Are you a blender?

[Mirani]

There are many threads asking the question "Do I pass?"

IMHO few of us "pass" as in totally perceived as female. However, it is not my goal to "pass" as above.

My SO has taught me to aim at "Blending". Mixing in with the world as me without causing a wake (as follows a boat in the water), without causing a stir, just part of existence like everyone else.

I believe I succeed nearly all the time. When I don't succeed then it would appear that people keep their comments to themselves or wait until I have gone - that works for me.

Of course, some of us like to cause a stir and announce our presence and like the attention - well that's great! But I suppose you aren't seeking to pass either!.

So, guys and gals, I suggest we make it easier on ourselves and dress and behave so as to blend in rather that aim at the Nirvana of passing!

Just sharing my view. Feel free to agree/disagree but I am NOT saying anyone SHOULD do it my way or that my way is THE way.
I still believe in each to his/her own way.

[Paula Siemen]

I totally agree. I fantacise of passing completely, but down deep..or really not so deep, I realise that I still look like a guy in a dress with make-up and heels on. That's ok too, I guess, as long a I don't feel that I'm making a sectacle of myself. To be able to dress as a woman, and act as closely like a woman, and be treated appropriately like a woman, is the best that I can hope for. And, honestly, that is usually how it is when I am out in public or out shopping. Its been a while since I've felt intimidated due to someone making comments, point, laughing or whispering around me. I've learned to handle those situations with a smile and sometimes a wink. Being out as Paula is still a terrific turn-on for me and I totally enjoy it every chance I get.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Paula

[Faith_G]

Blending is certainly what I aim for when I walk out the door. I've never been a person who wanted to be "different" and attract attention to myself, which is why it was so hard for me to step outside the closet.

Passing is an unrealistic goal for me, so why set myself up for disappointment? I'm sure everyone who takes a close look at me realizes that there's a male body in those clothes. It's enough for me if they don't make a fuss about it. I'm thrilled if people I interact with address me as "miss" or "ma'am" or refer to me using female pronouns (I surpassed my goal!) but I don't feel like a failure when somebody addresses me as "Sir". :)

Mirani, how was the book you're reading in your avatar? It looks like one of those books that has a lot of characters but not much of a plot... :heehee:

[Marcyme]

That too is my goal. To be true to me, by showing MY gender but not be "in your face" about it. I am not a woman, nor do I want to be. But that does not mean I can't have femenine aspects to my appearence that represent me.

[Karren H]

If I wanted to blend..... I would wear women's jeans!!! Ekkkkk.. No way I don't blend..... I'm typically the only person in a store in a dress..... and that's the way I like it... Crossdressing for me is about looking feminine.... may be my opinion of feminine but but then again it's my "hobby"..... I refuse to try to look like the typical woman who dresses more like a man than I do.....

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I'm a blender (not the kind that makess margaritas :D). I just do my best to look female. I agree with Karen abou wearing jeans. I like jeans, but if I'm going to present as female, I want to wear a skirt or dress. Although I do wear skorts in the summer.

[Lorileah]

Not a blender. I get ignored too much in everyday life. Lori is the opposite of the male me. She wants attention and she wants people to notice her, she makes friends and she is totally relaxed in social situations. She is an uncontrollable flirt.
Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde. I do see those lines blurring though as I have now learned that there may not be a tomorrow to do what you WANT to do today ( there is always tomorrow for work and chores).

I think this relates to the fact that as of this moment I don't want to really be a girl either. If I was a TS things would be different

[Mirani]

. . . Crossdressing for me is about looking feminine.... may be my opinion of feminine but but then again it's my "hobby"..... I refuse to try to look like the typical woman who dresses more like a man than I do.....

To misquote (should that be Miss Quote;)) Mr Gump, "Feminine is as feminine does" :)

I suppose its about each one of us being comfortable as who we feel inside showing on the outside. Perhaps Karren, you are one of the happy ones to occasionally stand out and to hell with what anyone else thinks? All power to you for your confidence and chutzpah!

I also am not necessarily saying that one should present as a "typical" woman - actually I'm not saying anyone SHOULD present in any way. Just offering a view that for some of us, we may feel better about ourselves if we blend rather than make a statement or be "individual".

[flic]

Blending in is something i'd happily settle for, just for people to take me as I am would probably be enough to make me happy. I'd dearly love to pass 100%, but am realistic enough to know that it won't happen,,,,sooo i'll settle for a little bit of respect and the odd smile thrown my way!
x flic x

[victoriamwilliams1]

I am too tall! Even though at the store I did see a woman who was about 6'4" and wearing heals. Did I mention she was one of the food testing people:) Being near 7ft I dress to be accepted and for the most part I am. It think it is about how you dress at the time of day that works. I have seen women in skirts and heels in the afternoon. I have never seen a woman in a cocktail dress in the afternoon.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I just go out to be Stephanie...nothing more or nothing less...

Do I pass or even blend? Well maybe at 100 feet I'll pass or blend depending on that person's eyesight at 3 feet, I suspect my passing or blending is much less unless I'm sitting next to Elmer Fudd. Do I care???? Not really, because if I did I probably not bother or want to venture out in the public and risk being redicule or scorned for being "one of those".

I just want to go out and do the girl thing...be it socializing at a club, shopping for shoes, clothes etc...or just being out and being Stephanie...nothing more or nothing elss.

Now if someone has a problem with that then it's just that...their problem and not mine because I'm not all upset by me being out there as a female...

So I neither need to blend or need to pass...I just need to look the best I can and as normal as a female as I can be....and if I do then it will be a fun day for me....

[docrobbysherry]

I've lived my ENTIRE life as a "blending", "boring" appearing, man.:sad:

Sherry is a show off, who seems to have no interest in compromising her looks to suit others!:brolleyes:

[2B Natasha]

Since you are defining blending as trying not to draw attention to myself. Then yes. I try to blend as much as possible. Try to blend into the situation that I am walking into. I suppose I fail thought on a number of parameters. I dress a bit edgier then most women do. That's not really hard when you look around at all the women wearing sweats, jeans that look like they pooped in there shorts ( is it really so hard to buy a pair of pants that fit GG? ) and heaven forbid and outlaw someday, PJ's outside the house. What, to hard to put on a a peasant skirt? I wear to much make-up. as most women wear very little, unless there out clubbing. There is nothing I can do about my height, so I just wear the shoes I feel like wearing and am just taller then some women.

[sfwarbonnet]

Yes, the key is to blend-in in public. Dress for your age – like don’t wear a mini-skirt or show cleavage in public if you’re over 40 – GG’s just don’t do it unless they’re hookers!

[Karren H]

Yeah!! I totally agree.. No one should do anything just because someone else does... Secept wear fem jeans!! No one should do that! Lol. J/k.... Ya never know.... One of these days when I run out of things to do I just might try the blend in game.. Might be kind of fun.. And I love a chalenge!! :). Now back to building a new railing for the stairway...

[Rachel Morley]

I must admit I'm not one of these people that likes a lot of attention, so for me blending (into the background) is definitely something I want to do when I'm out in public. I just want to be treated the exact same way other women are treated. I don't particularly care what people truly think of me just so long as they don't tell me to my face or let me know by their behavior towards me .... that is unless they approve, then they can tell me if they want to :D

[windycissy]

It's all about blending for me too...my guy life is fairly tense, so there's nothing better than slipping into a denim jumper and tights and blending in with the crowd

[charlie]

It is not fun for me to wear anything but a skirt or dress, heels and full makeup. That is just not blending today. So I'll just not blend and try and be as feminine as possible when I'm out and about.

[Alaceann]

I hav'nt ben out in public yet, but if I ever get the chance I'd like to think that I would blend in.

[kellycan27]

Blender? hell no!.......LOOK AT ME! Up close and personal....right in your face.

[jenna_woods]

yes I agree with you, myself I am a blender, I try to dress so I don't stand out, although I don't dress as casual as most women do.

[carolinoakland]

Meh, the secret to blending is...." Age apropriate." unfortanately it sometimes conflicts with my female perogitive to wear something " Because I WANTED to!" Thank gosh I own a mirror when that happens. Carol

[sfwarbonnet]

See my post today (11/27) in the CDs in Wheelchairs thread

[AllieSF]

Passing, blending in, age appropriate and all those other clssifications that we use to try to define what we do, are just that classificatoipns to help clarify. So, do I pass, blend and dress age appropriate? I do not really know. I dress to have fun and interact with others, primarily those in the real world. I try to look the best that I can wearing things that "I like" and not what someone else thinks I should wear based on my age or the venue. I do not have a problem with denim, but haven't got to the jeans pants, yet! I am too busy trying to wear out on the town at least once all the skirts and tops that I have. Based on my inventory, it will probably be a long while before I get to slacks and jean pants.

[msginaadoll]

I definitely try to blend in. I personally find it exciting and a challenge to try to figure out the right outfit for the occasion. I want something feminine that looks nice on me wherever i go-but dont feel I have to always look glamorous(Not that I ever have). I may never pass but acceptance or even ignore ance is ok.

[Alice B]

My problem about going out dressed in the general public, other than to a bar that accepts cross dressers, is one of lack of guts. I know that when I dress I look decent, but that I could never pass as a female. I would like to go out, but would have to do so with others that are dressed and I don't see that happening. However, unlike Karren I do like woman's jeans and have a couple of pairs that look decent on me. About the only blending I do is with my foundation to match my skin tone.

["Mary"]

I'm a blender - at least I try to be. I want to look the best I can but not attract attention. I'm 5'13" and draw enough attention just because of that alone, so I usually dress conservatively.

[tricia_uktv]

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I can blend if I wish to but sometimes I want attention. I am doing this for me, not anybody else so who cares? Good thread though

[sherri52]

I agree. Go out and enjoy yourself. If you don't make waves or wear something completely off the wall for yuor age group, you will get by.

[~Emma D~]

I have only been out twice fully en femme - on both occasions I think I blended into the environment I was in.

the latest was this week and something I now realise, whatever happens I will be read at times, but if I am intent on going out and being Sarah I have to accept that and be ready for comments, adverse or not.

[Miranda09]

Not really interested in blending. If I was, i wouldn't be going to so much trouble to make myself look as good as possible. So, not interested in conformity...I want to get noticed! And, from what I've observed about woman, they're really not interested in blending either. When they get dressed up, they WANT to be noticed. :)

[kellycan27]

Not really interested in blending. If I was, i wouldn't be going to so much trouble to make myself look as good as possible. So, not interested in conformity...I want to get noticed! And, from what I've observed about woman, they're really not interested in blending either. When they get dressed up, they WANT to be noticed. :)

Right on sis!

[ericat]

i agree. i try to blend in most of the time. as much as i love sexy things like mini skirts and super high heels, i prefer to not cause a scene when i go out. i feel even more feminine dressed modestly actually, because unless you're out clubbing, how many women do you see leaving very little to the imagination on a daily basis?

[nancyish]

I am a blender.I wear plain womens clothes but i still get the odd look from people.I'm free to wear what fits and looks good on me,Nancy

[kellycan27]

i agree. i try to blend in most of the time. as much as i love sexy things like mini skirts and super high heels, i prefer to not cause a scene when i go out. i feel even more feminine dressed modestly actually, because unless you're out clubbing, how many women do you see leaving very little to the imagination on a daily basis?

I dress in a pretty conservative manner,and business attire is the order of the day five days a week. Not just blending in doesn't mean dressing like a hooker, or acting in a flamboyant manner. I like and want to be noticed. I don't have a problem engaging people in conversation or looking them straight in the eye while doing so. There is nothing wrong with going with the flow if that's what makes you comfortable, as there is nothing wrong with standing out in a crowd..and you can do that with "presence".

[joann07]

Blending in, presenting myself appropriately, and carrying myself properly as a woman were my initial goals when I first started crossdressing 3 years ago. I'm always looking at ways to improve my overall presentation because I don't want to be perceived as just a man in a dress and so I like to get things right the first time.

Hugs!

[Diane Smith]

Not really interested in blending. If I was, i wouldn't be going to so much trouble to make myself look as good as possible. So, not interested in conformity...I want to get noticed! And, from what I've observed about woman, they're really not interested in blending either. When they get dressed up, they WANT to be noticed. :)

:iagree:

- Diane

[Rogina B]

Here in the South,as I enjoy myself in a mainstream environment,I am happy to be noticed as the "nicely dressed transperson". That's as good as it gets forSouthern acceptance....better than"light the torches and grab the pitchforks there is a man there in girl's clothes".:D

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

This is actually something of a struggle for me with my personal crossdressing style, because since I dress as a "guy in a skirt," it's pretty much impossible for me to blend, because people are definitely going to notice me. Also, even in boy mode, and especially since I lost weight this year, I like looking good. I don't want to blend in, I want to be noticed. However, I want to be noticed because I look good in what I'm wearing, not because I am just an oddity.

I'm the center of attention enough when I'm onstage telling jokes, so I don't really feel the need to be such in my day to day life. I wear skirts because I find them comfortable and I think I usually look decent in them. I want to create successful outfits for myself to be able to pull off the look in public, and I think I totally have in some cases.

So I guess I do want to be noticed, and while the first reaction people might have is "That's a guy in a skirt..." I want them to go "he looks good!" I've started to get the occasional compliment like this and it does feel pretty good.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Blending in, presenting myself appropriately, and carrying myself properly as a woman were my initial goals when I first started crossdressing 3 years ago. I'm always looking at ways to improve my overall presentation because I don't want to be perceived as just a man in a dress and so I like to get things right the first time.

Hugs!

Wait....you've only been crossdressing for THREE years? I've been "crossdressing" (I identify as TS so that's why I put it in quotes) for over 30 years and well, I don't look as nice as you do.

Anyway, I figure folks can still "blend" if they want to in a dress and heels as long as it's the "right" dress for the time and place.

Veronica Rogers

[Tora]

I am with Karren on her first opinion, but like a woman Karren waffled. I can wear pants in drab. Mini skirt, no, but skirt or dress yes! Have to pass on the heels, at 6' 1" in stockings, I don't want to be a the lighthouse, towering above all others.

[Fab Karen]

I'm not a blender, a toaster, or microwave.
I don't wear clubwear to go shopping, but pants or jeans, never gonna happen. They'll have to pry these dresses from my cold, dead hands.:)

[Georgia Rose]

I've tried to respond to this thread 3 times. The grey hair must have gone blonde!

I'm in the closet and happy to stay that way. The problem I would have with blending is that I pretty much hate the type of clothes most women wear these days. Everything In Australia is three quarter length pants (I think americans call them Capri pants), a fairly daggy top and obviously low cost undergarments by the way every thing sags.

I dress because I want to look glamourous. So if I was ou there in the open I would never blend.

:drink:

[julie w]

I agree about tyring to blend in, but if we go to the mall on a saturday we might as well dress in our guy clothes , I think we have to ask ourselves
why do we wear womens clothes ? Myself if I cannot wear a skirt I dont
get much fun out of going out dressed , although I dress my age with longer
skirts that I see some older ladies wearing

[Carole Cross]

Where I come from it is possible to blend in wearing a skirt and heels and that is what I wear when out. i rarely see women wearing jeans around here although qiute a lot wear slacks or trousers as it is getting colder. Over here at least it looks as though women are dressing more like women and I am happy to go along with that. :D

[Cheryl T]

I'm sure we would all love to go unnoticed and totally perceived as a woman but very few of us have the features to be able to do that.
I have found that for me it's simply being able to confidently go out, express my femininity and, as you say, "blend" into the fabric of society. Just being able to go about my business as a woman without complication is my Nirvana. Shopping, dining, movies and all the routine daily functions are enough for me. I'm not trying to be outstanding, just one of the herd.
:battingeyelashes:

[skirtsuit]

Blend in? No Way!

I dress the way I want to, the way I wish most women dressed, not the way they currently mostly do, which I have very little good to say about.

It occured to me the other day as I was out and about in a beautiful blue and white flower print dress, that going out for me is like a male peacock strutting his stuff- my clothes say 'look at me'!

All the Best,

Ann / SS

[AlisonRenee]

Definitely a blender. I already know I'm "different" so the object, for me, is to minimize that and look real, or the closest to it that's within my reach. Call it validation, maybe.

And as others have mentioned, age-appropriate works best for me. If I were younger I would *love* to wear some of the cute juniors and misses outfits, but I'm not. They'd look funny on a GG my age and likely more so on me.

[CherylFlint]

Blending, passing, manuver, mix, call it what you will, the IDEA is to be, at first glance, the PRECEPTION of a female. That's about as close as most of us will come, some more, some less. The more I dress and go out, the better I get at all of the above.

[Loni]

To just blend in is nervina for me.

To go out in daylight, acceped as a woman, that is a high that would be very hard to loose.

To just walk down the street and not get jeerd, hazed, etc.

With some luck I will be able to go out on my first this late winter / early spring.

Need a new dress just for that day :-)

.

[Frédérique]

My SO has taught me to aim at "Blending". Mixing in with the world as me without causing a wake (as follows a boat in the water), without causing a stir, just part of existence like everyone else.

Keep smiling, Mirani! :)

Yes, “blending” is a good description of what I try to achieve out in the real world – I definitely avoid causing a stir, preferring to slip past everyone in a peripheral sense. By the time someone thinks about what they might have seen, I’m long gone and hard to find. It’s a little hard to blend in out here in Kansas, since my mode of dress clashes with normal female presentation, unless I’m taking in a threshing demonstration at a Mennonite community, of course. One slip-up there and I’ll quite literally be damned, so yours truly needs to be careful, blending visual perceptions like a DJ mixes audio tracks into a seamless trance. With this idea of blending in mind, my wardrobe is very non-flamboyant in nature, but I’m attracted to everyday clothes regardless of what other, more extroverted types prefer to wear. I’m quite happy being plain, out here on the plains… :battingeyelashes:

[Astrid Star]

I agree with you Mirani. I believe that "blending" is an affirmation of our womanhood (or rather our "percieved" womanhood). I have only started dressing recently and am quite young but my dream is to blend in also. I love the idea of going out and being viewed as just another "cute girl" walking down the street.

Astrid

[wetlook crossdresser]

I'm afraid I'm not a blender, I'm more of a trash compacter. When I walk along the deck beside an indoor swimming pool in Vancouver, B.C. during a public swim session my face is obviously one of a man with a full beard, but I'm wearing a full length formal dress over breast forms and pantyhose. I am certainly not passing and, judging by the looks on many faces around me, I am definitely not blending either. Out on the street when dry, I still crossdress but more discreetly. I am making my own inroads about my clothing choices and where and when to wear them. Blend if you like, pass if you like, but I just simply enjoy being myself with a unique mix of garments on top that portrays a free spirited image of a fun loving eccentric.
Cheers!
Chris

[Joanne f]

I can see the sense in this blending thing but is blending you wearing what others would expect to see you in rather than you wearing what you would like to wear and would this not change depending on where you were going .
I know of a town where it is not unusual to see people dressed as pixies,fairy's, witch`s warlocks, wizards, goddess`s and they do not worry about blending (but then i guess for this town it is) :heehee:.
So although i can see that it might be less stressful to blend it may also stop you from being an individual , just pick what is right for you .

[linnea]

I don't want to be outlandish or draw attention to myself, but I do want to present a lovely feminine appearance and lady-like behavior. My idea of those qualities is probably a bit of a throw-back to times when most women wore dresses, skirts, pretty blouses, etc. But lots of women still do so.
Insofar as I blend in, it's into that mode of fashion and the behavior that tradionally goes with it. If that makes me stand out--and I don't think that it really does unless I wear an evening gown to rake leaves from my lawn (I wear pants [not jeans, Karren!] and a feminine top)--then I guess that I'll stand out.

[janis murray]

I suppose I am a "blender" inasmuch that when I walk down the street I just want people to see me as a woman just going about her business, which is all I've wanted to be or do, and I'm proud to say I've been very sucessfull at being a "blender".

[Blaire]

Blend? Definately blend. Conform? Not likely!

A lot of people here take offence to the concept of "blending". You can blend banana's into a strawberry margarhita. Does that mean that you can't taste distinct strawberry and banana flavours? No, not at all - but it does mean that the two have to go together.

Blending doesn't mean do-the-same-as what most people do. It's also not pointing a sign at yourself that says look at me, I'm in your face. It's right down the middle of those two, and it's a wide line.

The biggest example is the skirts vs pants debate. Just because 8 out of 10 gals in your area wear jeans, doesn't mean you have to - and certainly doesn't mean you'll not fit in. Now if 10 out of 10 gals in your area wore jeans every single day, all day, no variation... then ok. A skirt might not work out so good for blending.

[PatriciaT]

So, guys and gals, I suggest we make it easier on ourselves and dress and behave so as to blend in rather that aim at the Nirvana of passing!

Just sharing my view. Feel free to agree/disagree


Well said and I agree 110%!

"Blending" or "being accepted" which is the term I like to use is far more possible that "passing" which is virtually impossible for most of us.

My firm conviction is that you can go out and about en femme,　and function normally. As long as you can confuse them so they are really not sure,　people just tend to accept you.
Exprience has taught me that the more feminine I try to look, the more I blend or am accepted.

[LisaM]

I am all about 'blending' although at 6'3' the blending is a little more difficult.

[Ellen47]

I also dress to blend in.
I Know I am not fooling anyone when out and about. But so far I have not had any negative reactions.

Ellen

[Princess Chantal]

I tend to not be a "blender" and so far I haven't had issues with negative attitudes when I exagerate my looks. Actually, it seems that I get more respect and supportive comments/actions when I go that extra mile in my joys of dressing

[nikkijo]

aparently i blend... to a point... but not sure what i want now... was in bath and body works and only semi done up and got 2 maam's and 2 correcting sir's.. makes me wonder what woulda happened had i been fully done up...

[ReineD]

If I wanted to blend..... I would wear women's jeans!!! Ekkkkk.. No way I don't blend..... I'm typically the only person in a store in a dress..... and that's the way I like it... Crossdressing for me is about looking feminine.... may be my opinion of feminine but but then again it's my "hobby"..... I refuse to try to look like the typical woman who dresses more like a man than I do.....

Karren, that's an exaggeration!! :) Not every woman out there is wearing jeans. And certainly women wearing dresses and skirts don't get looked at as if they have horns growing out of their heads. :heehee:

I've seen your pics and you blend very well, IMO. You can go anywhere and be treated respectfully as Karren! :hugs:


To Mirani, I agree! :thumbsup:

[dominique]

When I go out I want to blend in. Sometimes I wear jeans or trousers, but mainly a skirt. In a skirtless mall I do tend to stand out a bit. But hey I'm dressing for myself.

[erickka]

I will NEVER pass in a century of sundays, so the best I can do (and it seems to work well) is dress normally (like we see 90% of GG's) and do my best to act as a female,and try not to draw any unwanted attention to myself. So, in a nutshell, I guess I am a "blender".

[sfwarbonnet]

Where I come from it is possible to blend in wearing a skirt and heels and that is what I wear when out. i rarely see women wearing jeans around here although quite a lot wear slacks or trousers as it is getting colder. Over here at least it looks as though women are dressing more like women and I am happy to go along with that. :D

I wish GG's here would wear skirts and dresses and appear as ladies. That would make "blending" easier. Skirts and dresses appear to be worn more frequently by GG's of European decent my daughter-in-law is Swedish and she wear them quite frequently. Hopefully my Granddaughters will learn from Mommy

[kellycan27]

Put blending or passing aside for just a moment. Isn't the basic idea of cross dressing "to wear the clothes of the opposite gender"? If you are dressing up I would think that wearing jeans, or sweats wouldn't really do the trick.... in the eyes of a lot of cder's. if you run around mostly in drab,when you finally get to "dress" wouldn't it stand to reason that you would want to "do your best" to dress the part. ( I am trying to watch my semantics here because I know that there some that just enjoy the clothes and are not trying to present as anything but a guy in a dress, so if you would please bear with me hehe). This may be a dumb analogy, but isn't like say.. You love Halloween, and you go out,but without a costume. What's the point?

For me, because I choose to live full time, I have found that even though I do like like to "girly" it up with dresses,skirts,make up and heels, it isn't always convenient, and to be perfectly honest.. after a while the novelty tends to wear off. I don't always the have the time,energy or even the desire to do the whole nine yards. I want to throw on some jeans, put my hair in a ponytail,slap on some lip gloss, a ball cap and my over sized sunglasses, run to the market or the mall and be done with it. it just becomes more utility than adventure.
Wearing dresses and skirts for gg's is pretty much the norm for them, so they don't look at it in the same way that some one who does it for some kind of outlet, whether that be some kind of fantasy, or to pass,blend,or express..whatever. Does this make sense?

Kel