What to do when family don't accept!

[samantha78]

I have been cding for years, and now that I have decided to come out my family does not approve nor do they accept me any more. I was told that I was not a part of "there family". I feel lonely and hurt, what do I do now?

[Michelle 51]

As in family do you mean bro and sisters'mom and dad or are you married with a wife and children.All you can do either way is be who you are now and hopefully they will accept you in time because its kinda hard to back up once you come out.Saying ooops i was only joking probaly won't fly.I wish you well and we're always here for you

[nancyish]

Dear Sam,please try to understand their lack of understanding and actions.I'm sure they will come around to accept you even if they don't approve.Don't belittle them as if they are shallow,set the proper example by understanding them while being true to yourself.Best of luck to you,Nancy.

[trisha59]

Only thing that works is time. Until then they are the ones that are missing out in things.

[Karren H]

If I was in that situation..... I would just take off and start a new life without them.... My mother and I had a large falling out after I was married and so my bride and I loaded up the uhaul and left (had a new job lined up) and didn't talk to the family for over 3 years..... finally they missed me and got back in touch but sometimes you just have to get away from them to be able to get back in touch with them..... imho.... If they don't want you as you are.... screw them!! also imho.....

[sherri52]

Stay away from the family for a little while. Call mom every once in a while. She will be the one to miss you the most. The rest should come around in time, it might be awhile but they'll want to see thier sibling as well. In the meantime we are family here. You can IM me anytime you need to vent.

[Shadeauxmarie]

The only person responsible for your happiness is you. Likewise for your success. People only have power over you if you let them.

[Lorileah]

So blood isn't thicker than water?

Any family who told me I didn't belong would not have the privilege of having me in their family. It is hard for me to imagine that what you wear is enough for your family to sever ties. What kind of family is that anyway? Time to head out on your own and be happy.

[Holly]

If I was a betting woman, I would venture that things weren't all that rosy before. If it were me, I'd thank them for their concern, but tell them that you are an adult, will decide what is best for you, and that you are prepared to life with the repercussions of those decisions. Just what is it they object to... your being happy?

[jenna_woods]

we can only hope that time will let thewm accept you as you are, good luck hun.

[Hope]

You can't control how other people feel about you, or how they behave towards you. you can only control how you behave in response.

You can either accept their terms, or reject their terms.

[brenda lynn mwe]

hello samatha i know its got to be hard but try and stay in touch with your mom even if youl have to hide to talk she will come back around your her son. i dont have no family i lost all of them before i come out of the closet but thats what i would do if worse comes to worse you do have this family and this family will never turn on u no matter what loves:hugs:brenda lynn

[Kate Simmons]

The way I see it there are two choices. Be yourself or be miserable. If the family really cares about you as a person, it won't matter.

[Jeanna]

I have been cding for years, and now that I have decided to come out my family does not approve nor do they accept me any more. I was told that I was not a part of "there family". I feel lonely and hurt, what do I do now?

I don't believe it is over between you and your family but rather it's a new start that they'll have to deal with. I suggest you move on but stay in contact with mom once in while. I'll all work out , it always does.
Hugs
Jeanna

[MaryAnn40c]

What I did was go shopping.....:heehee:

[giuseppina]

I have been cding for years, and now that I have decided to come out my family does not approve nor do they accept me any more. I was told that I was not a part of "there family". I feel lonely and hurt, what do I do now?

I'm sorry and saddened to hear of this. :hugs:

If I was in that situation..... I would just take off and start a new life without them.... My mother and I had a large falling out after I was married and so my bride and I loaded up the uhaul and left (had a new job lined up) and didn't talk to the family for over 3 years..... finally they missed me and got back in touch but sometimes you just have to get away from them to be able to get back in touch with them..... imho.... If they don't want you as you are.... screw them!! also imho.....

:yt:

My sister had a big falling with my mother when she got married. The last contact was at a family funeral 16 years ago, and it was unpleasant. If Sis or my nephews, whom I've never seen, even in pictures, were to ask for contact today, I would recommend against it, as Mother has not taken her share of responsibility, and likely never will. Sad, but that's the way things are.

My feeling is that it is up to them to make the first contact. Until that time arrives, you will have to pick yourself up and get on with life. Try to stay busy and DON'T wait for them to contact you or you'll drive yourself crazy.

[lavistaa62]

You are hurt- and that's unfortunate. It's sad that families can sometimes be judgmental but I'm guessing this judgment as passed as a group and that not all the members of it feel the same.

Is there a member whom you have felt especially close to over the years or whose opinion you value the most? Perhaps they will also be the most accepting if you approach them separately after the dust has had a chance to settle.

Large groups always reach consensus- and that agreement often suppresses the more understanding and compassionate elements of the minority community. It's likely there are more than few who sympathize or if CD is a genetic thing- understand more than you know.

So give it a bit of time and figure out who among the group you feel most saddened by and approach them for a rational discussion. It may or may not change their mind but it's worth a shot. We all need to be ourselves and family at least should understand and support that.

[joann426]

ill go along with karren just scew them and go live some where else

[AmberLynn]

Time heal's most wound's. and family can leave some nasty one's i know. let them go on thinking they have won by not breaking stride. go on being happy with you. I came out and got pushed back in 10 year's ago,today im trying once again to come out and this time im not going back in. We actully went chirstmas shopping the other night. me,my wife my mother and sister. My sister was in need of new underware,put me in 7th heaven. Pretty christmas dress's,and pj's. my so and i thought they were on the other side so we were looking. she asked me if there was anything i would like for chirstmas "she know's and except's" about the time i mentioned liking the red skirt blouse and jacket combo they popped up from the other side of the rack :eek: let's just say there has been nothing said other then idol filler for allmost 24 hour's. Like i said,give it time and relize they may never come around but all of us here have and welcome with open arm's :hugs:

[Samantha B L]

Hi Samantha, I tried to come out to my family when I was 19 and 20 years old back in the seventies. I spent a lot of time dressing openly and I even put my nearly waist length hair up in beehives,updos and buns. they try to act like they didn't mind and things were cool. But they gradually got semi-hostile. They didn't disown me or kick me out but my brother was a bit menacing about it and my sister seemed to think it was kooky but she'd go along with it for the time being. My Mom hated it and thought my dressing was real odd and like something out of a nightmare. She tried to act like it didn't bug her but she became so pointedly insulting and nasty about it that I finally told her I "quit" crossdressing. She seemed happy with that and now she's old with a lousy memory and she doesn't even remember the whole ball of s___ happened.


My Mom is on the whole a pretty nice person. I'm lucky in many respects I had the parents I did. My Dad was a good guy. He died years ago. he would've passed over any mention of one of his sons being a "transvestite" in silence or he might have changed the subject and acted like he didn't hear that. So I can understand about families and coming out. Sam,don't let this get you down. It's good to be out about things like this and normally I wouldn't recommend being shifty and secretive but there are always people in our lives that we can't share any info about this strange but pleasant thing. They will never accept it. And if you're wondering,of course I never "quit" crossdressing.


They're gonna be nasty about your CD'ing but I don't think they're done associating with you,as several of the girls have pointed out. It could take a few months. They might need help with a piano or console TV being moved or something like that. Car repairs in the driveway or whatever. You'll see them again. I try to be out of the closet as much as I can be. At least in situations where I can get away with it. But I feel like my CD'ing is something for me and I can always return to it. Even if people don't like it.

[gaylesimmons]

Sometimes initial shock leads to a reaction that was not well thought out. Time heals all.

[Jenniferpl]

Since my crossdressing refuses to go away, I would move on and start a new life. Time heals a lot of wounds.

[Joanne f]

Now that you have told them there is very little that you can do apart from trying to keep in contact with them and hope that at some point they will try to understand a bit even if they do not accept it otherwise a week of no contact becomes a month and a month becomes a year and then before you know it that has become 20 years and in that 20 years each Christmas you think "this will be the one" that they will make some sort of contact but is does not happen (no doubt because they are thinking the same).
Oh yes it is easy to say stuff them and move on but there is always this feeling that family should have some sort of bond that even good friends do not have and for some families this will be the case always there for you so why does it not work for all .
And regardless of what anyone says the closer the family members are that will not accept you the harder it is to understand and cope with in the long term , funerals are a good time for hitting this home , you avoid them they avoid you and you start to think , what if this was mine or theirs and then one day they get that phone call or you do ( to flaming late then ), and to add insult to injury when you are in a situation when you need desperate help from some one and you know you cannot tern to your family for support it really hits home again.
So my advice is do not become to proud and stubborn to at least keep in contact with them .