Thinking About Coming "Out" At Thanksgiving?

[Jessica Who]

I was wondering if anyone here has ever used Thanksgiving as a time for announcing to the family that the were transgendered or a crossdresser. The reason it is on my mind is

A. Obviously, Thanksgiving is this week
B. Last year, my wife's uncle decided to come out as gay to all of us on Thanksgiving (even though most of us already knew)
C. A one-shot deal, easier to tell a group than many individuals

Personally, I probably wouldn't use such an occasion to drop such a bomb on everyone, I prefer one-on-one conversations. Despite this, I often dream about how nice it would be to come out to a room full of my family and friends and have them accept me with open-arms and love.

It is certainly dangerous territory but it would definitely make a splash. Despite what most people say, a lot of families love drama and gossip :argue: hehehe...

By the way when my wife's uncle came out, everyone was accepting except his mother, so overall he considered it a success.

Are any of you considering doing this or have you done it before? Anxiously awaiting responses :)

Jessica

[AllieSF]

I think that each person has to make the decision of whether to come out. However, the timing and location may need some third party input, which you are requesting here. Your dressing may not have the same affects on others, inlcuding your wife, as it does on you. A family gathering sounds like a good time to get it all over with (coming out) to a larger group of people. But, it could end up spoiling the anticipated happy, uncomplicated, special family moment for a lot of the attendees. Also, is your wife ready for you to come out and be identified as the wife of a crossdresser? That is a mute point if she is totally in agreement with you, but can be a big problem is she is not. Talk to her and get her feedback and recommendations. She knows your family some and your friends and should have some good ideas. Good luck with whatever you do. You are a braver soul than I am.

[Karren H]

Nahh.... Way too many sharp kinves and blunt instraments.. I'd much rather pass the pumpkin pie than pass as a woman this holiday! Or eat drink and be merry than eat drink and be Mary! :)

[Katesback]

Say you are a crossdresser and present a female 1% of the time in envoronments where the people that know you are not likely to be.

If that is the case then I have to ask you why tell anyone? I mean you dont tell the world all your secrets. Also if these people are not going to see the girl what does it matter that they know.

On the other hand if you are going to take it all to a different level and present a girl to these people in the future then it would make sense to tell them.

[StaceyJane]

Thanksgiving really should be a time for family togetherness. Dropping such potentially divisive bombshell on everybody could just ruin the day.

[Miranda09]

That's a big decision Jessica and I wish you the best with it. If you have a loving family who are interested in your happiness, then you'll be fine. You've already got a leg up over alot of us in that you have a very supportive SO. I have thought about this myself, but have decided, at least for now, that it's not a necessary thing for my family to know. I'm confident they would be supportive, but right now, it's a private part of my life that I'm not ready to share with just anyone. Maybe that will change someday. But, from what I have seen in many of your previous posts, you are definitely one happy girl.... :)

[Sheila]

Say you are a crossdresser and present a female 1% of the time in envoronments where the people that know you are not likely to be.

If that is the case then I have to ask you why tell anyone? I mean you dont tell the world all your secrets. Also if these people are not going to see the girl what does it matter that they know.

On the other hand if you are going to take it all to a different level and present a girl to these people in the future then it would make sense to tell them.

Surely the important thing is if they feel comfortable overall about telling, if that is the case the % of the time is unimportant, perhaps they would like to have those close to know them know as much about them as a person as possible, perhaps they would like the relatives to meet their girl side :confused: as to why you made the above statements :straightface:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

There is a time and place for everything - in my humble opinion, at the

Thanksgiving table is not the place or time. Be a little patient, the right time

will come.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Jessica Who]

Nahh.... Way too many sharp kinves and blunt instraments.. I'd much rather pass the pumpkin pie than pass as a woman this holiday! Or eat drink and be merry than eat drink and be Mary! :)

LOL .. ur so funny


Hey everyone, sorry I guess I worded my post incorrectly. I wasn't saying that I was going to do this or even considering it :)

Just wanted to bring it up if anyone had done it before or was planning to do it. I always go for one on one conversations, I have 100% success with those :)

[sterling12]

Well, how did The Family react last year? Are The same people going to be there? Has anything happened recently that would change circumstances?

I'm about like everyone else, my gut reaction is: "don't disrupt a family gathering during a major holiday, it will only cause misunderstandings and hurt feelings."

But, if they seem like they could handle The Information without a huge disruption and would welcome your candor, you might consider The Option. By the way, don't do your "announcement" by showing up dressed. That's not The Ideal Way to handle The Problem..."One Trauma for Mom and Dad at a time!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. Christmas would also be a non-opportune time!

[AlisonRenee]

to me - it's a personal matter, pretty intimate information, and I think dropping a potential bomb in the middle of an otherwise neutral gathering is - well, not such a great idea.

Sorta like how your mom used to tell you "quit playing with that stick, it's all good fun until someone gets their eye put out."

[Lorileah]

Uncle Bob last year, you this year, what next year? You think they would get the idea when I answered the door in a skirt and heels? :raisedeyebrow: This is not an option for me as everyone who is coming to dinner already knows Lori but yet I haven't decided what I am wearing...yet. I don't want to be the only one there in a corset while the rest of the family pops open their belts and has that extra piece of pie. No no, don't worry about me, please pass the celery stick...and that bottle of wine:wine:

Yeah, if it was important to me to tell everyone there, I would. But like I said they would probably know when I was walking around looking like June Cleaver

[Ailyn]

It'd be better than doing it on Christmas.

[joandher]

Nahh.... Way too many sharp kinves and blunt instraments.. I'd much rather pass the pumpkin pie than pass as a woman this holiday! Or eat drink and be merry than eat drink and be Mary!!

Karron still laughing at your reply!!!!:devil::D

Have you talked it over with your S/O ?? whats her thoughts on it,remember shes your better half and will also have to live with it

J-JAY

[Ailyn]

Nahh.... Way too many sharp kinves and blunt instraments.. I'd much rather pass the pumpkin pie than pass as a woman this holiday! Or eat drink and be merry than eat drink and be Mary! :)

:lol2: That's too funny!

[trannie T]

Just show up at dinner wearing a nice dress and let them figure it out.

As many of the people there will be from your wife's family have a very serious talk with her. It may also be good to talk with Uncle Bob for some advice.

[AmberLynn]

considered it yes,would i do it no. my mother is starting to hint around that theres something "diffrent about me" ill let the gear's click till she figures it out. as for the rest of my family if they see me on the street "im closted but getting braver" ill worry about it then. after all it is are decision to decide are path and when the time is right you will know

[janelle]

WOW, that is a tough choice to make. If you do it you could say something about being thankful for having them all as family. Might be a way to see would also be thankful for you, the person, not what you wear, work or anything else, just for you being you.
Good luck hun. Have a happy thanksgiving.

Hugs, Janelle

[AKAMichelle]

If you did tell everyone this Thanksgiving, your family would be scared of what they would learn next year. :D

[Leslie Langford]

...what goes through the minds of the type of people who agree to drop a similar major bombshell on friends or family on television programs like the Maury, Jerry Springer, or the Tyra Banks Shows etc.

IMHO, they are either extreme narcissists who don't give a d*nm about anyone else's feelings except for their own, or else they are complete cowards who hope that any negative reaction that the other parties might voice will be mitigated by the fact they they would be so shell-shocked that they would probably be reluctant to make a scene and embarrass everyone involved even further in front of both a live audience and a national one.

[sherri52]

I wouldn't use any holiday or special occasion unless you felt the time was right. Then I wouldn't do it until everyone was about to go home, making sure the event was enjoyd by all first.

[Bonnie Lawrence]

It'd be better than doing it on Christmas.

I came out on Christmas many years ago and have regretted my poor judgement since then. It was the heighth of narcissism and lack of regard for my wife and children.

Everyone in the family may suspect "Aunt Kathy" is a lesbian and be able to accept her coming out. However, many in our families neither have a clue, let alone can imagine that "Dad" or "Son" or "Grandpa" is a crossdresser

[girlalex]

i haven't read all the responses so i don't know if anyone mentioned this but the best day to come out would be on Halloween. dress as a girl and make up your mind if you want to come out based on how your family responds.:D

[Sally2005]

Not Cding related, but I've had several disputes with family on special occasions and it has me really stressed and feeling uncomfortable when these yearly events come. It is best to make major personal announcements on their own day unless it is your family tradition to dump it all out on Thanksgiving and this year is your turn.

[Frédérique]

Thinking About Coming "Out" At Thanksgiving?
Are any of you considering doing this or have you done it before?

I haven’t really thought about it. My family, what’s left of it, is rather small, and the majority of these individuals are completely divorced from all manner of sensory input. This is a “pearls before swine” situation, in my lofty opinion – why divulge the work of art I’ve been investing so much time, thought, and energy on to a bunch of…sensory-deprived non-believers*? I mean, look around inside the house where we’ll be gathering on Thanksgiving – terrible pictures on the wall (they call ‘em “pitchers”), tacky décor in every room, the humans are all wearing their unisex Wal-Mart shopping uniforms (T-shirts and jeans or shorts) and, above all, the pervasive overall impression of consumer drabness (courtesy of the American Dream) that fills every nook and cranny of every room. Also, if you look out the window (this particular house is in western Kansas), the backyard landscape looks like ground zero – I’m not kidding. This is my other sister’s place, a bunker out in the middle of nowhere – her sense of style blew away in the incessant winds years ago, never to return…:sigh:

No, I wouldn’t come out at Thanksgiving, or any other time, to people who would not…ahem…appreciate such a gesture – I would anticipate lots of eye-rolling, stifled laughs, and pregnant silences. My artistic/sympathetic sister, who I live with, is another story entirely, and I will come out to her someday in an intimate setting of my choosing – she is a more worthy audience…:battingeyelashes:

*I’m reminded of that cute story about a young artist (a painter) who kept badgering Francis Bacon (the famous painter) about coming to his studio to look at his amateurish and sophomoric efforts. Bacon finally had enough, one day, and he said, “I won’t come to look at your pictures, because I’ve seen your tie!”

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Well, just to address the rhetorical scenario, it may be a bit different for you to come out if it's at your wife's family's thanksgiving than it was for the uncle. Remember that the Uncle has been a part of all of their lives for as long as they can remember, so his coming out is likely to be more accepted than yours might be, because even though they've accepted you into their family, and you may really feel like part of the family, you're still a "new member." And your coming out will be filtered through the lens of you being married to your wife. Their first priority will still be their concern for her. I'm not saying they wouldn't be accepting, I'm just saying it's a bit bigger a hurdle than the uncle's.

But on the general topic at hand, I don't think I'd want to use Thanksgiving or any big event because we've had enough drama on events and I'd rather not contribute to it.

Plus, I don't want that turkey stealing my thunder.

[Karren H]

Thanks to this thread.... come Thursday afternoon........ I'm going to have a difficult time when my wife asks me "what kind of dressing do you want with your turkey"... I dare say "cross" won't be one of the shoices.. Sigh.

[Tara_G]

Hi all, new girl here from Austin TX! Had to read this thread because of my current circumstances. I had a tough year, got laid off from my 6 figure mgmt job, summer was a 100+,
and just when I shaved my wife had to bring home my Mother-in-law and here sister because her mom was not getting the medical help she needed in her state. Spent a month or two coming out to my sister-in-law and having a few great nights dressing up. Then my wife's daughter and our two grandchildren got evicted and had to move in with us. Came out to the stepdaughter and she accepted me and even went shopping for me. My brother and his wife had kept asking me to come up to the hot-tub so I finally confided in them about my shaved legs & dressing (they said no big deal).


11/25 - wife took her mom and sis home. daughter-in-law has the kids at some friends. Thanksgiving dinner planned at my brothers with my Mom coming.

Seems like everybody knows and only my Mom doesn't accept.
She links my drinking with cross-dressing (some good reasoning there :heehee: ). What to do......

1) blow brains out at the dinner table as mom is eating cranberry sauce
2) tell mom who desperately wants me to love her that she is the reason we aren't close
3)watch the Cowboys kick the Raiders butt

let me know what you think:love:

[Laura Jane]

I was wondering if anyone here has ever used Thanksgiving as a time for announcing to the family that the were transgendered or a crossdresser.

Far too Me, Me, Me. Not an attractive quality in a person!

[trannie T]

Seems like everybody knows and only my Mom doesn't accept.
She links my drinking with cross-dressing (some good reasoning there :heehee: ). What to do......

1) blow brains out at the dinner table as mom is eating cranberry sauce
2) tell mom who desperately wants me to love her that she is the reason we aren't close
3)watch the Cowboys kick the Raiders butt

let me know what you think:love:

Enjoy the turkey then hit the couch and watch football. The Thanksgiving table is not the proper place to blow one's brains out, don't you ever read Miss Manners? Don't pick a fight with Mom despite what she may say to you. The Cowboys are favored by two touchdowns so you may fall asleep by halftime which might be the best thing to do.

[AmberLynn]

i haven't read all the responses so i don't know if anyone mentioned this but the best day to come out would be on Halloween. dress as a girl and make up your mind if you want to come out based on how your family responds.:D

tried 10 years ago,as i have stated in other threads it didnt go so well. they think i have stopped. if only they new. My so/and amber were going to put the tree up togeather tommrow night in front of are big window with the curtin open. how ever my 3 nephews will now be in town right across the ally, so dont know if thats gonna happen or not. I dont want to chance them seeing me and confuse them.

[AKAMichelle]

So the question now is - What Happened? Did you tell them? How many ambulances were called?

We have boring lives and are dying for some excitement. So Tell!!!

[Melissa_Z]

... Remember that the Uncle has been a part of all of their lives for as long as they can remember, so his coming out is likely to be more accepted than yours might be, because even though they've accepted you into their family ...


On this point I'd also add that it seems to me that there is something really different about coming out as T*/CD versus as gay. At the end of coming out as T*/CD I think people are going to have the tendency to wonder about all the presentation kinds of stuff ("uhhh ... what does he look like as a girl," "does this mean you will always look femme from now on?" etc..). Its almost like you are coming out as a different person entirely. I don't think those issues are quite the same for a gay coming out. I guess "gay" is more of a known quantity to more people (not to trivialize). Maybe I'm not thinking it through enough though (too much turkey yesterday).



Plus, I don't want that turkey stealing my thunder.
It's like highlander perhaps? There can be only one jiveturkey? ;)


Thanks to this thread.... come Thursday afternoon........ I'm going to have a difficult time when my wife asks me "what kind of dressing do you want with your turkey"... I dare say "cross" won't be one of the shoices.. Sigh.
Pwahaha. Control it ;) Actually that reminds me of one time when we had a guest over for dinner. I made a spicy salad dressing and my guest asked what I called it ... I said "cross-dressing, because it's spicy and angry." I got the normal response to my pun-tacular sense of humor. We proceeded to enjoy our salads.

Mel ;)

[Tara_G]

Well Jessica, how was your Thanksgiving?

I planted my butt in front of the tube and watched the Boy's rough up those dreaded Raiders all by myself. Ironically, there were 4 other "men" in the house and none of them were watching the game.

Maybe we need our own holiday between Halloween and Xmas

TransGiving :daydreaming: