Tom Boy VS Sissy

[Paula_56]

I was talking to a female friend the other day who proudly told that she had been a Tom boy growing up."Oh she said I wanted nothing to do with wearing dresses or dolls" "My mother had to force me to wear a dress to Church on Sunday"

Now this appears to be pretty common, I have heard other women say it.

But on the other hand I have never heard a man proudly state that he had liked to play dolls, or wear his sisters dresses.

Now I know we all did that! But it's not cocktail party chatter if you know what I mean

In other words our culture has a postive term for a female who exhibts male quaulties "Tomboy"


For a male who displays typically feminine traits we call him a sissy. Not an overly complementary term.

Why?

I feel it is becasue we are a male dominated society that doesn't value women.

In other words it's good if you act like a man but bad if you act like a woman

What do you think?

[NV Susan]

Good morning Paula,
Your observations are right on track....it's fine if a girl wears a skirt or dress or pants....she can shop in the men's department and nobody gives it a thought....she can do almost anything boys do and it's just fine, but don't turn the tables or there's a good chance you'll be ridiculed for it.
Why is society this way? I don't really know, maybe it is a "man's world" but as alternate life styles are more accepted maybe we will be too. I only regret I don't think it will happen in my lifetime.

[Kate Simmons]

It's cool for a girl to be "empowered" but uncool for a guy to be "depowered". Why? Both women and other men depend on men being strong and in charge for obvious reasons.:)

[Toni_Lynn]

Hmm -- well I for one totally enjoyed wearing my sister's dresses and panties as a child. I loved paying with her dolls -- regularly dressed Ken in Barbie's clothes -- oh and true to form dressed Barbie in Ken's clothes :)

However, I never then or now have considered myself to be a sissy. I am so much a wannabe tomboy. In some ways I'm a tomboy perfected. A girl' spirit in a boy's body.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Stephenie S]

Well, I grew up a "tomboy". I always resisted wearing a dress to church. Sorry, no choice there. ALL of us had to dress up for chuch.

Now, I am glad I was a tomboy, as, although I now HATE mechanics and stuff, I am not afraid of it and can change my own tires, and such. Now that I am separated, that comes in handy. I don't have to call up a MAN. That's the project for today, as a matter of fact. I gotta switch the truck from summer tires to winter tires.

I STILL don't wear dresses much, but I have decided I don't mind skirts. I don't own any pantyhose. I have unpleasant memories of stockings and garter belts from my highschool days. My mother visited Engand in the late 60s and brought me back my first minidress. It was gorgeous, but I couldn't wear it because it was shorter than the tops of my stockings. ICK. But this fall I bought some tights as I have decided to dress more lady-like this winter. (last winter it was all jeans, every day).

So I am glad I grew up a "tomboy".

Lovies,
Stephenie

[AlisonRenee]

It's homophobia. If a guy isn't all-guy he's a sissy, and as someone else pointed out, that isn't a compliment in most circles.

[Vieja]

Ah the world turns and life goes on. Stick around another hundred years and no one will pay any attention to whether you wear a dress or not. If present trends continue only we CDs will be wearing dresses.


Vieja

[meri]

There really isn't a complimentary equivalent for "Tomboy" for men. "Sissy" is derogatory and really doesn't speak to what "we" are. Sissy implies weakness, dependence, lack of courage. That certainly doesn't apply to a group of men who are willing to dress up en femme and walk out of the house. That takes MORE courage than what most average males can muster.

I also agree that this culture clearly values all things male and that to be male is #1, to be female is generally regarded as #2, a step down, almost a lower caste. Given that backdrop, it's not hard to see why women can raise their status by adopting male tendencies and dress. It's also not much of a stretch to come to understand why men are ridiculed for doing the same thing, but in reverse.

I wonder if there any cultures where women are highly regarded and men are secondary or at least at the same status. Perhaps in 10,000 years western culture will have corrected this error and come to value women equally. I would love to be around to see that!

[Jamie001]

I consider myself to be a Nancy-Boy or a Jane-Girl, but I don't agree that we need to wait for 10,000 years for things to change. In the 1700's men wore makeup, wigs, and high-heels and somewhat emulated women. Men's clothing was actually fashionable and wasn't limited to the drab colors that are the standard today.

In order to make affect a change, we need to get out there and state that we are proud to be a JaneGirl (NanciBoy is you prefer that term) and that we are from all walks of society. We are your doctors, lawyers, sales-people, truck drivers, maintenance persons, mechanics, and the list goes on an on. If we don't admit proudly that we are Jane-Girls and just hide in the closet, then 10,000 years will pass and we will make no progress.

So get out there and be proud that you are a Jane-Girl and push the limits by wearing articles of women's fashion in male-mode. That is the only way of affect change. Be proud that you are a JaneGirl(NancyBoy).

:2c: Jamie



There really isn't a complimentary equivalent for "Tomboy" for men. "Sissy" is derogatory and really doesn't speak to what "we" are. Sissy implies weakness, dependence, lack of courage. That certainly doesn't apply to a group of men who are willing to dress up en femme and walk out of the house. That takes MORE courage than what most average males can muster.

I also agree that this culture clearly values all things male and that to be male is #1, to be female is generally regarded as #2, a step down, almost a lower caste. Given that backdrop, it's not hard to see why women can raise their status by adopting male tendencies and dress. It's also not much of a stretch to come to understand why men are ridiculed for doing the same thing, but in reverse.

I wonder if there any cultures where women are highly regarded and men are secondary or at least at the same status. Perhaps in 10,000 years western culture will have corrected this error and come to value women equally. I would love to be around to see that!

[hotskirt]

Yes I know a lot of women who said they were Tomboys. I don't think sissys is quite right. My thought is why not be a Tomgirl or maybe Tonigirl. I can deal with that.

[Karren H]

Yeah... Being on the other end of Inequality sucks.. I was never that feminine... Hell I'm still not! Lol.

[SuzanneBender]

Being non binary beings in a binary society sucks. We live in a Western Society in which there are no in-betweens only absolutes. Many of the Native American Tribes on our continent contained people of “two-spirits” whose in-betweeness was revered and celebrated. But alas along comes a bunch a Western European chauvinistic piggy types and they mess that wonderful world up. (It’s the topic of the research paper I am working on. I just had to work it in somewhere).

Both terms are negative. Unfortunately, our society puts greater value on males so if we have a girl that is a little more male it is more acceptable. If we have a boy that tends towards the femme everyone goes what is wrong with that kid. I have even seen posts and been asked by GGs why I would want to be a woman. I don’t want to be a woman. I just want to be me! (Sung like Ethel Merman). The water in between is less crowded and feels wonderful! Although, I like swimming at the female end of the societal pool more.

[DinaMature]

I feel it is becasue we are a male dominated society that doesn't value women.

In other words it's good if you act like a man but bad if you act like a woman


Yeah, I have to agree. You've hit the nail right on the head there. Sorta obvious when spelled out that way but I haven't ever seen it so clearly put or really thought it through myself.

[Toni_Lynn]

There really isn't a complimentary equivalent for "Tomboy" for men. "Sissy" is derogatory and really doesn't speak to what "we" are. Sissy implies weakness, dependence, lack of courage. That certainly doesn't apply to a group of men who are willing to dress up en femme and walk out of the house. That takes MORE courage than what most average males can muster.

I agree with you sooooooo much!

Ah--- so then -- why is it that many of us embrace that term .. a term that I find as offensive as the n-word as used to and by blacks.

As I said in another thread -- just because I have lace on my underwear I am no less a person.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[busker]

Meri, if memory serves me correctly (not always) I believe that some of women of some of the tribes are more valued than the men. Sadly, can't remember the tribal names but you can google women + new guinea.

[Frédérique]

I was talking to a female friend the other day who proudly told that she had been a Tom boy growing up."Oh she said I wanted nothing to do with wearing dresses or dolls"

I’ve met many girls who rejected their assigned (and expected) gender behavior, and they certainly told the world about it, mainly through their mothers…:violin:


But on the other hand I have never heard a man proudly state that he had liked to play dolls, or wear his sisters dresses.

When I was growing up I couldn’t wear my sisters’ dresses (there was a ten year age difference), so the idea never occurred to me. Ditto, there were no dolls to play with, unless you include my sister’s Katy Keene comic book collection. All I had to play with were cheap pads of paper and used crayons, so I drew myself a world of make-believe to frolic in…


For a male who displays typically feminine traits we call him a sissy. Not an overly complementary term. Why? I feel it is becasue we are a male dominated society that doesn't value women.

If we don’t value women, we are indeed in trouble as a civilization, culture, or whatever name you wish to call it. The current warrior-culture fears weakness (like the movie 300) – not only femininity, but also every sensibility you can think of. It’s hard for us artists, I can tell you, and I don’t see any sympathy for so-called “sissies” coming along in the near future. I’m certainly not going to be browbeaten by lowbrows into changing my behavior – I am quite happy being a sissy (a complimentary term in my book), thank you…:hmph:

[Princess29]

What I cant understand is when women say to guys, "stop being such a girl" or "you're such a girl" in a derogatory manner. To me those women are saying that they rate women as inferior to men, if they are teasing men (or boys-just males) by calling them girls

[Zoiq]

I'm quiet public about being a ' male Tom-boy ' or ' Tom-Girl ' or ' Girly-Man ' or whatever...

I wear what I'm comfortable in, be it a male or a female cut.