Who's dominant in your relationship?

[Lainie]

There was a post a while back about someone's SO who was upset about her husband being a CD, because she wanted someone who could 'top' her--by which I thought she meant "be the dominant person in the relationship". I guess that a lot of GGs expect, even desire, to be subordinate to their husbands, and might find that inconsistent with crossdressing.

So the question to you who have SO's: "Is one of you dominant in the relationship?" Ours is a division of labor. We discuss decisions, I handle all the investments. But I also do what I'm told--she drives or decides who will drive, controls the TV, decides on the movies, and our diets. We're comfortable, she's dominant--but still completely negative about cross dressing. Actually she hasn't told me I can't, just that she doesn't want to know about it. So I respect her wishes.

[Samantha Girl]

Equal ;)

We're both kinda dominant personalities, but we both don't mind being submissive. So far it's worked really well :)

[Karren H]

Let me go ask my wife and find out!! :D

[NathalieX66]

I consider such a question irrelevant to crossdressing.
As for sex, ask yourself how much is based on your own imagination & self perception of what/who you are, and you do the math.

[Paula_56]

Let me go ask my wife and find out!! :D

Cute..lol


I'm not henpecked you can ask my wife

[melissacd]

There is a more interesting question here I think. In as much as we like to feel that we are moving towards more and more egalitarianism between the sexes, it is my impression that women still desire that knight in shining armour to be her protector. Certainly in my last marriage that was the role that my ex cast me into. It was not about who was more dominant but rather that she had a vision of what a man should be and my cross dressing did not live up to that standard. The cross dressing to her equated with weakness and she said to me that she wanted a man who was really a man. I never quite understood how being a cross dresser made me less of a man, I still played all of the other roles that she asked of me, but somehow, being a cross dresser broke something within her view of me from that point on.

I know that part of it was her anger about my hiding this part of me from her for so long and I was willing to accept her anger over that, but the other part, the loss of respect for me as a man because I liked wearing women's clothes - that was the part that I could never completely come to terms with.

Anyway, thanks for the thought provoking question.

Melissa

[Aska]

We are pretty much equal in our relationship.

[Chari]

My girlfriend said to tell you that I am the dominant one - and she wears the pants in this relationship!

[willowgurl]

My boyfriend, Matt is a Lt. Col. in the USAF. He is used to "Giving Orders"

[TJ Tresa]

When I'm dressed my wife is the dominate one, weither in bed or just around the house. When I'm in guy mode then we share responsableties. when needs her man and I'm dressed she will tell me, if I'm not dressed and she needs heer girlfriend she will tell me. You all do the math. LOL

[suchacutie]

We are a partnership as husband and wife, and as girlfriends we're...well...girlfriends!

:)

[JenniferR771]

Ms. Janice , my wife, is dominant. She strongly disapproves of my cding. I am much too submissive.

[Lorileah]

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Albert Camus

I know that in the everyday world I am not in step. I have never been a "you be in control all the time" person. I also have never believed that one one person in the relationship should always be in charge. If you look around, especially here, one of the chinks in the martial armor is that the woman feels threatened that her "Man" is wimping out. I have never understood this. I would be willing to bet if we took 100 members here we would be able to build a house, fix the car and have time for a football game in the backyard with at least half that number AND discuss make up tips. The others? Well there are threads that explain them in other places. (cough spoiled;liars;self centered who just can't see why they aren't accepted)

When women are asked "what kind of man would you want." it is more frequent in today's society for a woman to want a caring sensitive loving man. But it seems that when push comes to shove in many cases here, they want a macho, crass, and aggressive man. They roll their eyes when men yell at the TV but they want someone with that attitude in real life. It is confusing. Channel your softer side and you are "out the door". But in my experience when the new macho male does something, well overtly macho, they call who? The caring sensitive "you must be gay" guy they either shunned or quit seeing earlier. (sorry any gays out there, I know many of you can be as macho as the next guy). I have been in this situation before. You can see the train wreck coming but you aren't allowed to throw the switch...but are allowed to clean up the mess.

So here's my take. What kind of partner do I want? One who can be anything they want to be and I can be with them if I like or allow them to do whatever and come back with tales of wonder. One that can be the aggressor sometimes and other times be a soft kitten in my arms. One who will allow me to be the aggressor sometimes and who will also allow me the freedom to be "taken". And more often, just be partners who enjoy being together on an equal basis.

When you lock yourself into a role, that role becomes stale. It needs stimulation. Then roving eyes start. The partnerships that last here are based on being friends as much as being lovers. The "Happily forever after..." fairy tales often dissolve into complacent and sometimes angry stories where the prince rides off to "slay dragons" (read; hangs out at the bar or finds another disillusioned princess")

[SusanMarie]

Sometimes I follow her lead, sometimes my SO follows my lead...
What ever it takes...:hugs:

[AllieSummers]

When I'm in "guy mode" I'm usually the more dominant one in the relationship. When I'm in "girl mode" it is a mix of both. I am still normally the more dominant one but I do sometimes pull back and accept the submissive role. She knows when I'm in that state of mind because I "ask" her to take the reigns.

As long as both of us get our needs met then we are both happy.

It is amazing what a little communication can do for a relationship. :)

Kisses,

Allie

[lavistaa62]

My so is the boss but just because she has a sharper wit and is tough- make that impossible to outsmart. She's also accepting hence we have a great relationship.

[Karren H]

Cute..lol


I'm not henpecked you can ask my wife

My wife said I am....

[RachelF]

Well, my wife is in general very undecided so I many times have the dominant role. I try to get her participating on important things, so we take a shared decision.

But, I would love to be a follower of orders ...

Rachel

[unclejoann]

Cute..lol


I'm not henpecked you can ask my wife

I'm the pecker in my house

[KayC]

I would imagine any two people in a given relationship are unique. Speaking for myself, I most certainly don't want either of us to be fully dominant, but rather partners...there may be some areas I am dominant in, some areas my partner is dominant in, we each bring to our relationship our own strengths and weaknesses, but I do want to be considered, and vice-versa. I do not like someone deciding everything for me, but neither do I want to be the only decision maker...most people have their own opinions and preferences and as such, it'd be nice if both can express them and have them considered and a mutual decision come to on behalf of BOTH.

[kellycan27]

Although we make the important decisions together, I enjoy the more submissive role in our relationship. I don't mind him being in charge and doing so until......... it' time for him to not be in charge. At my job, I am the head of my department and I have a lot of responsibilities. It's wonderful to be able to come home and have someone else shoulder the brunt. Having him take the traditional male role (for lack of a better term) has it's rewards. I am pampered and TBPH spoiled rotton by this man. I was attracted to him by his looks, I fell in love with his strength and independence, and his kindness, caring, and compassion sealed the deal. OMG.... I am in love :o

[Brandi Wyne]

Well! I wear the pantyhose in my house and my wife will kick my ass if I'm wrong. LOL For us it's always been about poor spousal communication on many levels. CDing has also fallen into that relm. I wear in secret and she pretends not to notice that I wear womens panties and shave all over. No dominance there.

XXs,
Mickey

[sherri]

For the record, because you brought it up, the term "top" as used in this context normally has sexual connotations.

But the matter of interpersonal dynamics that you raise is an interesting one, one that recently came up in a conversation with a CD friend that sort of galvanized my thinking. Although it's rather academic at the moment, it's a given that I prefer men to be charge (until it's time for him not to be in charge, as Kelly put it so well). To me that's sort of a no-brainer.

But I also strongly suspect that I would very much like to experience a relationship with a GG in which she is more or less the dominant personality. A couple of encounters I've had recently with GGs at the clubs have confirmed that I respond to that dynamic very favorably. I should inject here that this is a fairly radical departure from my preference and behavior as the "traditional" male in past relationships. This is not to say that I don't understand many GGs need for a strong man in their lives and I would be motivated to fulfill that need where and when it really counts, but I would also hope we might could be flexible in our roles. Since I'm a CDer rather than a full-time TS, perhaps the dynamic could depend on context -- but that's really in the interest of her needs as these days there doesn't seem to be much difference in me either way.


Having him take the traditional male role (for lack of a better term) has it's rewards. I am pampered and TBPH spoiled rotton by this man. I was attracted to him by his looks, I fell in love with his strength and independence, and his kindness, caring, and compassion sealed the deal. OMG.... I am in love :oYa think? :D It's pretty amazing when it happens. Good on ya, I say. Couldn't happen to a prettier girl.

[Ugly Michele]

My wife and I are equal, but I would lay down my life to protect her. We depend on each other for strength.

[Sheila]

So here's my take. What kind of partner do I want? One who can be anything they want to be and I can be with them if I like or allow them to do whatever and come back with tales of wonder. One that can be the aggressor sometimes and other times be a soft kitten in my arms. One who will allow me to be the aggressor sometimes and who will also allow me the freedom to be "taken". And more often, just be partners who enjoy being together on an equal basis.

That sorta kinda sounds like the type of relationship I wanted, then I met Debs :D ............ both of us take control when needed, but we are PARTNERS first and foremost, both of us are still learning the strength and weakness of the other, we are getting there, and we are enjoying the learning process :D:D:o:o:o

[Stitch]

Out of me and my partner I'd be inclinded to say I have the more dominate personality as in imagine I'd be the person you'd notice first between us but as far as the relationship goes we are very much on equal footing.

Out of the pair of us, I'm more assertive. I have no trouble asking for what I want or need. I'm much more extroverted, optimistic and more likely to call someone out on their behaviour.

Where as he is quieter, thinks everything through, and if he is upset will hold it in and dwell on it. He is very good at making plans, and I know I can completely trust and depend on him.

We make an awesome team, and each of our strengthens and weakness' balance each others out.

[sherri]

each of our strengthens and weakness' balance each others out.That's the ticket, innit? :)

[LaurenB]

My wife let's me be dominant most of the time unless I do or say something that she doesn't agree with, which is most of the time. LOL Really, though, she and I fret over everything together. She's always been a woman that men seek out for guidance and feel comfortable as a peer. She identifies with them and they respect her but is consumately feminine. I've always been one to be just as comfortable with a gaggle of girls as with my few guy friends on a typical guy outing. We're really well together in that way.

[AmberLynn]

I would like to say me and my wife are equal in are relationship,but her mother instilled vaules in her that i find dated and i dislike them.

1 the man is souposed to control all the money :eek: I would expect any woman to become up set at that but she seem's to prefer it,odd so i dom there

2 house work is the womans job while the man of the house watch's sport's,again i say WTF

3 you have to ask your man permission to leave the house,"me and her mother had it out over that one actully" she said i didnt care about her if i didnt make her ask to leave the house with out me.

we are both equal in "evening affiar's" i prefer submission but dom from time to time :P

we both sit dont and work out are monthly food list,and budget for the month. I guess we are a good balence of give and take as we both get along well with are house set up

[Frédérique]

There was a post a while back about someone's SO who was upset about her husband being a CD, because she wanted someone who could 'top' her--by which I thought she meant "be the dominant person in the relationship". I guess that a lot of GGs expect, even desire, to be subordinate to their husbands, and might find that inconsistent with crossdressing.

Well, I’m not in a relationship at the moment, but, once upon a time…

I had a girlfriend who insisted we were totally equal in our relationship, but I would yield to her – she enjoyed being “on top.” In retrospect, I think she was egging me on from time to time for a reaction, but I willingly side-stepped her attempts. At the time, I was crossdressing behind her back, enjoying the suppression of my male-ness, so this had an effect on our relationship. I liked not being dominant for a change, and she took advantage of it…

I had another girlfriend who expected me to be male, period. She was so feminine I actually stopped crossdressing completely, letting her play girly-girl to my boy. Obviously, she wanted me to be on top in our relationship, so I reluctantly took on this unhappy role. I was miserable, but not really paying attention to the consequences, so I became less and less “me” over time. I managed to escape this cage of my own making, but at a steep price…

I saw the first girlfriend I mentioned again, just a few years ago – she still insists on domination. That came as no surprise, since she once told me that all our personality traits are in place by the age of seven. I was going to challenge that theory, but she sat on me…:heehee:

[sissystephanie]

Let me go ask my wife and find out!! :D

That is exactly the way a good, loving marriage should be! Even if Karren did say it with tongue in cheek and fingers crossed behind her back!

My late wife and I were equals, except that she was a female and I was a male! And yes, she was a darn sight prettier then I could ever hope to be! But I was a better mechanic!

BTW, my crossdressing did not in any diminish my sexual activities. In fact, My dear wife liked to have sex with Stephanie, only with her as the man!

[Blaire]

Let me go ask my wife and find out!! :D

Yes! But she lets me think I have the control in the house :)

[Rachel Morley]

I think it's pretty obvious to all who know me and my wife that she is the leader and I am the follower. However, we always discuss important things together and we always seem to agree on everything ... but we both know that she is the boss in the relationship and the final decision will always be hers not mine.
We both like it this way, because not being in control stresses her out and I'd rather not be a "decision maker" as it stresses me out!

Also, she's much smarter than me, she's much more attractive than me, and she always seems to know what's best for me and best of all being taken care of makes me feel loved :)

[MissyW]

Let me go ask my wife and find out!! :D

Best answer!