND, for u to enjoy wrestling?:brolleyes:

[Stephenie S]

My goodness, guys. If she knows and hasn't run for the hills or filed for divorce, just thank your lucky stars, send her some flowers, and leave her the heck out of it.

There is NO reason you should continue to try and shove her nose in to your activities. I say this all the time on this forum: If she hated hunting would you keep trying to FORCE her to come hunting with you? And get upset when she didn't? Of course not. You'd just go and enjoy it.

Leave your wife OUT of things she doean't like. Tell her thanks for accepting your weird behavior, send her some flowers and a nice little note, and get the f**k off her back.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[JenniferR771]

Robby and Stephanie are so right. I live in a similar situation. My wife gets angry if I bring it up. She ignores the 6 dresses in my closet and the 10 wigs. Recently she read a single post on this site for the first time. So i don't say much--but I keep hopeing she will accept a little more.

[PretzelGirl]

I'm with Sandra. From your message, we can't be entirely sure where she stands and I am not sure you are locked in either. So sit down and ask her. Tell her you have a need to talk a little but don't want to overload her. Ask her if she is willing to tell you when she doesn't want to discuss it. This really shouldn't be a big deal to me. If she was to get upset about you asking, then you are not anywhere near where you think you are in terms of acceptance.

[Kerigirl2009]

I have to agree with Sue- ASK her and when she no longer feels comfortable or if it starts to get upsetting STOP and change the subject. I am in my relationship with my wife of 15 years for the long haul. I am not going to push my crossdressing on her. She knows and has some understanding, but would prefer me not to flaunt it in her presence. I have respect for her and I try to listen to her more so than I did before. :)

[Kitty Sue]

Be thankful for what you have... And imho stop bringing it up.. You may just push her the wrong way? My wife is not accepting and there is tension in the air when ever someone else brings up crossdressing or there is the slightest mention of crossdressing on the TV.. I'd trade you in a heartbeat!!

I totally agree. Nothing more that I can add. Great post IMO Karen.