Coming Out

[Amelie]

I have a question, If most of the girls here were dressing at a young age and new they were cds why didn't you tell your wives early on in the relationship? Secrets can only hurt especially waiting so long.

[nicola_j]

I crossdress mainly for the sexual thrill of it and don't want to dress as a woman outside of that realm. When I started as a child, I used to wear my sister's swimsuits and found it a turn on which was heightened by the fact that I knew it was wrong (or at least perceived to be wrong by society which as a child is really the same thing). As an adult the reasons I cross dress are the same - the sexual thrill which is heightened by the fact that I may get caught. I did tell my girlfriend that I enjoyed wearing women's lingerie once and she wasn't impressed and said she had no desire to see me dressed, but it didn't really effect our relationship. Now we don't talk about it as there would be no point, it wouldn't achieve anything. That is not to say that she isn't understanding and supportive of me as a person - she is. I would love to be with two women, but after discussing it with my girlfriend I know it's not for her and that is fine - it will remain as a fantasy. For me crossdressing is a fetish/fantasy and I think in a relationship you have to decided which fetishes and fantasies you reveal to you wife/girlfriend. Some are probably best left as just that - fantasies, especially if they would have a negative impact on your relationship.

[RachelleMarlina]

I didn't tell anyone mostly due to the fact I was scared of rejection and ridicule. When I was young I was confused about how I was, and through my teens I was caught "being me" several times and made to feel like a dirty homosexual.

Whem my wife caught me we discussed the situation and at first she thought it would be kinky and I started to feel comfortable around the house "being me" but she later didn't like it and ridiculed me.

I now live in a town where being gay is more acceptable than being TG so it is still hard to fully come out for me.

[Carrissa]

My wife knew the night we met. She didn't believe me when i told her i bet i have cuter panties on till i pulled the waistband out

[MonaSmith]

I don't really understand how anyone, cd or not, can commit themselves to a relationship where their spouse treats them with such contempt as to ridicule them or to 'not allow' them to be who they are? Surely a bit of give and take is what makes a relationship work, not one partner dictating what the other can or can't do?

I may be lonely, but I hope that I am never that lonely.

[Stephanie Brooks]

I told her before we were engaged. This was 1983, 21 years ago. At the time I knew almost nothing of what I was. Mostly my knowledge of crossdressing outside of my direct experience was from Dear Abby letters.

[Danielle1960]

I didn't realize probably through denial that I liked to Crossdress. As a retired Navy vet my time on active duty didn't allow me to examine this part of my life. All I knew at the time that walking through the womens lingerie section of a store was an extreme turn on. At the time I figured it was because of the obvious but that wansn't the case. When we met and married at the ages of 18/23 I didn't really suspect any issues were there. After retiring and 3 kids later one in college and two in HS 11/9. I realized that I was and am thrilled to dress. I did tell my wife and she got pale and sickly looking and all but left. After about nine month of seeing a psychologist and being on anti depressants I pretty much have decided that I'll follow the wishes of my wife. I do this out of love (which is a femme charactoristic) and let her know that I won't do it because she doesn't want me to not because I don't want to. This gives her some stress but she needs to live with the fact and being responsible for a portion of my lack of fullfillment. :(

Wow. This is almost a novel. In short I didn't know that I was into Cding (and would transition if circumstances were different )until I was 43 years old. As for the wife and I she wants me to get manicurs, pedicures and eye brow waxing with her monthly so eventually she will probably become more tolerent.
Hope that gives some inight. If I was dating today I would anounce this fact about me right away and if still interested I would insist on us dating while I was enfemme.

Love is the most important thing.
Danielle :)

[DonnaT]

It came out early on after the marriage 29 years ago. Before we were married, we hadn't been dating very long before the discussion of marriage came up. It was quite quick.

I really didn't think of it as an issue, mostly because I didn't even think of it at all during that time, that I remember. Probably because it was so quick.

If I did, I may have supressed it because we were both in the Army, and if she would have been upset by the revelation, there goes my career. But I honestly don't remember thinking about CDing during that time.

I still didn't even think of dressing after we married. Until one day she decided to shave my legs. This led to wearing pantyhose, to re-awakening and then to coming out to her.

Thanks for asking. I really hadn't thought that much about it! :)

[MonaSmith]

Hi Danielle,

I suppose if even you didn't know then it makes it kind of hard to tell someone else, so I can understand where you are coming from. It is good that she is starting to acknowledge it in her own way and I hope that you reach a place where you are both comfortable and happy.

Does anyone know how common it is for people to not know that they are ts/tv/cd until later in life? I have always known on some level and started dressing when I was about 6. Is this more common or am I just an early starter?

[Amelie]

Wow!! People are answering my thread!!

I started this thread in early August. Around that time on this forum, there were a lot of girls having trouble telling their wives about crossdressing. Also at this time I was reading threads where most of the girls here were dressing at a young age, long before there were any thoughts about marriage. So I wanted to put the two thoughts together, and asked this question above.

I was new to this forum and I didn't understand why so many had not told their wives about their dressing. To me it would have been first on the list to tell my SO. As I stayed on this forum for awhile, I heard stories and got a better understanding of the lives of the CDs here. I would not have asked this question now, I now understand why most do not tell their wives.

I just wanted to clear any questions, this is an old thread I started when I was new here.
Amelie

[Fiona K]

Good question Amelie,
Something my wife has asked me a lot recently too!!!!

Fear of rejection, fear of hurt and causing hurt, lack of understanding of one's self are among the reasons. Another might be what Allison mentined, after dressing for some years suddenly the needs are suppressed subconciously by the new relationship? I honestly don't know.

As you know my wife isn't happy with the thought ofme dressing, not surprising as I am one of the 20+ year club but she has handled it amazingly well, apart from the 20 years of secrecy.

Bottom line- terror and possibly an element of shame?

Thanks in large part to this site I have finally got the secret out and many things have improved in our relationship as a result. I am a better person for being whole.

Love
fiona

[Fiona K]

Definitely still a good question Amelie!!
Love
Fiona

[Georgette]

Amelie. One of the reasons I didn't come out to my wife when we were first married the stigma attached to that kind of behavior at the time we were married. 40 plus years if you know what it was like, then also I was still in the Milatary at that time and that was definitly cause for a discharge. I guess it just kept getting harder to acctually admit that this was something that was not going to go away with time.
There was times when I would go for months up to maybe a year and not even think about it but the more I did CD the more compelling it became for me, that I finally got to the point that I realized that there was no turning back.
Here I am today I found all of you wonderful people and I love it . :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Love Georgette

[MonaSmith]

I have never had a serious relationship and I find that the older I get, the more I want to be a woman. I used to think that a lot of this desire was due to me trying to fill that empty part of my life with the next best thing i.e becoming part woman myself.

Perhaps when you really fall in love with someone this fills the desire and it becomes less important. If so over time, as the lustre fades from the relationship, the desires might start to return?

This is all sheer conjecture on my part as I have no real frame of reference but I would find it interesting to know if in the first few months/years of love the desire to dress is less for most people?

[Amelie]

Yes Mona, this was one of the things I have learned while I was here. I think Cds are so much in love it repalces the desire to dress, so they don't tell their wives.

Also Georgette, I have also learned while on these threads, that a good number of Cds have gotten married when it was a major taboo.
I got into trouble saying this before, but I didn't really relize the ages of the CDs on this forum. Quite a few got married when I was in diapers, sorry I meant no harm in that last comment, I didn't know how else to put it.
Amelie

[Jenna1561]

I got engaged during my junior year in college and married in my senior year. I hadn't dressed in years, and didn't think I would dress ever again.

But the accessability of her wardrobe eventually wore me down and I would dress up when she was out. I've been married 19 years now and only started collecting my own things this last year, but now I can't seem to stop and don't want to, but don't know how to tell her.

Jenna

[MonaSmith]

Hi Amelie,

Thanks for the answer. So would it be cheaper to get myself a girlfriend or buy myself some new silicone breasts?

[Amelie]

Well,,, Silicone Breasts don't answer back.
Amelie

[Katiegirl]

I never told my first wife about my desire to cross dress even those I had been doing it since i was 10 as I believed it would go away. Of course after a while it came back and evenually I got caught with some tights on and all hell let loose. After that in every argument it came up and eventuallly it was used by her lawyer to divorce me. I will say this for my ex a few years later she did say that it had been wrong of her to use it as a reason for the divorce. I still see my ex as our marriage produced 4 children (I don't think my kids know) and it has never been mentioned since.

It has been 20 years since the marriage ended I know now if I had another relationship, "Katie" would have to part of it, she is now a big part of me and growing every day. I have a number of friends who are gg's but I don't think they would accept it and I value my friendship with them to chance it.



:)

[MonaSmith]

lol, true and there is much less chance of rejection. Oh well, It looks like it's the single life for me then, but with a great rack.

[MonaSmith]

Oops, Sorry Katie my comments were meant to answer Amelie. I should refresh my screen more often.

[Sharon]

I told my wife shortly after we met, within a few weeks. I just knew that it was important that I be honest with her, even though I felt there was a good chance she wouldn't want anything further to do with me. That was probably the bravest and most sensible thing I've ever done.

[rachel_jean]

I didn't tell my wife until after we we're married, mostly due to trying to supress it coupled with the fear of losing her.

She is somewhat supportive and understanding, coming to the realization that it's a part of me and isn't going away.

Rachel Jean

[StephanieCD]

I've been dressing since my earliest memory at 5. I told my (then) fiance when we first started dating in an attempt to come clean. However, I was in mid purge and felt I'd never do it again so I said that I "used to" do it. Then... we were 6 months pregnant and I couldn't take it anymore - honey, if we're getting in this deep - we need to talk.

Since then I've told one girlfriend and no more - I never told others because of the shame. That, and my circle of friends is so tight that there's no doubt it'd make it out of the bedroom and into the bar - hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.

[ieya]

My reason was FEAR.

Feared i would be rejected by my family was very close to them when i was younger.

Feared rejection from my friends as i was at a vunrable stage of life at that time.

feared i was 'sick' as crossdressing in 1980's was never heard off

Its really only the 21st century that CD, transexuallism and transvestite is becoming a 'non issue' But its still a long way away from being the norm for society. These things take time etc . Like many things like slavery , women voting , Equality and racism it all takes time to become excepted by society as a whole and even longer for society to except it forever.

[Trinity_cat]

I've tried in the past
Been caught in the past
Denied it in the past
Went through hell in the past.

My wife will never understand.

For the future? I found a life line, it's called "crossdressers.com"

If I cannot be accepted here, then I've lost all that I am.

[Nikki A.]

Didn't tell wife one, I was in denial mode then, pretty sure it was a big reason that we divorced after 2 years. Second time around I told her all about it before we went too far down the road, she felt that she could deal with it as long as it was just a fetish. In the last two to three years it has become an issue in that I have become more in tune with my feelings and wish to explore this part of me more. After 16 years of marriage it is driving a wedge between us(see "WHY DO I KEEP TRYING"). I want to dress more often and usually wear something femme under my drabs. I don't want to transition, I do enjoy being a guy at times, but there are times when I feel that I must let my other side get a shot in the sun. I want to be able to go out dressed, but I want her support also. This is the only place that I can trully express how I feel and for this I thank you all for your patience for my ramblings.
If she can not deal with things I will have to do it in secret and if neccessary check out a few gay or cd/tv friendly resorts and bars in the area where I may be able to dress in public even though I am not attracted to men in any way.

[RachelleMarlina]

Not sure about others, but For me, it is actually more than just dressing femme, but the actual personality. Yes, it is difficult to not want to stare and check out women's clothing when it is the placed right in the front row when you walk into a store, but inside I feel femme, whether in feminine clothing or not.

I've read some posts where people say they cross dress just for the sexual thrill, but for me, I've felt this way long before I even knew what sex was. I've always felt that I was a girl, or at least meant to be a girl from a young age. Later, after I realized the difference between boys and girls, and how society placed sexuality I started to feel like a freak, shame and outcast.

All I ever wanted was to just wakeup and go about my day just as any other girl, whether if I decided to wear a dress or just plain old jeans, and have no one think anything of it. I guess due to my attraction to women it would have been another situation at sometime since I think I'd probably be a lesbian, but I dunno.. maybe if I was a girl I probably would have gone about life as a "hetero" girl. Always wondered about this.

Long ago during therapy (for other reasons) I brought up my "other self" and the first word mentioned was "homosexual". I had no attraction to guys and denied it. I didn't offer this information to people very much thereafter, but it always stayed in my mind, and some time later I tried the BI thing several times throughout my life to see for myself it it was homosexuality and I was never comfortable with it.

Most of the people who have known about what I call the real me have labled me fag, freak, sick etc, and I even noticed where I live now that TG and CD is not even much accepted by the gay community either, so I continue to leave my innerself somewhat secret. I feel guilty mostly because I feel I am living a lie, but also feel that I am avoiding other problems, even though it is a tug of war with my feelings.

[Chrissycd]

I'm surprised there haven't been pages and pages of responses here, but I think it is a sore spot for many cds to discuss. I was married for nine years, and there were hints throughout our marriage that there is just "Something About Chrissy" that caused my wife to lose interest in me sexually to some extent. Now I realize that the only person I was really hiding from was myself. I still think that's true to a large degree. I live alone, have few friends, rarely socialize, and I'm sure those who do know me wonder what's up with me.
I haven't dated in over a year, and even when I did, nothing ever had a chance b/c I always felt like I was being such a fake that I'd cut it off early on. This is the most difficult thing for many of us, isn't it? At some point I know I've just got to accept myself, come out, date AND TELL, and stop being a recluse. It's such a terrible waste!!!
Chrissy

[Allison Vamp]

i always told girlfriends immediately after i started dating them. my wife of 3 years was told in the first few months, that was almost 8 years ago. going through life with your significant other and or partner not knowing or not accepting would be awful, i couldn't do it.

[Chrissycd]

what kind of response I would get if I joined a place like match.com and just laid it out there in my profile, maybe even include one of my pix. Has anyone done this? What do you girls think?

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

I was feeling 'wrong' from age about 8/9. I was dressing from the age of about 12/13.

I bought my first house when I was about 25 and lived there alone, until I met the girl who was to become my first wife, for about 7 years. During that time I was buying clothes and spending a lot of my time en femme within the privacy of my own home. I didn't have the knowledge or the bottle to get out and be myself.

I then got married, moved house and had 2 children within the space of about 8 years.

The woman who was to become my 2nd wife then led me astray, causing my first divorce. After a period of time, I got married a second time, which lasted about 18 months before I had had enough of her attitude and was looking for somewhere else to live, when she threw me out which forced me into finding somewhere else quickly.

Prior to me first wife moving in, I purged all my clothes :( . I then spent the next few years, during both relationships/marraiges, hiding my desires to dress and be myself.

When my second wife threw me out last year I started making moves to be myself again, taking some of my 2nd wifes clothes, and gradually buying my own clothes (that fit properly).

This enabled me to find this website (quite by chance) and, as a direct result of both direct and indirect help from all you girls here, I have got to where I am today, on the verge of transitioning to be myself, and can't wait - as I say, thanks to all you girls here with your support and motivation.

Rachel

[Jenessa Michelle]

I did'nt tell my first wife untill after we were married, that was the cause of our divorce,my second wife and I told me second wife after we had been dating about 2 weeks, we're still married:) .

[Sweet Susan]

I told my wife about it a year before we married.

[Marlene4a]

Excellent and brilliant thread Amelie:

It was not until after 18 years after we married that I accepted the fact that I was a crossdresser.
Once I accepted this fact myself, I could share it with my wife.
Once I did, all was well.

She just wanted to be assured that "Marlene" was no threat to her.

Since then, after I assured her of this, then, "There was peace in the valley again" , and all was well. That was 14 years ago.

Still expressing that freedom today, and my gorgeous wife is a "yell" away.

Love

[Marlene4a]

Mona: In this life , all things are possible.

[crispy]

I don't know how the basking shark missed this thread. The responses are so revealing. I seem to have so much in common with many others. So many of us are coming out (to each other at least) but we have been locked into relationships that may not be totally honest for twenty, thirty years. So many of the responses are from people of my own age.

I can identify directly with all of the following quotes:



I crossdress mainly for the sexual thrill of it and don't want to dress as a woman outside of that realm.
As an adult the reasons I cross dress are the same - the sexual thrill which is heightened by the fact that I may get caught. I did tell my girlfriend that I enjoyed wearing women's lingerie once and she wasn't impressed.
For me crossdressing is a fetish/fantasy and I think in a relationship you have to decided which fetishes and fantasies you reveal to you wife/girlfriend. Some are probably best left as just that - fantasies, especially if they would have a negative impact on your relationship.
Yes, that's me!


I didn't tell anyone mostly due to the fact I was scared of rejection and ridicule.
When my wife caught me we discussed the situation and at first she thought it would be kinky and I started to feel comfortable around the house "being me" but she later didn't like it and ridiculed me.
Yes, that's me!


I find that the older I get, the more I want to be a woman. I used to think that a lot of this desire was due to me trying to fill that empty part of my life with the next best thing i.e becoming part woman myself.

Perhaps when you really fall in love with someone this fills the desire and it becomes less important. If so over time, as the lustre fades from the relationship, the desires might start to return?
Yes, that's me!



I never told my first wife about my desire to cross dress even those I had been doing it since i was 10 as I believed it would go away. Of course after a while it came back and evenually I got caught with some tights on and all hell let loose. After that in every argument it came up.
I have a number of friends who are gg's but I don't think they would accept it and I value my friendship with them to chance it..
Yes, that's me!


My reason was FEAR. Feared I would be rejected by my family. Feared rejection from my friends. Feared I was 'sick' as crossdressing in 1980's was never heard of.
Its really only the 21st century that CD, transexuallism and transvestite is becoming a 'non issue'. But its still a long way away from being the norm for society.
Yes, that's me!


Yes Mona, this was one of the things I have learned while I was here. I think Cds are so much in love it replaces the desire to dress, so they don't tell their wives.

Also Georgette, I have also learned while on these threads, that a good number of Cds have gotten married when it was a major taboo.
I got into trouble saying this before, but I didn't really relize the ages of the CDs on this forum. Quite a few got married when I was in diapers, sorry I meant no harm in that last comment, I didn't know how else to put it.
Amelie .

We are all learnig about each other all the time, Amelie. I understand that you have a different perspective on all of this. Perhaps if I had come out 35 years ago I would be closer to where you are now. I believe our sexual orientation is as much about nurture and environment as it is about nature. I don't think I was in a position to analyse my situation then, like we can now. We didn't have the information to hand or the circle of similar supportive people to discuss these issues with. Many of us have probably been living a lie to some extent for decades, and family relationships are now too fundamental for us to consider any big changes at this late stage.


I've tried in the past
Been caught in the past
Denied it in the past
Went through hell in the past.

My wife will never understand.

For the future? I found a life line, it's called "crossdressers.com"

If I cannot be accepted here, then I've lost all that I am.

You've summed it all up. Thank God for our friends here.

[hiede]

i to am 45 y old and my wife of 17 years can still not understand why i like to wear womens lingerie /pantyhose/pantys/bras/nightys/slips but it dose bother her. she hates it and its hard on our lifestyle being in a smalltown in northwest canada i love my wife and my life. the answere is ? whose life is it anyways i get so depressed thinking she will tell people.i live in fear all the time my bigest wish is that the 35 percent of men in my same boat can admit to it and it would be more like 75 percent.

[AnnaMaria]

My wife and I just pasted the one yr make in august. We had been living together for about two yrs before. She knew that I liked to wear panties and nighties before we married but it wasn't until I found this site that we actually started to talk about the rest. At first she thought that I was turning gay and would want to have a man with us or leave her altogether but when I realized that I let her know that such things were not going to happen she started to search the internet for things about the topic and even joined a site run by the author of "My Husband Betty". She is now reading the book and as we sat talking yesterday she started to bring up things about retreats and outings for couples that are actually CD events. As if to let me know that she was starting to really accept the idea and might be interested in exploring this side of who I am.

I am looking forward to her continued exploration of the subject and the possibility of furutre shopping trips and outigs for the two of us.

I even mentioned the Girls Night in Blue Island that Julie posted and she didn't seem to find this idea objectional. Of course I have a feeling that I would have to plan for it and probably have to get a room somewhere close by so that I would have a place to get ready because I am sure that I could never get away with getting ready at home and then have to drive through town dressed and then the two hrs that it would take to get there. I jsut have a feeling that Murphys law would kick in and the jig would be up so to speak.

But for me this is my second marriage and the first didn't know about it due to the fact that I had a huge fear of rejection and exposure which at the time would have ended what looked to be a promiseing career in the army. So I simply supressed the whole thing thinking that it would go away and that I was just a normal studdly man going through some kind of phase or something. How wrong we can be sometimes.

I must say that this site has helped me realize that I am not a freak and accept who I really am. And what I could be in the future, given the chance. So for me this event and comming out to my wife has been a positive experience and looks as if it will be a strenghting even in our marriage.

huggs
anna

[paulaN]

I never told my wife when we were dating because the desire to dress was suppressed. Even befor dating. but then living with a woman and all those great clothes my desire came back. she found out after about 5 yrs. of marrage. we are still together after 26 yrs. and things are ok. But at my age I am 47 I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I do not get the chance to dress often enough and spend a lot of time on the computer on forums like this one. I want to be able to expess my fem side more and more. But two kids at home realy puts a cramp on that. I think the wife is getting a little pissed about all the computer time. Also I seem to get cranky if I have not dressed in a long time. It has been sence early sept. well that's enough from this cranky old cd.

[SatinSarah]

Quite simply fear and stupidity. I was so afraid of telling my future wife - even though we could share everything what if this was just too much. I knwo I should have trusted her, but it worked ok. I kept a bag of my stuff and dressed when she was out. It seemed enough for a year, but then I decided I couldn't spend our whole marraige like this, so I broke it gently. I let her know how much I liked silky thnigs (on her) and sexy things too. She wore them for me. Then one day I wore her sikly white teddy under the bed clothes and jumped on her. I told her I liked the feeling of silky sexy lengerie so close to my skin that I wanted to wear it. I did this a couple of times and then told her a bit more. This went on for months until it was clear I really liked wearing these things and when she was comfortable with it I broke it to her more and more.

Everything went well for 10 years. She bought me presetns for my birthday and christmas of dresses, underwear, a wig and even when we went for a romantic weekend in paris she packed my outfit and a new dress. However, for my 40th she did the same and I looked so good that it freaked her out. She sudenly could not see me - only Sarah and since September I have not been allowed to dress at home. Fortuntaley I have a small falt for work and I have spent my evennigs en femme.

Sorry to ramble - just ahd to get my life story out!

[Amelie]

Sarah, no need to say your sorry for ramblin'. That is what this forum is for. It's to tell your life stories as well as to have fun. I understand the fear you and most of the Cds have in telling their SO,s. I didn't understand when I first joined this forum, but I do now.
Thanks Sarah, and all the others for answering my thread. I now have a better understanding of the married Crossdresser, and the fear and hiding that go with it.
Love Amelie

[DonnaT]

I think the wife is getting a little pissed about all the computer time.

Mine too! Except I'm not on it that much at home, mostly here at work. I think she's more into thinking I'm getting lots of notes online. Now what would I need notes for? :p

I've shown her the other forum, but not this one. She thinks I'm on the other one too long as it is, but I'm here more than there.

[Krissi]

I told my wife early on in our dating. We were very open about talking about fantasies, fetishes, and such. I didn't bring it up right away, but soon in these conversations and she took an interest. Her openmindedness is one of the many things that attracted me to her, and has lent itself well to a lot of our fun.

[Tiara]

In my first marriage about 20 years ago I thought I had gotten over crossdressing and did not see a need to tell my wife. With time the urge returned and I eventually told her. She was unable to accept it and the marriage ended.
I have remarried and did tell my second wife about crossdressing as early as our third date. She is not happy about it, but gives me the freedom to do it when I like. She does try to understand and makes an effort ,which I appreciate. Since she is a great partner in every other way I am satisfied.
My advice to people considering a serious relationship is to tell your significant other as soon as possible. It is far better to end a relationship when no strong emotional ties exist then later.

Tiara

[Wenda]

I wasn't a serious dresser when I was married (1969 to 2000). I admired lingerie, but didn't really 'dress'. I re-discovered it last July, and shared it with my GF immediately. She was a bit uneasy about it at first, but has become very ok with it, in fact, her shopping enthusiasm is a threat to my VISA card! Since joining this site, I have learned that my eldest son, 30 in January, also dresses. He has had mixed experiences sharing this with prospective partners. One was especially put off, and blabbed about it to everyone who would listen. I guess that is the reason Amelie. You, the girls here, or I don't see the big deal, but some people still see this as a major revelation, and feel an obligation to share it with the universe. A big deterrant. . wenda.

[wilma]

You can say I or she was decieved for 16 years but we are breaking up. I am glade I didn't tell her. She would have used this information to humiliate me, but maybe the outing is what I need. Maby after we are through I can have the Courage to tell The love ones in my life about wilma.

[SilkenPrincess]

Amelie,
I didn't tell my wife at first because at the time I was trying to "kill" the urge, and I hoped that marriage would offer me an easy "cure". BIG MISTAKE! I did come out to her after about a year or so, in stages though. At first, I referred to myself as a transvestite because I was afraid to admit to anyone my true feelings and desires, thinking that would lead to a sure rejection. Later, after about 8 years, I did tell her that I was truly a trapped woman. She has not been very accepting of this, and I can't really blame her, I should have been more open with her and given her the freedom to choose. Looking back, I have many regrets combined with the fear that I will never realize the fullness of who I could be. But, life goes on.....
Love,
SilkenPrincess

[alba68]

I told my then girlfriend what I did, but hadn't been doing it for a while when we met. Maybe I was trying to deny it. She said she didn't want to see me dressed. But after six years we have now seperated but still living with her. It has changed my life and am now dressing to my hearts content, she says it looks odd but is happy for me to do it. I am lucky to be so free to do it. But not in front of the kids.
Take care.

[KayleighTV_UK]

Just thought i would add my bit..

Ive always tried to be honest with any g/f that ive had... and most have been fairly understanding.. my most recent made me feel amazing.. i told her on the first date... she would dress me, go shopping with me.. and be there for me.. but, as it goes, you cant stay with someone just because they accept you.. i didint love her... but thats another story..

On a more tragic note, last year, my g/f.. (2 previous to the mentioned one, yes i know what your all thinking) walked away from me and terminated our child because of Kayleigh...... :( sent me into depression for over 6 months, i couldnt work.. was on more tablets than i can name, but life goes on..

I have never been scared to out myself, my family know.. mum, dad.. brother and sister (me and my sister swap clothes!!!) and im not ashamed to tell people..

In my opinion, you cannot hide what you are from someone.. if you think the relationship is going to work, then you should be honest with your partner, because honesty and trust make up a lot of a relationship! ive tried the pushing it into the background bit and it dosent work.. (takes me back to a time when i dressed in my g/fs clothes when she was asleep) at the end of the day you are what you are..

Sorry to ramble...

Kay

[Amelie]

Kayleigh, this is exactly how I felt. One must be honest with their partners. This is why I started this thread when I first came here in Aug. I wanted to find out, why be secertive. Through this thread and while being on this site, I ahve learned that many had a difficult life, or are from a different era than me. They had good reasons to remain hidden, reasons that I couldn't see at first. Like you Kayleigh, If I meet someone I like in male mode, I tell them about me. But most meet me as Amelie so I don't have to say anything, they can see me.
I would like to thank all thoses who answered this thread, I have learned a lot since I've been here.
Love Amelie

[KayleighTV_UK]

Kayleigh, this is exactly how I felt. One must be honest with their partners. This is why I started this thread when I first came here in Aug. I wanted to find out, why be secertive. Through this thread and while being on this site, I ahve learned that many had a difficult life, or are from a different era than me. They had good reasons to remain hidden, reasons that I couldn't see at first. Like you Kayleigh, If I meet someone I like in male mode, I tell them about me. But most meet me as Amelie so I don't have to say anything, they can see me.
I would like to thank all thoses who answered this thread, I have learned a lot since I've been here.
Love Amelie

Amelie,
Thank you! im glad you feel the same, and yes, reading through this thread ive lernt a lot.. ive lernt that people see things a lot different to me...

Ok.. Just one final thing to add..

No matter how much we deny it.. our female side is part of us.. to use an example, I AM kayleigh, and kayleigh IS me.. so at the end of the day, if i go into a relationship with someone, what the get is ME - My Drab side AND Kayleigh... im not sure if i make sense? what im saying is that if your going to commit to someone, you should give them YOU.. not someone you have made up to make THEM happy.. because how can you have a relationship with someone when you are not happy?? ive been there.. and its not pretty..
Its 50/50 in a relationship.. why make yourself unhappy??? The worst thing someone can do is MAKE UP who you are just to make everything seem alright...

Sorry, i went off on one there....

Oh.. and Amelie.. the pic of your eyes is amazing! wish i could get mine like that, but i always end up stabbling myself in the eye with liquid eyeliner...

Kayleigh X

[Amelie]

Kayleigh, I have stabbed myself in the eye many times. Usually when I'm late, I start to rush and bam, in the eye. I have to wait for the tears to stop before continuing.
One trick I do- draw the line with a eye pencil first, then fill in with the liner. I find this to be easier than trying to draw a straight line with only the liquid eye-liner.
Amelie

[MistyCD]

I have a question, If most of the girls here were dressing at a young age and new they were cds why didn't you tell your wives early on in the relationship? Secrets can only hurt especially waiting so long.


Some times you just have to compromise....I tried many times to find a girlfrined who I could confide with and share my CD'ing but all of them rejected it and me afterwards.