The Ring is OFF!!!

[EveMarie]

Hey folks, I'm here on a sad or otherwise expected note.

My wife has informed me that our marriage is over, no reconciliation possible. To make a long one short, I was not surprised but I was hurt beyond belief. I felt dead inside, and still do. We are friends (if you can conceive that thought) but after 15 years together she said she couldn't "accept" me, even though she knew of my GID from the start. Details are irrelevant, the fact is I have been abandoned.

Please, I do not seek sympathy (you can find it between s**t and syphilis in the dictionary. I just wanted to post this news in my life and share with those of you what can happen, good bad, or indifferent, when you "come out" or are discovered.

When I first came here to be with my wife she had an understanding of what I was and decided not to acknowledge it, or condone it, but at the time accepted it for a "fetish" I had. I dressed and played as discreetly as possible, but one fatal act started the cave in of the relationship. She couldn't deal with me having gone out for a drink in public with a third party, as innocent as it was, it was too much.

I have been fighting internally with my GID for over 40 years now, and am now really standing at a crossroads of deciding who I am and who I will be.

I will be flying south for the weekend to visit my mom, and have decided to come out to her also (she sort of knows my history). I want a clean slate, I want to know in my mind what I need to do. Since I have no friends or family up north, my best choice would be to go south and be with family and start with new friends who would be more inclined to support and nourish whatever my decision may be.

I'm sad, lonely, and hurt, but I'm one resilient Bitch! and I will persevere.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I am sorry to hear your news. It sounds like you are coping well and I expect you will be a bit freer to find the solution that is right for you. Be well and good luck!!!

[jenna_woods]

I'm sorry to here your bad news, good luck to you.

[sherri52]

I'm so sorry Evie. I'm divorced twice for the same reason and know how you feel. Marriage is for better or worse but it seems not dressed or not dressed.

[kristinacd55]

Sorry to hear the news Eve. I've thought about what the consequences would be if I did the 3rd party thing too and I'll have to think about it b4 doing that with ur post.
On a positive note, your future looks very bright in Fla. A whole new world will open up I'll bet! :)

[Terrihoney]

We are what we are, before the marriage. So sorry for you after all this time.
The only path for you is to come out to family and close friends to explain the breakup.
You just may be able to finally explore who Evie is without retrictions.

Good luck and Hugs, Terri

[Daintre]

You are not looking for sympathy Evie, but it saddens me when a marriage comes to an end. As for the dead feeling, that was my same reaction when my ex said it was over. Good luck, I think being around family and a new start is so positive.

[Amy Lynn3]

Evie: I think the world you know will become much brighter when you arrive in Florida. We can't count on our Mom's for the most part and I'm sure you will get support from her. Remember, we are here for you and we will do all that we can.
Hugggsss

[Bonnie Lawrence]

Evie, my heart aches for you. Be gentle with yourself. Surround yourself with those who will accept your whole person. Your heart will tell you where to go next.

[melissacd]

Evie,

My condolences and yes you are very right, when you finally act your authentic self, it can spell the end of a relationship. It is an end but also a beginning and hopefully this will lead to better things. In the meantime, I can and do appreciate how sad and painful this is.

Take care,

Huggs
Melissa

[aleshiabaum]

Evie, I'm no expert about much of anything. But I firmly believe in the power of "find out." I encourage you to mentally put that crossroads at, say, January 1, 2011. Take a year and let Evie play, and see how it makes you feel.
If you don't you'll very likely always wonder. You are free. Freedom doesn't feel that amazing during a breakup. But the company, or, better yet, love of someone else, as we all know, goes a long way towards making us feel better.
Attractive women have it so much easier than the rest of us. They have the option of being with someone or not -all they have to do is decide they want it. I have so many women friends that have confessed to me that they haven't been alone in years. As soon as they were single...or merely dissatisfied...someone was right there eager to show them a good time. Decide what you want, whether it be friendship or something more, identify a group that is most likely to have someone in it that will be into you, and get out there!

And remember - emotions only control you to the degree that you allow them to. They're just thoughts. A wise friend - a Buddhist - told me that years ago, and it's come to my rescue so many times. Visualize 'feeling depressed and lonely' or 'confusion' as nothing more than a habit you want to get rid of, like hating to floss. In the grand scheme of things, it's inconsequential. Try thinking, "Yeah, so what? I'm feeling ____.
But NOW is the time that I will embark on something exciting and new!"

[Billie1]

Evie,
My heart goes out to you. I know, because I had that same hollow, scooped-out feeling of emptiness some 20-ish years ago. You don't want (or need) sympathy, but I'm sure you could use a hug. Take a minute, close your eyes, and think, You're the mot important person in the world to me!, give yourself a hug for me. It's rough, but it will work out, in one way or another. Reading your story brought back a lot, it still hurts and sometimes I wonder how I made it through. Take of yourself, you are your own best friend. And always be kind to your friends.

Bon chance!

[Melinda G]

Sorry to hear the news.
I rest my case.

[dancinginthedark]

Evie I hope the future brings you more joy than you ever thought possible. I wish you love that heals and time to enjoy it all.

Take good care of yourself Evie, it may not feel like it yet but honey you've a lot of living to do. :bh:


dancin

[NathalieX66]

Evie, this makes me fee kind of sad.
I guess the thing that kind of scares me is what your wife's expectations in of life are, or where she saw the marriage going on behalof of her perpective. I'm in no position to know how your CD'ing affects her, or in what manner. All I know that in life I seek what makes me strongest and happiest, not perfection . I make my weaknesses into streghnths, and make lemonade when I have lemons. I've never known anyone on this planet no matter how successful, rich, or morally pure as they claim to be to be the guarantee for happiness, or the admittance to the Gates of Heaven.

I don't know the sacrifices you made to make her happy, or the bargains you agreed to in order to come to a suitabe compromise. You obviously feel hurt becuse you expected her to be more forgiving than she was, and she opted to slip out of the marriage when she saw the opportunity to do so. I suspect that's what the hurts most.

[Sally2005]

You sound strong! I hope when you are feeling down you will find a way to pull yourself up quickly. It may not have been the CDing...it is a probably an easy excuse for her to use.

[Aubrey Green]

Evie, I feel for you. I have been down that road twice, none because of CDing, but I do not wish that on anyone. we are all here to help anyway we can.
:hugs:

[Satrana]

Evie

Your story is another example of how a "don't ask don't tell" compromise almost inevitably leads to a breakup later. Without education and communication, you were always treading on eggshells and your wife was waiting for you to step over the line in her mind to justify her view of crossdressing.

So let your story be a cautionary tale for others to understand that without a satisfactory resolution to the CDing in a relationship, you are juggling with fire. And being human you will one day make a "mistake"

It is good to hear that you can see the silver lining and I hope you will find many friends you will accept the real you. Everyone deserves the chance to live freely without shame and guilt.:hugs:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

If you recall this past summer I went through the same thing....wife informed me I wasn't the man she married and after 14 years she wanted to be single...and I even went to Florida...Ft. Myers...but after 10 days she relaized even if I wasn't the man she married she still missed this man/woman or whatever I was....and I'm back in TN now and we're doing our thing together....is it the same???? Probably not, but it's more relaxed and all and everyhting is out there....we're on our second chance now with each other and if it works that's great, but if it doesn't and we go seperate ways we'll do so more than likely as friends and remain friends....and that's a lot better than the way a lot of relationships end....

Yeah it's tough...feels like you got kicked in the gut....but getting a clean slate especially as who we are and finding a small inner circle can be something special....

Hang in there take it one day and one step at a time....and PM me if you want to discuss this more....

Stephanie

[karennjcd]

Evie,

That your wife seemed to accept the fact you CD for 15 years and then suddenly sprung this on you tells me that there is potentially more to this than meets the eye. Genetic women go through all kinds of chemical changes that we will never understand; even as we emulate their looks we can't emulate or know what their bodies really go through.

Could it be possible that your wife might be the one who is seeing a third party? And if so she could be turning this around to put the blame conveniently on your CD'ing to make the split convenient for her so she can move on?

As your male side if you had gone out with friends of the same gender for a drink or to watch a game once in a while she probably would not have said anything, or at least not used this as an excuse. Meeting the opposite gender (you as a man meeting a GG) could and should set off alarms in her mind, even if it's just an innocent meeting of an old friend. But to her credit, you can see where it might be confusing to her with you going out as Evie to meet somebody else. Whether it's a male, female, or another CD she could easily have the idea that there's more to the "innocent" meeting.

As somebody who has been divorced now almost as long as I was married, I think the institution of marriage is overrated and I advise you to eventually accept the fact that your marital status has changed, and seek ways to be happy. Continue CD'ing and be happy as Evie to the extent you wish to take it, and know that next time you choose to meet somebody as Evie you don't have to answer to anyone else.

Karen

[Alice Torn]

There must be something in the air today. I had two longtime friendships end, today, both females. One knows I dress, and, knowing her, she may tell it, at the church i attended, until lately. In 1985, a lady I loved, told me, that she could never love me, and, I almost grove my car into a big tree. My heart was ripped out, replaced by a brick! I feel for you. Being married that long! It may be wise, to put off any more drama, for a while, and not come out to mom, and relatives, right away. This coming from a person, who's entire family life, has been all drama! Aleshiabaum, you are so right about, the fact, that attractive, even just a little attractive women, are always in demand, and don't have to worry about being alone long. It seems there is always a waiting line, of men, after every attractive gg. Just the opposite, for men.

[KayC]

I want to tell you how very sorry I am. I think going for a fresh start in a place that would be more supportive sounds like a good idea at this time.
You didn't say if your "3rd party" was male or female, if your wife was jealous, if she viewed that as a betrayal, if the two of you had previously had an agreement NOT to be alone with others, so it's hard to ascertain exactly what went wrong in your situation.
I can't help but feel if I were a CDer, before selecting a special someone to spend my life with, there's a lot of things I'd have to look for in a person...are they open to new ideas? Are they a strong person, able to stand against the tide in situations? Do they have a very strong sense of commitment and the marital vows? How do they handle situations? Are they judgmental? Do they have the ability to change?
There was a time in my past when, I shudder to think, I was conservative, opposed to change, intolerant, and closed-minded...I didn't see it that way at the time, I just thought myself a "Christian". Over the years, funny enough, as I began to think outside the box, I began a quest for a deeper search...to know GOD, not just participate in "religion" or be under the teachings of an organization...I began to think for myself, I learned, studied, experienced, and in the process...grew...and changed...tremendously. I no longer think like I used to. I welcome the experience to expand my mind a little, new experiences, new people, new ideas, changes...it all helps me to become more well rounded, to learn and grow. I don't worry so much what others think...I know what exists between me and God and that's what matters. In this process, I have come to view everything differently.
When I met my SO and learned about CDing, it was a shock at first as I'd never thought about it one way or another, had never been acquainted with CDers, didn't know anything about it...but I quickly set out to learn, I came on line here and read and read, I asked questions, and most of all, I kept myself open to learn and embrace. I am totally comfortable with the idea and it really didn't take that long. I realize everyone's processing is different and for some it might be quick and some it might be slow...for some it might be all the way, for some it might be very limited. But I tell you this, I care more about the person than the way they dress or their gender. I love Jim and I cannot imagine ever turning my back on him because KatelynMae exists...when you love a person, do you not love ALL of them? If not, I pose this to you, do you not just love the IDEA of love, and not the person at all?!
If you are not already with a person, consider these thoughts carefully before making your selection. What is this person's history? Do they have the ability to think outside the box? Do they have the ability to really love and take their commitments seriously? Are they too wrapped up in society's dictates and what others think? Observe...obsserve...observe. Tread carefully.

EveMarie, I am very sorry you are going through this experience, it hurts like hell, I know it does, I've had my heartbreaks and share of hurts, but yes, you ARE resilient and you WILL persevere, and maybe, just maybe, this will turn out to be a GOOD thing eventually, maybe you will someday find a special person who will be right for you...one can always hope.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Evie

Sorry about what happened

All I can do is wish you all the best for the future :bh:

[joandher]

Hi Evie all I can say is GOOD LUCK to you on which ever road you take at this junction in time
As one door closes another opens.

:hugs: J-JAY

[Bettyann303]

Eve, you are not alone. You have all of our support and love.