How did your loved ones and friends find out about your Crossdressing?

[Ailyn]

I'm brand new in the forum, I've kept my crossdressing a secret from everyone, my family and my best friends. I'm currently single so there's no girlfriend or wife to tell about my secret.

I live with my mom and dad because they're older and I help take care of them. So every now and then my mom gets in my room to clean and she's found my woman's clothes and shoes.

Once she found my whole stack and she couldn't stop asking: Whose are this? She knows I don't have a girlfriend and haven't had one in a while, so she either thinks I'm a crossdresser or gay (which I'm not).

She hasn't caught me in the act and probably won't 'cause I always lock the door when I'm Ailyn. I've heard her talking to my dad and she told her what she found. I heard them say some bad things like: If he puts them on that's disgusting! and things like that.

My mom asked me to throw all my clothes away. I had to... in a way I felt really sad because It cost me so much to get all those clothes, it wasn't easy for me getting them, it took a lot of B*lls going to the counter and buying them.

But also it felt like a relief, because I also wanted to quit altogether. But I couldn't resist.

So anyway my original question to you all is:

How did your family and friends found out about your crossdressing?

A: Did you come out to them

or

B: Did they catch you in the act?

[MiraM]

I told everyone...pretty much everyone I know knows that I am gay and a crossdresser/transgendered. It got to the point that i couldn't hide who i was any more, and had to start living my life for me and not everyone else.

[Christina89]

i told two people about my crossdressing. one of them said it is ok and that if she comes out here she would dress me up. the other one i don't think she took it ok. i think my mother suspects it but i'm not telling her yet.

[Kaitlin the cd]

I told 2 of my gg friends. Then one of thier boyfriends found out. Then I found out the other ones boyfriend crossdresses. Then one of the girls I told ended up telling her friend and her boyfriend told a friend of his.

[DaphneGrey]

I told them then they told everyone else.

[charlie]

Hello Aylin!
Welcome to the forum! I hope you feel that the people here are as helpful and supportive as I do. Just having a place to go and people to talk to that know what you are going through is wonderful. Anyway, I was operating in a heavy pink fog and got careless. My wife found out about things that I had been buying and asked me about it. I got very truthful and told all. She got so upset that she talked to several of our close friends about my dressing. To their credit they were, and are supportive of me. However, many people know now!

[TNRobin]

My girlfriend knows, actually she's the one that got me back into crossdressing, so she not only knows but is very supportive and really enjoys having a boyfriend that's her part time girlfriend as well.

My family does not know at all. I think that my sister suspects, but I'm not sure. We live 450 miles from each other, actually all of my family is far away. I may at some point tell my sister, but definitely not my parents. At one time many years ago my mom did find my clothes and stuff and for years she thought that I was gay. My brother did as well, but unlike mom he addressed me about it and we talked. Since then though he's become hyper religious, so I doubt that I'll let him know any time soon that I'm back to crossdressing.

[Teri Jean]

I told them when I decided to transition. My daughters and a few of my friends thought this might be the case.

Teri

[Lauren1973]

Ironic subject..I just sent this letter to my mother who has cuaght me several time when I was young but never would address the issue. I wish they had not been too ashamed to take me to see a counsler. Of well.......

This medical issue I have has affected my life since I have been very young. It is after 36 years coming to a head. I really would love it if you could read some info and get past ducking it. Ducking the problem has not worked for 36 years now and I am broken in ways you don't understand. I have been to a Dr. I have been diagnosed as being transgender. Its not a sin or a choice its there and its only getting worse the older I get. I have been living a lie my whole life , I dare say you don't even know the person I really am because I have hid it away from you guys. Hell I am not sure I know the real me , Because to explore that part of myself would be going against all the lies I have told myself to try to survive. I can't take it anymore. I am tired of living a lie. So where ever this journey takes me I don't know but the alternative ...scares the shit out of me. I want to close this email by saying this I AM NOT GAY! Gender and sexual orientation are seperate issues altogether. To be honest sex is the very leaset of my worries or concerns. I could go the rest of my life without sex but I am not sure how much longer I can live this lie. I am sorry to be in your face about it but I feel like being honest and open with you is the only right way to do it. I have prayed and prayed about this problem all my life and I always get the same answer be me and he will handle the rest but I have never had the faith to support this. God made me this way for a reason ...I have no idea what that is but he doesn't make mistakes so. I know you think its a sin but its not I talk to God every day about it. I am not sure what else to say I am at a loss. I love you guys.


http://www.hrc.org/documents/transgender_visibility_guide.pdf

[joann07]

I've told a number of aquaintances and close friends, including my best friend from HS, and all of them are accepting of it. Most have seen or been with me as JoAnn except for a few, but nonetheless they support me. Although one close friend has seen pictures of me and supports me, he doesn't want to see me as JoAnn while in person.

The only family that knows is a cousin. He found out by accident when he came across my Flickr page. I couldn't deny it and so told him the truth. After I told him, he was bit shocked, but just like all my friends he and his wife accept it and support me.
I was rather relieved and glad that they were the first ones who found out because they live in San Franciso and everyone knows how open and accepting the GLBT community is in the Bay area so I'm sure they're used to seeing transgender people all around the city.

Hugs!

[Erin Li]

My dad once found a bag of my stuff when I was in my teens, he didn't ask much, just told me to get rid of it. Haven't heard anything from him since about it.

My current fiancee found out when she moved in with me, and decided to surprise me and clean the apartment. When I got home from work, one of my boxes was on the floor, opened, and she asked 'What's this?' I felt my face go flush as soon as I saw the box on the floor, then spent about 5 minutes totally speechless, with a dumb look on my face.

I told my sister one day when we were in the drive-thru line at In 'n Out. She is the most supportive and understanding of the people who know I dress. She thinks it's cool to have an 'older sister'

I told one of my close guy friends when my car broke down during a solo shopping trip. My axle busted, and we had a lot of time to kill waiting for the tow truck. I wanted to tell him anyway, to see how a guy friend might react. I was pretty sure he'd be ok with it, so I wasn't too nervous about it. Just nervous about how to bring it up.

Happy Holidays!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I told them.

[sandra-leigh]

I told them.

My wife found a pair of breastforms I had hidden in the basement; she was shocked, but just came up and asked me to hold her tight, and didn't say a single thing about it at that time -- so I suspected she'd found something of mine but didn't know for sure and didn't know what.

A couple of months later, on the day before she was going away for a semi-indefinite period (family illness) she asked me about the forms one morning as I was just waking up. By that time I was sick to my stomach of "being creative with the truth" (mostly lies by omission) and had resolved to tell her if she asked, so we spent the day talking about it. (I would have initiated the conversation but with her family member so ill, it seemed like a crappy time to dump something of that magnitude on her.)


My family... I told my sister on the phone towards the end of June, just before I went to visit her. My mother was visiting too, and a couple of days into the visit I had a long talk and told her as well. I had told my GP (doctor) a couple of weeks earlier, and I told my best friend on the phone within a couple of weeks of telling my mother. And thusly I was out to everyone I really cared about.

When I was last "back home", a friend I've known for a long time (probably met in the neighbourhood 40 years ago, became friends in high school) made an opportunity for me to tell him... he asked about my more feminine appearance and asked if there was something they should know... but I just said it was "self-expression". Correct, I did not tell him. Not for fear of losing his friendship, but because it is no longer any of his business... he has made little effort to keep in touch with me since I moved about 17 years ago, and in the dinner get-togethers since, he made it obvious that he thought I'd gotten boring (no children, no interesting hobbies, I'm not an artist / musician.) Perhaps I will tell him eventually (e.g., I guess if I went as far as a name change I'd have to give some clue), but I was conscious that the only reason to tell him would be to shock him with the knowledge that instead of being boring, I had a complex and detailed inner life. But it still wouldn't be a topic of interest to him... I've known him too long to expect that he might (for example) start calling me on the phone to express encouragement.

My relatives... for various reasons that mostly date back to my childhood years (i.e., that have nothing to do with me), I'm fairly estranged from most of my relatives; I've been reaching out to some of them in the last few months, but I haven't had much to say to most of them because I don't know them. I'd rather not put up a barrier to reconcilition at this time... "Hi, I'm your 3'rd cousin 4 times removed, I didn't even know you existed until a month ago, but I'd like a chance to find some family spirit; oh by the way, if you are talking to your relatives to figure out where I fit in the family tree, I used to be called <male name>, but these days you should call me Sandra." Wonder how many takers I'd get?

[docrobbysherry]

NOT to tell them!

Only one person knows who I am! And she lives far, far away!:heehee:

Actually, it would be OK if u told! As long as u showed them my pictures at the same time! Then, they'd NEVER believe u!:brolleyes:

[sherri52]

I was caught by my mother. Showed my sisters. My brothers found out from my gg's. And both of my wifes I told before marriage and it still created a problem later.

[Carrie R]

I put my pics on Myspace. Went pretty well, mostly.

[Vicky_Scot]

Just remember this. When you tell your secret to anyone it is no longer your secret, it belongs to them now.

A loaded gun comes to mind at times. So really think about who you tell.

Xx Vicky xX

[flic]

Almost everyone that is close to me knows that i'm tg,,,and all but one know because i told them,,,the other was told by a friend who needed somebody to talk to about it, so i didn't mind that so much. I've been incredibly lucky to have amazing supportive friends, i'd built it up to such a big deal in my head, but they have all said nothing much has really changed, and that if anything it just explains a little more about why i am the way i am. I was overjoyed to hear that, because personality wise they could see the feminine in me anyways,,,i don't think they were overwhelmingly surprised to be honest! I'm just grateful to be lucky enough to have accepting friends.
x flic x

[Barbara918]

My friends aren't stupid -- they guessed the moment I walked into the restaurant in a dress and high heels.

[Sandra]

My SO told me 6 months after we got married......after quite a few years we told our daughter and close friends together, as for the rest of the family well lets just say that they was told and we don't see any of them.

[ericat]

i have told my girlfriend, and she accepts that i dress and even helps me. she is the only person i have told and don't really care to tell anyone else in the near future.

[sissystephanie]

I told my late wife before we married. She never told anyone! After she passed away, I became acquainted with a wonderful lady in Scotland, who I also told. She is the only friend who knows and she has never revealed it to anyone. Earlier this year I finally told my daughter, and then just very recently my son and grandchildren. They accept it, but don't want to see me dressed. Also they won't tell anyone, because they know that I know things about them they don't want told! I am the Godfather type of Grampa!:heehee:

[girlalex]

It got to the point that i couldn't hide who i was any more, and had to start living my life for me and not everyone else.

Just out of curiosity what exactly do you mean... because i think im going through something similar and as far as i am concerned i think im gay, not sure though because im attracted to straight guys more gays.

[joannemarie barker]

Just out of curiosity what exactly do you mean... because i think im going through something similar and as far as i am concerned i think im gay, not sure though because im attracted to straight guys more gays.

lol i relate to that alex.straight men do it for me more than gay guys :)

[Cary]

Only two people in my life know, my ex-girlfriend and my long-time best friend. I told both of them. Both are very understanding. I'm not married or seeing anybody and my family doesn't know.

[MiraM]

Just out of curiosity what exactly do you mean... because i think im going through something similar and as far as i am concerned i think im gay, not sure though because im attracted to straight guys more gays.

I consider myself to be a Transgendererd Gay male. I can't really say I feel I should have been born a woman. I think I am more in the middle of the spectrum. I enjoy some aspects of being male, and having certain male equipment, but fing that to feel 'complete', for lack of a better word, it is necessary for me to present as both male and female at times.

I was on hormones at one point, beleiving myself to be TS, and it caused lots of problems (depression, etc.) so it was obvious that transition was not the correct path for me. If finances allowed, I would most probably have get breast implants as I do find myself wishing that my body did present both male and female characteristics. That would be the extent of any surgical modifications I would ever do now. My boyfriend would be highly upset if I were to get rid of junior.

As far as sexual attraction goes, I can be attracted to staright men as well as gay men, or to straight or gay FtM's. I am currently involved with a Gay FtM, but like I said, it doesn't matter as long it it is a guy. I'm not attracted to them because I wonder what it would be like to be with a man a s a woman, but because at the end of the day, I would rather dress like a woman than have sex with one.