Friends negative opinion on CDing upset me!

[KateW]

Hi girls,

I was a bit disappointed this week after a conversation with one of my best female friends. She was talking about a relationship she is currently in with a guy and how they suggest different stuff via text to each other when they are apart. Anyway, she had jokingly suggested that he wear a dress, panties and makeup next time they see each other. She then went on to explain to me that she found the idea highly funny and she'd just suggested it to try and freak him out a little. She then elaborated that she found the idea entirely off-putting, weird, and she isn't into it at all. She then said that if he admitted to her that he was into doing that, she would forward the text to all of his friends and tell everybody.

As you can imagine, this greatly disappointed me as I was hoping to one day open up and confide to her about it, as I have done previously with my supportive wife. Turns out that is probably a very bad idea. Looks like I will be keeping my painted toes firmly in the well-stocked closet for a while longer... :sad:

Kate xxx

[Engendered]

That is disappointing. :sad:
It is possible though that she would have one rule for a bf of hers and a completely other opinion for a friend. I know a ton of people who have a great relationship with me, but would completely balk at the idea of their boyfriend crossdressing.

[busker]

What a great way to find out and also save being outed by her later on. She obviously has no loyalty to her friends if she could so easily say that she would send the text on a round-the-world tour. Might be time to look elsewhere for a new friend too. Thank your lucky stars.

[AllieSF]

That just proves that going slow and feeling out the other person's feelings regarding the whole LBGT scene is a very wise recommendation. What surprises me about her answer is not that she doesn't accept it, but that she would broadcast and out her boyfriend if he confided that activity to her. That is why coming out is not always the best route unless one is totally prepared for all the potential negative reactions and their subsequent consequences. That is risky business. Thanks for sharing your personal experience.

[KarenCDFL]

Hi Kate,

Your friend is obviously not a "good person". She seems to get her jollies by setting up her friends and then planning to ruin them to make herself seem like a bigger person. I would stay away from her.

[Jannette H]

Kate,
Back away from her and watch out for her. She has her own agenda and hers only. Any thing for own spot light and nobody else

[CherylFlint]

Sorry, but she is NO friend of yours!

[Rebecca Jayne]

Is her name

Cruella or Evilene

sounds like she has a demented mind

[JenniferR771]

Lots of people have no problem with cds, but don't like the idea of a relationship turning out to be a cd. Don't be afraid to feel her out some more. Remember her odd suggestion that her boyfriend wear a dress...hmm.

[MaryAnn40c]

A couple weeks ago my SO and her friend were talking about TS/TV's in jail,they both felt that any man that dressed as a women are gay! Oh was I mad about there lack of info, but try and talk sence to them was a lost cause.

[lingerieLiz]

It is not about what she likes, but the fact that she is vindictive. If you tell her you will always have to worry about her getting mad at you and telling the world. It would be one way to go public, but I wouldn't suggest it.

[Jacky Aikou]

Hi Kate! I can sympathize. Sometimes the worst part of being in the closet is hearing family and friends toss about snide remarks or insults or even threats when the topic of CDing or transgendered people comes up. Family members who I love with all my heart are unashamedly bigoted on the subject, because they live by the old ways and it just has no place in their world. I really worry that if they were find out about me, whether they would ever be able to get past it. My poor wife now has to sit awkwardly through those rants, too...

I just try not to wince around such conversations. I should stick up a little for the poor soul they're deriding, but tend to just clam up rather than fan the flames. With that attitude, I suppose our community is going nowhere, though... :sad:

But Kate, at least you have your wife to confide in! And I like to think that the level of acceptance out there is growing.
Don't lose hope! :hugs:

[Karren H]

I have friends like that.... Closed minded... why do you think I don't tell them I'm an Engineer!!! Ekkkkkk. They would totally freak out!!! Yeah the people at work know but they are sworn to secrecy!! And they are engineers too!! so we are bound to not out each other for fear of the public humiliation..

[Miranda09]

Well Kate, at least you found out before telling her. Sorry to hear how it disappointed you, but no big loss. ;)

[Sally2005]

Some people talk without thinking. She may act totally differently in the real situation. I hope you told her you will know you can't trust her with any secret and she should be more respecting of her SO's privacy.

[Leslie Langford]

Hi girls,

I was a bit disappointed this week after a conversation with one of my best female friends. She was talking about a relationship she is currently in with a guy and how they suggest different stuff via text to each other when they are apart. Anyway, she had jokingly suggested that he wear a dress, panties and makeup next time they see each other. She then went on to explain to me that she found the idea highly funny and she'd just suggested it to try and freak him out a little. She then elaborated that she found the idea entirely off-putting, weird, and she isn't into it at all. She then said that if he admitted to her that he was into doing that, she would forward the text to all of his friends and tell everybody.

As you can imagine, this greatly disappointed me as I was hoping to one day open up and confide to her about it, as I have done previously with my supportive wife. Turns out that is probably a very bad idea. Looks like I will be keeping my painted toes firmly in the well-stocked closet for a while longer... :sad:

Kate xxx

...and the only thing which makes any sense based on what this woman appears to be saying is that she and her boyfriend are into some sort of BDSM scene where she fancies herself to be the dom in the relationship, he is the submissive partner, and the two of them get off on him being humiliated by her.

I wouldn't attach too much importance to the crossdressing angle in this - it is probably the flavor of the month in terms of humiliating him, and next month it may well be something else.

This woman sounds like a psycho whack job, and someone to steer clear of. She is certainly someone you don't want to confide a deep, dark secret in lest it come back to haunt you.

[docrobbysherry]

Whenever the thot of telling someone that I CD enters my mind.:brolleyes:

That reminds how DIFFICULT it is to get it back in, after I've squeezed it all out!:doh:

[The_Juggler]

Check out my recent halloween story - when a girl I like first saw me wearing pantyhose for a halloween costume the first thing she did was touch my legs!

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=119011

But I was just wearing a halloween costume then, if she thought I wanted to wear those things all the time she would be very turned off by it I think.

[KateW]

Thanks for your advice everyone - you are all absolutely right. Its just a shame because I have been building up the courage to tell her. A few months ago I went to a music themed party as Boy George and she complimented my makeup. She even made me close my eyes to study how I'd done my eyeshadow. She has mentioned it since a few times since and suggested that I must have done it before because it was very good. Now I wonder if she was just trying to bait me too...

[adrienner99]

She might be a bit harder on the guy than she would be on you, since she is dating him...That puts her "at risk" of "What People Would Think."

There are women out there who accept crossdressing and even help us with it--the lovely GGs on this are proof--but I think they are the exception, not the norm.

I do not understand crossdressing myself, and the many layers of it. Not sure how real women are supposed to take it..

[Taylor186]

Being suspicious by nature, and based on you last post, I believe she suspects you are a CD and wants to keep the reality of that at "arms-length." In other words, "don't ask, don't tell."

You could always ask the boyfriend if she really texted him with the CD idea.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I agree that there is the possiblity that she is only hard on what and who her bf's are to the point that she can and will mess up their life. the question you must answer is are you willing to risk her telling everyone she knows about your closet. Good luck with her.

I personally wouldn't want her as a friend, considering I have more than enough enemies to deal with. And I am not that deep in the closet myself. Dylen - waiting for the day I can become "STARLA DYAN"

[TG_Nicole]

The sad thing here is if this woman ever got to know a real cross dresser and understand what is there doing. She might not have these feelings towards our community. But given her attitude toward us i can't expect anyone to ever come out to her. If you were ever comfortable and out enough to tell her i think it would be great and beneficial until then be careful.

[Joanne f]

People do not always say what they really think , sometimes they say what they think you would like to hear , it really is a question of getting to know someone to really know how they think .

[KateW]

I think she is partly trying to work me out, because I have added to conversations in the past about things guys typically don't know about. The texts were geniune though, because she showed me them.

She has questioned me in the past about my plucked eyebrows after comparing photos of them looking differently a few years back, noticing that my skin always appears moisturised, and has also asked my opinion on her outfits. As she hasn't run for the hills yet, I thought she'd be cool with it, but clearly not!

[ggtracy]

don't give up on your friend just yet. she probably just spoke without thinking.

Here's my story: one of my best friends knew my SO and I were friends but didn't know we were actually dating. so we were talking about CDing one day and she says "I wonder what kind of person would be attracted to someone like that." :eek:
of course, at the time I was hurt but didn't respond. so the next time we saw each other I told her that I was dating my SO and she was totally cool with it. She is my closest confident now and is super supportive. I am very glad I didn't over react.

what I did was decide to enlighten her on the topic. now she knows what kind of person would be attracted to a CDer. :D

[Ras]

very disappointing to hear this. And ladies wonder why we are so hesitant to share our dressing desires with them!~

[mykhelee]

I agree with the majority here, be very careful before you do a reveal to this person. If you don't want to be outed that is. I have dated a few women in drab that when cd'ing comes up they just freak.

[KateW]

Yeah, I wonder if she does have different tolerance levels for people she'd date and people she'd be friends with. That said, she clearly isn't sensitive to the issue, even if it were her boyfriend that is going through it.

I think its a problem for me because i'm getting to a stage where I'm ready to start confiding in people, but don't really know where to start.