Erica K.
11-23-2009, 06:08 PM
For the first time in my life I feel genuinely happy, I accept myself completely. I know I will make mistakes, but that does not mean I can not learn a thing or two by making them. It is ok that I am not perfect, I am good enough for me. My happiness is not dictated by someone giving me a compliment or a negative statement, but by my love for just being, permanently validated by me with no expiration date! My sexuality is not so easily defined by words like gay/straight/bi, and I am not looking to find a word that does. What I wear does not define who I am, who I am defines what I wear.
Last Friday was the best night of my life. My best friend & I went out & about. We went shopping, then to a straight bar dressed for the first time, and ended the night by going to a 24 hour Mexican food place that is amazing! Not a crazy night I know, but the freedom to be myself in front of others have never been so strong. It was the first time in my life I did not care about what other people thought about me, I can not change that so it is best not to dwell on it. I feel like I fell in love with life this last week, which I find interesting considering just about 2 weeks ago I realized I have no idea what it means to be alive or in love. I have never felt that low, but I have never bounced back so fast, and with this feeling that can only be described as a natural high. “Be the person you want to be”, I am at a place in my life where this is not cliché, easy answer advice. I had to become A person first, make actual steps towards self expression & self reliance. I literally feel like a different person than I did a couple weeks ago, it is very fascinating actually. I like myself, I like waking up & seeing my face in the mirror regardless if I look like a man or woman (I prefer the woman though ^_^), I like going outside, I like the clouds, I like the rain, sun, moon & stars. I do know what it means to be alive & in love. I am alive, I can feel it in every action I make, every thought, every word. I love myself, I love you, I love everything.
Last Friday was the best night of my life. My best friend & I went out & about. We went shopping, then to a straight bar dressed for the first time, and ended the night by going to a 24 hour Mexican food place that is amazing! Not a crazy night I know, but the freedom to be myself in front of others have never been so strong. It was the first time in my life I did not care about what other people thought about me, I can not change that so it is best not to dwell on it. I feel like I fell in love with life this last week, which I find interesting considering just about 2 weeks ago I realized I have no idea what it means to be alive or in love. I have never felt that low, but I have never bounced back so fast, and with this feeling that can only be described as a natural high. “Be the person you want to be”, I am at a place in my life where this is not cliché, easy answer advice. I had to become A person first, make actual steps towards self expression & self reliance. I literally feel like a different person than I did a couple weeks ago, it is very fascinating actually. I like myself, I like waking up & seeing my face in the mirror regardless if I look like a man or woman (I prefer the woman though ^_^), I like going outside, I like the clouds, I like the rain, sun, moon & stars. I do know what it means to be alive & in love. I am alive, I can feel it in every action I make, every thought, every word. I love myself, I love you, I love everything.